Saturday, July 30, 2005

static shock!

i dreamt last night i had super powers. i had electric powers, static electricity to be exact. so i could lift things up without touching them. i don't know if you've heard of the cartoon on Nick called Static Shock...but yea, i have his powers. haha only thing was i couldn't fly like he could on his static board. i didn't have one. :)

anyway, it was cool while it lasted. i was carrying object after object with my powers, showing off to my mum n dad. my little brother was dead jealous of me. haha...i went out with some friends and tried to show it off to them too, but then my powers wore off. somehow the only way i could recharge myself was to rub my hands against some plastic bag. haha then i had static powers again. it was so cool!

that's one good thing about dreams. they let u experience stuff for a while. i mean, when ure dreaming it, it all feels real right? there was once i used to pray before i sleep, that i would have a dream about someone. (that "someone" being whoever it was i was crushing on at that point la). coz if in real life i could do no more than look at him from a distance, in the dream i'd be able to feel what it's like to be loved by him. my prayers were never answered by the way. :)

though i did have a dream once, where a friend of mine was my boyfriend. it was a surprise considering i didn't pray for that to happen. and i never, in a million years, would have thought of dating that friend of mine. and without a doubt, i woke up feeling weird. even more so when i saw that friend of mine that day. it was just plain weird. for it felt so so real in the dream. like it was a memory, rather than a dream. weird...but comforting in a way.

if i'm not mistaken, it happened again recently, with a totally different person. also another totally unexpected person to be dreaming about. but yea...i didn't quite like it this time. coz i wake up feeling all weird and wrong. the picture was just wrong. haha...

they say dreams are what you wish for in your sleep. i should get someone to monitor my REM when i'm sleeping one day. my dreams can be quite out of this world sometimes.

anyway, back to super powers, i was talking it up with Nick and Ashwin just now, and i think that the power of invisibility is the coolest and if i had that power, i'd hop on the next flight to...well anywhere. :) before i do so, i'd just tease those immigration officers by walking to n fro the censor and letting the beeper off, just for laughs. :) this is solely Ashwin's idea. :)

i wouldn't want to have premonitions coz that's just plain scary. i don't think i can live with seeing flashes of the future, especially if it all involves people dying. i don't think i enjoy setting things on fire, or having imposing strength, or blowing things up. it'll all seem pretty useless to me.

speed, on the other hand, would come in handy. x-ray vision would also seem kinda cool. Flexibility i guess would be fun to have. oh and Wolverine's ability to heal himself is just as cool.

maybe the best power to have would be Rogue's ability to suck other people's powers. haha that way i could have anything. :) college starts next week. when that happens i won't have this much time to think of super powers and comic book characters.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

just dance!

dancing, it appears, is more therapeutic than running. i went for dance class today and it was wicked! we had our evaluation for Bronze level. given the fact that i remembered only 60% of my dance routine, i was all nervous. and we had 2 dances to do, a fast hip-hop and a slow lyrical jazz. my dance instructor, being as creative as she is, decided to change the rules a bit for the evaluation. we were to do a freestyle dance to whatever song she decides to play. i swear the woman wanted to train us to club! so what did i do? i threw in the beginning of my Dirrty dance i did for gim, with some steps of my Genie in a Bottle dance i did for the Interact IU, and finished with my trademark gimrama pose. voila! a freestyle dance for you. *clap clap* thank you thank you...:)

my evaluation form reads good comments. i had the word "good" in various places such as "good strong footwork" and "good body coordination". of course, i didn't learn 8 years of rhythmic gymnastics to not have good body coordination and footwork! muahahaha

ok enough of my gloating. i finally met Shakti today after 5 weeks of hols. the gurl, being a celeb following the Hitz Cruisers throughout yesterday, got me 6 passes to the Rexona No Sweat Challenge finals and 2 tickets to watch Malaysian Idol. The Malaysian Idol tics are for 1 person only, for 2 days. i don't think i'd enjoy watching poor ambitious people crooning to malay songs being dissed by a Simon Cowell wannabe alone. so, the tics are up for grabs! :) as for the Rexona thingy, who wants to follow me?? i think i should state the details:

