Saturday, January 31, 2004

drift away...

I'm listening to uncle kracker now...drift away....soothing song...reminds me of something....=)

When i drift away...

I go back in time again
We were like close friends
There wasn't any pain
Just curiosity then

When i drift away....

I recall the moments
You told me about her
All your lil' problems
And i just played the listenner

When i drift away...

I kept in everything
All the yearning and longing
The questions i started wondering
The hope i started losing

When i drift away....

Of course I start to think
When all hope can to an end
My heart started to sink
You said we should jus stay friends

When i drift away...

I think of how we're still friends
And I'm much happier this way
I realised things just blend
So much better than yesterday

When i drift away...

I feel grateful it's like this
I took the right step, so did he
I will always be a friend of his
And he'll always have a friend in me

Monday, January 26, 2004

Sick came to pai nien

Han Yang must've recommended his friend Sick to come n pai nien in my house. I must say it's really annoying...but oh well, it's my excuse not to do my hw! =)

I guess there's some things
That time can't exactly heal
And there's other things
That actually keeps time still

Certain things just sticks to you
As though you're meant to go through it
And as painful as the memories were to you
They're the things you just can't get rid

Eventhough i liked him before
Eventhough i have tried my best
Eventhough he made my heart sore
I just couldn't seem to forget the rest

The times where we did have fun
The times where you were everything
The times I thought you were The One
Even the times i was left with nothing

Sad or painful the times i went through
I held it close to me somehow
I had hoped to get over you
But that seems impossible now...

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Year of da MoNk3y

It's great to enjoy the festive season
With family and friends as a reason
Had fun playing ear damaging fireworks
And collecting ang pows definitely has its perks

But away from home brings another meaning
It's when i allow myself to start daydreaming
Away from the bustling city life in Subang
There's nothing to distract me in Raub, Pahang

Obviously someone would pop into my head
And the first person that my heart would relate
Wasn't at all who i had expected
And to a certain extend, not who i wanted

I can't believe I'm thinking of him again
I guess my feelings for him partly remained
And what better time for it to resurface
Then each time i manage to spot his face

I guess i never let go of what seemed to be
The one guy that was right for me
Somehow deep down i refused to erase
Him from my life, leaving no trace

I'm afraid it's starting all over again
Knowing very well that it could drive me insane
You just don't find "the one" everyday
Even if you do, often it doesn't go you way...

Monday, January 19, 2004

Something has changed
I realised today
Things got rearranged
And i don't quite like it this way

Something is different
About how things are
Changes took place sometime recent
I didn't notice it so far

Something is wrong
I can sense it from today
I somehow didn't feel like i belong
I felt estranged in a cerrtain way

Something needs to be done
It needs to be corrected quickly
I know something has just begun
And I think it is changing me

I kept wondering about what Ju said. Do i really hate that many people now? i dun think so. The people i dun like now were the same ppl i didn't like back then. For the simple reason that they're all annoying and they smoke and they drink and get drunk. Oh and accesive cursing too. Then how come I took it to heart when pj started saying that i often refuse to go out? Have i really changed?

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Messenger gurl

It's not that i do not like helping my friends to increase their circle of friends. I just get kinda annoyed when they see me as the messenger gurl. Call me sad, but i feel like my life revolves around helping ppl find their soul mates!

Every morning when i reach college
She greets me with a smile
But even when she asks about me
She's thinking of you all the while

Every day i come in with you
But the only person she sees
Is you coming into college
And I seemed to have siezed to exist

As though one wasn't enough
Suddenly he messaged me
Someone i don't even know
Wants to meet Elaine desperately

The number of questions he asked
Had drained RM1.60 from my credit
I'm not surprised by this at all
But frankly speaking, i've had it!

Ok...i dunno how to continue adi. Guess i should jus say it in layman words. i'm not really as angry as i sound la. Just a bit bugged by the fact that i'm this link to the hot guy and the chun chic for others. haha...maybe i'm jealous...but not coz of him la...jus coz i dun get ppl hu want to know ME sue me....

