2010

Like last year, I'm gonna sum up the things I managed to do in 2010.

If I thought being 23 wasn't all that fun, being 24 was pretty awesome. It started out extremely amazing, had a couple of lows in between the months, but it generally stayed quite cool throughout the year.

In 2010...

I started to train people on a freelance basis. My first client was Kenneth.

I went to 2 waterfalls

I went camping again

I won a grand from one night marathon in Putrajaya

I stayed with a Hong Kong family, ate heaps of fu qua, spoke more than 10 sentences of Cantonese in a day, and learned how to make buns

I bought a new car, crashed it, profited from insurance claims, and bought another car.

I did the Tongariro Alpine Crossing wearing cheap as $20 boots which almost severed my ankles

I got myself a tattoo

I hiked up Mount Ruapehu and experienced a snow blizzard, albeit a mini one

I got soaked in the rain and mud at the International Rainforest Music Festival in Miri, Sarawak

I failed my first university subject

I did another sprint triathlon after a 2 year long hiatus

I did 3 weeks of Bootcamp

I got a new phone and is now a big fan of the wonderful world of smart phones

I played fireworks on Guy Fawkes Day

I lived with 2 French girls, a German guy and a Japanese guy

I cooked dinner for 13 relatives who visited me in Auckland

I ran another marathon personal best!

I traveled to another country by myself and couch surfed!

I traveled around the South Island of New Zealand with my family and loved it

I bungy jumped from 134m above the ground!

I obtained my first major injury i.e. plantar fasciitis

I became a Bootcamp physical instructor

I got my picture up on the wall in a gym in Auckland

I learn to let go

The end of 2010 was marred by the break up. A year ago, I was falling madly in love again with the same boy I had been in love with for the past 3 years. Today, I love him no less. I am still learning to let go. I guess time will heal the wounds, and with a new year, comes a new breath of life. Let's hope 2011 brings me the happiness I seek.

Happy new year, peeps!

Laugh.

I had a pretty good day today.

Went for karaoke with Julie, Weng and Pei Jien and it was epic. It was the most fun I've had in a while. =)

Then I went for lamb burger with Jon, Gene and Seu Foong and it was good fun too. Laughed loads. =) Doesn't matter that this was the 3rd burger I've had this week.

Laugh. Today I laughed. Whole heartedly. :)

Yay!

I ran a whole 5 km today and didn't get a funky heel.

YAY!

Picking up the pieces

The biggest obstacle I seem to face these days is picking up the pieces of my broken heart, as drama-queen as that may sound. I don't know if it is somewhat psychological, but I almost don't want to recover and move on. I feel as if I want to stay here in my rut, wallow in pity, and cling on to memories I held so dearly for the past few years.

But recently I sat down and spoke to probably the wisest people in my life, the ones who know me inside and out, and understand me even when I sometimes think they don't - mum and dad. It was a long, heavy, emotion-stricken conversation, and I sobbed like I did when I was 5. But I woke up the next day feeling a whole lot better, albeit with puffy eyes.

Ever since then, I've felt lighter. I feel like I can finally be happy for the ones who are happy around me. I feel less jealous of them, and a little more accepting of my current status. I've also begun exercising again, which is really great for the soul. I guess you could say I'm smiling again. Sincerely.

It's exactly 2 months ago since that phone call. I still do think of him every day, wondering what he's up to, where he is, and how he's getting along. I still reminisce happy times. But I guess I am slowly starting accept things. What was it? Don't feel sad that it's over, be glad that you've had it at all? Something like that.

Yeah, I'm glad I met the boy. He gave me some of the best times of my life, and I'll never forget them. But we'll let chips fall where they may. =)

Progress.

Today I threw my trainers on, and went running. The blubber around my waist was getting in the way, and I decided I couldn't stand it anymore.

I went slow and steady, feeling for any pangs of pain from my left heel. To my surprise, it behaved for a good 4 km or so. I was almost back in my neighbourhood when it started to feel slightly tight again. So I slowed to a brisk walk just to be cautious.

But that's progress! So I'm quite happy about it. I can finally shed this holiday look and start toning my body up again.

I'm gonna walk into 2011 with my chin up. =)

Merry Christmas, peeps =)

It's Christmas Day.

I just got home from a friend's place. Got home a little bit earlier because I wanted to sleep a little bit earlier for Bootcamp tomorrow.

But I guess the silence got the better of me again.

It's Christmas Day. I started to send a message to a few friends online and they were all either away, on Skype with a boyfriend/girlfriend or waiting for their boyfriend/girlfriend to come home.

It sucks. I know I know, I should stop emoing. But it sucks.

I guess at some point I will get used to the idea of spending these special holidays on my own. As in, I could spend it with friends, but when they all go home, or leave with their significant others, I'm back to being alone again.

I think I'm just being jealous. I am jealous of the people out there who have boyfriends and girlfriends and fiancés. It's as simple as that. I am saddened by the fact that I came home to misery and emptiness. Yes I have friends, yes I have my family. But there is a void that remains unfilled so long as I yearned to be with him.

I still feel a little cheated...a little ripped off. I was looking forward to summer. I was looking forward to being held, to holding hands, to cuddles, to kisses, to road trips, to dates, to text messages and to late night phone calls. I was looking forward to a reunion. I still haven't quite accepted the fact that all of that is gone.

Oh well. Merry Christmas anyway. Hope you all have a much brighter one than I did.

I feel like running away.

Except that I can't run.

I feel like bawling my eyes out.

Except that I can't cry.

I feel like picking up the phone.

Except that I can't call you.

I can't call you. And therein lies my reason.

Spears

Ever since Hit Me Baby (One More Time) hit the stations back in 2000, I became a proud member of the Britney Spears fandom. I loved Britney. I memorized her music, I secretly practised her dance moves in my room, I even used her song "Sometimes" to send to a boy in high school to tell him to "wait for me". haha...it was quite funny because in return he sent me "November Rain" by Guns N Roses. Talk about tough love.

I am such a Britney fan that throughout her downhill descend in the pop music industry, I defended her and supported her music even louder. I remember thinking "Piece of Me" was such an awesome song! But my all time favourite Britney hit was Me Against the Music featuring Madonna. I loved the tune, I loved the words, and I was absolutely blown away by the dance in that video! I wanted sooooo badly to perform Me Against the Music in some event...any event! Like Leo Club installation/IU, Sports Day, some distant cousin's wedding? Anything! For a very long time I kept crashing my knees onto my bedroom floor, trying to nail that move she has in that video where it ended with a knee drop to the ground, and an arch backwards.

Watching the latest season Glee episode with the Britney theme, I went all Britney-fanatic again. I've been Youtubing music videos of Britney all over again, watching that Glee episode a million times a day and wishing I had my high school years back so I can go dance in some event. haha...

