Thursday, December 30, 2004

* strange encounter *

I think I should be more careful of the people i meet in future. 2 random encounters have landed me in tight spots. I think sometimes i trust too easily. Could be possible that I was on the verge of being desperate at one point. I really don't mind admitting that. loneliness does strange things to u...I have now learned not to let my guard down that easily. The good news is, i would probably trust ppl less easily, therefore sparing myself from more strange encounters. The bad news would be, that i have formed a superficial shell around me that may harden me from the world. This has happened to me before. I found it hard to trust, therefore hard to love as well. I had my little crushes, but none were deep enough for me to commit. Broke a few hearts during that period, which lunged me into a deeper fear of commitment. Guilt tastes more bitter than rejection. That's what I realised.

Anyway, someone called me today on my handphone. The first thing he said was "guess who I am?". I personally hate this question. If it was from a close friend I don't mind it. But if it's from an unfamiliar voice, I hate it. Gives me the creeps. Anyway, the hints he gave were sufficient and I found out who he was. He happened to be a cyber friend of my friend's (note: not mine). He just called to ask how i was and all. Proposed to meet up sometime too. I was freaking out. He had been trying to go out with me since the time i met him, which was, according to him, 6 years ago. Yup. I'm not sure how old he is but not less than 5 yrs older. He had been begging my friend for my contacts since then. I think i recently gave him my hp thru friendster. Don't ask why. The conversation was casual, though I was freaking out. Anyway, we didn't make any specific plans to meet and so on, but he was sure that we would one day. I just hope i can come up with a good excuse when that day comes...

yup...that's it. Not very strange to some of u, but i'm not a meet-and-date kinda girl. So it is strange to me. I have not seen this fella since form 2 i think. And he claims he updates himself about me thru Friendster. Creepo.

i do not know when exactly
that i'd see myself hand in hand
with someone meant for me
on someone that i can depend

i do not know how exactly
that i'm gonna find myself one
a person who'll love me for me
just by being with me, we'll have fun

i do not know why exactly
that finding the perfect person seem so hard
that the list would go on endlessly
before, as the one, i would regard

all i know is when that happens
at that moment in time exactly
when the warmth in my heart deepens
i know i will be ready...

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

* personal thoughts *

Class trip planned on the 14th of January 2005. It's in Genting. Should be real cool. =) What's even cooler is on the 16th, i'll be going for this. Now my only prob is...what happens in between the 2 events. =)

Spent the whole day sleeping or lying down. Ate only watery porridge. Gawd, if it weren't for the fact that I lose weight in the process, I swear food poisoning is by far the worst illness one can go through. Felt weak in the knees, and tipsy in the head all day. I seriously need to get back in shape if i wanna do reasonably well for the Trailblazer.

Got some update about a friend. A relationship just ended. Puts me in thought i would say. Relationships are hard to keep, aren't they? Good, long lasting ones are hard to find. But yet, many are started within a blink of an eye. Makes me wonder if the word love has its value anymore. May seem like a small issue now, but in the longrun, won't divorce rates increase even further than they do now? Think the phrase "till death do us part" would have to be editted to "till divorce do us part". Sad really...

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

[ a series of unfortunate events ]

before i begin, here are the links for the pics:

mid valley gathering

outward bound school

now for my story. at this very moment, i'm supposed to be in a car to Singapore. Reason I'm not is coz i had a sleepless night, purging and puking. And i couldn't even enjoy last night's family dinner coz i was sick inside out! Uhuh...i'm jinxed. First i lost my voice, then some bug bit my arm, then i sprainked my ankle, and now a bad tummy. I have always known to be an accident prone but this is the worst that i've ever gone through! Oh well, least i don't have to worry about maintaining my size after OBS. haha after all the puking, I think i grew even thinner still!

my ankle's much much better. Think i'll resume training in a couple days time. My voice is about 85% back. still can't hit high notes though...=)...and my arm...well believe me when i say this is when it's much better:

it's less swollen already. Though i must say, i think the medicine's stopped working. Pass (spelling?) started to form thie morning. So i dunno...hopefully it gets ok soon.

think that's about all my unwell mind can offer. My poetic brain cells seem to be disfunctional at this moment...=) will start being poetic again once i'm well. =)

Sunday, December 26, 2004

[ war torn ]

check this out:

my left arm and my left ankle

My cousin said i looked like some war casualty. Another cousin teased that my parents could be held for abusive nature. haha...the bandage on my arm was caused by a bug bite during OBS. I earlier thought it was a pimple but then it started swelling. I'm unable to bend and stretch my arm fully coz the wound is directly on the other side of my elbow, (the fold of my arm). So i went to see a doctor coz my dad was saying that there may be eggs hatching inside! eeeiw....thank God it was nothing of that sort, but rather some poison/toxin that's injected by the bug.

My ankle has a rather humourous story to it, though. I got it by spraining my ankle during gim class on Friday night. Mrs Khaw was saying i survived 2 weeks in OB unharmed, but somehow managed to get myself hurt within an hour of gim class. Plus, i've been in the sport for over 8 years and i've never sprained my ankle! so anyway, there was a pretty loud crack to it. But somehow after a while it didn't hurt so much anymore. I could still carry on with the exception of the toe-breaker. At night, it started to swell a little, but walking was still easily done with minimal pain. The next morning, as i was getting out of bed to switch off my hp alarm, my right leg (better leg) gave way just as i stepped out of bed with it! I have no idea what happened, how it happened, why it happened. It was just lifeless at that moment and i collapsed into a heap on the floor, re-spraining my left ankle. I would've laughed at the thought of it all, if it weren't for the excruciating pain i was feeling. Within 30 minutes of that incident, my ankle swelled up so much i had no ankle left. I had difficulty walking, and my korkor had labelled me physically disabled. i limped around throughout the day till about 7 pm, my uncle decided to bring me to a tit tah yi sang (tabib cina). Gawd, i couldn't bear to watch him twist n turn my ankle around as though i was born boneless. And the pain!!! It was soooo painful i had my teeth clenched and fists gripped throughout that 40 minute session! But after that, i feel much better. I can walk with more ease now, though the painful sensation still strikes once in a while if i were to hit a precarious angle.

Now i'm off to bed. I need to prop my foot up so as to not let gawd knows what fluid coagulate at my ankle. Hopefully it gets better by monday...going out with OB peeps again! =) Nite!

Saturday, December 25, 2004

* everybody dance now! *

I'm back from OB! hehe i actually got home yesterday...but 2 weeks of non-stop adventure drained every ounce of energy i had in me so, the post's a bit delayed hehe...I had loads of expected....=) I actually had this dream about the CAs last night. Problem is the only 2 people i could remember from it was Poh Leng and Mel. hehe...oops...let's not get into details now, shall we? hehe...the 2 week experience was, needless to say, indescribable via words. So to cut the story short, click here. Right now, pictures speak louder than words, anytime. =)

from time to time in life
our hearts are trodden upon
but among the footprints that cross our paths
only the true ones would stay on

from time to time in life
people put marks by impressions
some may seem true and sincere
but only to manipulate our decisions

from time to time in life
crossroads are very often met
especially in friendships that we hold dearly
time limits how close we can actually get

from time to time in life
we ponder and ponder again
as we say sad goodbyes to new found friends
why do we meet, when forever lies in vain?

from time to time in life
we cherish moments and hold them in our hearts
though we know it's painful, we keep on meeting
only to split and take on different parts

from time to time in life
these farewells remind us well
it gives a sense of appreciation
of friendship, that we'd never been able to tell

from time to time in life
we share great times with those we love
leaving sinking feelings when we part
as arranged by the heavens above...

awww....*sniff sniff*...hehe hope u like this....oh and here's wishing everyone:

=) Happy Holidays!

