Monday, October 30, 2006

short attention span

i have the attention span of an ant. i just walked out of lecture. the hall was freezing. and i was losing focus by the second. my stomach is grumbling (though i had forgotten to bring my wallet out with me). i was struggling to keep awake. Finance is dull. i'll get it for a while, and then i don't. and it just bugs the hell out of me that everyone keeps saying its easy! why am i finding it so hard to get? i get maths. i get stats. i believe i have enough sense in me to invest in a project that incurs higher returns. but i just don't get Finance. or rather, i don't pay attention long enough to get it.

gah. enough ranting. i think i should be getting back into class...

Sunday, October 29, 2006

i think ive lost over 1000 calories

i'm so proud of myself today. i had obligingly parted my dreams at the first sound of my alarm at 6.20 am. i washed up and put on my NBs. then i hopped into the car with my dad and brother, and headed to Bt Gasing.

Keith went swimming. dad and i went to meet Uncles, Cousin and some second cousins and aunty at Bt Gasing. It's always a joy to bring new people to that place. I feel like there's so much i can show them in there...rubber seeds, suspension bridge, bird tower, monkeys (occassionally). the little cousins were pretty good. some of them weren't from this area, they stayed over at my uncle's place. so they only had slippers with them. yet they charged down the dirt routes with zero difficulty. :)

i had wanted to consider that excercise for today already. but talking to kor on MSN, somehow made me decide to go for a run. the weather couldn't be more perfect, post rain, no sun. going up the hill was a little hard, but the moment i reached the top, feels all better. :) in fact, ideas started flowing through my head! i think next year, no matter what my position in Circle-K might be, i'll be organizing a health and fitness campaign. it'll be about a week or so. i'll maybe try to get Dr William Chan to come and talk or something. i actually have it all planned out, monday to sunday! Sunday being the grand finale - Hike up Bt Gasing! hahaha...

but yea...i seriously think i burnt up about a thousand calories today. feeling really good! :)

p/s: *yawn* im getting sleepy earlier and earlier! its barely midnight and i'm dozing off!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

what have i gotten myself into?

last night, kor told me to sign up for Powerman quick, before the deadline comes. i'm so used to being called by Uncle Peter that i assumed he'd sign me up already. since he didn't call, i decided to send him a message.

yes, i'm being very brave. not only have i never done a full individual Powerman, i have also never done a full individual MMDS (which is shorter than Powerman), and i have never cycled more than 40 km in my life. Powerman is a 10 km run, 60 km bike, 10 km run event. i know for a fact that on 11th November 2006, i'll be dragging my sorry ass back to the finish line on all fours. that's if i ever come back, God forbid i pass out in the middle of the race course.

it must've been quite a shocker for Uncle Peter and the peeps at Powerman because today i got a call from Powerman Malaysia!

Melody: Hello Karen! Melody here...from Powerman...
Me: Oh hi Melody!
Melody: Hey! Peter told me you're doing individual this time.
Me: *laughs* yea...
Melody: Are you sure? Long Distance?
Me: erm...yea [confidence level slipping]
Melody: *hesitates* well...ok la i'll put your name in
Me: okay thanks [hangs up before i can change my mind]

great. even Melody has doubts. what the hell was i thinking?? but that wasn't all. a while later during lunch, Uncle Peter calls me up.

Peter: Wei...
Me: Yea? Hello! Melody just called me...
Peter: you doing full ah? 60 km bike you know.
Me: yea i know...*laughs*
Peter: Its at 1 pm you, need training wan you know! How's your training?
Me: train...okla...
Peter: This Sunday you running SJ 10k?
Me: yup.
Peter: Saturday you follow me. We go for long ride in Putrajaya
Me: *gulps* what time you all leaving?
Peter: Leaving my house at half past 7.
Me: okay...[sinks into oblivion]....but i'm very slow!
Peter: don't worry we have one girl very slow also...
Me: okay...
Peter: okla. see you saturday ah!

darn. you know the feeling you get when you're sitting outside the principal's office, waiting to enter? or when you're next up for the Lisan dan Bacaan exam? uhuh...i walked around all day trying to shirk that feeling to no avail. So i got onto the exercise bike and did 15 km. made me feel a tad better.

now if i could just do that another 4 more times non stop...