Saturday, January 17, 2004

I questioned myself again today
If I really want to make this decision
I looked at you from a distance
And left myself in confusion

There's definitely a solid reason
Why i'm so afraid to make a move
But to say it out and make it clear
Is something i cannot prove

Today i realised something though
To my disappointment
I found out that i'll never
Be able to give my commitment

It's simply because there's something
About you that just isn't right
It's all in the character I'm sure
But what it is i can't decide

All i can say is, i like u a lot
But only as a friend i'd say
I have tried, really i have
But i just can't like you that way

Somehow i'm not comfortable
When it comes to being with u
Somehow I can't relax at all
When i start to talk to you

You're seriously a great friend
And i'll never give that away
The friendship we have is great
I sincerely wish it'll stay

It's my fault entirely
I fell for the charm, the looks
I fell for the flowers and gifts
These were what got me hooked

But when it comes to security
When it comes to a shoulder to cry on
When i seek a comforting word
It's not u I depend on

I have no idea how i am
Going to apologize to u
I can only hope that eventually
You'll forget me too...

Friday, January 16, 2004

Sui ran jing chang meng jian ni
Hai shi hao wu tou xu
Wai mian zheng zai xia zhe yu
Jing tian shi xing qi ji
Ni qu na li

*Sui ran bu ceng huai yi ni
Hai shi tan te bu ding
Shui shi ni de na ge wei yi
Yuan liang wo huai yi zi ji

~Wo ming bai
Wo yao de ai
Hui ba wo chong huai
Xiang yi ge xiao hai
Zhi dong zai ni huai li huai
Ni yao de ai
Bu zhi she yi lai
Yao xiang ge da nan hai
Feng chui you ri sai
Sheng huo zi you zi zai

Saw that! ahahha....anyway, like my new colour scheme? haha...this is more me than the blue....=)
Today, i called julie, went to SU prom. i called shirlyn, phone engaged. I called jia yin, phoen engaged. the next number i was about to dial was 56311385. but i didn't....

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Out of hand

I thought
It was just for fun
To show them our picture
But from there it begun
How would it be in future?

I thought
I could start a new life
In college, where i know no one
Set a new image to strive
To make my college days fun

But most of all i thought
That I could set things right
I would erase my past
Make things between u and me right
And hope that it will last

I thought wrong
The picture stirred something
I am now so confused
I no longer know my true feeling
But to admit it i refuse

I thought wrong
I have no control over what i set
My new image started the day i started
My faults and mistakes i couldn't correct
I'm on the verge of being broken hearted

Finally, i thought wrong
Things happened between us
Things i failed to foresee
Everything has been set for us
You will remain just a friend to me

Hmmm...actually i think my poem sounds kinda weird tonight. haha takes a poet to understand another. hahaha watever it is, what i'm tyring to say is everything is set for now. I can't change the way things got out of hand. Oh well..=)

Monday, January 12, 2004

I'm running out of rhymes in my i guess i shall do what most ppl would do to express how they feel when they don't know how to say it out. haha paste song lyrics. This song is not bad...=)

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
The time has come again for me

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Another day that I can't find my head
My feet don't look like they're my own
I'll try and find the floor below to stand
And I hope I reach it once again

And I'm feelin' the same way...

So many times I wonder where I've gone
and how I found my way back in
I look around awhile for something lost
maybe I'll find it in the end

And I'm feelin' the same way...

*Norah Jones - Feelin' the Same Way*

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Reading through my poems
I realised i have changed
I've been so into you and me
About how things will be eventually
How my life can be arraged

But when i read through them again
I realised something really bad
The poems were mainly what i feel
And i forgot about what was real
In fact, it made me seem really sad

I failed to consider something important
I thought about myself all the time
I should've thought more about you
About what exactly was true
Now, I feel as though i've commited a crime

So from now on i shall start
To think about your feelings
I'll think whether you feel the same way
And whether you would have anything to say
And also about the consequences it brings

I will consider even the 3rd parties
I'll see if she likes you too
Maybe it was fate that you're with her
In the same class together
Maybe who she really likes is you

So from today i made a promise
That i will not only think of me, myself and I
There's a lot of things that it will affect
And a lot of things that will take effect
Now, i shall just see as time fly by...