Friday, December 10, 2004

* anyway *

Mummy's back from Sabah! She got me loads of beaded necklaces and ice cream potongs. Missed her while she was gone...but then again, if she had known what i did during the sleepover, she probably would've grounded me for life. =) I have been spending the past few days watching every movie there is either at the cinema or on DVD. Good shows though...good shows...=) I recommend Stepford Wives, Paycheck, Minority Report, Ella Enchanted, Incredibles. I do not recommend Alexander and Polar Express. Some of them are pretty old movies but they're not-to-be-missed shows. Seriously...=) And i've been watching with my bros...basically going everywhere and doing everythign with my bros for the past few days. I have a feeling, when my KorKor leaves for Aus again next year, i'm gonna feel it this time.

Mummy brought this for me. She got it from one of the schools she went to see in Sabah. Apparently some really good school which recycles everything, is 100% clean, has zero waste bins, and is admired even by schools in Japan. The principal of the school said she was inspired by this:

* a n y w a y *

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people accuse you of selfish motives,
Be kind anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow,
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight,
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you help them,
Help peole anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth,
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final episode, it is between you and God,
it was never, never between you and them anyway.

- author unknown

cool huh? May sound pretty simple and all, but apply it anyway. =) I'm going to OBS tomorrow! Finally! I won't be back till 23rd! So no blogging for a while huh? haha...will miss you all! Enjoy your hols!

Julie: will miss you! Thanks for helping me check my results, and getting me jack jack! see you ojn the 23rd!
Shirlyn: enjoy yourself in Japan gurl! January 8th will come very very soon! Have fun and time will fly! see you in 2005!
Kim hooi: Read from Ju's blog it's your birthday! So Happy Birthday Kim Hooi!!!
Rosie: pls pls pls email me those pics? thanks a lot gurl! see ya soon! oh and enjoy gim! haha...
Everybody else: I'll be back on the 23rd! Don't wait up! haha...=)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

* sore cheek bones, painful abs, puffy eyes, and an aching heart to match *

You know the feeling u get when u had just about the best time in your life with some of your best friends and it's now over, and you're in your own home now, after all the goodbyes and hugs, promising each other we should do that again, but knowing in your heart that it'll be a while before that again comes? Don't you just take a moment to replay the moments of laughter (actually basically every moment was spent laughing) and end up smiling to yourself? I dunno bout you guys, but i'm in that exact same position right now. That, and also the extreme need to sleep, of course. =) Readers, this is gonna be long. But i'll spice it up with pictures...=)

Started with a certain email Gene sent that was soooo cute it made me jump to my feet (metaphorically) and start planning something! So ideas flowed, plans were made and voila! The rest of it will definitely be entombed in my memory bank for the rest of my life! Yes, this includes the hilarious chat sessions i had with Gene and Rosie! haha still makes me laugh at the thought of it. hahaha ok, here's how it went.

Gene invited Roshida and I to join her in KLCC for lunch. Was supposed to have Ramen but the place was jam packed so we went into this Lebonese place. Gene's whole family was there including a cousin. Ron, apparently was there but he left with his brother to visit someone in the hospital or something, so i didn't get to see him. Anyway, the food was scrumptious! Thanks again to Uncle for the treat! It was buffet, had lots of briyani rice, rendang, potatoes, lamb yadda yadda...mmm...mmm....=) I have Gene to thank for loads of stuff i got to try, stuff that, with my own family, would not eat in a million years!

We went to Isetan to look see, and picked up a teddy bear for Mrs Khaw. It was just a spontaneous thought that came to mind, in recognition for all the years we've been under her! Finally the last of the Mohicans (Lyn and I) are leaving the pack. After strolling around KLCC a little while longer, allowing the food to digest, we proceeded to Subang Parade. It was almost 5 so we thought we might go see someone and usher her out from work haha! Kinda like an en tourage. We were just in time, managed to catch her in her rotiboy uniform behind the cashier! haha Shirlyn looked so cute! =)

we sent her home (Gene was ze drebar) in a Harrier. Then everyone went home to pack and get ready for the big dinner. At 7.30 my dad fetched me and Mrs Khaw to Pyramid. All of us had dinner in Amata Vegetarian Restaurant, Gene's mother's restaurant. The food is delicious! Rosie got to eat char siew!! ahhaha it was darn good. And the best part was, it was on the house!! Thanks Aunty!!!! Mrs Khaw was all about jokes and ghost stories, and even palmistry! We found out she could read palms! Apparently Gene had a millionaire line, and Rosie's spendrift! Regina will marry late and Rosie early! It was so cool. I didn't let her read mine though. Not sure why. Just felt insecure about learning about my future, whether or not it may be accurate. Anyway, we brought out the present. I tell you, the surprised look on Mrs Khaw's face was priceless! ahahha Hey the bear was cute ok! and she loved it! we were obviously the noisiest table there and we only got up to leave when the restaurant was about to close. that was like almost 10pm hahaha but good time it was!!! definitely need to do that more often.

after that all went to Gene's house. Ate Haagen Daz wafer ice cream! haha seriously, i thought i was pampering myself the whole day..but u ain't seen pampering till u've tried the wafer ice cream! MmMmm....heard it's RM11 something for one. Quite mahal la...but once in a while lerrr.....Then at about 12, had to send Shirlyn balik...we begged and pleaded for her to stay but her mum insisted she went home coz the next day they were leaving for Penang at 5 am. so cannot lor...I was so sad ler. We only found out in the car that i won't see her till January 8th! The thought sunk in and lingered for a while when we sent her back. Then they decided to go somewhere and make noise. Ended up in Q Bar Pyramid, where i drank my first glass of Margarita. haha fine! I know I'm quite the ulu la...but i don't like alcohol ok! =) We joked and laugh somemore, along with a couple moments of serious talk about studies and boyfriends and such, until 2.30 am. Oh...during which we met Kat's friends and Ong Su Lynn and her friends. SU just had their senior prom.

Moving on, we went back home (gene's place that is). Talked and laugh some more. Swear, we laughed so much we had to take moments to catch our breaths. At about 3 plus we were all changing into our pj's and washing our faces and removing our contacts. All of a sudden, i felt hungry. And not surprisingly, so did everyone. Again we went out, went to Rafi ss15 to have some good ol' mamak food. we were actually all in our pj's! Here was the ultimate laughing session. Gawd knows what tickled us so much but we kept on laughing! The stupidest things on Earth could make us laugh. And it was like one laugh, all laugh! We couldn't help it! At one point there was this stupid Ah Pek from the adjacent mamak, who kept imitating us with a very loud, very rude, very sarcastic hahaha as though he was trying to compete. Well, we've got Rosie on our team! ahahah and what he did only made us laugh even more! There was once when he said "hahaha woh ying liao (i win already)" and we were like "Lamer!" ahah nola...but we were thinkin' it! then there was another table next to us with a guy that laughed just like me and Kat! hehe...

we stayed at Rafi's till about 5.40 am. We were waiting for Lyn to get up so we could say bye one more time! So we cruised to her house, made her come out and we snapped more pictures! Then there were group hugs and all. *sniff sniff* so saddddddd.......

after that balik Gene's house, thought of watchign Shrek 2 summore. But as we waited for each of us to brush our teeth and all, i guess one by one fell asleep. by then it was already 7 am plus. Our brains were already half dead. hehe...=)

I woke up at about 8 am. Don't know why. Dozed off and woke up again after that a few times. Finally got out of bed at 12 pm. And that was it. The end of an amazing, wacky sleepover. went home and found myself here. feeling a little emo-ish now. But i think the sleepiness is starting to take over. hehe...=)

Monday, December 06, 2004

[ the ugly truth ]

i don't know how far is true
are the words that has got to me
how much can i trust about you
based on what i've heard recently

it's strange to know about such ways
concerning someone i know so well
you're no longer how u were in those days
or maybe i was never able to tell

i guess at this point in time
changes are pretty much the norm
and i seem to be standing behind the line
watching as they transform

i feel as though they're evolving
the friendships that i used to hold
one by one the bonds or loosening
and i often feel left out in the cold

maybe i myself have changed
though i have not been told
but perhaps the reason for all things strange
are due to my character so bold

i often find myself enveloped in guilt
over things i wish i didn't say
causing a concrete friendship built
to be strained or thrown away

i often find my actions too loud
but only realise it after it's done
sometimes i wonder what the anger was about
and realised that it shouldn't have begun

at this point in life, i guess
when pressure is applied to friendship
when we start to drift away from the rest
the ugly truth will start to take a grip...

found out some disturbing news about an old friend. Don't know if it's true and all, but it's sad to think how people can change. It's even sadder to think how you might change just like them, under the same circumstances. But it's worst to think how you won't even realise it, and when you do, it's too late...