Friday, October 27, 2006

the hottie

so i found out today that the hot groupmate is the talk of college. as in, i'm not the only girl who thinks he's hot. which makes him all the more...desirable...i guess. :)

*edit* purely a crush. nothing more. :)

he casually invited me to join him for that-meal-thats-later-than-lunch-but-earlier-than-dinner. i would've loved to join him, but i had plans to be embarrased by a group of crooning singing prodigies.


we went to Redbox today. we, being, Shakti, Anita, YeeYee, Matt, Adrian, YanYee and myself. it was fun. but i think i had more fun singing, very off tune, to Say You'll Be There with my RSGs. seriously, how can one sing unconsciously when these people have a vocal range of 8 octaves or something, and can reach every note with punctuation?!

*edit*video uploaded! here's Shakti n Anita singing to Menghitung Hari. You can't see anything, but the first voice is Anita and the next is Shakti. :)

then i caught John Tucker Must Die with YanYee, Leena and Dektos. pretty hilarious! yes, its a dumb chick flick but seriously, the guy's a dating mastermind. he's a genius! and brittany snow has the most incredible abs! no kidding!


on another note, i was blog surfing the other day, and i came across several blogs of my friends. there was this blog which Shakti sent to me. it was of this guy who pretty much has every post of his dedicated to this girl which he really likes. it's a pretty sappy blog, but i actually continue reading it till today. the guy's just so in love with this girl, he's greatest nightmare would be if he came to college one day and she decides not to be his friend anymore. he has this fear that she might suddenly think he's edging on stalkerish.

it just shows this other side of the male specimen. i mean, u usually hear all the sappy what-if-he-doesnt-like-me-anymore stories from a girl's p.o.v. i never knew that guys can actually have a girl on their mind like 24/7. in short, i never knew they were that deep. sue me.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

what is it about the trees?

there's something about trees that has this effect on me. whenever i'm in the jungle, or staring out into the sea with trees to frame the picture i'm seeing, or just looking up at the moon with the sound of crickets in the background, i'd feel this utter sense of sernity and calmness. and then...loneliness.

the family outing was really fun, no doubt. i played by the beach at Cherating, i found hermit crabs and jellyfish, i sat myself under a gushing waterfall, i played table tennis and pool with my cousins, i got trashed by my 83 year old granddad in table tennis (no kidding!), i had buffet for breakfast...the list goes on!

but like i said, the trees are infectious. i become darn emo la. so i think that the jungle is the most romantic place. sue me. i think that deep in the jungle, by a bonfire, with marshmallows on sticks, and a waterfall not too far away, is most definitely the best way to spend time with a boyfriend/girlfriend. where else can you find such tranquility? where else can you breathe in clean cool air from dawn to dawn?

i am so having a jungle honeymoon.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

waltz into my life again

only with you, i'd turn around
running back to where i came from
only with you, i'd retrace the path
flipping up stones in search for breadcrumbs

only with you, i'd stop in my tracks
just to recount the days we had
only with you, i'd see a significance
in everything that i thread

only with you, i'd stop a smile
from curling up my lips
just because of the thought of you
having your arms around her hips

only with you, i'd walk a long way through time
to heal, to move on with whatever life reckons
only to have you talk to me again
and have my wound pried open in seconds

they say time is a healer
through time we forgive and forget
they say time helps us move on
through time we forego our regrets

only with you, i'd let myself get hurt
i'd bear the tears and the pain
yet stretch my arms wide open
to have you waltz into my life again

i realised i have not written a poem in donkey years. considering inspiration comes to me in the form of heartbreak and pain, the lack of poems are a good sign. :) but i shall do justice to the name of this blog, hence ive written a little something from experience. it's annoying, really, when there is someone who just have that much control over you. almost crippling...yet in a desired way.

i'll be headed to Terengganu in exactly 6 hours time. its a big family getaway, with cousins, aunts and uncles, grandfather...should be fun! i'll be back only on Wednesday. don't miss me! :)

Saturday, October 21, 2006


CSO organized Trick or Treat tonight in college. At first they said to dress up is not compulsory. but where's the fun in that? you go to a party, you play by its rules, aye? i actually had a she-devil in mind. i searched high and low for a hairband with red horns. unfortunately, the ones i found were either too furry or too expensive. So i decided to make my own. I found the reddest paper i could find, and started folding cones. I taped them to my black hairband and coloured them red with whiteboard markers. I honestly thought it wasn't too bad. I put on this red blouse i bought several CNYs back. It had ribbons and laces dangling from the sleeves and the collar so it gave a slight sense of drapes or torn cloth. Then i powdered my face as pale as possible, drew dark rings around my eyes with eyeliner and black eyeshadow, and painted my lips with the reddest lipstick i could find. i dug out this necklace i got from a friend sometime back, never wore it before. it had red roses on it. i put on the earrings i got from Rosie for this year's birthday. also my first time wearing them. And voila! i thought i looked pretty devilish!
scary enough?