I guess Britney Spears may not be the best role model to teens, but she was a great inspiration to me. Her songs had always advocated confidence, feminism, and the strength to speak up and speak out.

I love Britney Spears. I think Glee made a good choice in reminding everyone about Britney. =)

Heal, heel!

I couldn't run my 12 km Malakoff run this morning because my heel played up at about half an hour into the race. sigh.

I really hope it gets well SOON!

Merry Christmas, Darling

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas darling
We're apart that's true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I'm Christmas-ing with you

Holidays are joyful
There's always something new
But every day's a holiday
When I'm near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you

48 days

48 days ago, a phone call which came late in the night, completely shattered my heart.

48 days is more than a month. Yet I feel like I haven't had time to properly grieve. At first, I cried all that night and all the next day. Then I summoned the strength to take on my final exams. Which I managed to score an A-, a B+, a B and a B- for, which was surprising, but I'm grateful that I pulled through. Then I didn't really allow myself to cry anymore. I spent every day filling my time with things to do, and packing, and psyching myself up for my big inaugural couch surfing experience and then the next thing I knew I was on a holiday and my parents and brother were with me.

To be honest, I thought I was handling the situation pretty well. I laughed heaps with my friends and my family. I took many smiling pictures and enjoyed my mini adventure. I took in the mountains and the lakes and the ice wholeheartedly and didn't waste a drop of tear throughout the whole trip. I did think about it whenever I was alone, every now and then, but company was never too far away so I guess a diversion was easy to come by. I thought by the end of it, my wounds would've healed and I would've been strong enough to face coming back here with the knowledge that things are going to be a whole lot different.

I guess I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. Ever since I've gotten back here, I am silenced by every familiar place. My laughter stifled by every familiar song. My breathing suffocated by every time I drive by the roads that lead to his house. I crumble at the sight objects given to me by him. My throat tightens at the sight of photos. And I just cannot seem to surface from it all.

And I want what every person who goes through a break up wants. I want to emerge victorious. I want to appear stronger, more confident, and well on my way to moving on. I know of friends of mine who would shake their heads when they read this post of mine, because it just means I'm letting him win. Well the truth is, if he does read this, I couldn't really care less.

I am broken. Yes I want to get better. But I feel like I have just started to look at my wounds, and check out the severity of the situation. I have only just realised how much it hurts. And the anaesthesia have long worn off.

I was very much in love for the past 3 years. I was head over heels, blinded, star struck, out of this world, insanely in love with a boy. He was the apple of my eye. And even though our journey wasn't always smooth, I never stopped loving him. I've had some pretty amazing times with him, and even if focusing on the horrible times may help me to move on, I can't help but remember all of the sweetest of days.

I don't know how long I will take to recover. I guess when One Tree Hill episodes stop making me cry, when Vienna Teng stops sounding like knives, when Thursday nights stop making me go "it's Thursday night", when the 20th of every month stop making me feel like going to a shooting range, when his pictures on Facebook stop making me hold my breath, when the mud stains on my bag stop making me think of the Rainforest Music Festival and when I can finally say I'm ok with Vietnam, that's when I know I am on my way to loving somebody else.

But for now, I long to see him, to hear his voice, to hear him say everything can go back to normal. Even though I know it would not. I long for a miracle to happen. I might even start believing in Santa.

Freak

I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me socially. Because, there I was at Zouk last night, dancing with 2 of my bestest friends in the world, and I still could not comprehend what attracts people to clubs.

Everything about clubs spell sin. I know I'm being such a prude, but I really don't know why I'd go to a club to subject myself to massive amounts of second hand smoke, disgusting intoxicated drunkards with octopus hands, gross toilets, the paranoia that my wallet/mobile would be nicked, the paranoia that if I stood alone I'd be approached by unwanted people, and did i mention the vile, pungent smell of second hand smoke in my hair and clothes and everything?

But I have not found another soul who seems to share my opinions. I have not found another person who is about my age, who's been through the same education system I went through, who is generally sociable and extroverted and not a complete nerd/geek/introvert, who seems to despise clubbing as much as I do. All my friends seem to like it. Or be okay with it. Why?

Does that make me kind of a freak? Every time I tell someone I don't club the conversation goes like this:

A: You don't club? Serious?

Me: Yea, I don't really like it. Not really my most comfortable zone in the world.

A: Yeah, I know what you mean. Nowadays I also don't club that often. Getting old/no time/too many young people in the club...

Me: Nah I've never really clubbed. Not even after high school. This is like my 3rd time here in my entire life.

A: O.o

I think when people hear that coming from my mouth, I get labelled prude immediately. And that kinda makes me NOT want to go to clubs even more. Because in the club, I am by far the LEAST coolest person in the room and that...is just sad.

Last night, probably under the influence of alcohol, my self esteem took a dive to the hell below. I felt uncool, unattractive, uncoordinated, awkward in my dress and heels, unappreciated, and unwanted. I thought to myself "Who would want to date you, prude! You don't club? That's damn uncool. You're dragged to the middle of the dance floor and all you can worry about is someone groping you in the dark? What a loser! No wonder you got dumped! You're no fun at all!" (Yes I realize I can be pretty damn harsh to myself). But I couldn't help it. All I could think of was how uncool and conservative I am. And how he is such a social butterfly, fluttering amongst different clicks, he's got money, he's got moves, he's got wit and charm. And he could've been the worst to me, people still laughed, and danced and bloody smoked with him like he was their best chum. I kept picturing him there. Dancing. Laughing. And then I looked at my two best friends having a ball of a time. EVERYONE was having a blast. In that scenario, I was the different one. I was the only one with a frown on my face. In that scenario, the world could be divided into 2, the cool happy people to which both my best friends and him belong to, and the uncool and very uncomfortable people to which only I belong to.

I suddenly felt how unfair the world was. How people are constantly on pretense, putting on facades to others. How so many people gave up trying to be themselves anymore because it was just way easier to be someone other people could hang with.

Now, may I remind you that I had a few drinks and let's just say I was not really in my best emotional state. So all this melodrama just came crashing down on me in spite of the loud pumping music and the party vibe which surrounded me.

I am an outcast in a club. And I will ALWAYS be an outcast in a club. No matter how many chances I give it, the club is not my most comfortable setting in the world. When I am in there, I feel at my lowest. And that's not very pleasant.

Power.

I have a tattoo on my left ankle. It reads Kia Kaha, and it means Be Strong in Maori.

I got it because I wanted something to remind me to be strong. New Zealand was more than just an overseas education experience for me. There were many times where my walls caved in around me, and all that I wished for from the universe was a pair of ruby red shoes to bring me home.