Sunday, December 05, 2004

[ birthday boy ]

HaPpY BuRfDaY WeI WeRn !!!

Just came back from this fella's birthday dinner not long ago. Met him during the Gunung Ledang Expedition I went with Beatrice's college, Sky Adventure Club. He's 21 soon. Not really sure when is his actual birthdate but oh well, it's round the corner.

The surprising thing was i met my primary school teacher, Mdm Leong! Seriously it's a small small world. She happens to be Wei Wern's aunty. Not exactly immediate family but along the lines of the husband's cousins's son or something. =) Mdm Leong taught me English in Standard 3. I was surprised she could still remember my name!

Here are some other pics:

Don't you think they look like twins?

i went with Beat...

The cake was HUGE!

K...gtg now...byebye!!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

* forkroad *

yup...yet another face lift for = galnexdor =. Like it? Well I do. So all you critics out there, keep it in. hehe...nah...i'm open to constructive criticism. =)

My aunt's back from Brunei again! yes...D aunt. The one that bakes tonnes of cakes and cookies and tarts. The one that buys me nike shoes and branded clothes. The one that loves shopping just as much as I do. That one. hehe...and she brought back lots of chocolates! I'm sooo growing fatter. hehe...

Tonight's gim class was the last one I'll be attending with Shirlyn. next week I'm off to OBS and the week after she's off to Japan. I still have one last class on the 24th while she has one last class next week. After that it's byebye RSG. Sad really. I'm finally ending my rhythmic sportive gymnastic career after 8 years. It's not so much about missing the things I can do, (frankly, i can't do much more than anyone can), it's more of missing the friday nights. From now on I'm gonna have to start worrying what I would do on friday nights while my non-single friends are having fun. Back then, Friday nights were something I look forward too after a week of stressing. It was also the time i would see Shirlyn (back in high school) and the time to see Julie (this year in college). It's like the transition to break up the long periods i would be away from my best friends. Then there's also the free fun. The let-yourself-loose sensation after slaving over books and notes was what i needed essentially. Something tells me i'd still need it and I better find some other way to find it.

Today marks a forkroad at which the lives of Shirlyn and I diverge. Without Friday night gim classes, I can practically say I won't meet her again unless we plan for a gathering with my other gim friends, or invite her to a shopping spree or party or something. What with her new boyfriend and all, i already see her so much less as it is. Over the past month i found that we only met during gim class. Much were promised to have shopping sprees and sleepovers, however, none were successfully carried out. She has him to go out with. I've got uni applications to settle (she doesn't coz she's JPA sponsored). So we were both unable to commit. Though there were several times it crossed my mind to get her to go out with me, the thought was quickly pushed away for fear that she might say no. For fear that she might say "JA's over so..." and trail off so that I could find my own conclusion. I silently wish that i could one day hear her voice on the phone asking me to go out instead. That way I wouldn't have to worry if I had interfered with her plans.

Anyway, doesn't matter now. We're officially on different paths. I would just have to wait till the day comes where we have not seen in each other for ages and desperately need to catch up on each other. I just hope that when that happens, the feeling is mutual.

Friday, December 03, 2004

[ will powerless ]

scroll down and check the time of this post. 9.10 am?? the problem is it's supposed to be earlier! I was supposed to be up by 7.30 am! This fat pig needs to go jogging and she doesn't have an ounce of will power to pry herself from her bed at 7.30 am even after 2 alarms!!! In fact this is the 3rd morning of which I failed to wake up. I'm so pathetic. And i call myself a runner.

Yesterday I went jogging up ss18 and honestly, i did so badly my baby cousin could've laughed at me! I kept stopping to walk, i did half my usual distance, and i did not feel good after. I felt lousy! and today i couldn't even redeem myself. Gawd...

Oh well, need to wish some special people some special wishes:

happy birthday, EDWIN !!!

happy birthday, BAN LEE !!!

There u go. I feel better already! =) time to make my day productive...=) chowz!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

* running out of things to say *

This Photo Album includes:
- Dim Sum at some Ipoh restaurant on the way to Penang
- Ong Kee Hui Swim Meet in PISA (Penang International Sports Arena)
- Dinner at Genting Hill, Penang
- My cousin's dog Sandy
- One night stay at Cameron Highlands

With all the holidays I've kinda gotten disoriented from blogging. Either that or there just isn't much to blog about these days. My life, despite the many trips outstation, is pretty mundane still. I'm still the Karen who's single and available. I'm still the Karen who has a heart for running, (though I've not done that in 2 weeks and i'm putting on weight like pigs!). I'm still the Karen without a job for the break.

Last night I went out with julie, hua and elaine. yup...ELAINE out at NIGHT. ehehe...well, she thought we'd do some catching up. That was the initial plan. However, i think it didn't turn out that well. For one thing, Jhun Ming and his cousin were there. I don't have anything against them. It's just that if we're gonna do any catching up, it's better to keep it to one group of close friends. It's like Elaine had to split her attention between us and them. So it's kinda hard. For another thing, my parents. Curfew time for yours truly is now 11 pm.'s like it's getting earlier as i grow older. That's not supposed to happen. I don't even go to clubs or bars. I don't even drink or smoke! What can I possibly do that would endanger me? She, however, doesn't trust me. She thinks that I'm vulnerable enough to let my friends talk me into drinking or smoking. You know what she does to corner me? She compares me with my saint-of-a-brother. So he prefers to stay home at night. I would if no one asks me out. And he has to go swimming every night and running every morning. So we're different. I respect him for what he does. I should be treated the same.

And she thinks the reason I'm so eager to stay on my own is so that she won't keep tabs on me and i can go out and come home whenever i wish. The annoying thing is not because it's untrue, it's because it is. Partially at least. I mean, how could i possibly show her that I won't get into any trouble if she calls for me at 11 every time I'm out? Sigh, I shouldn't be complaining I know. She cares. And it's not like I wanna start hating her. So I shall stop. Right here.

hmm...looks like i did have something to say afterall.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

[ k e - h e c t i c - a n ]

Back from Penang/Cameron Highlands!! phew! i've been on my toes ever since the 10th of November!!! And there I was thinking i'd be spending a mundane life searching for my future in edufairs n uni open days. Oh well not like i'm complaining! hehe...

I'm actually dead tired so i'm just gonna make a to-do list. Over the next few days i need to :

1. Top up my handphone.

2. Pass Paul leo stuff, enquire about my "work" in Taylor's, pass Lyn Leo certs.

3. Post on my class trip (if i'm hardworking enough) and my family trip to Penang/Cameron Highlands.

4. Change my blog layout so you blind people will be able to read the message i'm trying to convey...hehe bad my bad...=)

5. Submit TBS scholarship form. (yes i've resorted to giving commerce a second thought for the sake of my future)

6. Pack up my room.

7. Watch DVDs I borrowed from Be Koh.

8. Exercise/ work out. Intensively

9. decide on a course to study.

and that's it. My to-do list. and don't think it'll be easy. Looks can be deceiving. In this case, words can. so off to bed i go. Hopefully by tomorrow i'll complete at least task #1 to #3. Toodloo!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

[ pictures paint a thousand words ]

Holiday Villa Gimrama Grading cum Competition

Penang Class Trip

words are pointless....=)

going for another trip to Penang to go see my brothers compete in the Ong Kee Hui swimming competition. Leaving in 5 hours time. =)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

* gim grading *

the gim grading was ok...was everything I expected it to be. Except the part where Lyn and I weren't told the judges had switched panels and we were dancing and shakin' our bums to the right judge while looking at the wrong one. But the performance was great - both the Holding out for a hero and Dirrty. My routines were...well my routines. I didn't quite get them right but neither did i totally screw up too so oh well =). By the end of the day i ended up with this. will try posting up the rest of the pics when i've figured out which is the link on Shutterfly. hehe...