but alas, i went to college and 2 people mistook me to be a demonic CAT! haha...guess my handmade horns were too stiff...:) owell...cats are almost as sexy as devils. :)

i had a pretty good time. i actually did the make up for 4 guys and 2 girls. for the activities, catching crickets and frogs did shake me a little. especially the frogs. haha...i used to catch baby frogs in the Sri Subang Jaya field when i was in primary school. Now i seem to have turned more cowardish. Playing with worms however, came naturally. :)
yanyee, adrian, me

i'm glad i went. with all that's been going on, this was a much needed break. pity though Shakti had to go back to Seremban for Deepavali.

anyway, Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya everyone! Have a smashin' holiday!

Friday, October 20, 2006

when 24 hours don't seem enough

time, to me, has been travelling at double its speed. with so many things to juggle, my days seem like mere 10 hour days. as for those who are unsure of what i was trying to get at with my previous post, i was just trying to prove my schedule for a day. thanks to the upcoming Angels Cup, i'm up to my nose with work to do.

for those who don't know, i'm a rhythmic gymnastics coach at Sri Petaling primary school in PJ. My classes are usually on Sat mornings. But lately, it's been close to daily. I have to say this, my former coach Mrs Khaw is a genius! How she managed to choreograph for such a huge group, train us up in 5 days or less and still make us champs at the past gymnaestradas is a mystery to me. When Regina, my chief coach, and I got together to come up with a routine, we only tailored it for 20 girls. The next thing i knew, 25 girls are in the picture. at the next practise, 4 others show up. and finally, i now have 30. It was tough having to make spontaneous changes without compensating technical and artistic values of the routine. Regina works so classes on weekdays are carried out by yours truly, in between my classes. Whenever i have a break that's more than 2 hours long, i'm rushing to my car and sprinting down the federal highway to PJ. At night, i'd crack my head for balances, pivots and leaps to be slotted in whereever possible. These girls may not be the highest skilled gymnasts but that doesnt mean they dont deserve a chance to beat those angels!

There were times where i felt like i was the worst coach on earth. I was so afraid to offend these girls that i tried my best to please everyone of them. I tried being firm, but a couple of them ended up in tears. Then when it came to choosing reserves, i was at a total lost. I hated deciding who to choose, because when you see them dancing, they all just looked so happy! To strip them off the team seemed like a crime. And when i finally made my decision, i had to answer to their parents! Sometimes i feel as though parents these days want the world for their children at the expense of others. If i had come home and told my mum that i was a reserve many years back, she'd just tell me that i was not graceful enough to be in the team, and make jokes about me being "unrefined" like she always did. and i'd just laugh. but these parents seriously lack the sense of humour! they had 1001 questions, ready to bombard you the second you raise your voice at their child.

Thank God, things have settled down now. I have chosen 4 reserves, who actually, chose themselves when they decide to skip my classes. I have managed to complete the routine according to music. And the whole thing is finally looking more like a presentation. With more practise they should be able to familiarise themselves without me shouting over the music telling them what's next.

It is the week after the raya holidays that i am not looking forward to. The teacher advisor has requested me to have training every single day. And on the days which i say i have no classes at all, she wanted 1 pm - 5 pm. I am so going to lose my voice...and if i don't pull up my sanity.

on the other hand, my research group project is not looking very good. Thanks to some inconsiderate imbecile of a groupmate, i had extra work to do. because most of them skipped pretty much all the lab sessions, they know absolutely nothing about the SPSS program. To find them and teach them one by one was far too time consuming, especially since some of them are impossible to get on the line. There is one who was geniuinely eager to help me out. However it was too much of a hassle to get together in front of a pc and do the statistical analysis. I didnt have the time.

perhaps, it is partly my fault because I sometimes refuse to delegate. its just that whenever there was a group work in the past, i end up doing everything again because i felt what they did was under par.

In short, life has been CRAZY. The only upside out of all this is that i am finally done with my Leadership Camp report. But it's too long to be posted here. I hope it doesnt send readers into a slumber. :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

my tuesday.

6.45 am: Alarm pierces through the silence.

7.00 am: Lyn was knocking on my door. Practised the aerobics routine several times.

7.30 am: Went to SMSJ. Dewan Sri looks amazing now. Only 30 odd showed up. We did each song twice. Had breakfast courtesy of Miss Hooi.