Power is something I see in everyone. Some people let it shine, some people struggle to find it from within.

Power is in my brother's heart and soul, as he finished his 3rd Ironman on Sunday.

Power is in my brother's mind, as he stood on the ledge at the Nevis Highwire Bungy, trying to calm the roaring fear of heights he's got.

Power is in my dad's spirit, as he relentlessly, wakes up to run every single day with full discipline.

Power is in my mom's heart, for all that she does for every member of my family, day after night after day after night.

Power is something I constantly seek. I may not be an outright feminist, but I strive to be as powerful as I can be. I seek strength to satisfy my thirst for winning, to lift my chin up in the face of a heartbreak, to emblazon my words to inspire others to want to be powerful too.

It's amazing how being an instructor and a personal trainer gives me the ability to channel power. I took a spin class by myself the week I finished my exams in Auckland. I have never been able to fully complete an RPM class following the instructor's resistance and not backing down. I always had to turn the dial down at some point in the class. But that day I took a 50 minute spin class, yelled my lungs out at the members of my class, pumped my quads and hams till they were numb, and felt power surge through my veins.

Yesterday I started at Rebel Bootcamp in Subang Jaya and I saw power. I've instructed and trained quite a number of people and group classes. And they never cease to let me down. I saw power in the faces of those who gave it their all. I saw power in the people whom I know was fighting every temptation to give up, to quit...yet they could squeeze in one more push up. And another. And another.

I love seeing that. Seeing people dig deep, and finding power within themselves. I love it more than anything in the world.

Lately, though, I have been finding it a little harder to harness my own inner strength and power. I am broken. I have been for a while. Like having dying batteries, I shine my brightest smile in front of everyone, then flicker and dim when I'm alone. I try to keep my chin up, immerse myself among people, let loose, enjoy, have fun. It. isn't. really. working.

I seek the power to forget you. I sure hope I find it.

Nice

Day 3 on my little QLD Adventure and I;m rightfully a couple of shades darker. I've been doing a lot of walking under the blazing Australian sun, and it's starting to feel like Malaysia.

I'm currently in Brisbane, and my host over here, Cara is really really sweet. She's such an interesting character, very bubbly and chatty, and oh so kind hearted. And I've met her other flatmates as well and they all seem very nice. It really reminds me of the Green house I was living in last year because of the retro design of the house, and how everything is really old in here. Also because there're 4 girls and a guy living here.

I guess one of the biggest things my Couch Surfing experience has taught me thus far is that people are remarkably nice. The very core of humankind, is compassion and generosity, just that for some people it's buried far deeper than others. I guess I believed that for a very long time, and I'd really like to continue believing in it, but it just seems harder and harder to keep believing in it.

However, what I've come to realise from my life abroad, and from my travels is that the people who you hardly know, are the people who treat you with pristine kindness, whereas the people you hold really close to your heart, has the largest advantage of breaking it into smithereens. I guess the universe is funny sometimes.

Hello, Sunshine!

I just arrived in Gold Coast Australia this morning. At 7.15 am, I was greeted with a warm 24 degrees air, with soft breeze and bright sunshine! Ah...yep, definitely on a holiday!

My host, Brendon, met me at the airport because he was flying in from Melbourne and was arriving at the same time too. He's a nice guy, but I haven't talked to him much yet. He's away at work at the moment, but we're gonna have dinner later. He works in a gym! =)

The first number on my to-do list was to get a sim card. So when Brendon went off to work, I followed him (to get something to eat too, because I was famished). His gym is in Robina Town Centre which is an amazingly huge shopping mall, much like Pyramid, and very modern looking. Also, right smack at the entrance was was a HUGE christmas tree (like the one in Singapore) and Max Brenners. YUM. Such a huge change from Auckland. But because its a Sunday, most of the stores aren't open yet. It was only 9 am, and I had to wait till 10.30 before I could start shopping. But I managed to get myself a salmon wrap from the food atrium (much like the one in KLCC, I swear). The last time I ate was at 4.45 am Auckland time, which was aeons ago.

I was kinda sleep deprived because I've had about 6 hours of sleep in total for the past 2 nights, with going away drinks, and Christmas (early) parties. And my extremely early flight this morning. So yeah, I was pretty knackered. I just needed to get the sim card. After asking around and doing some simple math in my head, I opted for Virgin Mobile because they gave me good data plan and credit expiry for 180 days. =)

Then I hopped onto a bus to come back to Brendon's flat. $3.40 was the bus fare. That's ridiculously expensive!! That's like a 3 stage fare in Auckland!! And I was only going 1 stage! Oh wells, I guess I'm walking there tomorrow morning. Looks like a pleasant 3km walk.

I came back and had an hour's nap because by now my head was throbbing from the heat, and the dehydration and the lack of sleep. And now I'm just waiting for dinner. =)

So my virgin couch surfing experience, Day #1, has been quite pleasant so far. We'll see what tomorrow brings! =)

Sometimes, I wonder if I would ever leave footprints in your heart. I wonder if you would sit down one day, and think about the times we had had together in the past. I wonder if you hold these memories close to your heart at all. I wonder if I made a mark in your life. And whether you really are better off having met me at all. I wonder if I've changed you in any way, big or small, for the better or for worse. And I wonder if, further down the road, you'll talk of me again, just in passing, to a friend who asked. And whether the sound of my name, would tug your heartstrings at all. A little self centred I know, but I guess I'll never find out.

83.33%

I am 83.33% done with my degree. :)

declutter

de.clut.ter (diːˈklʌtə)
— vb
	to simplify or get rid of mess, disorder, complications, etc:declutter your life

I'm starting with you.

A minute and a half? I'll take it.

I've been meaning to post a race report sooner but I was tied up with exams, and my cousins, nieces and nephew, uncle and aunt, and grandfather was in town too! So I decided to cook a big feast for them and have them over for dinner, which was an ultimate success! My only regret was I did not take any photos. Bummer.

Oh and then my brother went and got himself engaged, so that kinda stole my thunder for a while. :P But CONGRATS Kor & Li-Ann! Finally i'm getting myself a sister soon. =)

Anyway.

I guess I have reached a stage where I should no longer expect 20-30 minute improvements on my race times. heh.

I did the Auckland Marathon on Sunday. It was a gorgeous day with clear skies and just the right amount of clouds to make it not too hot, yet not too cold. And for a pleasant change, Erin came with me this morning because she signed up for the full marathon too! That brave, brave woman. Even I wouldn't be crazy enough to do something like that...run a marathon as my first formal race.

