Monday, February 28, 2005

* sudden rush of events *

last saturday was Dance World's Dance Party. didn't want to go earlier, but then Amelia and Sook Wai were supposed to performed so i guess, what the heck. Then i also found out Grace and Erica were performing too. this i gotta see. So anyway i went. in a white baby tee and a hawaiian short wrap around skirt, but let's not get distracted shall we? Well, it's supposed to be Tropical Night and everyone was dressed for the occasion alright. anyway, surprise number 1. I met Ee Ling. hehe Lee Ee Ling from smksj? senior prefect in form 2? yea i met her. She's taking Latin dance though she claims she's bad at it and all. haha owell, who am i to comment. haha...then, surprise number 2. I met Thomas Yap. I think it's Yap. Not sure. He's one of the seafieldians, who i somehow met at Pyramid when i went out with Ron and friends. Yup, was the day i went out alone with Ron and his friends...haha but yea...again...let's not stray.

Anyway, i met Thomas again after that Pyramid trip a few times, and he claims that everytime he saw me i had a different look, causing him to not recognize me. First time in Pyramid, i had my hair down, and specs on. Next time was in school, i think it was the prefect's installation, and i was in school uniform with tied hair and specs. so he said i look entirely different. Then i met him again in my Leo install, and apparently i look very different in my Leo uniform again. So this time around, it took him more than just "hie thomas! remember me, Karen?" for him to recall who i was. He starred at me for a while, i think guilty stricken since his friend was dissing him, then he said, i remember your voice. My voice?? haha...well, he slowly recalled anyway. And this time he said, my hair's far too short and my skin's far too tanned. hahaha i wanted to laugh. Anyway, he's a pretty good latin dancer! seriously...i wanna learn Latin now. fun!

Performances, well sook wai n amelia bailed out. Erica couldn't make it so Grace did a solo and she was awesome! She did this robot dance thingy to Missy E's gossip folk. I can't wait till i reach that level! Then there was the latin dance by a couple who were brother and sister! ahah how cool is that! i can't imagine dancing with my brother! ahah and there were loads of games and all, but i had to leave early. Didn't get to take pictures also. wasted...hehe

ok, college has yet to excite me and all but it's getting better. I like my econs tutor. She makes a lot of sense. haha as in she kept me nodding the whole way about how friendship in tertiary level is very important, how diligence pays off, how class participation is so important. yup...she's one level minded lecturer!

ok...something more interesting. I went jogging today, and i was barely 200m from my house when this motorcyclist when pass me and almost instantly slowed down. I got scared of course but that fellow didn't stop. though he just looked at me strangely and went on slowly. i though it could be because of my striking yellow 4WD bandana. he was still looking back at me for another 2 or 3 times so i figured i better keep an eye on him in case. i delibrately slowed my own pace down as well, hoping that it'd be too slow for his bike forcing him to go off. anyway, he did go off though i wouldn't say he sped off. he just went off without looking anymore. and i was watching him warily and saw him do a turning, though i wasn't sure into where. a bit too far for my vision. anyway, i carried on up the ss18 hill, keeping myself alert, and at the very immediate first right junction...that is right behind the shops, there he was! he was pissing in the drain there! i started sprinting past that junction, making a right turn at the first housing area junction, then immediately turn right again to head back home. meaning to say, i came out in between some of the shops, and started sprinting back home. on my way i saw one runner (used to see him jogging around) and for safety's sake i followed his pace. haha and BOY was he FAST! hahaha doesn't matter. i was more worried about my safety that somehow i had this drive that kept me going! ahah anyway, i got home safe and sound. and thanks to Mr Runner-Guy i did get my exercise afterall! Sprint exercise la...haha.. life's isn't such a straight road afterall. =)

Sunday, February 27, 2005

[ u n i n s p i r e d ]

i was set on adding to my days of not blogging by deciding not to blog tonight as well. somehow don't seem to have the drive or inspiration to blog these days. well first of all, i've been working, so been knocking off quite early at night. tiring ler. plus i've been joining my bro in his room coz my room air con sux! it's not cold at all! so, i've been strengthening family ties plus saving electricity by not going online, and bunking with my lil bro. *wink*. also, i've got nothing to rhyme about. and i want so much for my blog to be a poetic one...with hopes that some editor might chance upon it and fall in love with my poem and decide to publish it in some foreign magazine read by millions of people where i can inspire them all and get paid in return! i know i know...dream on....

