Thursday, April 29, 2004

Who would've guessed....=)

I've always thought of myself
In terms of looks n beauty
As somewhere along the average
Someone very ordinary

I decided that i wasn't included
In the category of chic and hot
I long gave up trying to compete
Trying to be who i'm not

But i would never deny
That my feelings are indifferent
Like any other girl on earth
I do want that special person

I came across a few potentials
But only one has stolen my heart
And when he said no I thought i'd never
Be able to get over that part

A simple girl i claim to be
But I can't help but to be choosey
I want so much from a guy
It seems impossible he'll come eventually

I recently thought I'd found someone
But something about him just wasn't right
Just as i thought I'll have to wait some more
You came in and showed me the light

I'm not exactly Liz hurley
Neither am I a walking book
But someone like you walked in and now
I gave my life a whole new look

There's no saying that you like me
Saying I like you would be an exaggeration
But for now, i could safely say
You fulfill my every condition

Who would've guessed that this would happen to me...=)

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I told him how i felt yesterday
How I know it wouldn't work out
"I won't give up" he said
That's what i'm worried about
I know I should not have gotten myself
Involved in this in the first place
But what's right is being true to myself
Even if this is what i have to face
I thought he'd just let go like that
I assumed he wasn't in too deep
But the more we talk, the more i feel bad
I'd think about it before i sleep
But whatever it is i would stand firm
To what i truly believe in
That it is fate that would confirm
My actual feelings within

Ok...that's abt K. I told him he wasn't the one in the gentlest way i could. he seemed ok. though he stressed that he wun give up...haha we'll see. maybe he can really win my heart? haha fate...=)

So easily, i blurt out everything
My deepest secrets i have told you
Guess it's so easy just talking
Wonder how you talk the way you do

I really think that i can depend
On you, to lighten my burden
I feel as though u understand
Everything i say in an instant

I seem to lose myself in conversation
And before i realised it, it's done
I've spilled every little confession
And the topic barely begun

I'm glad to be spending time
Talking to you at this hour of day
But confiding in you seems like a crime
It might make me fall for you one day....

This is abt the other...i like him...yes...but not in that way....yet....i think....

Monday, April 26, 2004

~ G u i l t ~

Was looking through my archive
And it suddenly struck me
I'm quite disgusted by
How fickle minded i appear to be

I think I've over done it
My biggest fault of all
I should never have gotten involved
I should not have taken this fall

Now, I have to undo this
Impossible as it may seem
I have to call it quits
And snap out of this dream

I'll probably hurt his feelings
I'll probably be misunderstood
But i truly want things to stay
And our friendship to remain good

I'm now laden with guilt
But honesty still is the best policy
So today i'm gonna let him now
That he's not the one for me

Sigh...i hope he understands...

Sunday, April 25, 2004

A poem to K...

When you first messaged me
I thought "this is unbelievable"
I thought "why suddenly?"
It was just unimaginable

I have to admit i was flattered
I was downright floating
Though I didn't like being pampered
The whole thing just felt comforting

So I made plans to meet up
So we could know each other better
Have to say, i was a lil shaken up
At the thought of getting closer

And so the day came yesterday
I sincerely think you're really nice
Guess that all that you have said
Weren't exactly white lies

But I have to be very truthfull
I didn't feel any chemistry
The time spent was wonderful
But maybe you're not the one for me

I know you're nice since we met
And we have interests alike
But there's more to it than that
There's gotta be more in a guy i like

Words seem hard to come by now
Let alone sentences that rhyme
But i'm trying hard to find out how
To tell you that it won't work this time

You have faith that it would
I appreciate you thinking that
Trust me, you did all you could
Hope you don't have any regrets

I just would like you to know
It has nothing gotta do with you
Don't try to change or try to show
Coz to yourself you must be true

I believe very strongly in fate
I believe there's a one for everyone
When it comes you'll know, jus wait
But for now, i guess you're not the one

I met him yesterday...he was everything he claimed himself to be. But like i said, it's not him, it's me. I didn't feel anything. I dun think i ever will. He's not the one, i can tell. The one for me has to be someone i can just be myself with. And honestly, i was anything BUT myself when i was around him. Plus, the one for me would be someone i think off when i'm in my worst days. Not him. Now, i think i need to let him know coz he somehow has this crazy idea it's gonna work and he says "my instincts are hardly wrong". Sorry's wrong this time. =)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Along came him

Replying icq messages online
While talking on the phone
Never even crossed my mind
Of leaving either alone

I like recieving his poems
I enjoy reading his messages
He does care a lot I know
And i have not got that in ages

But ringing on the other hand
Is the phone call from another
This one shows a caring friend
Also a patient listenner

Both of them are said to have
Some level of interest in me
One of them have sincerely confessed
And the other is just rumoured to be

Actions however speak louder
In which both are showing them
Mr. Listenner is a frequent caller
While Mr. Sweet would have his poems