So yes. About 2 weeks and a little more ago, I had worn the wrong pair of shoes by mistake to work. I had wanted to do a work out after work and I wore my old trainers which have absolutely no more support in its soles anymore. But I ran on the treadmill anyway. And it started from then. I had a sore left heel and it just never got better. I still kept up my running, 2-3 times a week, which really isn't that much. But I guess it never got the chance to heal. Roughly 8 days before today, I decided to completely shelf running and do spin/swim instead.

In the morning, my heel felt slightly tight, so I stretched my entire body out properly. Then I started to run. It wasn't extremely painful, but i could feel it there. I tried to ignore it. But at about 10km it started to play up. The pain was getting quite uncomfortable and I didn't know whether I should continue to plough through or slow down. I decided on the former, telling myself to just go on as long as I can bear.

The pain persisted, and I was sure I had a funny stride by now. I got slightly worried, and told myself that I will slow down when I hit 21k. Funnily enough, when I crossed the Harbour Bridge, the pain went away! It could've been the excitement, it could've been it was (finally) warm by then, whatever it was I just realised "Hey, it didn't hurt anymore! Go forth!". =D

The rest of the journey was pretty much the same. I maintained my pace to the best I could. Once in a while I could feel a sharp pain on my heel, but for some reason I was able to mask it quite well. I slowed to take sips at the drink stations, I ate both my GU gels, and I had a jetplane (jelly bean).

The best part of the race, I guess, was the fact that because I wore devil horns (It was Halloween!) people were cheering for me! I heard "Go Devil Lady!" and "Go Ms Devil!" and even "Go Horny!". hahaha...it was pretty cool because I sometimes sit and ponder how I could get people who don't know me to cheer for me at a race (to simulate home). =)

I had targeted under 4 hours - that's what I tell people. But really I had wanted to do it under 3:55. I had people I wanted to beat. But most of all, I had really wanted to come out strong from this race, hold my chin up high and feel really good about myself. Just so that I know nothing can bring me down.

I guess that last bit helped me achieve 3 hours 55 minutes. It's roughly a minute and a half faster than last year. I was pretty pleased, eventhough I had lost to Heather by about 4 minutes, that's ok. She did her PB too, so I'm proud of her. =) I did my best, and I felt great! I even went on to cook dinner for 10 adults and 3 toddlers that night. I'm awesome. =)

Whatever you say, it's your loss.

It has been about 3 and a half days. And it still hasn't gotten any easier.

I am the walking wounded. Both physically and emotionally. The analgesia I obtained from my ecstatic PB at the Auckland Marathon has long worn off. The pain in my feet, my calves, my quads and hams...they all conglomerate together making me walk like a penguin with a broken ankle. Yet they feel nothing like the pained beating inside my chest.

I do not understand. For the life of me, I try to, but I do not understand your actions.

hurt.

Every day has been a battle

To smile, to laugh, to sing a song

Every day, I lift my chin up

Yet every day never before felt so long

I try to think of things to do

Just to stick it in and pummel through

Somehow in silence my thoughts get clouded

Clouded by memories of you

It hurts just a little

Just a little too much some nights

It hurts just wondering what went wrong

How we started up these fights

I cannot let go, for no good reason

The memories buried within the heart

Where we laughed more than I cried

And we hugged more than we were apart

My thoughts are cruel to not let me forget

Words you have said to me

Songs you have sung to me

Places you have been with me

To sit in silence as I watch you

Appear online, and not say a thing

Makes my heart heavy with sadness

My eyes water, as the tears sting

It hurts to be ignored

It hurts that we've become such strangers to one another

It kills me every day, not knowing what to say

Not knowing whether or not things will ever get better

It hurts.

Friendly much?

With Kiwis...or ang mohs in general, I can never quite draw the line between friendly and creep. I don't think I'm an overly sensitive girl, or perasan as they say it back home. I generally assume people have the best of interest, usually, and would only pick up if someone has ulterior motives only much later.

Which I suppose can be either good or bad, depending on the situation.

I was running along the waterfront this afternoon, and was just starting to climb up the hill, when I slowed to a walk. My left heel had been playing up, and I'm starting to get a little annoyed, seeing as the marathon is in 8 days. I had sincerely wanted to do 11.8ks today - something I have never done before during training. heh. But i ran probably about 5ks before I couldn't bear the nagging pain at my heel anymore. boo! =(

Anyway, I digress. I was walking up the hill when a stranger said "Sorry, excuse me. Hi. I noticed you running along the waterfront. What sort of distance are you doing?" And so we went on to chat about running, and the marathon, and training. He said he's only done 8ks but he wanted to get into it, and hopefully take part in a race some day. The conversation was light, and friendly until he said "Would you like to go for a run sometime? Can I take your number down? Maybe we can go for coffee?"

I flinched. Coffee, and going for a run, is pretty much among the most casual things Kiwis say to each other on a daily basis. Sure, he stopped me midway through my run/walk. And he saw me running along the waterfront, which meant he actually drove up to catch up with me from wherever he was before. And just went straight into conversation, just like that. Extremely random, but extremely casual. But the Malaysian in my head went, hang on...is this dude for real? Was he asking me out, or was he just being friendly? Is it just me, or was the setting a wee bit too random for someone to be asking another person out for coffee?

I said nah by the way. I told him he'll see me around the waterfront at some point. But I just found it so strange. Oh, I should probably add the fact that he was in his 40s or 50s. That could either draw it closer to "Friendly" or draw it closer to "Creep" huh? Hmm...I don't know.

***

On a different note, this is Nicky. I met her last year, when she joined Configure Express. She's a sweet girl from Germany, and she loves New Zealand. But she's been here for about 15 months now and is ready to go back to Munich. I'll miss her. I can't believe it's been 15 months since I met her. That bit of time seems to have flown by me. But it never flies fast enough to finish uni without me realising it.

Paulo Coelho says...

Love is joy. Don't convince yourself that suffering is part of it.

Why I love working in a women's gym

I came in to work today, and when I opened the office door, a familiar waft of bittersweet sin made me smile.

I saw this.

Why do I love working in a women's gym? Because they understand. =)

Whoa...wait, it's Monday again? Damn.

My weekend FLEW by, thanks to my double shift full day work on Saturday and Sunday. I've been covering many shifts lately. Don't know why I keep getting called. Perhaps Kat was right, because we Asians don't say "No".This week alone I've done 27 hours. I'm technically only allowed to do 20. No wonder I feel so exhausted. Because it's still full time study on top of that, AND trying very very hard to fit in 3 running days, 1 swim, and 1 strength work out. If I had never admitted to being stressed out, I'm admitting it now.

I don't mind the work, though. It's coming back to incomplete assignments, and exams to study for that I find a drag.