Rexona No Sweat Challenge
30th July 2005
4-8 pm
Orange Dance Club KL

Malaysian Idol
29th & 31st July 2005
8.30 pm & 9 pm
Sri Pentas 2 Shah Alam call me. :) my friend Dora just informed me of a dance class in Metropolitan whereby they'll be performing for Merdeka Day and she has asked me to join them! woohoo~! and the Metro cheer squad are recruiting newbies! and there's an Inti Sports Day coming up!! i am soooo looking forward to sem 2! and to think i was gonna dread it coz of my crappy time table. i could bear with 4 months of back-to-back-lunch-sacrificing-lectures, if in between i get to dance in honour of my country, jump around in a mini skirt, and run for my college!! now that's how college is supposed to be!
*sings* can i get a yeeee-haaaa!!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

why i run

i started running at the age of 13. before that i was a jumper. i never ran because i thought i couldn't. back then the only running events in primary school were the 100m and 200m. and i sure as hell sucked in those. so, being a gymnasts, i jumped instead. i did both long and high jumps but i was better at high jumps.

my dad used to try his best to persuade me to go jogging with him at the lake. i was too stubborn to listen. i always felt as though the people at the lake were hard core runners, and that if i went i would've embarrased myself. so i chose to shy away.

anyway, in form 1, aged 13, my friends and i took part in this event called Larian Mesra. if you ask me now where it was held and how fast i ran, i can't remember. all i know is that it was 7 km and yours truly, without prior training whatsoever, went and got myself a medal. 28th position, i recall. that was when i found out i had some sort of running gene in me. i figured if i could do that without any form of training, imagine how i could be with training.

i got myself all psyched up, thinking about my running future. but i lack discipline, and determination, and will power. training, as i recall, was hell. 2 rounds around the freaking lake was like a nightmare. i wanted to give up at some point, finding it not worth the effort.

i don't know how exactly did i get back on track. perhaps it was mere encouragement from my parents n brother, perhaps it was still the constant reminder of my victorious Larian Mesra...i don't know. all i can say if i have no regrets. i ran in school, then for school. i participated in races all over the place, mostly for myself. i can't remember when i started running for Uncle Peter for Malakoff. i think it's 3 years ago if i'm not mistaken. and now i'm biking and swimming for him too. and i travel to at least 3 states every year to do these things, all on weekends, where i would return to the bitter reality of school/college on Monday.

when i started off, running gave me a sense of confidence. it became my personality, my identity. people knew me as a runner. and i enjoyed it. i enjoyed the fact that i was a tough girl, outrunning fellow schoolmates. i enjoyed the fact that i am sporty and active, and not whimsy and fragile like most other girls. being an ordinary teenage girl, i so wanted to outshine every girl there, so i could be noticed.

after running for a significant period of time, running no longer gave me the satisfaction of attracting others. i mean, that didn't matter anymore. running became an obssession. i was aiming to better myself. aiming to win. and i did. i was slashing my PB by 5-10 minutes each run i took part in. i was on a roll. my brother envied me, saying that i'm improving so rapidly while he was just constant. my dad started taking my runs more seriously, saying that i was a "medal prospect". like when the flag off time was stated, he'd make sure i was there an hour before so i could warm up properly. or if i pinned my number tags on, he'd make sure they don't come off easily or anything. my gimrama coach noticed the change in my stamina and commented on what she labelled as "marathon thighs". she'd ask me to stop running for gim's sake but did i? hell no!

but then i went under Uncle Peter's P2K teams and i was categorized under the "fun teams". winning is not to be thought of as i competed with people almost twice my age, and men too. i started to enjoy running more, enjoy the event more. i made a lot of new friends and i look forward to each time i go. i still try to better myself, always hoping that someday i wouldnt be on the "fun team" but rather on the "medal prospect team". i haven't quite reached that point, as competition is getting keener n keener.

anyway, nowadays, i no longer run to train. i do get conscious of myself once in a while, if i had laid off running for a while. i start to worry about my timing, then my weight. when that happens, i try to drag myself to put on those trainers and get my butt off the couch.

but one thing, however, would make me jump into my Clima Cools and race off. and that's when i'm laden with issues. when college gets too tough, i run. when family squabbles occur (often on my account), i run. when i'm troubled, i run. when i'm stressed, i run. and when i'm sad and confused, i sprint.