then i decided to unclog my mail today, and started reading julie's blog and i guess it made me change my mind. not that i'm inspired now, i just figured i shouldn't let it die la...u becomes a habit once i let it go. and since Ju's still going strong, even with so little to report, i should at least say a word or two. haha...:)

well, today was my last day of work. been pretty fun working at Kota kemuning's Tumble Tots. for one thing, the equipment are all brand new! Then, there's the opening ceremony so there's free food and drinks. and aunty Reihan is a much nicer boss than aunty Cynthia. and their working hour are slightly shorter too. Oh and eating lunch is much more convenient with the many hawker centers around that's less than 5 minutes walk away. in addition to that, the air conditioning is also better. In subang parade, it gets a little stuffy. oh! i almost forgot! it also has 5 panels of mirror! i could start a dance class in there!

yup...and tomorrow shall be my first day of lecture. joy! i miss science. Miss it soooo much....i know it's hard and demanding and i never did get good grades but still!!! it sounds a hell a lot nicer to learn than econs and law! arghh!!! why wasn't i born with good brains? or at least a longer attention span and diligence! and excuse me for saying this but i've always viewed science as better than arts. i don't know, they just seem more highly thought of than arts. of course there are cases where the geniuses are in arts because they enjoy it. also chances of a business grad working for a science grad are less likely than a science grad working for a business grad in future. sigh...keep the gym future in mind!!!!

okla...enough of reporting n ranting. i wanna grow my hair long again. i miss it...was stealing a glance at myself in the mirror today and my side profile is not good...the waves in my hair is soo...i dunno...not nicee ler...i love short hair but the waves ruin it a bit. so i wanna grow my hair long again so that i can straighten it right before i go to curtin uni inn my final year! ahahha...

which is better?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

* been missing you *

i paced around the house today
with nothing on my mind
i tried to search and find a way
but nothing's left behind

i had this whole blank feeling in me
and it bugs me to the core
i just don't get why suddenly
my life is such a bore?

i've got nothing better to do these days
and the boiling weather isn't helping
i really don't mind the bright shining rays
but the heat wave is just sickening

my sleep's enough to last me a decade
yet i still feel all lethargic
even when my mind i raid
no fun idea seemed to stick

i feel restless most of the time
and i think my family's bugged by me too
then somewhere out of my head it chimes
i realised it's coz i've been missing you...

I miss my best friend Lyn. I'm missing her so much. I can't stand the fact that she's so far away. I can't stand the fact that we didn't get to go pai nien together. I can't stand the fact that we didn't spend enough time together before she left. I can't stand the fact that i can no longer just give her a call when i'm bored. I can't stand the fact that she will no longer give me a call when she's bored, and beg me to go to her place. I can't stand the fact that i won't see her at the lake anymore if i go jogging....

*sniff sniff* I miss her so much. I told my parents about it, and they weren't very comforting. They kept saying "she got boyfriend already la." or "people studying very hard lah, u think like you meh?". and i'll be like "That shouldn't be an excuse!". I don't care if she as a bf. I don't care if she's studying a hundred times harder than me (which i think is unlikely for now since she's still undergoing orientation). I miss her, and i wanna talk to her and see her. Doesn't she feel the same?

i should call her up...yea i should. Find out when's she coming back to SJ so i can bring her out for mamak at night. and i will. I'll call her tomorrow.

oh and my bro's going back to Perth tmr. means the car's mine again! haha...won't miss him so much this time coz i'm going there in 2 weeks time! haha...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

[ boulder arms ]

i'm walking with 2 boulders as my arms. or at least i feel like it. can't believe my muscles are that weak. went rock climbing today with Keeran and my lil bro Keith. Had fun. realised i do like climbing. I just didn't wanna embarrass myself coz i suck big time at it! ahahha...anyway, guess it doesn't matter now. Even Keith's better than me. For real! He completed a few walls that i failed to complete. He did 1 or 2 faster than me too. He's good! and for that split second that he touched the bar at the top of the wall, i had this vision of my lil bro, all buffed up and attracting girls like me. ahhaha what a proud sis i'd be! =)