Funny thing was, just like Ju
, I too ended up in tears after the grading. Gawd knows why. Actually I know the reason why. I was just a lil ticked off by the fact that I got last for the individuals. But that didn't bug me as much as the whole facing-the-wrong-judge. I think it's coz i wanted to get something for the pairs event. I wanted to take part last year but missed the chance since Lyn had her foot run over by a car. So this year I think I wanted to show something. If there's one thing I really wanna get rid off about myself is my competitiveness. I hate losing. Yup that's me. I have this egoistic streak in me sometimes which frustrates me even more coz sometimes the people i lose to are my own best friends and it's not that I'm not happy for them. I so wanna be happy for everyone but my disappointment overcomes all that. It's annoying. I hate being angry, coz that makes me bro really angry. He was yelling at me while i was sobbing away. Guess he hates me when I'm angry too. Anyway, it's all good now. Just needed to release it all. =)

I'm off to penang tomorrow for a class trip. Will enjoy myself, hopefully. =) So I'll see ya with more photos and all when i get back on thursday!

Monday, November 22, 2004

These are compliments of Kim Hooi. Will create a more detailed post when i'm less dead than i am now. =) kinda like a sneak preview.

i can't believe i have to quit...

Sunday, November 21, 2004

[ the eagle has landed ]

haha excuse the lame topic. I think i heard Joshua Boey saying it last time for the same reason. hehe...anyway, was just telling Weng Lum and Anne that I just got attached. hehe...presenting my new found currently most priced pocession

hehe lengchai not? I'm gonna love him with all my heart man! Tris of 2005! bring it on!

Saturday, November 20, 2004

[ big bro's back! ]

Was supposed to go rock climbing today. But failed coz i had to do last minute gimrama homework. hehe not only am i a procrastinator in school/college, i'm also one in gim. haha so didn't get to go. my friends also backed out one by one so another day la.

Instead followed my mum to Carrefour and i got my hair cut! yes again...i know i know...haha nvmla...i tak boleh tahan la...okok i promise from now on I'll leave it long....=) at least as it was before la...not like now. haha now it's like any less and i'll be Sinead O Conner. hahah...=)

Had dance class in the afternoon. Then gim at night. I'm gonna be so screwed during grading man! haha oh well...least the pairs routine, performance, and Dirrty display would be fun. =)

Sorry to the other gymnasts who'd mind but for me, it's my last year and I think my friends who have been clueless about what I do exactly would like to at least know what I do to deserve the name gymnast. So I'm announcing it:

Holiday Villa Badminton Court
Come after 5.30 pm
This sunday, 21st November

my korkor's back! yay!! my bike's back!!! hahaha....=)

Thursday, November 18, 2004

[ a night to remember...why so? ]

I just finished fixing the car with my dad...still finding it a bit hilarious how something so uncanny could happen to me on such and auspicious day. *sings* isn't it ironic? hehe...this is how it all started...

17th November - The day of Prom

6.30 am, I had to pry my eyes open. Another trip to the registration office. *joy*. As usual a sea of people greeted us when the lift doors openned. Braced myself for another long wait at that dull place. Unfortunately i was unprepared for 8 hours of waiting!! Gawd! I reached home at 3.30 pm and had to rush to Sunway for rehearsal.

Rehearsal was delayed since the sound machine and all weren't ready. Shirlyn and I only tried out the stage. We had a cool changing room u noe! I even asked for an iron to iron my dress haha. It was pretty cool.

Then at 4.45 pm we left Sunway and rushed to get ourselves ready. I had to bathe, set my hair and get my make up done, and be back at Sunway at 6.30! The hairdressers were busy so i was only tended to at 6.00 pm. Then went to hua's house. Her mum applied some make up for me. nothing elaborate since i was rushing for time. Was obviously already late. Drove myself and Hua to Sunway. By the time we reached it was already 7 pm.

Fumbling with my stuff (i had to bring 2 hoops, ribbon and stick, my dress, my heels, my bag) I started freaking out. To make matters worse my break lights decided not to go off! It was already like this before but all I had to do was step the break pedal a couple of times and the lights would go off. This time it remained adamant. Already late (i was told my performance was at 7.15, the opening act) i decided, to hell with this. So with Hua's assistance, i brought all my bags into the resort with minimal confusion. hehe i think Sunway is huge!

The performance was delayed. Phew! Shirlyn and I started warming up and all. I was starting to feel the nerves already. Somehow this time i wanted the performance to be great. And so it was! I was on my toes! I was smiling. Shirlyn had spunk too! until my hoop decided to fly off the stage. Yeap! I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. I mean I really wanted to get this right so much! It was my prom for gawd's sake! Where grace and poise were the 2 main factors. Felt a bit disappointed but oh well. Been there done that actually. Embarrassment isn't exactly new to me. *wink*

so anyway, the rest of the prom was great. although i liked SJ prom better because that was the end of 5 years and this is the end of 1. So there's a different mood to it. I didn't know two thirds of the people last night. =) Snap a few
pics though not as much as last year. I forgot to take a full length picture of myself. hehe...=)

After that at about 1 am my classmates decided to go to Mentari for mamak. I was supposed to tag along. Even supposed to drive these peeps there. But as u all have guessed it, the break lights were still on. And the car would not start. yup...story of my prom! The guys each tried their best but it was either they feared to dirty their prom suits or they just weren't born mechanics. haha nola...we didn't have a jump start cable. So no choice i called my very own Mr Incredible, daddy for help. He was actually already sleeping. So i told my friends to go ahead without me. There was no way they were gonna go home without me so no point asking my friends to wait. Whole family came in pyjamas and brought the cables.

Daddy took some time to start the car coz somehow the alarm kept going off and the car still wouldn't start. My car's remote is not working so we took some time to figure out how to get rid of the alarm hehe. Think my dad was half asleep since i pulled him out of bed. so anyway, we managed to fix the situation by about 1.45 am. Yeap we spent that long in the sunway carpark.

Came home dead tired. Took a bath and while waiting for my hair to dry, had the opportunity of talking to Elaine about personal matters. hehe miss talking to that gurl. =) Funny how we have so much to talk only during the wee hours of the night. Both of us were waiting for our hair to dry so we chatted till 4 plus. when she went off I wrote the previous poem. Did it in like 5-10 minutes? Emotions were flowing...=)

Finally went off at about 4.30 am. By then I had been awake for 22 hours already. =)

18th November - The story of the Proton car

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. Not the clock's. The car's. Was 11.30 am then. I looked out the window and saw my mum and maid pushing the proton out of the house. jumped out of bed to help them. The Unser was used to jump start the car again so that it would be sent to the mechanics. However, once the Proton's engine started rumbling, the Unser's died. haha...and in a few minutes, the Proton's died too. hahaha so in the end it was my mother's old faithful that saved the 2 cars. Brought it to the mechanics to fix the light and recharge the battery manually.

But when we brought it home in the evening, it failed to start again. Gawd! So my dad concluded that it was the battery that was dead. As in no longer useable. So both my dad and I started fixing the new battery (which was initially bought for the Unser) with torch lights and now it's working again! Thank God! Tomorrow I have to go get another battery for the Unser. =).

So yea...Sweet november, a night to remember. I don't see why not...hehe...

* sweet november, a night to remember *

i'd never thought that up till today
u'd still be able to freeze time
making all things around me stop
as an invisible light shines upon u from on top
and just like that, i've committed a crime

just next to mine was your table
no more than 2 feet away were you
and my heart ached to see you there
next to the girl you found so fair
wishing that u'd be able to see what's true

many a time i pulled my gaze away
many a time i forced my head to turn
but like an involuntary reflex
on you, again, my gaze seemed to relax
as though i was never gonna learn

i don't think i'll ever be able to see
someone like you to vanish from my memory
you're just one of those i'd never forget
one of those, whose charms were preset
yet one of those who'd never truly see me

i don't know which attracts me more
or what makes me so caught onto you
the kindness you portray to the people around
or the genuine heart in you that i've found
either way, i'm stuck like glue

i already know that we'd never be
i already know that there isn't a chance
and i will move on, but from time to time
i'd go back to committing my crime
of melting my heart with just your single glance

you'd always be the guy i know
for being the most kind and sincere
and i'm certain that wherever i land in future
or whoever i meet, i am sure
that you'd always be the one i remember...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

[ w o w ]

Ok, this just in. I just found out that someone that I know is the girlfriend of someone else that I know. And it's surprising but yet nice to hear. I feel so happy for them. Still having a bit of difficulty believing it. So i guess leo functions can really play matchmaker huh? How come it doesn't happen to me then? I've been in the Leo business for ages!