Student life is stressful. If I ever had complaints back when I was in Metropolitan, I had NO IDEA what I was in for over here. Full time study + having to pay rent + having to cook + keeping my fitness up + working part time + squeezing in any chance of having a life + assignments + exams + family obligations to do well and not waste the money invested in student = SUPER STRESS. I am a lucky girl because my family supports and encourages me to the very end in everything I plan to do. And because of that I sometimes feel like I mustn't let them down!

*is it musn't or mustn't? because there's a red squiggly line under musn't but none under mustn't.

Photoshoot with Zhi and friends. 1 Up!

But I'm not complaining too much. My weeks are almost disappearing before my very eyes and eventhough I know that that should sound a little scary because my exams are so near, I can't help but feel slightly elated because the end is near! I'm going to have a ball this summer with Mum, Dad and Keith coming over! It's gonna be epic!

i am so mentally exhausted.

like seriously. i just want to run away.

Sunday Morning Breakfast

I'm sitting here staring at my empty plate filled with crumbs and a banana peel. 5 minutes was all it took. My cup of warm Milo is fast cooling down, and will soon be less than delicious. Not like it was super delicious to begin with. It loses its appeal when you have it almost every morning.

You know what I miss every damn Sunday morning here in Auckland? Breakfast with my parents. I miss Mum knocking on my door ever so lightly, so that if I were awake, I'd hear it, if I were asleep, it wouldn't wake me up. I usually hear it. "Girl, want to join us for breakfast?" she'd ask. And I never refuse. =)

Breakfast at home constitutes going out to SS15 or USJ 2 or USJ 14 or SS13 or USJ 6 for a nice hot plate of hakka meen, or a steamy hot bowl of kuey tiow soup, or delicious nasi lemak, or crispy roti kosong with teh tarik.

Everything about it is awesome. Getting into the car involves the decision making process of where to eat. And since I have been going overseas a lot, they always let me decide. I love deciding where to eat. =) Going there, Daddy would have a lot of things to talk about - usually pertaining running/marathon. I'm often still in a just-out-of-bed daze to reply, but I do listen. It's like turning the TV on while you putter around in the kitchen. The noise is soothing, comforting. It lets me know I'm not alone.

Then, reaching our destination, we would then sit down at a vacant table and ponder what to eat. Daddy would give his orders to Mum, and she'll run off to place orders. I usually go about by myself to pick from the variety of hawkers. Upon returning to the table, as if by habit, we would ask each other "What are you having?" even though we kinda already know, and it wouldn't make a difference to us. But it's like an obligatory report. I always come back to my seat and automatically announce what I have decided to order.

All throughout breakfast we would chat happily about anything. Maybe it's something in the news. Maybe it's about my brothers who are usually not there, so we can gossip about them. =) Maybe it's about relatives. Or maybe it's just about nothing at all. Just random nonsense we decide to debate on like "Why yellow noodles give you tummy ache and white noodles don't".

Mum would always be the first to finish, so she would always stand up and start buying things for Keith to eat, start doing bits of marketing here and there, buying veges and meat and asking me what soup I'd like to have this afternoon so she can go get the ingredients. I'm usually the slowest to finish my breakfast so Daddy usually waits for me.

And when everything is done, we head to the car and make our way home. One hour. At least.

One hour of not eating alone, of having someone to talk to, of delicious food, and of getting out of the house.

I miss home. I miss my Sunday morning breakfast with Mum and Dad. Oh why can't I finish studying already?!

affection

i miss it.

can't wait.

Looking ahead

How far into the future should one look?

How far ahead into your life can you be certain of?

If someone asked me, 'What's tomorrow gonna be like for you?', I would know the answer.

I've always been a dreamer since I was young. I've always had a pretty clear image of what I wanted to do with my life when I grew up. Though, this image changed possibly a million times throughout the course of my life, one thing stayed the same. I wanted to make a change.

As tacky as some of them are, Disney movies made me dream. I want to be the Mulan who saved China, I want to be the Pocahontas who stopped the war between the whites and the natives, and I want to be the Lizzie McGuire in the Lizzie McGuire movie, who meets a superstar, and ends up singing on stage in Rome and becoming famous! I want to be famous.

I've been pretty active in school and stuff, and have succeeded in achieving quite a bit at school level and in college, so I am quite a sucker for the limelight. I know it sounds self absorbed and a little shallow, but I really enjoy being complimented and rewarded for my efforts. I love recognition. I love praise.

And while my plans for the future still revolves around starting something unique in Malaysia and making a name for myself, it also revolves around being an amazing woman as a whole. I want to be the amazing wife and the awesome mom. I want my husband to feel like he's the luckiest man in the world, and my kids to think they're mom is the best. I want to be a loving, filial daughter, and the cool, fabulous sister. I want to hold house parties often and have friends over all the time.

I want the perfect life by being the perfect person. I want to make a lot of people happy.

Most of all, I want to love and be loved at the highest degree.

And that is my dream...

The heart is an idiot

There's a saying which goes "The heart wants what the heart wants". Something like that.

I haven't written an emo post here in a while. Perhaps it's time I did.

So my latest take on Love is that the heart is an idiot. Because it has no rationale, no forethoughts, no reason, no nothing. It just wants what it wants. It lunges, headfirst into pits of fire. It dives into troubled water. It battles uncertainty and doubt if only at the tiniest chance of obtaining whatever it wants.

In a way, the heart is strong. It weathers just about anything that gets in its way. It can withstand criticism, it can take insult. It defies orders from the mind to a degree that puts the biggest teenage rebel to shame. It can turn bullshit into reality and reality into bullshit. It picks what it wants and that's that.

The heart is resilient. It usually doesn't stop until it gets what it wants. Even if it meant getting pierced, torn up, or shredded into a million pieces. The heart is never shy and it never will be. Once bitten, it pummels forward with even greater desire than it started with. The heart never learns from mistakes because the heart never makes them. Only the mind does. The mind makes them, and tries to hold the heart back, but the heart always emerge victorious.

The heart cannot be tamed, though many of us often try to. We hide our hearts under blankets of denial and lies. We try to silent it by drowning ourselves in work, in alcohol, in exercise, in loud music. But at the very back of our minds, we hear it's muffled cry.

The heart wants what the heart wants. That's the problem.

wacky weather

Auckland's got some really wacked out weather this past few days.

I'd wake up to bright streaks of yellow sunrise pouring into my window at 7.15 am. Then I'd go and wash up, take a shower, and come out of the bathroom realising that the sound of water pouring down is coming from outside. I'd peep through the window and see rain, lashing down from apparently blue skies.