Came home and watched an hour of Shall We Dance (thanks Ju) and i love Richard Gere. He's the most good looking too-old-for-me man I know. haha....

oh and guess what i did after that? Went cycling! ahah I think it'll be a while before i start racing the full duathlon...and an even longer while for the full triathlon! haha but i'm getting there...slowly but surely!

okla...all psyched up about starting college tomorrow. thinking of things like Will i get a day off? will my hours be long? will i get to come home for lunch? will i know anybody there? will i like the place? will my lecturers be cool? you know that sorta thing...excited...yet dreading the fact that soon i'll be reading economics and legal framework and whatnots...haiyo.....

Monday, February 21, 2005

* r e d *

I simply love my mom. She has this sense of having spontaneous fun that I think I inherited. She can turn a school event into a classy staff vacation, a birthday into a fiesta, and a family dinner into a ballroom function! well, figuratively speaking, that is. =)

anyway, had loads of fun just now. I think everyone else did too! I just wish I can express my satisfaction and pride to my mum. I'm so proud of her! =)

I've got exactly 33 hours before my holidays are officially over. I'm actually starting college! Hard to believe... Here's a summary of what i did since my last day of SAM till now...

number of

number of vacations out of selangor...three

number of new friends made...countless

number of times i lost

number of times i put on...gazillion times

number of times getting lost on the road...countless

number of job offers...three

number of jobs i stuck

number of toe nails

number of friends missed...a whole LOT

uhuh...that's it...was a pretty productive break i'd say. Am so glad i took so long to decide what I wanted to do. Wouldn't have done half the things above if i did. =)

Saturday, February 19, 2005

[ i had a nightmare ]

The eeriest of the eeriest spooked me out today. Was in my room, talking to ju on the phone. Told her i'm gonna take a nap so i hung up. Then as i was preparing to sleep, there was this high pitched buzzing sound that seemed to be coming from my cupboard on which my room phone was placed. I've actually heard that buzzing before but never figured out where the source was. Today i stepped closer and found that it got louder...loud enough for me to know that it was coming from the phone. I picked up the receiver and the buzzing sound blared into my ears! that freaked me out so i hastily dropped the receiver back down, stopping the sound immediately. How freaky is that!?

however, didn't think of it for a second more. Fell on my bed right after. Gawd knew why I was so tired. Was lying down still or a while when suddenly i was in this dream.

My dad was walking and there was a trail of black ink drops where he walked. My mum was making this joke in Hokkien about how my dad was pissing out black ink. Anyway that was irrelevant. But still, it all seemed so real. I, on the other hand, had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I started feeling really worried so i ran up to my parents' room. There was this small framed mirror on the floor propped up against the wall. Around it were patches of that black ink. Then my big brother shows up out of nowhere. In his hands were sanitary pads!!! I don't know if you know this but sanitary pads were always related to black magic. So anyway, he was dropping them one by one and i was using them to clean up the black patches, hopefully i could ward off whatever evil that was happening. I acted as though i knew perfectly what to do, and what was going to happen. And the funniest thing was i had that feeling in me that the event was all too familiar. It has happened before! So while i was wiping up the black liquids, i caught a glimpse of the mirror. I saw my face. I had a white bandana on. Then all of a sudden, my face in that mirror twisted in pain. The agony i was going through was stated clearly all over my face! I was dying. I remember feeling really lost and scared as i watched myself die due to God knows what!

Then I woke up. And i was in such a state of fear. My lips were trembling, my arms were shivering, my heart was pounding in my chest! I was freaked out! I had no idea what crazy lunatic nightmare that was. I was overwhelmed by trauma. No doubt i was relieved that it was just a dream. but somewhere deep in the pits of my tummy, i had a sinking feeling that i've such a dream before. That was why i had that familiar feeling. and that's what scares me the most. Reoccuring dreams are kinda something. Shoot! I'm scaring my ownself here. I hope i'm able to sleep tonight...

would like to take this opportunity to congratulate muh gurl, Beatrice Goh. So proud of ya beat! =) Go check out what she did! Click on her name!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

