the inaugural badminton tourney

the air was stale and stagnant. ventilation zilch. it didnt help that the guys were applying splotches of deep heat on their skin. to me, the faces of the people there showed 2 different expressions; sheer confidence and utter fear of their opponents. i had neither. instead, i sat down quietly on the bench, trying to numb the increasing fear i had in me, the fear of my partner.

i held my breath whenever someone walks through the doors. part of me prayed that it wouldn't be him. the other part kicked me at the back of my head and wished he was here so we could get the game over and done with. i found myself asking again and again what in God's name was i doing there.

next thing i know, it was time to play. he looked at me and said "Okay Karen? we can do it" as he flashed his bright pearly whites. i wanted to faint. who am i kidding? i had 2 options. either i attempt to take some shots and get lashed at for failing. or i don't attempt to take any, and get lashed at for not attempting. i could feel myself shrinking. i looked over the net and stared at my opponents. for a moment, i thought i saw a hint of pity in their eyes, and that made me feel a little better.

game started, i was nervous as hell. hitting air and serving shorts, i vowed that badminton shall be strictly recreational from now on. i glanced sideways at my partner. he did a little hand gesture, signaling to me that my "department" was in front, his behind. that should be easy, i thought. but lo and behold, the guy shuffles back and forth and left and right and if there was a name to it, i'd say he was polka-ing around me in that court. i felt like completely useless. his intentions were kind, "just move away and i can save you, karen", he said. but i hated that. i hated being of no use, i hated not being able to contribute. but i felt that if i tried, i'd just be making it worse.

after a couple of glorious moments, which are the only 2 times i could hit the shuttle across, and a whole string of embarrassing ones, we won. or should i say, he won. i looked across at our opponents, hopefully sending an apologetic message across to them. then i went back to that same spot on the bench.

i know it's all for fun. i know that he's probably more interested in winning the singles. but i seriously felt like i could've had my legs bound and it wouldn't have made a difference.

in short, i feel like an idiot.