In this mind boggling puzzle
I choose to be a passive bystander
I shall leave it for fate to handle
Time will deal with the matter

Then, I would call myself a player
Someone who falls too easily
But now i find that it's fate that matters
And love is the fault of nobody

So i wouldn't say that i love him
I wouldn't say i love the other
Because truthfully my feelings are dim
No strong chemistry for one another

Perasan? Playgirl? Bitch? haha...i know i know...i cursed...well, jus trying to read your thoughts about me. ok...think what u like. I dunno what to think either. But I'm seriously gonna leave it to fate from now on. For once i'm gonna let things be planned out for me and i shall just follow. I'm not leading either one on. I'm simply acting neutral so i can't be called a cheat either. so, if u ask me...i'm doing the right thing...=)
Oh...and Kenneth says "hie"....haha

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

~ When tears threaten to fall ~

Draw in a deep breath
Will yourself to stay calm
Reassure that you will not break
Bury your face in your palms

Paste a bright smile on your face
Swallow back those drops of water
Before you enter to face everyone
You have to pull yourself together

Hide away your sadness
Seek comfort only from a few
The ones who you trust
The ones who care for you

Little things the people do
In fact i did them all
To try and make a happy picture
When tears threaten to fall

i cried today...coz i flunked my physics, coz i lost my scrunchie, coz i didn't get the UWC scholarship. May seem too little to you to bring out tears, but that scholarship meant more than just what it is. It meant that I, too, was capable of getting a scholarship. That I'm not that far away from my brother.

Monday, April 19, 2004

ups and downs

Weekend came and went
Had fun, it was a blast!
The interview was great
Even 3 hours felt so fast!

The tri was the best
Didn't expect it to be that fun
Meeting Ellaine topped it
She does practically anything under the sun!

I had such a good time
It just passed by too quickly
Thinking I could just enjoy the moment
My mood changed suddenly

Now, I blast my music aloud
Happy tunes and fast moving beats
Hoping it would cloud my mind for now
Anything happy is a treat

How could I have been so silly
I can't believed what I've just done
30 marks gone down the drain
Passed it up before i even begun

Physics is my favourtie subject
It still is and I hope it still will be
I didn't expect time to run out
Was i that slow really?

Sigh...guess it can't be good all the time
Can't be bad forever too
Life is full of ups and downs
Just gotta bear and live it through...

Sunday, April 18, 2004

jam packed with fun and excitement!

I'm far too tired to write a poem tonight but I thought i'd just make a note to remeber this weekend. This weekend has been the most exciting weekend of my entire life! never have I had so much fun and excitement non-stop! will elaborate more when i'm free. right now i need precious sleep...nitez....=)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

* doubt *

Maybe it's just in me
Since it comes around a lot
Maybe I'm still not ready
My thoughts are all in knots

There always seem to be
A time where i'd have doubt
I think that commitment is scary
I'm afraid of what it's all about

I'm afraid that i would change my mind
Half way through the relationship
It happened before last time
Guess i still haven't caught my grip

I have hurt others before
By turning my back half way
I said I like him so much more
But ended up shying away

Since then I always get a feeling
Everytime I try to get too close
A fear of history repeating
And i had vowed to avoid those

I had once vowed that I would not
Hurt anyone else again
But now, meeting him, i must've forgot
That I am capable of causing pain

But JUST just now i got the feeling
And almost wished it never begun
I almost felt that I was regretting
That i even thought of starting this one

That feeling creeps me out
But as i talk to him again
I have not the slightest doubt
That this would involve, for either side, any pain....

Let u in on a secret...I had liked someone in the past....told him that i liked him...just when things were going well, i suddenly felt like i didn't like him anymore. Trust me the feeling of guilt is horrible!! And it happened again! to another person. I think i'm afraid of commitment. hmmm....

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

While ignorance is bliss

Getting to know him a little more
I realised suddenly
Someone who falls easily just with words
And that someone is me

I'd never thought i'd be so foolish
I'd never thought i'd be so blind
I realise I'm falling deeper everyday
Every moment he clouds up my mind

I realised I know nothing at all
No proof that he is sincere
But yet i believe him day by day
And he is there while i am here

Come to think about it
Him being so far away
I'd never guess if he treats all girls
In exactly the same way

But whatever i say up till now
What i'd still really want
Is that he speaks the truth
Ever since the story begun

Because what i've always believed in
Is that fate will help me decide
If he was meant to find me now
Then, with fate, he would be by my side

I'll let things be, let time play it's role
For whatever comes I'm willing to pay the price
Coz while ignorance is bliss
it is folly to be wise....

Seem like a change in perception? haha a bit a few of his testimonials saying he's like always surrounded with girls....sum kinda playboy n all. so i dunno...i'll let fate decide. Dun wanna poke my nose around trying to find out mroe abt him...coz it seems to more i find out, the more i see the uglier side of him...which may not even be true. Then again, HIS words may not even be true. But of which is the TRUTH, i can never tell. Therefore, i shall be ignorant...i shall let time tell....

