[ r e s t l e s s ]

i'm tired...

i'm bored...

i'm moody...

i'm restless...

i kinda had a small argument with my mum just now which i now feel awful about. I actually almost started crying during the argument. Almost. and now, i'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. see that's one thing you probably don't know about karen siah (now i gotta start putting my surname to avoid any unnecessary mix ups). I start to regret my words and actions almost immediately after doing so, and i end up feeling even worse than when I was worked up.

There was once i experienced the worst of this symptom of mine. I was arguing cats and dogs with my elder bro. Did that pretty often in my younger days. Then I said something like "If i had one wish i'd wish my brother was my sister!". I immediately regretted that motion. I went into my room and started indulging in self regret, so much so that i actually started crying. Mummy saw me in tears and thought i was saddened by my brother's loud tones and harsh words. She went on to lecture my bro about his temper and the way he treated his little sister. I think my bro was a bit cheesed off but he kept it low, because we both know no one gets into an argument with mummy and wins. I heard the whole thing from my room. I heard how my mum nagged my brother relentlessly and believe me guilt had never tasted to bitter. Literally.

Ok, I'm actually feeling my throat in knots now. I, for one, idolise my brother. I've always looked up to him, and i think i always will. And everytime i get into a fight with him, I immediately find myself enveloped in guilt. Sorry kor....

And for today, sorry ma...i guess exam stress for the better of me...