Sunday, April 29, 2012

That yellow parade

I wish I went.

Initially I thought the demonstration was in the morning, so I couldn't go for it because I didn't want to miss running for the Orang Asli in the jungle. But it turned out it was in the afternoon. And I didn't have anybody to go with. But looking back I wish I went.

I've never been a strong follower of the political situation here at home, simply because I honestly don't know in depth enough about the issues that go on. I only know what's on the surface. So that's why I never really projected a strong stance in anything with regards to politics. But I'll admit to one thing, I do want change. Because I have been lucky enough to travel out of the country, I can see how our country can do with so much change.

I missed the last gathering because that was the date I was flying back home from NZ. I had intentions to join the next one they had, but then I guess I wasn't proactive enough to find out more about it to go this time around. But looking at the news and videos on the internet, albeit how biased they may be, I felt a sense of pride for the people who had the courage to stand up for what they believed in. I thought that the audacity of the youths of my country is just amazing, and whether or not they were just there to silently observe, or there to fight, I just felt so proud that they were the same nationality as me. I want to be like them.

Whatever injury or pain they had to sustain yesterday, I know. without a shadow of doubt, that it's working. Change is about to unfold, slowly but surely. And I couldn't beam any brighter with pride.

Monday, April 09, 2012

Out with the old, In with the new

I spent all of Sunday trying to tidy up my room and it is shocking to realise what a hoarder I really am. For one thing, I would like to be as much of an environmentalist as I can, so I really try to keep bits of unused paper, or notepads, or exercise books to be used in future. I also try as much as I can to be an artist, so I have managed to compile quite a collection of scrap paper, bits of wrapping paper, nice little plastic bags and gift boxes and cards so I can use them to make gifts and cards for friends. And most of all, I grow emotionally attached to a lot of my things, especially if they were given by my friends. Every gift I have ever received is truly treasured because of their effort and kind thoughts. But what I end up with is piles of things I never use at all!

So I filled a big black bag full of rubbish and there's still some more to go. The last time I had a clean up of my room was probably about a year ago because I bought a new cupboard and chucked an old broken one. I cleared up 6 drawers of things and during that time, I guess the hardest thing to do was to chuck away the ex boyfriend stuff. Those things held way too many memories, keeping them felt as if I am not letting myself move on, but throwing them away felt wrong as well. So I kept a bunch of things, well hidden from plain sight, so I don't stumble across them too frequently.

A few days ago, G came over to my place after a run together to use my shower. And it struck me that I've moved on now, I really should not be keeping certain things such as dried roses from Valentine's Day 3 years ago. So yesterday, I finally chucked them, along with some other things I learned to let go off. Memories will remain as memories, in my head. Chucking away these things doesn't mean I cut out these memories, it just means I'm making space for new memories to be made with G. :)

The surprising thing was when I went out with G yesterday night, I felt closer to him, like I could finally step over the big rock that was holding me a step back from him. I realised how much I've fallen in love with this guy. I was just too afraid to admit it for fear of shattering my heart again.