*slaps forehead* I forgot I was supposed to log off by now. 6.30 am tomorrow morning. Don't wanna have panda eyes for my IC and definitely not for prom. nites cyber space!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

* what a wonderful day *

Woke up pretty late today. Set alarm at 9.30 but I ended up reopening my eyes at 9.45 am. Shirlyn called. hehe I knew she would anyway. Time to go for practise. I can't believe prom's tomorrow! Excited-ness! haha...but I'm kinda worried for my performance. I didn't exactly do very well jus now. Let's just hope tomorrow with the lightings and all it will look a little more pro and a little less amateur. =)

Had lunch at home like usual. Spoke to Ju online and made a date to go to Li Hua's house at 3.30 pm, which was supposed to be after my nap. However when Ju called (thank God I made her call before she came) i was too sleepy to budge from my bed so i told her i'd meet her there...2 hours later. haha yeap...i showed up at 5.30 pm. =) Went to borrow some earrings and a bag from Hua for prom. This time around, I basically borrowed everything. Except for shoes, and necklace. Oh and bag too coz i decided to use the one i have rather than Hua's. =)

Skipped dinner because I came back late from Hua's house. Went to watch this with Keith:

It was a great show. Tom Hanks is a great actor! He's so talented! For those who have watched it, kapish? For those who have not, get your sorry butts down there! I think it's worth watching. =)

So that's pretty much it. =) Enjoyed myself today. Tomorrow I gotta get up at 6.30 am to go to Shah Alam again. They'd better get my MyKad done this time. No more rayas to come back after! I just hope i don't have to wait too long. sleepy la...

And tomorrow's prom! i tried on everything just now. I think I could almost touch the stunning scale. A girl's gotta have pride right? hehe...I think I will look my best tomorrow night. And perform my best too. Hell yeah!

* third wheel *

Ok let me just briefly state what i did in the past couple of days then I'll lunge into my emotions. Plenty of 'em pent up in me right now.

Sunday was Hari Raya. Went for a couple of open houses. The first was my old old neighbour. The one that lived in the now empty, rotting house next to me. They're a very nice couple man. I miss their nasi briyani like mad! Had a tummyfull of that yesterday...=) Then headed to Roshida's house. This was quite happening also. Though I was far too full to chow down anything else. Enjoy the pics...=)

Went to watch Taxi with Ju, Weng Lum, Pin Xin, Zhun Neay, Kim Hooi. I like that show. For one thing it's soaked with Girl power! For another, it's hilarious! The outing was fun. But spoiled a tad by my bad tummy. All those raya food must've turned the insides of my tummy upside down. Had to go to the loo 3 times altogether. Uneasy visits, mind you. I still had a little of the aftermath this morning. Still feeling a bit queasy until now.

Today went out shopping with Li Hua one whole day! I've never gone shopping round the clock for just shoes. Heels some more! U know...i think i'm starting to femininise. I suddenly have acquired a taste for shoes and accesories. And guess what? i bought compact powder today. Goodness...feeling my ego kicking in right now. Maybe it's just the prom fever? I sure hope so. Don't wanna turn into the kind of girls i love to hate. hehe jus kiddin. I don't hate them. I'm just slightly biased against the dumb blonde kinda ppl. Anyway, I had fun. I bought heels which are stiletto-ish. Bought a necklace to suit Anne's dress. Pretty proud of myself. =)

Ok now to open up. When i was at Rosie's I had this sinking feeling. There was Regina and her bf, Tracy and her bf, Rosie and Qx, and Lyn and Jin Aun. And they launched into this whole conversation about what boyfriends do when girlfriends are not around that sorta thing. It's saddening. It is. I know that some of you might say "I'm single too" and "Your time will come". I know it will. I just...sigh...wanna know why it can't be any sooner. It's a sign. It proves to show that somehow there's something I lack. I know that sometimes, for some people they just happen to be at the right place at the right time. That's fate. But for others, there's no denying that they've got the attributes. They've got what it takes. It's human nature to fall for someone. It's human nature to get attracted to a certain characteristic.

Friday gim class. Mrs Khaw asked me where was my inspiration (that's how she terms her gymnasts' boyfriends...positive thinking hehe). It's a reflex to put on a smile and answer with a joke. It's a reflex to hide disappointment when asked a question like this. And it's a reflex to stay happy for as long as you can hold that smile. It hurts. To be single is one thing. To be single and unwated is another. I sound sad. I sound pathetic. But I sound true. I don't know which is worse. Not being able to find the one, or not being found as the one? It doesn't matter coz currently I'm both.

After prom plans. Everyone's got somewhere to go. I don't. Clubbing sounds cool and all, but apart form the fact that the probability of getting my mother's permission is as good as nil, i don't really feel like going. I don't know why. Maybe I wanna go with my own friends. I've always told myself I wanna go clubbing with the right people. So i shall. Not that my classmates are devils and all...but I wanna experience it with my friends. Yes, I have not been clubbing eventhough I'm 18 and in college. Sue me. Honestly, I actually thought of staying over at Lyn's place. But she's got plans with her classmates as well. She might invite me if I asked but I don't know. Asking her "could i join in?" doesn't come out so easily these days.

So that's about it. My thought of the night. Sad one. You'd think with all the post exam celebations and freedom in the world, I might actually be typing in exclamation marks and plenty of haha's. Guess not.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

* face lift *

So how's the new layout? hehe...I know the fonts are heard to read but the HTML was being stubborn! Ain't my fault. Trying to rectify it...editing a blog's like construction work. Seriously. Don't play. haha..but it's fun...addictive...but fun. =)

No turning back

I made a choice about one year ago
When it seemed wisest at that moment
It felt right, then, to go with the flow
Didn't foresee myself in this predicament

I now worry for my future
I'm ladened with uncertainty
About things that I was once sure
Are now seeming quite unlikely

My decision somehow wasn't the best
As I overlooked certain crisises
Right now I'm put to the test
To decide on a path with no promises

But once I decide that's what it'll be
No second thoughts to hold me back
Because once I've chosen the path for me
There will be no turning back...

Talking about my future here. One by one doubts are surfacing and I suddenly feel cornered. I have to decide what to do and stick to it because not only will my decision be costly, it will be mental torture if made wrongly. Aiyo...since when choosing what you want to do had become the toughest thing in life?
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

[ what i've been up to ]

Ok i know i haven't been blogging...was a bit tied up with post exam celebrations. didn't think that the after effect would be a more hectic one than before. =)

Wednesday, 10th November - The day my exam finished!

Chemistry, the last paper of the SAM finals. The killer too. And SSABSA (the South Australian exam board) was cruel enough to dampen our spirits with a freak-of-a-paper! Gawd it was so freakin' hard! Everyone complained like hell! I'm serious, smart ppl like Rebecca, dumb ppl like me, ALL hated that paper!