8.30 am: Left SMSJ because Lyn had to send her porpor to the clinic. I came home, showered, went online.

10.30 am: Went to sleep.

11.40 am: Alarm shook me up again. Got ready CD, radio, notebook and raquet. Stuffed a pair of shorts into the bag, slipped into my jeans, went downstairs for lunch.

1.00 pm: Reached Sri Petaling school. New nice friendly guard who lets me park inside. :) A whopping twen-ty-nine girls came! had to shift some of them around, choreograph some extra moves, yelled my lungs out, reasoned with them that 4 girls will be chosen as reserves.

3.10 pm: Left Sri Petaling. Haze was pretty bad. The sky was glaring yet gloomy. Sunnies missing from the car. *shrugs*

3.35 pm: Reached Subang Raquet. The carpark was empty. Decided to stay in the car and so a bit more choreography. Leena came in about 15 minutes later. :)

4.10 pm: Joey's here! Lights are swithced on. Sometime later, the others come and announce that Mpiwa won't be coming. Rejoice! I know I'm evil but I just don't have the confidence to play. Joey calls Mpiwa to make him come. He says he'll call back later.

5.05 pm: Been playing with Leena for a while now. I think i play much better when i'm depending on me, myself and i. Guess i'm not much of a team player. Which is probably why i'm a runner. :) Yee Yee calls Mpiwa again. He's not coming! We walk over, Diane and Hoon Chuan clinch the gold, win win situation! :) Debating in my head whether or not to go for Yoga. Decision depends on where the rest are heading for dinner...hehe...:)

6.05 pm: Decided to go for yoga. The rest having dinner somewhere far away. Owell, i could use the exercise. :)

6.40 pm: Scarfs down toast with tuna and cheese. Headed to Holiday Villa. Roads are awfully congested. Started yoga slightly later. There is a man in class this time! hahah...

8.45 pm: Yoga ends. I'm beat. And hungry. And stinky. In dire need of food and a shower.

10.00 pm: Had a nice long bath. waited for Keith to finish showering. headed to SS15 for char kuey tiow. now i'm just beat. and i have more choreography to do. those girls had better win this thing. heh.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Remember Me

i just finished reading Remember Me by Mary Higgins Clark, one of the 3 novels in the huge ass storybook i borrowed from the library. At first it seemed as though it was a haunted story, which made me rather reluctant to read it at night. My imaginations can be very vivid at times. As compared to the first one i read, I'll Be Seeing You, this one was a little dry. The first one was more progressive while this one dwelled a little here and there. But nonetheless, the last few chapters really caught my attention. I read from 3 to 7 o'clock straight just now.

i actually stayed home the entire day today. it was supposed to be another morning at Bukit Gasing but Shakti fell ill last night and Mei Yen didn't want to date me this morning, so we postponed it to next Sunday. Which was good since i really appreciated a good long night's sleep after waking up early every single day of the week last week. and my fatigue was proven when i only pried my eyes open when my mum came into my room to fix parquet tiles at 11.30 am. that's 10 hours of sleep approximately. :)

had an invitation to climb at Camp5 today. but as i was trying to gather more people to go, the guy calls me and says that he has decided to go to Damai. so no climbing for me. and today marks the last of my 6 month period to use my 10 pass. i think i only used it 5 or 6 times. which is a total waste of money! i swear i need to get my own gear. everytime i go, i think about paying for the rented gear. don't really save much, do i? Camp5 sent me their inventory list for year 2006 and i'm dying to get a pair of shoes and a harness!
it poured in the afternoon so, i didn't get to work out again today. pity the people who went to Damai. hehe...burrying my face in my book seemed like the best option. the story became so intriguing that the next thing i knew it was time for dinner...

bet my dad must be thinking, "now wouldn't it be nice if my girl stayed home like this everyday. no need to waste petrol". heh.

shopping disaster

the girls were awfully playful this morning. i had a throat scratching yelling session because they just wouldn't listen. not in an angry bitch fit manner, but more of a raised voice pleading manner. they were climbing over my head like nobody's business.

so when i came home, i dropped down like a sack of potatoes. for some reason, i was drained of energy. slept till lunch time, where Mummy made delicious mee suah kiam chai teng. and then, considering i've already napped, i had an afternoon to while away. since Daddy wanted me to get him his extended warranty from Pyramid, i figured it was about time i called up Ju for some good ol' best friend bonding session.