[ old mails ]

have been online a few times today that by the time i came online at my usual time (which is at about 11.30 or 12 midnight) i was done with reading my mails, checking my blog, checking other blogs. So considering the 2 hour nap i had this afternoon, i fugured that if i crawled into bed right now it would just end up as a toss-and-turn-on-my-bed session. Thus, i started going to the first ever mail in my mailbox. i was reading through some of the stuff that i simply refused to delete back then. These mails dated waaaaay back to year 2000.

anyway, a few of them caught my attention. some were hilarious as they were of my lame poetry last time. Some were questionaires which i think i failed to return to the sender. =) But what touched me most was the corresponding emails between my best friend and i. Was reading through them and I actually could see the succession of the story. The story of my and her love lives back then. And you know what? It was hurtful. I could relate. I lived them. Both she and i went through a pretty rough patch with what we thought were the love of our lives back then. Untill now, i still think the person i fell for back then would never be replaced in my life. Don't know if Julie feels the same way for the guy she fell for. Will show it to you if i'm with you ok, Ju?

It's so sad just reading those mails, and reliving those moments. Heartbreakers. What could hurt a teenage girl more than a heartbreaker, huh? The irony of it all, though, is that teenage girls fall for 'em heartbreakers over and over again. sad but true aye? owell, adds colour to life i guess...

i'm going to tummy's been uneasy since on my way home from Klang. there's wind in my tummy and i feel like an inflated roly poly. so yea, I'm gonna go to sleep now, with my tummy facing downwards to see if i can compress any of that air in me....


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

* Valentine's *

woke up in the morning, past 11 again
just wouldn't budge when the alarm rings
dragged myself downstairs with a cloud above my head
just not cut out for these kinda things

found myself alone in the empty house
slumped onto the couch and flipped the tv on
caught the Grammy's as it was halfway through
wondering if the better part was the one that was gone

brother comes home with a look that could kill
i knew better than to stick around
walked myself upstairs, shut the door
wondering if happiness will ever be found

had a 3 pm meeting in Taylor's college
supposed to meet he who challenged my presidency
as usual, none were really punctual, so i waited
watching the girls all happy and elated

bouquets of roses cradled in girls' arms
boyfriends walk with expressions of satisfaction
sellers of roses make the procrastinators happy
the air was dense with love and affection

meeting finally started 10 minutes too late
had to take off to catch a movie
sorry to find that he could not make it
for i thought he'd want prove the secretary he could be

after the movie, dropped myself like a bundle of bricks
slept on the sofa without a care in the world
put my pitiable day right behind me
tried not to feel sorry for the inner girl

had dinner as usual, outside in the hall
watched what i missed in the repeat of Grammy's
found out that i missed nothing at all
switched to Hallmark when i had enough of this

watched a nice valentine's movie that rubbed it in
was always a sucker for romantic comedies
then my brothers came back all happy and excited
there's a new coach, Alan Ong, to train the kiddies

mum suggested that we get a drink outside
just the 5 of us, at Mamak Bistro, just round the corner
met pn kwan with her family too
they were having some super late dinner

then i realised what Valentine could be
the value of true love could be redefined
for what is love without the ones in your family
and for that last moment, i had a change of mind

Sunday, February 13, 2005

[ u n t i t l e d ]

Dear Karen,

Sometimes I think you're too oblivious to notice things. There are many things that you seem to overlook as u graze your days in your life. For example, the road on which you travel almost everyday, has a 50 km/h speed limit. You only noticed it today because there was a slight jam. And your family dinner yesterday night? You totally forgot about it. Sometimes I wonder if you actually did it on purpose, because I know that you know it's there. I know that you can feel it happening, or you can sense what is the right thing to do. Sometimes I wonder if you withdraw yourself from a certain action because you want to, or because I tell you to....

The thing is Karen, what I say may not always be right. It may seem like the best thing to do but, from what you go through every now and then, from lectures to breaking hearts, you know that it's most definitely not the right thing to do. Right things just don't have sad endings. Best things do. Because what seemed best at that moment, is actually clouded by emotion and feelings and judgement. Thus, you tend to act rashly. When that happens, honestly, the person that gets bruised the most is me. Guilt gnaws on me Karen. I hate it. It happens everytime you do something or don't do something without thinking.