Nonetheless, we were determined to have fun! We (me, bec, su yi, vanessa, janice) headed to Carrefour, and got ourselves some food to grill! Funny how college/uni students all seem to favour BBQs as the way to party. Perhaps it's hot and steamy? ahahha I say this because while we were choosing chicken wings, this other group of students were doing the same and they could tell we were having a BBQ that night. They were too. =)

The BBQ was great. I thank God that the sky decided to be nice. There was no stormy weather to literally act as a wet blanket. It's pretty amazing since it has been raining cats n dogs for the past few weeks but that night it was just a slight drizzle. That was it. =) We played Twister! That game is FUN! I don't exactly have any pics of that coz i was busy spinning the arrow. =) All I have are other normal posing pics. Enjoy:

These were our chefs for that day. The people responsible for feeding us burnt sausages! =)

top L-R: joann, vanessa, me, su yi. bottom L-R: wei ann (joann's sis), michelle, bec, kristy

Group pic. 20 of us turned up! not bad ar! =)
Clockwise from top left: Kevin, Chia Siang, Kim Fei, Francis, Yu Cheng, Ker Yee, Wy Keat, Ramu, Yen Hong, Ashwin, Avinash, Wei Ann, Joann, Laura, Su Yi, Michelle, Vanessa, Bec, Kristy, Sor Eng, Muah!

Thursday, 11th November - The Sunway Pyramid birthday present hunt

Ramu left his phone at my house the night before. That's ok. But that freakin' phone had a 5.30am alarm!!! Sigh...first day after exams and still not getting my undisturbed quality sleep time...

Went out with Julie, Li hua and Pei Jien. Supposedly to buy presents for Wai Teng and Shirlyn respectively. Ended up buying 2 tops and 2 pairs of socks for myself. Oh and 2 Buns from Bread Story. And i got nothing for Shirlyn. sigh...=)

Failed to find a pair of shoes for prom plus accessories. Don't know how to pan leng leng lah. how ar? My aunty said next time i kah mm chut (cannot wed out). haha...we'll let nature take care of that for me lah huh? *wink*

Friday, 12th November - The failed MyKad expedition

Mum forced me out of bed this morning at 7 am. Went to Shah Alam to change my IC to MyKad. When we got out of the lift we were greeted by rows of people! The queue was sooo long it had to twist n turn to increase surface are to volume ratio. hehe....anyway, started lining up. But when we reached the counter about 40 minutes later they say Balik lepas Raya. Raya my foot! Made me line up soooo long in my half awake, starving state. Didn't have breakfast because woke up late. =) Came home and slept like a baby from 10-1 pm.

Had Dance class in the evening. Shirlyn quit already. =( Oh well, I'm quite determined to achieve my dream of becoming a dancer. So I'm not quitting. Level 3's quite chun actually. =) And I might just take up Latin. Seemed interesting. =)

Gim class just now was uber fun! Dunno why also. I was the usual zesty me as I am every Friday night. Gim class rejuvenates me. It works wonders on my already weird physical characteristics. I feel tired when I don't exercise and I gain energy as I work out. =) Yea so anyway, Lyn and I did our prom performance routine and it was a bit off at first but was ok after that. And in the was great! Can't wait to perform! =) that was how it went. Yet to give my blog a facelift too. Sigh...busy busy me. =)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

[ r a n t ]

I'm so gonna rant. I'm in such a mood whereby black clouds swirl above my head, steam escapes my ears, my scalp is raw from hair pulling and my knuckles are gripped white...bear with me...if you can't...wth!

Chemistry. The one subject that made my life in SAM somewhat less than 100% enjoyable. It's so annoying. I honestly do not get it. I have yet to pass since i stepped into Taylor's as a SAM student that fateful January 5th day. I hated chem in secondary school, and I still do now. I tried understanding it. I tried memorizing it. I tried doing heaps and loads of exercise (actually not really but wth!) but yet I never pass!! I'm talking pass here. Not an A or B. Not even a freakin C! Can you believe it 50% is a fail! I get half the paper right and I fail! My final paper is tomorrow. It's the last paper of the finals, last paper of the year and hence the last chemistry paper i'd sit for in my entire life. I should be glad but right this moment I'm just wishing that "it'll be gone with an eyewink" happens literally. *Shutting eyelids and pressing them together tight* Nope! still within the time continum of before the paper. I hate chem!!!!!!

Parents' lecture. I am about to complete my SAM and my mum just HAD to bring up the topic of me coming back late at night. For your information peeps, I am usually one of the earliest to leave the pack. One of my close friends please vouch for me! I'm usually the one saying "Ok guys, my mum wants me home". She keeps saying cha boh gin nah (young girl) also go out until so undomesticated. So much for gender equality. I can't possibly fight back. I can't possibly go "Just because I'm a girl..." coz my saint-of-a-brother prefers to stay at home more than go out with his friends. Just maybe coz he has only that many. I'm evil I know but it's the truth. He's not even sociable anyway! So it's his business. anyway, they launched into respect for parents' will and all la! Said that i should respect their will for me to come home early. They're talking 11.30. They even started talking about other stuff like cutting fruits for parents, opening the door for parents, helping to take stuff...gawd!!! They keep saying i mm sek cho. Hallo!!! I don't see the need. I consider myself pretty respectful. I do loads of stuff. I went against having a maid coz I wanted to do the housework. I wanted to be independent. My brother doesn't even do all the things I said above. And you know what makes me laugh? They'll say "next time you become daughter-in-law then you know!" what!?!? once much for gender equality!!! Gawd...

That time of the month. I honestly think all guys should respect and appreciate a woman's worth. For the pain and agony we go through every month! Argh...that explains my rant-a-thon i guess. Actually i should be happy since it'll be over by prom but still...I'm having problems with Chemistry as it is! I can't possibly study with a clear mind with cramps and flatulence!!! I hate it. Guys, did you know that periods not only cause moodiness, it also makes some girls feel heaty, or bloatedness in the tummy, aches throughout the's different for each girl so don't generalise. Don't even try understanding it. Just try understanding her. Argh! I hate it when it's that time of the month! I really do. Argh!

don't worry. by 2.40 pm tomorrow every ounce of anger and hatred would disappear and be replaced with pure bliss! Can't wait!!!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

* lyn turns 18 *

Here's wishing my best friend Shirlyn a Happy 18th Birthday!

I just came home from her house as a matter of fact. Brought her this:

Roshida and I baked it together this afternoon.

Tis' the birthday girl! Her boyfriend made her this old raggy T-shirt and made her put it on till 12.30am. haha on it he wrote with a G1 pen. Talk about hopeless romantic. hehe...nah...knowing that guy, it's probably a deviation from what he plans to give her for real. He always has something up his sleeves and I don't think he'd let down his one true love on her birthday. *wink*

Well, Happy Birthday Gurl!

Sunday, November 07, 2004

* daddy's girl *

Did you watch Oprah Prime Time?? I had no idea Kate Hudson was Kurt Russel's daughter. And I had no idea Kurt Russel used to sing and dance! hahaha...anyway, what Billy Crystal did for his granddaughter was so darm sweeeeet. He wrote this book for his daughter's daughter, Ella, titled "I Already Know I Love You". Oh in 1 hour too. It's this children's book. It had, i think, a poem sort of story, and illustrations of him and a baby. And that part about bringing Ella's mother to the movies? Sigh...I think I'd like to be Karen Crystal. As in his daughter, not his wife. hehe...=)

Being an only daughter in my family of 2 brothers, inevitably turned me into Daddy's Girl. I grew up as the closest to my dad among the 3 of us and still is...i think. My mum told me secretly that my dad prefers daughters. She even said that there was a slight hint of disappointment when Keith was...well Keith and not Kathleen or Kate or Krystal. Of course, to avoid any sort of conflict or misunderstandings, she told nobody else. Not even my father because he won't admit it. Obviously. =)

So anyway, when I was a child, between the ages 5 to 9 probably, my daddy used to cut my hair. Unbelievable? Believe it. He'd take one page of the NST, snip a hole in the centre and put it through my head to rest on my shoulders. Then he'd take the wooden stool outside, (which is still very much sit-able and can be found in my kitchen used by my maid now) carried me and placed me on top. Then he'd start snipping the back of my hair, my fringe, the sides near the ears and all lah. I had short hair then. Pretty much like what I have now. When he was done, he'd take this rag and gently sweep the little bits of hair around my neck. Sometimes he'd start sweeping my nose and face which usually sends me giggling. (I was told by my parents and relatives that I was a very laughative child). And when my mum came to see my new hairstyle, she'd always say she loved it and start showering both my daddy and I with praises and compliments.