got myself a couple of nail polish bottles from Sasa. and this SilkyGirl funky eyelights, green of course. :) yea was in the mood to shop for cosmetics for some unknown reason. then headed over to French Blues where i tried on a couple of elegant looking tops - the kind you can wear to a nice dinner function or something.
uhuh...i just looooooveeeeee butterflies. i'm drawn to them. :) they both fit rather snugly on me. if only i had an occassion to wear them to. *shrugs*

anyway, before we left, i dropped by the PC shop and got Daddy's extended warranty. then headed straight to the carpark and off to send Ju home. when i was about to leave Ju's house, i checked my handbag and the warranty was no where in sight! i don't know how it went missing. my memory failed me. the only thing i remember was the warranty card being too huge to fit into the handbag. i was unable to zip it. but what did i do after that? did i take it out? did i leave it in my bag, unzipped?? try as i might i just could not recall!

Ju was nice enough to accompany me back to Pyramid, where she went and traced back every step we took from the PC shop to the lift to the autopay machine to the carpark. she couldn't find it! We even went back to Ju's house and checked the fridge coz i took out a box of strawberries from it when i sent her back the first time. i searched the entire car and ground under it. just couldn't find it!

came home and told Mummy. Anticipated Daddy's return and then told him what happened too. His brows furrowed, then relaxed. and he just kept quiet! then he took the phone and called the PC shop and asked if he could get a replacement. the answer was no. he still stayed quiet and i just kept on apologizing. seeing that i wasn't getting a response so soon, i went back up to my room. then suddenly, he popped in and asked "Want to go jogging, Karen?" was drizzling tho, so Mummy went on the threadmill, I went on the bike and Daddy went on the couch. he wasn't mad at me. But he did tell me not to repeat my mistake. i feel bad...but looking at the things i bought made me happier a tad.

goodness i'm turning bimbotic. *shrugs*

Friday, October 13, 2006

the inaugural badminton tourney

the air was stale and stagnant. ventilation zilch. it didnt help that the guys were applying splotches of deep heat on their skin. to me, the faces of the people there showed 2 different expressions; sheer confidence and utter fear of their opponents. i had neither. instead, i sat down quietly on the bench, trying to numb the increasing fear i had in me, the fear of my partner.

i held my breath whenever someone walks through the doors. part of me prayed that it wouldn't be him. the other part kicked me at the back of my head and wished he was here so we could get the game over and done with. i found myself asking again and again what in God's name was i doing there.

next thing i know, it was time to play. he looked at me and said "Okay Karen? we can do it" as he flashed his bright pearly whites. i wanted to faint. who am i kidding? i had 2 options. either i attempt to take some shots and get lashed at for failing. or i don't attempt to take any, and get lashed at for not attempting. i could feel myself shrinking. i looked over the net and stared at my opponents. for a moment, i thought i saw a hint of pity in their eyes, and that made me feel a little better.

game started, i was nervous as hell. hitting air and serving shorts, i vowed that badminton shall be strictly recreational from now on. i glanced sideways at my partner. he did a little hand gesture, signaling to me that my "department" was in front, his behind. that should be easy, i thought. but lo and behold, the guy shuffles back and forth and left and right and if there was a name to it, i'd say he was polka-ing around me in that court. i felt like completely useless. his intentions were kind, "just move away and i can save you, karen", he said. but i hated that. i hated being of no use, i hated not being able to contribute. but i felt that if i tried, i'd just be making it worse.

after a couple of glorious moments, which are the only 2 times i could hit the shuttle across, and a whole string of embarrassing ones, we won. or should i say, he won. i looked across at our opponents, hopefully sending an apologetic message across to them. then i went back to that same spot on the bench.

i know it's all for fun. i know that he's probably more interested in winning the singles. but i seriously felt like i could've had my legs bound and it wouldn't have made a difference.

in short, i feel like an idiot.

watch me shine!

today i learned...

..that group assignments are a pain

..that i enjoy being the Master of Ceremony

..that i'm not too bad, i made Liang laugh didn't i?

..that i really need Mandarin classes

..that Shakti is amazingly talented

..that Matt's rendition of I'm Yours is highly contagious and addictive

..that the Dean of Curtin in Metro sings in the opera

..that i can't rap for peanuts

..that my eyes have better reflex than the rest of my body

..that the trick to playing in an actual badminton tourney when you can't even serve right is to partner a national player from Botswana

..that my hair is pretty damaged, says my hairdresser

..that running is therapeutic no matter what anyone says and no matter what condition you're in

..that when thinking of a single unattached girl thoughts of me actually come to people's minds

..that this blog is gonna be getting way too much attention

..that i havent napped in the afternoon in ages

..that One Tree Hill Season 3 is insanely disturbing

..that i had more Metro experiences today than the entire year 1's experiences combined!

