Wednesday, January 31, 2007

the lake

i used to run at the Subang Lake. It was the very place where i honed my stamina, built my strength and made a place for myself in the running arena...ok well, maybe not much of a place but i did land myself a spot in the P2K team...back in the days where i was the baby of the triathlon family, before it got dominated by 9-10 year olds from Singapore.

and since the disease, i never went back there. i dont know if it was the embarrassment i got from becoming so slow, that i was afraid to show my face around the lake kakis, or it's just the fear that arises everytime i got there, remembering the days where i'd drag myself up that miserable excuse of an uphill slope and eventually slowed down to a walk. either way, that place have always and (i thought) will always be a jinx.

but yesterday, after taking more than a week long hiatus from running, i decided to gather my courage and go for a run at the lake. still cautious, i intentionally left my stopwatch behind, so that i wouldn't be tempted to time myself. as i was about to leave home, my dad came back. looking for a bit of moral support, i invited him along and off we zoomed to my most feared venue after Dr Loo's Clinic.

surprise, surprise, i managed 4 rounds with minimal discomfort. no doubt the hiatus made me pant a bit, but it was good i-think-i-could-actually-go-on panting, not oh-my-god-my-lungs-are-exploding panting.

so i got my lake back. it's no longer jinxed. it's funny how such childish believes could cripple me for so long that i'd actually fear a place. it's funny how such childish believes actually last that long.

Monday, January 29, 2007

the sinful purchase

ive always wanted a pair of off-road sandals. one that i can go trekking with. one that would last, wouldn't give me blisters and look cool at the same time. one that was green.

i went shopping that day.
i scouted around.
my eyes glided greedily over the Tevas, Crocs and even the North Faces.
many fit the cut. but it was hard to part with that much cash.
then, something caught my eye.
something deliciously funky and alluring.
i caved.
i am now RM 129.90 poorer.

my saving grace:
1. i got Bonuslink points out of it.
2. they're cheaper than the Tevas, the Crocs and the North Faces.
3. even Rocky loves it.

happiness is a state of mind

"why would anyone want to have an online journal? so nice meh sharing your personal thoughts with the world?" said he when i shared this site with him.

well, HE who said that now owns a blog. and being the nice and dutiful sister that i always am *ahem ahem* i figured he could use some readers. so for the triathlon/running enthusiats out there, people who enjoy indulging in race and training reports, or simply people who would enjoy reading about the 23 year old Malaysian senior accountant residing in Perth, Happiness is a state of Mind is the blog to read.

here's food for thought. if you think that what i do is intense, then u should read his blog coz i do like an eigth or a tenth of what he does. :)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

am i turning mean?

i have an old school mate who would be leaving for oz-land in about 2 weeks time. in an attempt to meet up before she leaves, the group (or rather whatever's left of it) decided to go for a night out in KL. Me being, well, me, i refused the invitation. it's not that i don't want to go out with them. It's just that with all the red tape i'd have to go through without having to lie, the whole affair has lost its appeal altogether. and i can only imagine being pressed against sweaty bodies of unknown strangers in a smoky hazy environment where drugs and drunkards are lurking in every possible corner of the area, that the thought of it was enough to make me hurl.

sides, there are a thousand and one other ways to meet up apart from clubbing.

anyway, there was the reasoning that i may not see this friend of mine again, that she was leaving already, can't i just spare one night for her and so on and so forth. i really don't know. we were close once. then we grew apart. and for some reason, i was never able to patch the gaps between us back. we just grew more and more different in every aspect of life, that when we met up, conversations were formal, and mannerism was polite. it was like meeting someone new all over again. and for that reason, i really can't feel even the slightest tinge of sadness that she's leaving so soon.

because for one thing, i'll probably see her again soon, if not this coming June, then this coming November. Which means it's not exactly forever that we won't see each other. and for another, even when she was around, we never really communicated much. so it doesn't make much of a difference.

it sounds awfully mean i know. what makes it worse is that i am the only one who seems to feel like i'm drifting apart from this group. everyone in it is striving to sew the seems back together with more and more mamak sessions, and more and more dinners and lunches and what nots. everyone in the group desperately calls for a get together the moment any member flies home from somewhere that we actually bid farewell 2, sometimes 3 times a year to a same person. which makes the heartfelt farewell decrease in value with each time.

i can't help it. maybe i have changed. eventhough i think that i have not. but if i'm the only one who feels obligated to attend these meetings then maybe i have. and we no longer see eye to eye on a lot of things. i'm so lost when the girls chitter about current, ex and future beaus. i'm even more puzzled when i try tuning in to what the guys have to say about clubs and bars. i find myself occassionally nodding and smiling just to keep the conversation flowing but most of the time, i really just savour the meal and wait for the right time to say that i need to go home.

i don't mean to be rude. i really don't. but it's not how it used to be. no longer am i the one who'd jump at the opportunity to gather my friends out on a friday night for an iced tea at some nearby mamak. things have changed. times have changed. i dont blame anyone or anything.

i just don't want to be misunderstood as the mean one who turned her back on the group.