and usually, it works. usually i would come home feeling a lot lighter, a lot happier, a lot calmer. usually.

somehow today, even running wasn't therapeutic enough.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

tan shirlyn!


hehe sorry...just missing my best friend here. i haven't seen her since...i came home from Melbourne. no wait, i didn't see her before that either. i haven't seen her since...since the MNG shopping escapade!

man...i miss her so much. i just heard the song Friends Forever by the Thunderbugs and the thought of her crossed my mind. i used that song for a poerpoint slideshow i made for her during her last birthday.

there's so much i want to tell her. and there's so much i want her opinion in. and there's so much i want to hear about her clubbing experience, her Redang honeymoon and everything else that took place when i wasn't around. i just wanna talk to her so much right now.

which makes me wonder how i'll make it with her all the way in Glasgow approximately 1.5 years from now. her being in bukit jalil is enough to make me call her on a weekly basis. darn...i'm so gonna miss her when she goes abroad.

i know friendships are usually diluted after a while. and we make new friends as we go along. but so far lyn and i have remained close friends. and very honestly, i don't want to make a new best friend. not now not ever.


back aches...

my pc isn't very posture-pedic-ally inclined. it requires me to look down on my monitor, which is below my desk, for space-saving purposes. i have back aches after approximately 2 hours at my desk. it's kinda like a limit signal for me. so when my back starts to hurt, that's my cue to sign off. :)

anyway, yesterday the man-who-runs-very-fast-with-one-arm-bent at the lake approached me to be his girlfriend/wife's teammate for some adventure race in Gopeng! how cool is that!! i was psyched of course, but wary of the fact that i've never done mountain-biking in my life, and road biking serves as NO training for mountain biking. so i was a bit scared considering the couple seemed pretty good and serious about what they do. but the guy was very nice, making it sound as though it was a fun race. he was very careful to make himself sound as though fun was the primary reason of joining the race. so the more i heard him talked, the less scared i got. i thought, how hard could mountain biking be?

but alas, his girlfriend/wife already found a teammate. so although, i was relieved, i was also disappointed. but the invitation has kept me thinking about mountain biking and adventure racing all day and night. seriously, that would be a treat! imagine charging down the challenging terrain of the jungle, at high speed! the thrill, the excitement!

i wanna do adventure racing! it beats road racing anytime! but how? i've got a road bike, i can't possibly go get a mountie now. unless i hire one each time i wanna race. haha it's a thought!

i'm so excited! i really really wanna try it out! :)

oh...mountain biking causes less back aches. but more butt aches i presume. haha...

Thursday, July 21, 2005

i love scoreboards!

Finally the results are out! and all on the same day too! what a pleasant coincidence! ahhaha i swear, my day just got better. :)

PD International Triathlon:
Sprint Event
Olympic Distance

New Balance Pacesetters 15km

little keith practically pounced on me to pry me away from my pc to check his results. the kid did great! his team got 7th place in the men's relay. men categories have always been so freaking competitive. sigh...i'm so lucky to be a girl...:) keith is so gonna grow up to be some super swimmer, super triathlete! ahaha i, as his jiejie, shall see to it that my little bro is a hustler! :)

anyway, i'd first tri sprint was quite astounding! ahah considering i've had altogether 2 swim trainings in total. each only 500m of breaststroke. ahah yea man, i was doing breaststroke like ALL the way! and yet, i still got kicked in the face! the salt water was bluekzzz.....but i take pride in saying i was NOT LAST eventhough i touched down from Melbourne a mere 19 hours before the race! haha...but i was checking out the Girls Under 12 category, and i realised, that if i were put in that category, i WOULD be last. no kidding. the kids were good! hardcore!

the relay event was nice too. nothing beats running in the rain. seriously...getting 4th place is...well unbelievable for me. however, i pity Joey. he looked so disappointed when we didn't get 3rd. sorry he had to be teamed up with me. i gave it my best! but with people like Daniel Bego and Khoo Chai Lin in the same category...sigh...