Mum seems satisfied and happy when i babbled on and on about what happened today. i guess, i am too. to think that i'd go through 3 years in Metro keeping to myself and being the introverted loner in the corner of the lecture theatre. fat hopes. :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

please inspire me

i'm running out of time to finish my Leadership Camp report. thing is, i've been cracking my brains to figure out a more creative way of sharing my experience. Tell me, what pretty much sums up "I had so much fun i wished i had gone for the previous 3!"?? i'm worried that i may make it sound too personal by speaking too much from my point of view, rather than from a larger scope. but if i try to be general, it'd be as flat as "We had french toasts for breakfast". i really shouldnt be sitting on it, thinking. i should, like i always say, let something inspire me. but that's the problem...what if nothing did?

i am so not born to be a journalist.


Tee Shiau Sang had left teenagehood for good yesterday, and we warmly welcomed her into twentyhood with 8 scoops of ice cream at Swensons. you see, i thought we'd have that 50% off. but then, it totally slipped my mind that its a public holiday today. darn!

owell, when it comes to law students, you'd better not be cheap, else they'll sue you in future. =)

Happy Birthday Doink!

Monday, October 09, 2006

when 15 years of friendship counts

there is only one girl who has seen me in basically every single hairdo, outfit, appearence and mood that i can master. i'm not sure how long i've known her, but i'm guessing since kindergarten. that would make me 5 years old then. which means i've known her for 15 years of my life!

l-r: hanzy, shadzy, mei, me, jude

and back when autograph books were passed around like the common flu, this girl was probably the first person who called me her best friend. people used to say when i fell down, she'd cry and vice versa. quite honestly i don't recall that happening. i do recall her and i being the number 1 student in standard 1 with this other girl, and then getting whooped in the ass by her in every single subject from then on. and when we had the 5 pm to 7 pm neighbourhood playtime, her house would be the first house i ran to.

mei, me, and baby keith!

and in kindergarten, every girl wanted to sit next to me (yes i was a popular kid when i was 5, must be the chubbyish charms *wink*) and i'd choose to sit next to her. until this other neighbour's grandmother made sure i sat next to her grandson so i could "keep an eye on him".

we drifted apart for a while in the later primary school years, and in secondary school we merely exchanged waves. but then we started hanging out again sometime in...i dont know...when boys started to be an issue. i'm glad we did. i think she once wrote in my book that we'd be friends forever.

Mei, i'm sure we will. :)

Happy 20th Birthday Mei!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

happy birthday big brother!

wake me up when i'm asleep
to catch a star falling from the sky
pulled me away from hills too steep
shield me from pretense and lies

set my feet back on the track
when i seem to walk astray
be my torch when lights i lack
illuminate the right way

plant me back on solid ground
when my head's gone up too high
the care and love in you i found
it'd be a crime for me to deny

though i sometimes oversee
the things you make your responsibility
guard me, save me, teach me, love me
is what you always do for me

Thank you, kor, for all the times you stood by me, for all the scoldings you took because of me, for all the scoldings you gave to me, for all the debate we've gone through, for all that you've given me.

Happy 23rd Birthday!

ps: you should learn to smile more. look how much more photogenic i am. even if i was so much chubbier than you.

no one plays tanglung anymore!

yesterday was the midautumn festival for the Chinese, or lantern/mooncake festival, as its better known as. (i actually just found out that it was called midautumn festival, so i'm using it everywhere). i was driving rather quickly home because some irresponsible group mate of mine was bugging the hell out of me. we had to run surveys at Sunway Pyramid and 1 Utama for Marketing Research.

anyway, as i was reaching home, i drove past some of the houses in ss17 and ss14 and realised that nobody was playing with lanterns! i prayed that my mum had taken out the old lanterns from the storeroom. when i reached home, sure enough, dimly lit lanterns were hung around the clothes hanger. but only my mum was in the mood. so i joined her in lighting up the paper lanterns. suddenly all these memories start coming back to me on the days i used to play with the back neighbourhood. we'd walk around in groups to a certain haunted house at some few rows back. then we'd sit in a circle, make a bondfire and tell ghost stories. then josh's dad would creep up from behind a bush and scare the shit out of us. and there'd be one poor soul whose shirt would get burnt somehow...haha...good times....:)

the memories got my own spirits burning, so i started sending messages to people in a frantic attempt to gather a group of people to come and rekindle the flame with me. but alas, i guess when you have friends who live 50 km away, last minute invitations dont work. i did think of my schoolmates, of which half have flown to white man's land. my 2 best friends were away, one in Malacca, the other all the way in Perth. and so, my mum and i played till the last candle melted down to liquidified wax.