Then I'd have my breakfast and look out the windows as I do. And in my 15 minute meal, I'd see the day turn bright again and the birds come out to sing once more. I'd go downstairs, change and prepare to walk to uni when I see dark clouds hovering above me. Not wanting to take the chance, I'd come back in, don my waterproof jacket, and within seconds I'd hear rain pouring down again. So I'd grab my car keys and drive to uni.

And this has happened for the past 3-4 days. Really frustrating weather if you ask me. I haven't been able to run outside. I've been doing treadmill runs for the past few days, and on the treadmill I could never go more than 5-6ks. I managed one 40 minute run the other day, which I think was about 7.7 k. But yea, that was my limit.

Yesterday, it flippin' HAILED. Like pieces of ice fell from the sky like an ice dispenser. On the roof top you could see little bits of ice bouncing off the zinc pieces. It was so weird! I was so amused by it, I took a photo, but you can't really see much.

Notice the white spots on the road? That's ICE. This is the view from my room window.

Needless to say it was FREEZING yesterday. 9 degrees, in the middle of the day, and in the middle of Spring! I think that is so wrong! Winter's gone, stop rewinding! Bring out the SUN.

BFF

Here's wishing Julie Kuan a Happy 24th Birthday!

You've always been one of the constants in my life, someone I could count on to always be there for me through thick and thin. You've always been supportive and understanding, and you give me free stuff! :)
"May we be best friends till we're old grannies!", you once wrote me in a note.
I'm betting on "yes, we will be". ;)
Have a great time today, don't hold back, aye?

xx
ren

So High

Baby since the day you came into my life
You made me realize that we were born to fly
You showed me everyday new possibilities
You proved my fantasies of love could really be

Let's go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

(You've got me up so high) So high
(My shoes are scraping the sky) So high
(You've got me up so high) Oh
(My shoes are scraping the sky)

Maybe later we can go up to the moon
Or sail among the stars before the night is through
And when morning comes we'll see the sun is not so far
And we can't get much closer to God than where we are

We'll go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

This is how love's supposed to be
This is how, this is how love's supposed to be, yeah
Let's go to the moon baby, ooh
Let's go to the moon baby, yeah
Let's go, go, let's go to the moon baby
So high..

-John Legend-

35 and stillovingu. :)

GE3K 1N DA GR3EN

I'm a geek. (So lame post titles are excused).

Lately, since my flatmate generously increased our bandwidth quota for us and will continue to pay for us for it, I've been discovering more and more awesomeness of my phone. Let me show you how geeky I've become.

Has an Android phone. Check.
Has a phone which reads out her incoming text messages. Check
Downloads free apps and will always find a use for it. Check.
Brags excitedly about new app features to friends when they come online on her phone. Check.
Constantly browses through the Android market for new apps. Check.
Reads e-forums on apps and does comparisons. Check.
Sees $6 for 50MB data pack and goes "Whoa!". Check.
Relies on phone to tell her whether or not to do laundry. Check.
Tweets random tweets just because she can. Check.
Spends hours on Facebook on her phone. Check.
Gets disappointed when there are no new notifications on Facebook on her phone. Check.
Sees green light as new text msg, blue light as new Tweet mentions, orange light as Gtalk message, aqua light as Ebuddy MSN msg. Check.
Gets addicted to her phone. CHECK.
Darling, when you bought me this phone, you weren't just buying me a means to communicate. You got me unlimited hours of entertainment, moments of OMG, and potential to become socially averse. =)

cold nights

they make me miss you more.

=/

I was having one of those crummy days today. It started with me waking up waaaay before my alarm (again). And I had one of those boring lectures for Sport Psych, where I couldn't keep my eyes open. Luckily there was no tutorial today, so that gave me some extra time to come back, and cook myself some lunch. I then took a nap, and went back to uni to do some more data collection.

I spent an hour capturing videos and taking snapshots when the computer decides to FREEZE and I wasn't able to save any of my work. Great. I had to leave the lab after that because a class was coming in. Frustrated (and hungry) I decided to drive to Greenlane to get some breads and buns from the Asian bakery over there. I spent $10 on comfort food, something I am not proud of. I then rushed back, got changed and had to leave for work again.

In my haste, I scratched Jack Jack (which is my car, btw) on the side of my concrete wall. Bummed out, I went to work, listless and a little lacking in energy. I then realized I had to cover a colleague's shift tomorrow from 10-1, which was in between my classes. Which was something I agreed to over the holidays, but forgot about it until tonight.

And...so, yea. Pretty bad day. Movenpick Swiss Chocolate ice cream made it a tad better though. =)

I think what triggered the crumminess this morning was seeing Facebook flooded with Raya open house photos, and my bestest friends having a great time in Bali, and the thought of my family going to Pangkor...the homesickness I've been holding up pretty well for sometime just came flooding right back. Sigh, I'm such a baby.

On a sillier note, there is the most ridiculous TV show here which my flatmates and I religiously follow every Tuesday night. It's called Daisy of Love and it features the most bimbotic, shallow, annoying, kinky, shallow, cheesy, tacky, jockish, people in the realm of Rock. It's about a blonde, big boobied, plastic lipped girl called Daisy in search for love. And all these strapping, buffed men, with tattoos and piercings all over their bodies, practically tripping over themselves and each other to win Daisy's love. It's so stupid, we actually love watching it.Sometimes I just cringe at the sight of these men trying to do anything they can for her. Call me conservative, but I really do not like to see men in that light. Sure, I like the guy to be romantic and chivalrous, but to sit around and watch this dimbo stick her tongue down one guy's mouth to another right in front of you...i think it is plain wrong. Guys should have more pride than that. So should girls. heh.

semester break

2 weeks of semester break went by really quickly, which was expected I guess. I've been in uni long enough to know that 2 weeks of semester break versus 2 weeks of exams, the latter never quite fly by like the former.

But in saying so, I've been in to uni possibly 8 days out of the 14 day break. Which I think is something to shout about by my standards. I've done a bit of research, a bit of reading, a bit of data collection, a bit of data analysis, and a bit of journal researching. My my...after 5 years in uni I'm finally starting to sound like a student.

Anyhoos, the break was good. I relaxed, and worked out, did some extra hours at work. And to cap it off, I went to the snow again with Zhi and friends. It was good fun...I thoroughly enjoyed the hike up the snow. Best part of it was when it actually snowed at the top! I've never really seen snow fall from the sky, so that's like a first. It was amazing! Really beautiful! For once I wasn't too bothered about the bitter cold that bit my skin. I just stared at the little pieces of white fluff flying at me at really high speed! (Actually the weather was getting bad at that point, and we had to turn around before we could reach the summit). And certain parts of the mountain had soft, fluffy snow on the ground which made our feet sink right in when we step down. But yeah, it was pretty awesome. Can u see the snow? =)How far we climbed...gorgeous innit?
It was back to uni today, and I really had to tear myself away from my bed. I wasn't feeling particularly sleepy or anything, in fact, for some reason my eyes just opened at about 6.50 am, and alertness just came to me for no reason at all. But I dreaded going back to class. heh.