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Stop emoing!!

I think i shall not emo for tonight. My last few poems seemed kinda pathetic. I myself am starting to see myself in a different light. I'm sad man! gotta get out of this rutt!

Today i guess i had some fun
I made more friends i'd say
And eventhough Trushna left the class
It wasn't dull all the way

I know i had a fear at first
Fear that i wouldn't be able to cope
But i've made up my mind to try my best
Now i can only hope

....ok...obviously i have writer's block. BIG time. I seriously can't think of anything....can't thnk of anything ELSE...actually...anything other than...u. Gawd!! That's it. i'm ending this blog. go to sleep and start afresh tmr.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Getting the prom picture today stirred something in my mind. As much and as long as i had thought about it, i'm still left in confusion. I can only hope this won't affect my studies in any way.

Taking out the picture of u and me
May seem like an easy task
But deciding to look at you in the eye
Is really too much to ask

Although it's just a picture
I can't seem to tell why
What i feel when i look at you
Is as though it was a real guy

I feel confused when i see you face
And I dare not stare too long
I feel questions clouding my mind
Questions that bug me all along

I can't tell if my mind is stable
And if i won't repeat my mistake
Or if i will hurt u again
And place our friendship at stake

I can't tell if i am just flattered
By your charm and your looks
Or if i really like you this much
Have i really been hooked?

The girls in class think you're hot
I admit i feel very proud
But what if that's the main reason
What if that's what my feelings are about?

That i have what the other girls want
And then only showing u off
I really don't want to use u this way
But it's something i am not sure of

Then again, there's you and her
Being in the same class everyday
You both had some history together
There's bound to be feelings some day

Part of me refuses to believe
That I feel a little bugged by it
That I feel like i'm losing my chance
Somehow i just can't admit

But part of me knows what's best
I shouldn't allow any chance to come my way
Hurting you hurts me as well
I just can't bear to have it replayed

I guess what i really need to do
Is get my thinking straight
I need to find out if i really like you
Before, i'm afraid, it is too late...

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Stepping into college now
Isn't exactly how i thought it would be
What i assumed was fun and excitement
Turned out to be very scary

Everything has changed
Makes me start to realise
How much i miss my schooling years
Especially times with u guys

The college walls intimidate me
The books all seem so bombastic
And the lecturers have their different ways
But all seem very sarcastic

Everything seems so "big"
And i suddenly feel so small
I feel a little worried now
What if i can't cope with it all?

New friends i made a few
Makes things a little better
With someone just as lost as me
Makes "being lost" a little easier

I hope i can toughen up a bit
To face these challenges as they come
I hope that i will put in my best
Scholarship material, i will become!

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Come, 2004

I dedicate this poem to Julie Kuan. You've been there for me through thick and thin. Hope it stays that way. =) Luv ya girl!

Just yesterday i was still running
With you around my primary school
Playing "getah" and "catching"
Couldn't care less if i acted like a fool

Just yesterday i was jumping with joy
Straight As i scored in my UPSR
You and i, we all went to enjoy
Setting our blues afar

Just yesterday your schoulders were wet
From the tears that flowed from my eyes
2 Bs for PMR, how dreadful the feeling of regret
I should've been more serious, i started to realise

Just yesterday we were giving each other hugs
Wishing good luck and all the best
Calming each other's jitter bugs
As we face SPM and be put to the test

Today we hang out at our favourite places
Play our favourite games, eat our favourite food
Laughter and smiles on our faces
We have fun just like we should

Tomorrow we start a new beginning
As each of us embark on a new journey
Fear and insecurity are surfacing
How is this new life to be?

Tomorrow and onwards will be a new day
Surrounded by new friends, new people
And once in a while i will think of yesterday
Thinking of the elements that made yesterday memorable...