However, come to think of it, Karen, there were times that I would say something and you would do otherwise. There were times that you'd turn down my suggestions and act as you wish. What's the use of having a conscience then? But I don't blame you. I've got a pretty good record of breaking people's hearts because of my rash personality as well. I know you did what i told you to do. And I guess those guys will always have a glimpse of that day in history when they see your face. Not a nice picture to paint...

Anyway, I think from now on, you should watch your steps a little more. That should save you from some more heartaches along the way. Because in case you didn't notice, Karen, you're missing somebody right now. And you didn't even realise it, until that person left....

What's that again? You wish I hadn't said it? Oops...i forgot...the whole surpress your feelings thing. You used to believe that you can make it go away if i never mentioned it right? You used to believe that it will only be true if you admit it to yourself out in open, mouth the words with your very own lips. I must say, that I don't exactly like being surprssed by you. It's not you, outspoken extrovert Karen.

But who am I to say huh? well, go on now Karen. Go say Happy Valentine's Day to your friends and family. Try not to wonder why you're alone again. It's pitiful.

Lots of love,

Happy Valentine's Day to all my beloved friends.

To those who have packed your bags, and left on a jetplane, i thank you from the bottom of my heart for the memories that we've shared. I wish you all the best in your future undertakings.

To those who are about to leave, I hope we could spend more time with each other. Though I fear time may be running out. I can only say have a save flight and may it be all that you expect and more.

To those who are still stuck here with me, thanks for sticking with me all along. I'd probably be on the boulevard of broken dreams if it weren't for you all. Everything you do means so much to me.

To those who put up with me at home day in day out, I just wanna say thanks for making me who I am today. I guess i really test your patience sometimes huh? Well, thanks for not wondering why I was born into this family. Even if you did, thanks for keeping it away from me...hehe...coz i know I can be a rather black sheep sometimes. It's the middle child syndrome I tell u...haha...anyway, thank you for loving me.

Love everyone from the deepest depth of my soul....Happy V-Day again....

Saturday, February 12, 2005

* r e d *

Friendster's all red n pink and valentine-ish! V-day's coming!

Went visiting just now. Well, actually went to Sabrina's CNY open house with Julie. Met Adrian Ch'ng! ahah that fella's so cute. Haven't seen him in donkey years! He's like funny...real funny...=) And Kok Fye and Zhun Neay was there too. Then we went to Jia Yin's house. I sure miss that girl. She was one of my closest friends in primary man. She and I had like the same thinking in most things and we'd just get each other all the time! her to shreds! Anyway, we were talking abt relationships and she happen to be in one! how nice...she said it's new and all so she's taking things slowly too. =)

So that's 2 less lonely people in the world now. yupyup...and with talk about Valentine's Day coming and all...well, i'll be like how every other single would be on V-Day. I'll be sad n pitiful. I hate it...but there'd be no denying it. I'm beginning to wonder if there really is something the matter with me...hmmm...

anyway, watched Constantine just now with my korkor. Great show! I loved it. Keanu is hot! My korkor says he's gay. Is he really?!?! Why must all the hunks be gay!?!? This is what I call unexplainable ironies. It's just toooo ironic! Anyway, my korkor says the storyline is a bit wacky, a bit out of this world. But if u asked me, I think it's pretty scary! But all the same, watch in the cinemas! Worth it. =)

Friday, February 11, 2005

[ not all that fatt-choi-y ]

I feel bad. No, I feel beyond bad. Something even worse. Something which, to me, is preatty much unbearable, that it starts to taste bitter. Something that kills me the most amongst all feelings. Guilt. Yup. I hate guilt. It gnaws at my conscience slowly but surely. You know what about? The person who sent me that mail.