and as for the NB 15 k run? i've got no complaints. my timing improved. my position improved in the open category, all categories and overall. i'm a happy runner. :)

i miss my camera. i've been using my cousin's Kodak for a while, and i've got some pretty good shots in it. it's just too bad Kodak must have their ingenius port that is unique to all other cameras. so i can't transfer the pics to my pc. i don't know how i'm going to. anybody who has an SD card reader who is kind and willing to do it for me? *grins widely*

i'm falling sick. my throat's itchy, my nose is runny, my head feels hot. it's a sign. college reopening is a health hazard!

i climbed bukit gasing this morning and i realised, painfully, that i've not 100% recuperated from PD tri. my thigh muscles ached like hell! the 2 medic students were waay waaaaay fitter than i am. haha...kudos to Puv n Fu Wen!

aightz...i'm half dead right now. despite the fact i slept close to 4 hours this afternoon, my head feels like a hundred kilos. i'm a sick happy runner....:)

i can't afford it...

it's almost 2 in the morning
and it just struck me hard
i've passed the letter on to her
now it's all that i regard

i can't believe i did that
i can't believe it's done
something strange is building up
as though something's just begun

i don't know if i'm right to do so
i don't know if i should
doubt now swallows me bit by bit
it'll swallow me whole if it could

but something else lingers deep
something got in doubt's way
something else gives me a rush
perhaps it's hope, i'd say

hope entails bad news i think
hope should be surpressed
for with hope comes expectation
and i might just end up depressed

i wish i'd never wrote the thing
i wish i'd never started
i wish i'd never fell for him
to end up broken hearted

something tells me i should stop her
coz i know i've still got time
something says i should just let go
but giving up seems like a crime

i thought i've done my math in this
i thought i've weighed the odds
why am i still taking the risk
why am i still calling the shots

i need to think things through some more
i need a firm decision in the end
there's more at stake than just my heart
i can't afford to lose a friend

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


i haven't given much thought
about how i'd take the end of it
much preparation were put into the start
and even the "during" but not the last bit

i somehow forgot to ask myself
whether i'd be able to take the parting
whether i'd be able to tear myself away
whether i'd be able to curb my feelings

i fell asleep last night thinking
whether i should let go and move on
but i found myself thinking less of that
and more of the bygones

i was reminiscing more than ever
when i should really be questioning
i was recounting times that touched my heart
rather than times to come that may end up disappointing

i wrote a letter before i left
and thought i'd give it to you
but then i thought of the consequences
and figured what damage it would do

i didn't want to regret my actions
coz i seem to do that too often
but right now i'm sitting here staring at it
and i can't seem to find the reason

my mind laughs at the irony of it
how i was at the right place at the wrong time
but my heart cries at the mismatch
with confusion n disappointment so sublime

Monday, July 18, 2005

it's not my fault...

Melbourne Pics

i think i'm too much of a goody 2 shoes. seriously. and i blame my parents.

i blame them for giving me curfews. i know they're pretty lenient already but not in my group of friends.

i blame them for doing so much for me till i'm pampered and spoilt. i think taking public transport is fun. that's how spoilt i am. public transport is a rare rare thing as i was growing up. almost never.

but most of all, i blame them for instilling such discipline in me. such filiality. if there is such a word. i could never lie to them. i could keep things from them, but i could never lie. either i'm a bad liar or they're lie detectors. either way it won't work. i won't do it anyway. lying to them i mean. the saint with the halo on my shoulder wouldn't let me. i just can't. and when i know it's something they would never let me do, even if i had every opportunity, and they're not there to stop me, i'd still think like a gazillion times before i do so. often i end up not doing so.

and thanks to that, i can see myself being isolated among my friends. i've never been clubbing. i had my first cup of red wine on the way back from melbourne on the plane, and that's pretty much the only alcohol i've consumed. oh apart from the cocktail on my last night. i despise smokers. actually i'm not gonna hide it. i kinda despise clubbers n drinkers as well. it's just that majority of my friends are just about that: smokers, clubbers, drinkers. and i could say i hate it. for the simple fact that it's against my principles.

i want to club because everyone's done it before. yup, it's purely peer pressure. my best friends have been clubbing. a couple of years back, i saw myself sorta "experiencing" it for the first time with either one of them. looks like i'm gonna have to face it on my own this time around.