but i guess i realised something. i realised how much i miss my friends from school, felt like i havent been in contact with them from sometime. i miss my brother, whose ninja turtle lantern was burnt in the stomach. and while i was talking to my mum, the person i missed most was my porpor. she'd buy each of us a lantern every single year, no matter how big we grew. if she was around, i'd buy her a lantern...:)

Friday, October 06, 2006

pieces of today

The chap fan store at the market place has reduced its prices again! This "economy rice" is my avenue of consolation whenever i feel like eating out but the wallet just seems a little too dry. But early this semester they raised the price of their fried chicken and i almost cried (figuratively speaking)! but now it's cheap again!
i had a 3 and a half hour break today but for some reason i didnt feel like going back home for lunch. felt as if i havent been free in ages so i wanted to chill around for a bit. i was queuing up behind this tall black guy. when i took a helping of the "see kak dau" (4 angle beans), he asked me what they were. so i told him it's a type of bean. he asked me if it was good and i said "Look how much i took? Do you trust me?". he laughed and said he did. so i started talking to him, found out he was from Nigeria and he studied in Seafield Institute. we chatted a little till we reached the "cashier lady". Out of the blue he asks "Do you want me to pay for you? have lunch with me". and i was like "Oh nononono! dont need, thanks" and scurried off like a lizard. was i overreacting?
i was asked to emcee the upcoming Metro Idol next Thursday. looks like i'll be apart of it afterall. Can't sing, can't dance, what do i do to get in? Emcee! but as it is i'm having second thoughts. as much as i enjoy public speaking, i honestly have pretty bad experiences when it comes to emceeing.
in kindergarten, we had cue cards and there was this particular one with the opening paragraph and the closing paragraph on the same card. i read the opening again after the performance ended and got laughed at by a hall of parents. imagine the kinda of trauma that can cause to a 6 year old!
then i was emcee for my dad's company's family day once. my dad was the organizing chairperson, so he figured it'd be cute if a little girl was the emcee. i think i was about 10. i read my cue cards like throughout, without looking up at the audience.
so you can draw that i am not too good with spontaneity. now 10 years later, i wonder if i've gained enough exposure to be able to crack a joke thats not half as lame on the spot. *shrugs*
i was rather annoyed with my HRM tutor, as you can see from my previous post. so i came home very VERY much in need of a good work out. The haze wasn't helping. And everyone was sleeping in the living room. so i changed into my sweats, slapped my mp3 player onto my arm and got onto the exercising bike. Isaiah was right again. it really is much easier to cycle to a beat of a song. I was cautious to pick only fast beats to put into the player. and i covered 12.3 km in 31 minutes. haha!
Powerman, here i come!

how much do i love my HRM tutor?

"Mr. Kingston Knight, tutorials are supposed to last ONLY an hour and a half!"

Thursday, October 05, 2006

power of the night

once again, enveloped in silence
cold shivers tiptoe down the fragile spine
the air is cold, bitter and still
the ticking of the clock, mean and surreal
counting down the seconds laid on the line

as if on cue, it starts to creep
over my feet, my arms, my chest
in the silence, my heart beat's tumultuous
in the cold, the surrounding is insidious
inch by inch, it entraps the rest

what is this i feel, night after night?
this beastly feeling that comes beyond sight
why is it i cannot see what's happening to me
like a little girl, i cave and surrender to thee

what is this i feel, that i cannot fight?
this clouding grey that blocks out the light
sadness beyond tears dropping incessantly
loneliness that slowly climbs increasingly

why is it that i do not feel loved?
that no one else around me is right
everyone is masked by their lies
and i sit here hearing their cries
giving in to the power of the night...

kinda dark and morbid aye? don't worry, it's not me i'm talking about. though i do sometimes feel a bit uneasy when i switch the media player off for a while to construct my poems and all i hear is the ticking of the clock. but that's normal. i'm writing for the guy in the episode of One Tree Hill i just watched. the misunderstood, the loner, the one who hates everyone. though i pity these people, i still think they're creepy.

owell...that's a little goth for you today. toodles! :)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


if you thought that i'd watch a Malaysian film, directed, written and produced by my own friends and not write a review about it, you...were quite correct at first. but i'm a rebel. and like most of the time, i'm out to prove you wrong. so here it is...