He's right. I should not have asked him to step down in a mail, and cc it to everyone else. I, of all people, should know that that is as unethical as picking your nose in public. I feel terrible. I know it's a bit of a delayed action, but i admit, it took someone to knock some sense into my thick skull. Someone wise. My brother. That and the fact that it's Fatt Choy season:) Anyway, as much as I am annoyed by that repulsive, repugnant imbecile (hehe ok...just let me let it out ok...:)..) i do feel guilty for what I did. It was wrong, impersonal, unprofessional and plain rude of me. What hurts me the most is that I am a person who places ethics at the top of my list. I emphasize on manners and respect and that sort of thing. And that is exactly the reason why the bitterness i feel is over the top. And the thought of admitting my mistake to someone whom I feel has been wrong all this while is more than testing my ego.

Nonetheless, should I see him in person, I shall apologize and get this whole thing off my chest. It's affecting me already. I went jogging today and lost steam after my second round. And my pathetically lame excuse was because I was tired. I was mad at myself. I also had my brother pacing with me, which doubled the pressure on my shoulders. My brother is...well, my big brother. Do you know how much I look up to him? This Much. That is why disappointing him would be the last thing I want to do. Looking weak and lame when I'm with him is unacceptable. Whenever I'm with my brother, I have this urge to outdo him (which is technically impossible), or at least show something that he can be proud of. I want so much to hear the words "woah you quite fast ar" and I would be beaming. Serious. He has that much of an impact on me.

Oh-kayz...shall we move on to brighter, more ang things? My CNY wasn't all that bad. For one thing, my relatives said I lost weight and that I look prettier. =) And, i got to play with my little cousins! They're now at the age where I can run about with them, and talk to them, and play with them! haha i personally dun fancy babies much. 2 - 5 year olds are my favourite! And, I got to know a lot about my father's family history that I never knew. And as always, I'm the only one who knows among my siblings! :) My dad brought me walking. The air there is not as hot as it is here. Well, at night la. In the afternoon it's just as friggin' hot as good ol' Subang. Saw tonnes of fireworks displays, which was my gimmick for stealing the lil ones' hearts. Karen jie jie bring you go see fireworks! works ok! =)

so here's lil 4 year old Kurt for ya. He's so cute!!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

[ hard to say goodbye ]

When in despair, friends will be there. But what if friends start to leave? To somewhere far far away? Life will be different. Not even with today's technology will life ever be the same again. I love changes. Most of them. But this is one change I'll feel stabbed in the heart should it happen.

Went out with the OB CA clan again today. Was a pretty lazy outing since we didn't do much. Bowling was kinda fun though. And jokes about Eugene and his 2 year plan regarding water conservation in Perth did spice things up a bit too...hahaha....

But what touched me the most was watching Poh Leng say bye to Mel. Heartfelt hug that refused to end...warm friendly peck on the all seemed so...sad. I do not know much, but I do know that separation is not easy on any best friend. I know it. If I could feel the absence when my best friend got a boyfriend, I would inevitably feel the void when she leaves for another country. Or when I leave. It's gonna happen. It's bound to. And I can't help it.

Anyway, took some pics. Enjoy...:)

Eugene was feeling a bit...naughty, i guess. haha...That's all. I'll be going to Raub tomorrow for the Chinese New Year. Will be back on Thursday, 10th Feb.

Here's wishing all those who celebrate it out there:
Gong Hei Fatt Choy!
Gong Xi Fa Chai!
Keong Hee Huat Zhai!

Monday, February 07, 2005

[ r e s e n t ]

I think that I'm meeting more and more "fans" as I go along, which is weird since I believe I've become better and better in nature. Then again, I guess I'm meeting more and more different people as I live. Read this:

Hello everyone,

Listen Karen....Yes, I've got ur message...You have no RIGHT, totally no right at all in suggesting that I step down...WHO do you think you are?Of course I have been doing my u even know what my duties are? I bet you dont, or else you were not have been Blind towards what I have done.

Its just too bad if Lion Chris did not get the reports....because the other Lions got it, u get that? Its just that u were not aware enough of this matter....and you call yourself President - I guess you should have been more Aware

Whatever happened to your Leadership Qualities?...Being a President, u should portray some...Your actions in sending me an email like this does not show that you have Any QUALITIES!!

You could have approached me personally regarding this matter if you wanted any clarification ...NOT sending an email like what u did ....furthermore sending the same email to the rest of the BOD...Because of this I'm sending this email to the rest of the BOD too - they should know of the Actual Matter.....not being blinded by nonsense

In a big organisation/company, if u did a thing like this, let me tell you - You Will Be Sued For Defamation, got it? You might even be fired ! A delicate matter like this needs careful attention and handling.Why bring this up now, after almost 1 year - what were you doing when you were still in college? Sleeping?