but i have a feeling, i'll never be able to do so. at least not until i leave home and live on my own. i doubt staying with big brother in Perth is gonna be much a difference.

truth is, it doesn't bother me. at least i don't want it to. i'm fine by not going clubbing and not drinking. it's just being the only person who doesn't that bothers me. i'm frustrated that there's such a trend. i'm frustrated that amongst all peer pressures i'd have to face, it had to be this one. i'd much rather be pressured to wear that livestrong band that everyone has.

i think what bugs me most is my friends being pressured to do so. i know some of them don't like it either. i know that it is against some of their principles too. but they had to give in. they had to think twice and figure it's not that bad.

fine. clubbing isn't that bad. drinking too as long as everyone's still thinking straight. as long as it's not an addiction.

but i hate smokers. i'm sorry. friends have been telling me a billion times over not to be judgemental. but i can't help it. many of my friends are. i don't treat them differently and all. i keep an unbiased perception at all times. i just don't understand why they should start. and the closer the person is to me, the harder i find it to accept. coz i really don't want to hate them.

in form 5, the Ed board voted me as most influencial female for sinar jaya senior poll. now i wish that's true.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

i soooo need to...

i sooo need to pack my bag for PD...i need to remember my swimsuit, my goggles (right, have to get from Keith), my helmet, my wrist band, yadda yadda....

i sooo need to train for PD...but yay! it'a 400m swim, 12 k bike, 3 k run! They cut down the swim n bike distance! That i can handle...:)

i sooo need to check my quite a lot to read, and even more to reply (i didn't commit myself enough to replying their emails while i was having so much FUN!)

i sooo need to sleep.

there's a billion things i wanna say, a billion things i wanna do, but time's ticking away and eventhough the sprint is just a friendly event for me, i really don't wanna end up crawling to the finish, or having my butt brought back by St Johns. and i don't wanna end up puking either. so sleep is vital for recuperation.

though i can just imagine myself staring into the dark room after i switch off the lights. there's just too much hype in me....a lot of things running through my head, and a lot of emotions running through my heart.

i sooo need to berpuisi right now too...

i sooo need to call up Ju and Lyn and tell them everything.

i sooo need to talk to a friend...and just...spill.

i sooo need to get a grip.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

3rd last day in the land down under...

anne left for sydney today. sigh...

life's been fun here. spent most of my time with anne and fang. it's a funny mix i know but heck i enjoyed myself.:)

bec and i have been talking to each other so much. had fun recounting the days of SAM where my class held the slightly out of the ordinary students. haha...

so many things have taken place, but i don't exactly know how to put them into words. it's exciting, not knowing what to expect of each day i wake up to. i fell asleep last night, thinking of everything that has happened to me within the past few days. i was in deep deep slumber, and i had the most amazing dreams. funny how i failed to remember what exactly they were the moment i woke up. all that i am sure of is that they were amazing. i woke up happy. then the funniest thing happened. i wondered where i was. it was as though i was put in a trance and after i snapped out of it, i had to give 3 seconds of thought to recall where the hell i was.

i'm dreading friday. i don't want to go home. i don't want to end this. at least not yet....

Friday, July 08, 2005

big bright 500V lamp

i'm recounting my steps to several weeks back, when my mum decided to let my cousin n her boyfriend so-called escort me to Melbourne. i'm wondering's not that i don't enjoy their company. i do. haha i never actually mingled with them so much before, and they can be pretty entertaining sometimes. but the question is, are they enjoying mine??

it seems as though i'm the 500v lamp that shines ever so brightly in the room. being the lamp-post is harder than i thought. first it's the sleeping arrangement. a slightly more conservative thinking has led my aunt into making me sleep with my cousin on one bed and her boyfriend on another by himself. even when we stayed out, this arrangement stuck. now i trust they won't do anything silly if they were put on the same bed, so why the awkward position? i either sleep first or last, to make sure they get some time to themselves.

next is photo taking. the couple are nice people. they wouldn't want to make me their photographer or anything so the gentleman often offers to snap pics of us girls. and i always offer to take their photo for them, but there's always the polite "nvmla..." feels funny really. i feel funny. sometimes i'll be caught in the center of the both of them when a picture is taken. i don't even know how that happened.