Owell. 6 more weeks of school. 2 weeks of exams. =)

random updates

• I just spent $55 on replacing my watch battery. If converted to MYR, thats more than half the price of my watch! That's insane. Service charge here continues to amaze and annoy me. Then again, if I had brought my watch back to the watch shop Uncle in Subang, who's to say he wouldn't damage the water-resistant seal and make it non-water-resistant? well, it's sunk cost now. Let's just hope my watch lasts for another 3 years or something. Wish it'd beep though. the beep sound went away after he repaired it. =(

• I am more than 3/4 through my mid semester break. What have I done? What have I not done, is the question. I have not been running as much as I wanted to. =(

• I'm starting to think my hair is a little bit too long for me. I'm wondering what length should I keep it at. I was kinda growing it together with Rosie to see if we can both keep our hair really really long. But it's come to a point where it's starting to annoy me now. It gets in the way when I change my clothes, it gets pressed on when I lie down on the bed by my own body, it gets tugged on when I put on and take off my bag pack. And you know me, I'm itching for a new hairstyle now.

• I navigated my way through the city last night with my X10 mini and 2 Degrees national data. I know I've been using the phone for about 2 months now, but I still think it's amazing! My, my, how do men live without smart phones? :)

• The Vagina Monologue was very interesting. I think, I think quite differently about myself now. Every bit of myself. It just helped me see things in a different light. Not just about vaginas, but in every aspect of life. I think women are indeed complicated beings, but only because we're so damn awesome. =)

• I have so many flight itinerary documents sitting on my desktop. It's almost funny. Every time I switch my computer on, or switch back to Desktop view, I look at them and smile. November is going to be quite an interesting month. And it's less than 60 days away.

• I just signed up for car insurance. I now have to pay roughly $25 a month for the next 12 months. And after paying $55 on a watch battery, I feel kinda broke. I'm not actually broke, so mum and dad, don't worry ya! I have money. I just don't like to see myself spending so much money, without making more in return.

• I think time is finally moving fast enough for me to wonder where it's gone.
  

These boots are made for fun times

The mid semester break has been quite fun so far.

I've had a good balance of routine exercise, some hours of uni work, chatting and gossiping with the girls in the house, out and about with the guys, and a decent amount of hours of work in the gym. I think life's just about comfortable right now.

Tomorrow I'm gonna catch The Vagina Monologues with the girls. I heard it's hilarious...i mean look at the title. ahaha...'nuff said. =)

Zhi and friends took Elise and I out for some photo shooting around my suburb. I love people with nice big cameras. And now that more and more people have nice big cameras, my world of still images is gonna be so much more awesome.

So while my beloved friends at home are away enjoying the sun in Bali, I've decided to join some friends for some time in the snow (although given a choice i'd pick the sun over the snow anytime). Will be going away this weekend to tramp up Mount Ruapehu.

6 more days of semester break. 6 more weeks of the semester. 2 more weeks of exams. and then mum, dad and Keith will be here!

Elise and I at St Johns paddockUs at Mount Wellington

ouch

I woke up this morning with the stiffest neck. I guess what people at home would call salah bantal, i slept in "the wrong way" last night, possibly due to me switching my pillows over. I've 2 very soft pillows that are not thick and firm enough for me. I'm a side sleeper, but my shoulders are too broad for my own good sometimes, so sleeping on a flat, soft pillow give me neck aches. But putting the 2 pillows together makes it way too thick. I've been sleeping on one pillow, with my blanket folded underneath it, but somehow the blanket feels too hard and I often wake up with a sore cheek, or sore ears. So last night I switched my pillow and woke up in agony. bleh...i miss my hypoallergenic, anti dust mite, 100% getah(rubber) Malaysia, anti stress (it's got magnets in it, I kid you not) pillow at home.

And so I had trouble turning my head more than 45 degrees in either direction, resulting in me having to turn my whole torso whenever I want to look over my shoulder today. This is what it must feel like to have a neck brace.

As if that isn't bad enough, I crashed my knee once again into the corner of my bed post, sending a sharp pain that radiated through my entire leg. My entire knee now looks like a blueberry, especially since my knobbly knee cap protrudes out anyway.

AND, in my effort to maneuver around the corner of the stairway, with a stiff neck, limited range of motion of my upper body, and semi limping on my very bruised knee, I banged my hip on the stairway handle - right square on my pelvic bone.

Now, I don't know why people say I'm such a klutz. I was a rhythmic gymnast, for goodness sake!

dresses

I've never been a dressy person. I've always been most comfortable in a singlet top and jeans or shorts. But it doesn't mean I don't like dresses. I just never had any use for them. My family is not the kind to dress up when we go out to dinner. We just throw on a pair of jeans at the most if the place is in an enclosed air conditioned table clothed restaurant. But I think the whole dressing up thing is starting to become a trend among my friends back in Subang. Thus, I feel more compelled to look at dresses when I window shop nowadays. And if when I make heaps of money, I will buy myself an expensive push up bra (because I need it) and pretty dresses to wear out. =)

I went from Karen Cheng's site to this site and found some really really nice dresses. Or maybe it's just coz the models are really gorgeous. But the dresses are really nice! Here are a few I really liked.This black one in the bottom row is my favourite. It's got parrots on it.

Hopefully my shoulders don't grow any broader by then.

It's funny, that day the massage therapist at the gym said she wanted to look like me - slim, slender and feminine. She mentioned this other person in the gym whom she thinks is "too bulky". Ah...one great thing about being in New Zealand is, here, I am considered tiny. Here I am a size S. =D

I just got back

I realised something. I just got back. It's been only 5 weeks.

Have u ever had the feeling that things go by so quickly that within a few blinks it is once again the weekend, and another blink it is once again Monday? But at the same time, when you actually start counting, time is crawling by.

I spent the day just chillaxing. I didn't want to do anything school related till Monday so I pretty much slept in, went for a run, ate an hour long breakfast, did my laundry, watched Seven Pounds (which was really good), lazed about online (probably used up heaps of bandwidth today), baked a banana chocolate loaf and lazed around even more.

And I really think lazing around makes u extremely tired. because it's barely 10 pm and I feel like sleeping already.

I need a storybook. Think I shall go get one from Ingrid soon.