Who was the one handling the crucial parts of the Install, Your Install? Let me tel you - the install would have been far worse had I not coordinated certain matters...and to think of it, I did not even get any food...not even a single drop of water.(this is small stuff, but just letting you know how much dedication I have towards the club)...Who would want to contribute towards a club if you are not being appreciated, if the President does not even know what u have done?

I dont like to bring this up..but you have forced me to....I know evryone did a good job during install ( 1 or 2 did not do theirs - I will not name them...thay are not in Taylor's anymore, anyway, and are not the recipients of this mail)

I do not like to boast of what I Have done...that is the reason I'm keeping quiet all this while...Who did your invitations for the install and IU, do you even know bout this?.. an invitation or secretariat wasnt even mentioned in the Programme Book..I even brought this up during the IU rehearsal...but no one bothered....This shows how responsible u are as a President...u are supposed to oversee things...but u didnt

A good manager/OC/president would make sure her members are taken care of well enough... You must Remember that I have been in many managerial positions (and various others) throughout the years...Head Prefect, MD , Secreatries, Treasurers, Presidents... I'm not intending to boast...Do Not get the wrong message...but I very well know what a job entails and how to deal with different kinds of people..I have So Much EXPERIENCE, enough to tell u that I hv dealt with many kind of ppl (problematic ones too).... unlike what u have done by sending a step-down suggestion through email, you have no experience, I can see

I will retire when the time comes...when I Feel its time...u Hv NO Right to tell me to you do not even know what I have done....compiling reports and chasing after reports isnt as easy as you can talk, u hear that, Karen? I'm doing these things, Not you - have you even ever done it before?

Oh yeah, Paul, regarding the the candidates and all...I'll approach you personally and tell you my opinions...too much to tell over mail... a lot needs to be done, in a proper, systematic way...

Thats all for clarifying this matter... I hope all of you now know whats been happening and dont think that I'm in the club just doin nothing....there are times I cant make it for meetings, I ve some matters to attend to sometimes, but I always get the updates as much and as fast as I humble apologies for thatI apologise for anything said or done ..nothing was intentional.. ...but this is just a response to the email (and the message directed to me) which was sent by Karen

Looking forward towards working with all of you Directors still at Taylor's, my dear good friends...


see...people are hating me. But u noe what? I don't give a damn...

for one thing...this guy's a nut. He's been doing his duties, yea rite. If he has, my handphone would not have been ringing off the hook with phonecalls from Lion Chris. 1 Lion is excusable, 1 report is excusable, but ALL Lions and ALL reports? Yea...i really do believe they got lost in the mail. Every single case.

approach him? I would if i could get him. His handphone is answered by his mum (they share the hp). He's NEVER at home. He's NEVER at meetings. Right, it IS my fault for not trekking the entire globe searching for him just to confront him. It IS my fault for not placing a tracking device on him, that's what it is. The only reason he feels it is so unethical of me to relay such a message to the whole BOD is because he wasn't around enough to be close with them. The BOD are more than professional associates. We're friends. We've hung out, we've laughed n joked. I believe there's nothing wrong with my suggesting such a thing to the whole BOD.

and his right. I don't know his duties. That's why i have him, moron! I personally despise, loathe, hate screterial work. I know it's hard work. But if he were as good as he claimed to be, with his 1001 posts and such, I'm SURE he'd do a hell of a job. The least he could've done was made sure those reports REACH. Perhaps the main problem is his gazillion involvements! He's commitment is divided by a billion! There is a REASON why multiple club memberships were not encouraged in Leo...

I have not overlooked things, is what he claims. Well excuse me, what have I been doing if not chasing him around for reports? What use is getting every single thing done, and having no one to note it, record it in black and white, then later appreciate it! Reports = Lions reading them = Awards! For who? For every director in the BOD! He did not eat/drink. The poor soul. Well that makes 2 of us, doink! What did he think i was doing? Galivanting down the food table stuffing my face? I was running just as much as he was, getting things fixed, making sure everything ran smoothly to prevent glitches, not fix them. Coordination is by far the simplest job. Any tom, dick and harry would've been able to coordinate. It's not like they were dealing with kids, they were dealing with grown up, intelligent 18 year old college students. It doesn't take a Professor to understand the meaning of Line Up.