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Walking into the lion's lair

Taking a move I just don't dare
The confusion i have is beyond compare
Somehow something might be a scare
Maybe, again, a pain i cannot bear
I don't wish to relive the nightmare
Of liking someone who doesn't care
I feel like I'm walking into a lion's lair
Only to find you there,
Hopefully to offer me love and care....

By now, i'd say i know him slightly better. So far he seems sincere. And I find that we're having more n more things in common. Kinda think the same way in certain things as well. sigh...dunno what to think actually. I want very much to let things be...let time tell...but i'm kinda losing my focus a little. Everyday i wonder how things will end up...haha...gotta get my thinking straight.....common tests are coming again....=)

Saturday, April 10, 2004

a poem a day...

A poem a day to bring me smiles
To make me feel all warm inside
A poem a day to bring me meaning
To bring my life a whole new light
A poem a day to show he cares
to let me know he's thinking of me
A poem a day to express sincerity
To show me words of honesty
A poem a day for no reason
Sent to me just because
A poem a day without any occasion
A perfect one...with no flaws...

What should i do, i pray
Tell me what should i say
What image does he portray
How do i refuse someone who sends me a poem a day?

Monday, April 05, 2004

too good to be true?

Today he asked if I trust him
Seriously, I don't know that myself
I don't think he'd lie about those things
Things that show about himself

Sure it sounds too good to be true
All his talents and character galore
How can he fit all my criterias
And yet add to them a lil more?

I guess i believe everything he claims
Everything except one thing
Whether or not his confessions are true
Or is it all about sweet talking

Whether he truly has the interest
Whether he really thinks he likes me
Whether or not he is sincere enough
That he doesn't treat every girl similarly

How about on my part?
Do I really want to commit?
Am I really ready to move on?
Should my heart just open up a bit?

=) yea...he asked if i trust him....think i dunno myself. But i want to trust him...i really do....even if everything seems too good to be true. I'm not used to someone telling me almost everyday that he is interested in me. But that's what's going on right now. haha...yea i think i will meet him. What's the worst that could happen? or should i say, what's the best?=)

Sunday, April 04, 2004

so, it starts... day i'll tell u guys the whole story la...but till then...feel free to read it in fragments through my poems...=)

I don't know when or how
I don't even know exactly why
All i know is that I've allowed
Myself to give this person a try

He seems sincere enough for now
Though his past relationship history's a mess
The things he does are
I'm attracted to that for now i guess

He plays the piano seriously
He's also a taekwondo master
He sings...that really caught me
Not forgetting an outdoor lover

He says he's into poetry
And he's gonna send me one daily
He seems too good to be true to me
But he IS really true from what i see

I've been messaging him all day
Used up a great portion of my credit
But there's just so much that we have to say
That it was so hard to end it

I sound like i'm head over heels for this guy
I admit that I'm liking him more and more
But think about it, I can't tell if everything's a lie
Not to mention i saw him 3 years before

He has asked for a chance already
I'm so his type, he says
But to accept him is crazy!
I've only known him for 7 days!

So now I'll just get to know him better
And he promised to do that too
We'll see how things go in future
And then we'll know what to do...

haha...dun gape at this ok? It's true...this guy is multitalented! I couldn't fit in that he was a debater and former Vice President of Leo as well. These i got from his friends' testimonials in friendster so it has to be true. And yea he asked me for a in not like bf/gf already ler...jus a chance to know each other better n all. No doubt he hopes we could be more than friends in future. God! i seriously dunno how it all started! Do you think i should meet up with him??

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I seem to have found another...

I seem to have found another
Though I'm not sure if it's appropriate
For me to call him a suiter
At such an early stage

I find him rather interesting
Conversations easily strike up
Plus when I'm down there'll be something
He does to cheer me up

He's kinda always there
Early in the morning or late at night
It's hard trying not to care
When his name is always in sight

What's worse is that I cannot lie
I've gotten used to receiving his messages
And the time he takes to reply
Surprisingly seems like ages

Though i'm not a big fan of sweet talking
I'm afraid i'm attracted to his words
I somehow find it very worrying
That to his every message, I will look forward

We've only started talking for about a week
Though technically i knew him since form 3
But up till now, he turns me a little weak
The moment he says something about me

I have not fallen for him, not today
I can barely recall his face
But i'm quite relieved to say
That it is the end of the old phase

This is all too scary...i never thought this would happen to me. i met him 3 years ago, exchanged like 5 words (at least that's what I recall, he claims we had a whole conversation), and forgot about him the moment i left the camp. He however has been searching for me since then, till now?! But it's kinda exciting anyhow. And like i said, it's a huge relief that i'm no longer hurting for someone who doesn't feel the same way. It was cool while it lasted...but now things got a little cooler...=)