I think the main reason why I was so close to my dad was because of my adventurous nature. My elder brother was quite a kayu person when young. My parents used to call him kim chui which directly means golden mouth because he was so quiet, it was as though he was hiding gold in his mouth. And my little brother came very much later. I was the loud, cheery one who was always ready for a good time when my daddy called me. Wherever we'd go, whatever we'd do, he'd always show me stuff. Especially when we went back to my paternal grandparents' house in Raub, (it's a bit kampung-ish then) he'd bring me into the dusun behind the house where my Ah Kong had durian and rambutan trees. Then he'd show me wild chickens, jungle lizards, monkeys, rambutan trees, durian trees and anything you can find there. It was really fascinating. He'd bring me on my Ah Kong's motorbike and go riding around the neighbourhood, showing me #th cousin's house, #th aunty's house and so on. There were even fireflies there at night. Whatever it was, bias as it may seem, I was always the first to know/see.

Behind my house is a pretty wide pedestrian are where my elder brother and I used to play with the neighbourhood friends. My parents bought the house because of that. They had already evnvisioned the 2 of us playing behind. Anyway, my daddy always encouraged me to play. He'd sometimes make me go out even when I don't feel like it. Not like that happened very often anyway.*grin* It was everyday, 5-7 pm. And did I play! I think the reason why I'm easily restless and love playing so much was because of that. My parents brought me up to be a playing machine. I played hide and seek (which if I were to hide, no one would be able to find me) and catching and climbing trees and masak-masak. My neighbours, my brother and I even created this Bird Force thing with identity cards, and code words and signals and training fields for all of us. My brother lead the guys, yours truly was the leader of the girls. Maybe because we were the founder?, yea...i played hard! So, naturally I get cut and bruised almost everyday. My mum used to say my legs were worth a lot due to the 10 cents, 20 cents scars i collected all over. And for a girl my age, I have to say I handled cuts, bruises and blood pretty well. Why? My dad. He taught me No Pain No Gain and he drummed those words into my little head. He'd never let me soften down or whimper when I obtained a scratch. There was once I felt a little manja and peeled off a scab from my wound. Blood started flowing, but as you know, it doesn't hurt anymore once the scab forms. But I started whimpering a little to my dad, making a scene out of it and he scolded me. He ignored my pleas to put a plaster and said "small small thing no pain wan la!". And after that I think I never went to him again whenever I hurt myself. Not like I cuold if i wanted to. I got them way too often. =)

When we went out, say to Subang Parade (which at that time was equivalent to Megamall now) you'd see me walking hand in hand with my dad. Even when I was 10 years plus. Sometimes, I'd put my hands around his waist and he'd put his on my shoulders. My aunt once commented to my mum that it was quite a misleading sight and people might think my dad was some chi ko pek (gigolo) with a teenage girlfriend. When I heard that, I think my first instinct was to back away from my dad. Although it didn't take long before I was next to him again, hands on waist and all. That was how close I was to my father.

My dad taught me a lot of things. He taught me electronics. At age 11, I took my dad's screwdriver from his toolbox, tore open my little brother's toy thing and fixed it. It was some game where the buttons were pushed and a sound would come out accordingly. Somehow my little brother's aggressive nature made that thing go haywire and the sounds didn't match the buttons anymore. So, I, feeling a need for a little adventure, went ahead and fixed it. My dad taught me nature. He used to whistle this tune and this little bird would answer! I'm serious. He even taught me how to play the lalang game, where you take the lalang leaf, peel the centre streak and "shoot" it off. My dad taught me to make friends. He was always pushing me to talk to other kids that were my age when we were at a play ground or the mall or something. My dad taught me to appreciate varieties of food. He used to make half boiled eggs for me every morning. He ordered escargots for me from Victoria Station during my big brother's birthday celebration and made me eat them. He introduced me to si ham, lala, balitong and many more. My dad taught me science. That kemek ping pong ball in hot water trick was long learnt before I studied it in school. My dad taught me leadership. He would drill me with criterias of a good leader, such as approachable, understanding, and a good listenner. He told me that every person likes to be listenned to. And to be a good leader I must know my followers not just superficially, but personally. They must feel appreciated by me. That their ideas are worth my time. Most of all, my dad taught me to work for myself. Both my parents are very lenient. They never once forced me into doing revision, or compared me with classmates. My dad always said "Study for yourself not for mummy and I". He'd emphasize on taking personal responsibility even before I knew how to spell responsibility. He'd also stressed on my mind set. He'd say that anything is possible, all I had to do was change the way I thought of it. For example, he used to make me love History but honestly, that didn't work because i still hated it and still flunked it. =)

Now, at age 18, my dad is determined to teach me money making. And with all that I've said, I have to admit that at a time like this, I don't really wanna be Daddy's Girl. Money making?! He'd go on and on about property trading, investment, starting your own business and what nots. He's also determined to teach me healthy living. This he has pretty much achieved. *wink*

In a nutshell, I love my daddy. He turned me into who I am today, and I honestly think I wouldn't want me any other way. Bow legs, dark skin and all. =)

[ of all the people...]

I woke up today when my alarm clock rang at 7 am. 3 minutes later (set on purpose) my handphone's ringtone drummed into my ears forcing me to pry my eyes open. As I reluctantly kicked the blanket off my shivering body, i peeled myself from my bed and put in a tremendous amount of effort just standing up, immediately feeling the aches and sores at every joint possible. That was when i told myself, and later Shirlyn, that there was no way i was gonna bring myself to jog 3 rounds round the lake that beautiful cooling morning. The painful sensation coursing through my body was inevitable every Saturday morning, an obvious sign of old age. hehe by this i obviously meant in terms of a gymnast's age.

That's right. I'm waaaaay too old for gim. I don't know if I am the only RSG (Rhytmic Sportive Gymnast turned Retired Senior Gymnast) that feels so. I'm sure my fellow oldies like Julie and Shirlyn share the same fate but somehow, being the least endowed with flexibility genes (or in other words most kayu) I think I am the only one with post-gim class symptoms. i seriously think this year's Holiday Villa Gimrama Grading cum Competition is my last, thus marking my full retirement from the sport altogether.'ll be sad to leave, but for my old bones' sake, there's no other option *dramatic post*. Well, at least now i can go full time into my triathlete profession without having to worry about She-man thighs. =)

Anyway, my dad had this dinner just now. And it is very usual for my mum to suggest and outside fancy dinner whenever my loh ku tong daddy has some other dinner. She claims my dad doesn't like food other than Chinese. So we went to San Francisco Pizza. I happened to remember this flyer thrown into my house which gives 20% off on all ala carte dishes. So my mum, lil bro and myself headed there and lo and behold guess who I met? Gawd, if there was ever a time i cared so much about my looks when i was out with my family it was then. His sleek hair, perfect smile, and of course a body fitting shirt just flaunting his hunkelicious torso! haha i know i sound pretty scary right now. I bet you can guess who I'm babbling about. Daniel Tan. ahhh!!! goodness he's oh so hot! I'm serious, that guy was one of the reasons i frequent the climbing gym in summit. haha oops...secret's out. then again, secret was out eons ago! any girl in the right state of mind would go ga-ga over this guy. But of course, it's only superficial, as it is for every other hunk out there. *wink* Anyway, Mr and Mrs Tan are actually buddy buddy with my parents. So my mum had to stop and talk the usual "my son's in Australia now" and they go "oh yea, Denise's in UK already" and i go "Karen's still in Malaysia!" silently of course. So anyway, back to Daniel, I reacted how any girl in my position would have reacted i guess, look directly at everything else but him. But a 100% wary of his presence and his every move. I had just one thought in my mind at that moment. Brains aren't everything. Daniel stopped studying because he earns way more by modelling. I heard he gets RM10 000 per catwalk he does. I could use that sorta money....i really dreamy me went into the restaurant, half of my enthusiasm lost just by the sight of him. I mean, not that it affected me much. But it's kinda like, I've met him before. We've acknowledged each other once upon a time. Before he became such a hotshot. And just now I was pretty much as unknown person to him as he was to my lil bro. haha...