Lastly, what does he mean i have no right to suggest that he steps down? I have no right to make him step down, but i have every right to suggest it! That's my prerogative! In fact, where I came from, and last I checked with the Lions, I even have the right to fire him hands on! So what's his problem!?

Ok...actually, I wasn't expecting to blow up. I was actually supposed to remain calm and keep my composure while handling this. But I am annoyed, no doubt. I have done A LOT, if not too much, for my club. The club in which I founded. And hearing people put me down like that is inevitably hurting. However, I still believe I've done my best and if he's not happy with it, well, lucky for him, I'm no longer in the business.

Am i that hate-able?

Friday, February 04, 2005

* f u t u r e *

we laugh together today
about the things we did as friends
the craze we went through, all ups and downs,
all highs and lows, the skies and the grounds,
living the days like we'd never see their ends

we tease each other about our chosen paths
assuming we'd stay on the roads that we chose
among us there's a doctor, a dancer, a fashion designer,
a pharmacist, a stewardess, and possibly a gym manager
just predicting we'd do fine in those

and after we leave
what happens next in line?
immediately we feel the void in us
like a missing word in a song verse
would we just leave all the memories behind?

how well would we do in life?
how good will our careers be, and are we sure?
most importantly, how much of our times will be cherished
or will the memories just perish
no one really knows what happens in the future...

but right now,
at this very moment,
neither the future,
nor the past,
should be as significant as the present...

live the present...

Thursday, February 03, 2005

* grease lightning! *

was watching Grease nicely on 8TV jus now...when it just got cut off without an ending! what kebodohan~!!! Malaysian TV i tell u! tsk tsk tsk...not like i haven't watched the end but still!!! it's a coool show! not to mention i played in it! hahah...good times, aye?! :)

anyway, my total pay added up to RM312 exactly. Right smack in the middle of my 2 very varied expectations. I worked 78 hours exactly. No more tumbling tots the next time I'm looking for a job. Sure it's fun and easy but the main criteria must be kept in focus. $$$. I'll probably go do retailing. Chris seems to be earning a good living. Maybe i'll go back to promoting...what's for a few big bucks in exchange for a little of my pride! ahhaha... Aunty Cynthia just hired this new girl. So thanks to her i've been kicked off my night shifts too. Sigh...i should jus quit...should i?

I got my brand new Sony Ericsson J200i jus now!!! Bought it for RM420. I was a little short on cash so my mum sponsored RM200. I feel bad n all, but she insisted. The condition was "kuai kuai tuk shi". ahhaha yes mummy. :) Was transfering the numbers from my phonebook. Quite a hassle since there's like 50 numbers that couldn't fit into my SIM phonebook. Then there's also the birthday n movie reminders which i'm yet to transfer as well.

Speaking of which....

HaPpY 19th BiRtHdAy NaViN~!!

oh and i went to this horoscope site and this was what i got:

You have unusually strong security needs that are likely to find expression in a healthy drive for financial well-being and domestic safety. You can be ferociously defensive when your home or those you love are threatened, and this makes you a good provider who is sensitive to family concerns. Periodically, you may have to restructure your entire lifestyle, and these experiences are what shape your need for stability.

In your personal relationships, you have a very sympathetic and understanding demeanor. You care for the underdog, and may find that many of your friends come to you for advice because you listen so well. In the home, you are likely to be the one who takes charge, since you have very strong ideas about the way things should be. In general, you get along best with Cancerians, Scorpios, Capricorns, and Pisceans.

In your professional life, you may prefer to work out of your home, or in an office situation that approximates a homey atmosphere. Your co-workers may become like family members, or your family members may help you with your career or business. You may be tuned into women's rights in the workplace, and could greatly benefit by securing a place for more women. You may also prosper in the food or health industries.

find it pretty Cancerians, Scorpios, Capricorns n Pisceans...come forth! ahahha