12 more weeks. =)

***

Jon just sent me this site. It tells you what happened the year you were born.
I can't remember who I was in love with at age 15. heh.

good company

I hate being alone. So when it is the last day of the first half of the semester, after I am done with mid terms, and before I begin my 2 week term break, the last thing I wanted to do was to go back to an empty house and sit in front of my pc refraining from using too much bandwidth.

So i got some people to come over! I used Merdeka Day as an excuse, but really I just wanted to have more people around me. And it was really successful!

I think I had about 13 people altogether. It was pretty good! I cooked up some stuff, and we played charades, and some of the guests brought really delicious stuff, like Abby's bubur chacha and Wye Yin's roast stuffed chicken.

This is just some of those who came.
Some of the things i managed to cook up. Frying pappadums are awesome!
Playing with Zhi's multishot function. 8 frames i think.

Photos are compliments of Zhi. The company was really good. I don't know why I was too lazy to get my own camera to snap more photos. But owell...=)

However, when the party's over, and everyone leaves, there's always this sinking feeling in my heart. Sigh. 14 more weeks before mum, dad and keith comes over...=)

O for Awesome!

I had the opportunity to join a Body Attack class in Les Mills today. My friend, Georgia, brought me in so I could try it out.

I was really excited. I was gonna go into THE Les Mills building! The place where Group X classes were born and made and taught to the world! This is where they film the DVDs you people get in your quarterly updates. This is where the magic happens!

After finding an incredibly lucky parking spot near the gym, I rushed in to meet Georgia at the reception. She then led me up something like 4 flights of stairs. On every floor there was a dance studio and it was HUGE. They're all amazing, it's entirely carpeted, nice lights in the background, the stage is an ACTUAL STAGE and not some raised platform. And there were HEAPS of people in EVERY studio. AND...its open door - which means you don't have to sneak in quietly if you're late. Just jump right in and fall in sync with everyone else! The ENERGY emanating through each class was just amazing!

Then we got to the highest studio, and I was BLOWN AWAY. It was the largest studio out of all, there were maybe 60-70 people in the class, the stage was huge, glass panels all around allowed for a panaromic view of Auckland city, sky tower in view, and because it was at 5.10 pm, the sun was just setting. The class had already started, so G and I hurriedly dropped our stuff at the corner and just jumped right in. And BOY DID WE JUMP! 5.30 pm and my heart was already banging against my ribs! It was intense!

Cut short, I had a blast! It was a great class. There were bits where the instructor came down to the floor and we started running around in circles, and I kinda had this feeling we were koi fishes in a pond all swimming in the same direction. And we split into 2 and did a little dancey-hoppy stuff. I had so much fun!

And so it struck me. Les Mills is the ONLY company that produces group exercise classes. They're the ONLY company who monopolizes the group ex industry and they're a worldwide MONOPOLY GIANT. Why hasn't anyone tried to compete with them? Honestly, it's not hard to throw together some beats, and some moves, that last for 50 minutes. Really it isn't hard at all. Like how many moves can you do on a spin bike? How many ways can you jump up and down, or lift your legs up, or bend your knees, or punch? It really is all about displaying it to everyone else. It's about the energy, the personality that comes with being apart of this tribe. And it's just AWESOME. Or like the kiwis say it - OWSUM!

You know what? I'm gonna do it. Yeah. It's gonna be me. I will gather a few friends, throw some beats together, work some moves, and BAM! Come up with a whole new line of group exercise classes that'll be priced more competitively than Les Mills, but jam packed with sheer AWESOME! I'm gonna sell it to Malaysia. Then, the world.

Yeah. It's gonna be me.

*sings*Everything's going up Karen!*sings*

bright and cheery

I went out to buy myself some new covers today. It was 60% off and I figured I might as well make my room a little more bright and cheery.

So I went from this...

to this...

...because we all could use a lil' sunshine sometimes.

i think of you

it rains.
little drops of mist, turns into torrents of water.
big heavy drops of water.
my clothes are wet.
i'm getting soaked.
and i think of you.

it's morning again.
air is cold and dry.
my tummy rumbles out of hunger.
i almost hurry to get breakfast.
and i think of you.

i'm getting into my car.
i pull a cd out of the overhead cd holder.
a song comes on.
the song.
and i think of you.

sitting on the bus.
way back at the corner.
a couple comes onto the bus.
hand in hand, they fall synchronously on the seat.
she looks up at him.
she smiles.
he smiles.
and i think of you.

been a great 34 months, d.
xx

what lies ahead

I attended a Careers Event at uni just now, organized by the Department of Sport and Exercise Science. To be honest, I went more for the free food than anything else (we got pizza, yo!). Because I have a pretty clear idea of what i intend to embark on once I graduate and go home. But I guess I wanted to be open to ideas and seeing that my degree is of a very sciencey base, I'm guessing the opportunities are endless.

I was right. There are heaps of things I can go into with my degree. It all sounded very fancy, doing research, dealing with government investors, traveling with professional athletes, rehabilitation work, coming up with new technology etc. And I think it would be really cool to be part of a research team, coming up with the latest technology in sport performance gear. But truth be told, I just do not have the patience and drive to go into post grad, because to enter these specialised fields, you kinda have to. And it sounds cool, telling people "Oh yeah, you know that Nike Free 9.0, yeah I thought of that idea", but really, if I had to look up another journal article or run another statistical analysis, or prepare another lab report after this degree, I would literally throw up. That's how much I hate the academic world right now.

And if at all, the event only made me want to finish the course even faster so I can start my career NOW. Stop asking me to do things I don't want to do (such as neurology and organ physiology and stupid scigen projects where i have to write project plans on sustainable soil resources) and let me focus on things I actually want to do! Gosh. This degree is HARD work. There. I've said it. It's hard work trying to stay focused, and stay driven, yet have fun and enjoy. Right now I just couldn't be stuffed. Just let me pass my subjects, and let me go home so I can start earning proper pay cheques.

my room

yes, if u were fast enough to read the post i had before this, i've deleted it. i figured before my family and friends start telling me to suck it up and grow up, i should really stop the whining.

So I've finally got my camera SD card back. I had left it in Calvin's Wii. hehe...lucky me, he was such a dear, he sent it to me as soon as he could.

I thought I might just put a few pictures of my room up. I've raved about it a couple of times.so this is how it looks when u first step in. It's not THAT huge, but its the biggest room in the house. And it's nice and cosy.This is my very nice queen sized bed, for which I do not have a queen sized duvet. I've always wanted a queen sized bed though, so when I have guests *hint* there's always place for people to sleep.And finally this is my magic mirror. Because it makes me look very nice and slim all the time. I love it to bits! It's made me even more vain than I already am. haha...oh and i need to trim my fringe. It's getting a wee bit too long, I'm starting to look like Nicole Ritchie. Which isn't a good thing.