Then after dinner I went to my grandma's place in USJ. I was already feeling dumb as it is, but my aunty came and shove thie bag into my hands. In it is this:

what issit?

she expects me to make up on my own for prom! would that be an amazing sight. no way i'm gonna doodle on my own face. I'll probably bring it to li hua's house and let her mum use it on me. =)

Oh well, at least for everything that happened today, my aunty gave me something else which i can definitely appreciate.

chic? haha...i think it's pretty nice...thanks Sui Kim!

Friday, November 05, 2004

[ e x a m s ]

i'm pretty much screwed. today's maths was worst than physics. no actually i think physics was worst. i think both of them sucked! sigh...

my blog's currently going through some changes so dun mind the space and the arrangements and all la. I'm working on it. =)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

- how can i sleep tonight? -

i think i wrote a poem on this topic before. But that was on the last day of the holidays so there's a tad of difference in the emotions. this one's about ending SAM and leaving G5.

how can i fall asleep
when my thoughts were carried
far from exams and worries
just by having a conversation with u guys
life suddenly seemed like a breeze

how can i end the day
when all throughout the year
only now do begin to see
through the joy and laughter we've shared
what exactly u all mean to me

how can i close my eyes
when in sight are the images of friends
as we reminisce on any uncanny events
that sent us roaring with laughter
how can the future ever make ammense

how can i usher in tomorrow
when today i took time to relax
rested my mind and leaned on my back
but tomorrow i'll start to gnaw
on the notes to find whatever i lack

how can i leave right now
when in this optimum of space
i seek solace in all that seems right
with all the comfort i have at bay
tell me, how can i sleep tonight?

yup...i so do not want to study math! sigh...8 more days, 3 more papers....*chants*...8 more days, 3 more papers....8 more days, 3 more papers...8 more days, 3 more papers...

Monday, November 01, 2004

[ exam jitters ]

The minute hand just touched 12
On yet another long round
It is now 3 in the morning
The place is filled with not a sound

The whole house is asleep right now
I can hear my father snore
I shook my head, I've got to continue
Why must this be such a bore??

Wake up! I must! There's much to go
I gave myself a tiny slap
If only I could digest the things
From the book that's on my lap

I drew a breath and looked out the window
A car drove past the empty road
"You've been up late too," I said
"At least now you've finished your load".

I can't do this...but I know I must!
The final exam is tomorrow
It is my only chance to prove
My lessons I could follow!

My eyes were strained, I couldn't remember
The sentences I had just read
I gave up trying to fight against it
I dropped the pen and went to bed.

i wrote this i think a couple of years ago. Or maybe it was during PMR. Not sure. Anyway, today's ESL was actually quite satisfactory! i managed to finish all 3 essays within the allocated time. the listening was kind of a setback though. Geez, didn't they teach him to articulate before he was chosen to do the recording? but it was ok i guess. the other voice was pretty clear. Info was surprisingly not that hard. leaving me abt 40 minutes to produce a rather satifactory aesthetic piece as well! so on the whole, ESL rocked! Finally, i can say that again. i thought i'd never find my passion for English again. so that's 1 down...4 to go!!

Sunday, October 31, 2004

* blogging a novel *

Do you think i should do this?? I've always wanted to write a short story, which, unfortunately, I've never been successful at. So short stories are out of my league, let alone a novel! But still, when I read a book (which is not very often...i just started reading only recently thanks to my wonderful bookworm bunch of classmates) I tend to pick out catchy phrases and words the writer used and I would think of times in which i can use them. Then again, the only time I'd ever use them is when I'm sitting for my English paper (which is in less than 24 hours from now) and that happens to be my final English paper. Plus, the aesthetic domain (which is the part where they have narative, desciptive et cetera in other words creative writing) is only 250 words long and I'm contained to 30 minutes tops! Where's the fun in that!? Chances are I won't be taking English anymore in my tertiary education. Or maybe i should? Yea I think if there is an elective I'll take it. Maybe do the big L altogether. Literature, that is.

Anyway, I once started a story actually. I followed the style of Franscine Pascal's Sweet Valley Junior High, where every chapter is a narative by one of the characters. And needless to say, I never resumed. No idea why. Just me I guess. My mum still thinks i have ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And with the increasing number of times I have forgotten to do a specific chore, or send a specific message, I'm starting to believe it. I have an attention span the length of penguins' legs. hehe i just watched some discovery channel program and noticed that penguins have indeed uber short legs. I don't exactly know why and u know what? Neither of my parents want to admit that it is their trait. My parents do that pretty often. They see who i got it from when i happen to exhibit some negative behaviour such as slouchiness or laziness. =)

so, yea, going back to my topic, I think after my sam I'll actually try blog-novelling. Maybe I'll find my true passion there and forget about sport science altogether. Or should I say sains sukan. Oh btw, updates on that, I have applied for UM but missed the second intake deadline so now gonna apply for next year's first intake which is gonna be much harder. So I'm now looking into physiotherapy. So, that's it from me today. Tomorrow SAM finals start. And within 240 hours, I'm actually a free person, equivalent to jobless men! yay!

[ r e s t l e s s ]

i'm tired...

i'm bored...

i'm moody...

i'm restless...

i kinda had a small argument with my mum just now which i now feel awful about. I actually almost started crying during the argument. Almost. and now, i'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. see that's one thing you probably don't know about karen siah (now i gotta start putting my surname to avoid any unnecessary mix ups). I start to regret my words and actions almost immediately after doing so, and i end up feeling even worse than when I was worked up.

There was once i experienced the worst of this symptom of mine. I was arguing cats and dogs with my elder bro. Did that pretty often in my younger days. Then I said something like "If i had one wish i'd wish my brother was my sister!". I immediately regretted that motion. I went into my room and started indulging in self regret, so much so that i actually started crying. Mummy saw me in tears and thought i was saddened by my brother's loud tones and harsh words. She went on to lecture my bro about his temper and the way he treated his little sister. I think my bro was a bit cheesed off but he kept it low, because we both know no one gets into an argument with mummy and wins. I heard the whole thing from my room. I heard how my mum nagged my brother relentlessly and believe me guilt had never tasted to bitter. Literally.

Ok, I'm actually feeling my throat in knots now. I, for one, idolise my brother. I've always looked up to him, and i think i always will. And everytime i get into a fight with him, I immediately find myself enveloped in guilt. Sorry kor....

And for today, sorry ma...i guess exam stress for the better of me...

Saturday, October 30, 2004

* first impression *

someone asked me today
if i was seeing anyone
and when i said no
she was clearly shocked
and later on uttered "none?"

i started off by explaining
how i couldn't find the one
but when she heard that
her eyebrows raised
even before i begun

she gave me a once over
but stopped twice at my face
or was the second
time for the hair
and gave a look i couldn't erase

"your hair is far too brittle"
and she said my skin was dry
she pointed out pimples
and white spots on my face
then shrugged and said "U'd never get a guy"

"but..." i begin to protest
"i was told looks weren't everything"
but when her jaw dropped
to an unsightly level
i had second thoughts of continuing

she raised a finger at me
and said out matter-of-factly
""if looks did not matter"??
if that's how you believe
then your love life's history!"

"the first impression is crucial
it determines who you are
it places you
on where you stand
and differentiates you by far"

"good hair shows you're prim
healthy skin shows you're proper
a flawless look
tells nothing but
how well you're looked after"

"it shows how much you care
how much you're willing to give
if you take pains
to watch your looks
then you take pains to live"

"it shows that you've got style
and your shine will never dim
with qualities like these
it also means
you'd put in the same for him"

so i started to ponder
if what she said were true
that how i look
and how i'm seen
matters as much too

i thought about it long enough
and came to one conclusion
that actions and character
will most definitely
change the first impression...

hehe dunno what to talk about. Just started typing and voila (is this how it's spelt?). I wanted it to sound like the kind of poem in Chicken Soup, where the 3rd, 4th and 5th line are said continuously. And it probably doesn't even make's purely fictional ok. I just had too much free time on my fingers...even with finals less than 48 hours away. hehe...well enjoy...=)