and many other things which i shall choose not to elaborate. the point is, i feel weird. and undoubtly out of place at times. i'd be lying if i said i won't feel better once they leave this sunday. but saying that sounds mean n conceited. now why can't i just have my own boyfriend tagging along with me right now? haha *sings* wouldn't it be nicee...

anywho, Melbourne has been great. as a tourist, their attractions are definitely worth visiting, from a scenic trip right down to having senseless fun. it's been really really fun so far. only one thing to complain about. the time. thoe whole 8am - 5pm day isn't really working for me. and bathing n going to the toilet. anything which involves touching my bare skin on anything less than warm. it's starting to be quite a chore. haha...

all's fun. but the tiang lampu thing? well, apart from making me uncomfortable, it's making me feel very lonely. had a lot of thinking time just now...and i figured that things aren't gonna work out for the best. i'm gonna have to pick myself up and carry on my voyage. i should start climbing again...i know i suck at it, but at least i get to feast my eyes...:)

Monday, July 04, 2005

g'day from melbourne!

ok gonna KISS coz it's like 11 plus here, and my aunt,uncle, cousins (both from aus n m'sia) are fast asleep! can't blame them. they wake up really early! which actually includes me. ever since i got here i'm up by 8 latest! haha wonders of melbourne air! which is why i currently lack sleep. tmr it'll be worst. waking up at 5 am to catch a bus to Mount Buller!! :)

anyway, melbourne's been great so far!! i love the weather, i love the people, i love their lifestyle, and i love the parks!! winter is great i'm telling u. it's a beautiful time to walk the steets of melbourne city and brave the chilly winds. haha...

Fang has been great! he's been showing me around from day 1 itself. i guess he's quite bored also la but owe him big for taking his time to show me the sights of melbourne city. oh, and the fact that he brings me to great food stops, yum. Ice cream here is heavenly. and eating ice cream on a cold winter day is really really awesome. i've been to lots of places, took lots of pics, will post it up if only i have a usb cable. there, fang, a token of appreciation to yah~! i know u've been waiting for me to blog it!.

bumped into some unexpected people too~! like Ron, who was in utter suprise to see me. apparently i "look SO different". haha and Cheah Siu Fen who surprisingly recalls me, tho only as the gimrama girl under mrs khaw. well, what can i expect la from some Bukit jalil gymnast? haha...then Abby who decides to acknowledge me when i'm miles away from home. haha, k i shall not be mean, she acknowledged me once in Taylor's. nice gurl...:)

meeting up with wei nian and elizabeth was interesting too. since dinner was on wei nian. they're funny hahaa.... Fang's right. i should hang with the 1985 born friends of mine more. haha also met up with rebecca, nick wuong, and nimalan today. went shopping! :)

okla...think that's about it. lovin'it, in a nutshell. more fun n thrill to come~!

Friday, July 01, 2005

all my bags are packed...

my camera decides to bail on me the day before i leave for Melbourne. how nice. something's wrong with it's processor, according to the guy at the shop. of all things! the camera is like a tourist's essential! thank God, my cousin was willing to loan me hers. so, i'm all set to capture Melbourne in tiny piece called the sd card and bring it home with me!

i think my bag's too full. there's no allowance for things-bought-in-melbourne. but i'm not willing to leave anything behind. my Melbourne escapade has gotta be perfect! tsk tsk...dilemma....

i saw weng lum for the last time tonight. won't be seeing him till september! gawd that's long. unless he decides to come back once in a while la. but's a long time! I'll miss u weng lum! i know we have our fair share of squabbles...more than a fair share i would say...but like u said, it's what keeps us friends. haha the guy's got a place in my heart man. so yea...take care weng lum! see you soon! hopefully you put on some weight, instead of disappearing into thin air!

will miss julie too. dun worry, nothing will happen to u gurl. not this time. siew ghee gave me his word. :) i'll have easy access to the internet too. so just drop me a mail when u feel like pouring your heart out. :) *hugs*

it's only 2 weeks. and yet i feel
like my best friend's getting distant
like i won't see some friends again in a long long time
like i'm facing a whole new world
like it'll be nothing like i expect it to be
why do i feel like my leaving this time has such a big impact?

see u Malaysians in 2 weeks time!