Monday, February 27, 2012

Up to my frickin' eyes.

I have been working as a full time personal trainer/fitness instructor/high school PE teacher for about 7 months now. And I know that most people are still under the impression that I don't really DO work. As in my work is more like fun, hence it's not really working. I agree, to a certain extend. I love my job, it's what I dreamt about.

But I am so.darn.tired. I am constantly, constantly going to bed at night, feeling like I've had my batteries kicked out of me. I lie my head down on my pillow and there is that moment of pure relief, that feeling of blood finally being able to flow slowly back into my brains, feeling the weight finally easing away from my feet, feeling my muscles finally able to just relax and not contract any more. Every.single.night. I mean, I am up to my frickin' eyes with clients to train, kids to teach, 5 am mornings to wake up to, programs to write and read, miles to log for my poor deprived marathon legs, and just life to live. It's just a taaaaadddd worried that I'm running myself into the ground. I used to say I'd love to go to bed every night, feeling completely and utterly drained.

I take that back.

My client's dad commented today that I am all puffy eyed and tired looking. He said "Be careful, don't burn yourself out." I think I should start taking heed.

But I just have to say, that apart from awfully tired bones and eyes, MAN, do I LOVE my life! :)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Happiness Part II

What I had intended to write about last night (till I got sidetracked) was about our own perceptions of happiness. I think know that everyone has different wants and needs and various quantities of those wants and needs to make them happy. But in essence, I think it's only human nature for someone to just want love, acceptance, appreciation.

A few days ago I received some horrible news about a former colleague of mine back in NZ who had died. He was only a bit older than I am, and he was said to have committed suicide. This came to me as shocking as I had worked with him before on many occasions and to me he was outgoing, sociable, very talkative, and very nice to hang out with. He was always good company during those long, boring hours at the uni gym I was working at, for which I was grateful because time could past really slowly in that country. Anyway, I cannot understand why he would choose to take his own life, but I guess still water really does run deep. Word on the street was he had gone through some personal issues with his family and his girlfriend, and he wasn't taking it too well. But even then, could a divorce and a break up really have that huge an impact on a 28 year old man who was fit and strong minded?

Maybe there was a lot more to the story than I know. Whatever the cause of his actions, I felt a huge sympathy for his family and friends. Whatever happened to him obviously robbed away his happiness in his life to the extent that he didn't want to live any more.

Which makes me ponder upon the lives of people I have crossed path with in my life who I know are not quite where they want to be. I have met people who felt like they were at their lowest point in life and were just pushing themselves along day after day for nothing in particular. To be honest, I cannot understand that. Why isn't LIFE itself not enough for them? There is so much for everyone to live for out there, so much to see, so much to do, life is like a giant theme park, where we wake up every day deciding for ourselves what we want to do with it. Time is our currency, more than the notes in our wallet, I think. I cannot comprehend why anyone would think why there isn't anything left to live for? There is ALWAYS something!

Perhaps I have been blessed with a good life so far, thus I see things the way I do. Now, more than ever, I hope that I can help change the lives of others. I don't know how, I just know I want to.


Hello! Really haven't been good with this whole blogging thing seeing that my last post was about 3 weeks ago. Gosh, Karen, what have u been so damned busy with?

Ok. Ohp-daytes!

So I've been making a conscious effort to train more. When I say train more, I actually mean actually train, literally. Because I used to not train, ever. Auckland, I trained quite a bit, but that was Auckland, what else was I gonna do there? But yeah, I've been doing well with logging in about 3 runs per week, and seeing a steady progress in my running pace. I've also carried on with strength training just to *ahem* keep in shape and actually look like a Personal Trainer. This I manage to do about 2 sessions per week. So yeah, pretty good stuff, looking forward to keeping this up for another 3 more weeks which is when Brooks Half Marathon is. Fingers crossed, I maintain my upward trend in my running pace and hopefully meet a sub 1:50 half marathon. :D

Work has been exciting and invigorating! Starting to get into the groove of my hectic schedule and I think teaching is a lot more enjoyable now that I no longer feel so lost in the school activity hall. The higher income helps, too. And more PT clients make me feel more established as a Personal Trainer (or, at the very least, on the way to getting established). So things are just sweeellll!! :D

Boyfriend is amazing. Valentine's Day was special because he cooked me dinner, and got me a gift which I feel really really grateful for! <3 I probably didn't do so well on the gift front, but I'll get better!

Now I was gonna write about something quite tragic, hence the title "Happiness". It was supposed to be an irony, but I'm a little too tired to carry on writing now and it is waaaaay past my bedtime, so hopefully I'll get to do so tomorrow. Otherwise it might actually be a good 3 weeks before I pen those thoughts down *eek!*.

Till then, goodnight world!