after much planning (you have no idea how busy a future pharmacist and an air stewardess can be), we finally got around to fixing a date to watch the much awaited movie which my dear RSG girlfriend Tan Yuh Huey and her boyfriend, Arivind Abraham produced. Arivind was the writer, producer and director if i'm not mistaken, whilst Yuh Huey was an associate producer. So we were all thrilled to watch it and thrilled to watch it in Cineleisure Damansara too! i'm telling u the place is like an intergalactic spaceship! pretty cool architecture.

there was this other group of people, which we assumed were friends of our friends as well. it was a pity not many people were watching that day, despite the fact it was a saturday and i know for a fact Yuh Huey and Arivind put in quite a bit of effort in promoting the film.

The movie was quite good. i really loved the storyline. like Rosie said, it's very Malaysian and very easy to relate to since it's about life at around my age and friends and love and...u get the picture. however, i do think that the flow of the film was a bit...detached at some point. like certain things are too abrupt. apart from that, i think it was an excellent first attempt! thank God the actors weren't all fake and trying too hard to copy the ang mohs. that's usually the case with a local production. the quality of the film seemed rather shoddy. Ive been told that it is "because cinemas in Malaysia do not have the proper equipment to show digital films. the movie actually looks super sharp on a proper high definition screen" (Tan, 2006). hehe...yea, so if u've watched it and was wondering the same thing, don't blame it on the producers. :)

Rosie, was laughing all the way, which made Lyn and I laugh too. the other group was laughing as well. haha...

anyway, Yuh Huey, if you're reading this, i'm really proud of both you and arivind. i especially loved your lovely picture at the end of the credits. why must your picture be so special ar?? and yes, as Rosie said, you're due for an interrogation session the next time u come back. so be prepared!

Monday, October 02, 2006

what ive been doing

so the semester break came and left. my last post had me thinking that i'd have the free time to curl up at the head of my bed, with my piggie tucked nicely under my arms, allowing the novels of Mary Higgins Clark to drift me away from reality.

but alas, that moment came only once in my 9 day break. free time was an illusion. i was bustling up and down throughout the week entertaining, as my mum put it, my "thousand and one different groups of friends". one day it was a day out with the SJians, next it was my lovely RSGs, then it was my new found Metro clicks, and somewhere along the way i was out playing Miss Tour Guide for my OB dudes. *shrugs*

i only managed to run once in that week too. i did set the alarm clock at 7 am several times, but as far as im concerned, i dont remember hearing it ring. and by the time evening came...well, by the time evening came i was out somewhere with one of those aforementioned. so, not only was i spending as if i grew a money tree, i was eating like i was starved (i swear if i puasa i'd die) and i did nothing to burn off those calories.

well, to look at things from a positive light, i had a great sem break. there was not a day which i stayed home and did absolutely nothing. i guess the major events were the Genting day trip with Grace, Jayson, Adrian, Daniel, KK and Vanny; and the Leadership Camp in PD.

shall i report? i think i shall. a brief.

to me, i'd only go to Genting for 2 reasons - the theme park and the weather. Oh, and to race, so that's 3. and maybe when i turn 21, i'd have 'to gamble' on the list and it'll be 4. but on a general note, it's 2. so the first thing we did when we reached up there was to get ourselves wristbands for all parks. that burnt a large hole in my pocket, but the moment i got on the rides, i forgave Lim Goh Tong. i went on the space shot 3 times, drove the bumper cars twice and went on many others. unfortunately cork screw was closed, else i'd have ridden on it like 3 times too. the guys introduced me to Mamak Genting which from now on shall be where i dine if ever i'm in Genting. i left together with KK and Daniel after dinner because i had to come home to plan for the Angels Cup. i had a ball! thanks to Jayson for organizing it, and Daniel for driving me. :) Next time Sunway Lagoon??

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Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

the Leadership Camp report is still in the process. Yanyee asked me to do a write up, so when i'm done with that i'll just post it here. But in short, the camp was amazing! I learned a lot quite honestly, eventhough that wasn't my purpose for going. I met like a truck load of new people with very very interesting characters. I once said i'd given up scouting for hunks in my college, but i guess i just never looked hard enough. haha...and finally, i came home a changed person. this, i'm afraid you'll have to wait for the report to know more. :)

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on other things, the sun is annoyingly bright and furious today. i could feel my skin roasting when i walked to college today. my eyelids were drooping too. so much for the first day of college. but as i type this minute, it's pouring cats and dogs. my mum started lecturing me about the equinox and hujan perolakan and whatnots. heh.