Friday, January 26, 2007

more than half way there

i love mid way points. whenever im exactly halfway through a race route, i'd tell myself "Now just do that one mroe time and ure done!". and it works wonders for the mind. the half way point? it's my reason for living...coz it affects me in many other aspects in life, from racing, to studying, to exams, and even things as trivial as long distance travelling. i'm not a big fan of travelling for long hours.

as of now, the mid way point of my summer course have passed me by. i've completed an individual assignment, and a group presentation, and pretty well too if i should say so myself. for the first time ever i was actually stressed out over a presentation. which was for the better also la. i suppose if it weren't for my group mates harrassing me with smses and questions i probably would not have done such a thorough job. (but i'd like to believe that i'd still be fine anyhows). all that's left is the Final Take Home exam.

and that, should be done in a blink of an eye. =)

Thursday, January 25, 2007

the omg-a-deuter-bag moment

when i got to Majlis Sukan Negara this morn for the press conference, the first thing i saw was the neatly lined up Deuter haversacks on the table with bold printed name tags on them. My heart stopped for a second. i knew the benefits were good, but a 30L Deuter Haversack?? whoa!!

i say this coz i was actually shopping for one not too long ago, for my upcoming climb. but they were all way out of my league. i can't believe i got one for free!!!

you know, i'm starting to think that maybe, i'm pretty lucky afterall. i've always had this idea that the lucky one in the family was my brother. scholarships make a beeline to him, teachers all praise his diligence, he gets amazing results, and he gets to go to Australia. i used to believe i was the slightly more wayward one, the one with a long list of mischief tales to tell, the one whom teacher knew for not exactly the right reasons... i think the number of fights ive picked with my parents is beyond countable. but i digress.

anyway, life has been goood to me lately. i get plastered up on a 6 metre wall in front of a very busy road, i get a part in the main cast of a musical when we all know i cant sing, and now, i've got this. The Powerbar Team Elite. Half the time i was there this morning, i was conscious about what people would think of me as every single one of them were literally elite athletes in their own sport. i was the only one who's not-quite-there. i still don't quite belief that i got in, but i'm's real.

anyway, i'm more of a karma believer, so i'll just comfort myself that i must've done something right...:)

well, here are some shots i took of this morn. enjoy.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

what's next?

pictures of my constipated, very much in pain, yet very much a camwhore, 30 km race...courtesy of PM Tey.

There's not a single race which i am capable of doing in February. Ironman Langkawi? hahah or even better...Le Tour De Langkawi...hahaha...well the only plausible option from what i see is the FTAA cross country run. ive never signed up for that, so i doubt i will this time.

anyways, i'll be hiking my 3 peaks in Camerons in February. so maybe it would be best to stay off racing...take a month long hiatus and see if i'm daring enough to do a 42 21km in KL.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

thirty long long long kilometres

8.42 am, somewhere out of Hartamas:
"knees. giving. way. can't. feel. feet. must. drink. water."

2 hours and 40 minutes before...
The announcer was asking people to report to the starting line. unlike most races, this one was actually nerve wrecking. i had doubts about completing it. owell, i was at the point of no return. :)

for the first 7 km or so, the skies were pitch black. it was almost eerie when it came to stretches of the route with no headlamps. for that reason, i was ever grateful that Isaiah was running alongside me. i was going slow, but i didnt know how slow until i reached the 10 km point at t=1:10.

i tried telling myself that this was just 3 rounds of 10 km. so after i finished the first 10 km, i chanted in my head Round 2 a few times. Isaiah had already gone off, somewhere. Round 2 was HARD. there was this freakin long U-turn along Hartamas Shopping centre. and when i say freakin long, i mean, endless-where-the-hell-is-the-bloody-end long. it just kept on and on. there are reasons why i absolutely despise U-turns. 1. you keep seeing people on the other side, which demotivates you in an evil way, because the harder u try to run to keep up, the further "behind" they'll be from you. 2. for every darn downhill you enjoy now will become an annoying uphill slope once u get on the other side.

it was at this bloody U-turn that i met a lot of people, namely, Uncle Choi, Ben, Meng, someone who yelled "Karen", Ashley, and many others. many times i felt like quitting, like maybe 25 km was my limit. but for some reason, whenever that thought crossed my mine, someone would show me, in one way or another, some form of encouragement which made me pull through.

when i was finally done with the U-Turn, i ecstatically chanted Round 3 to myself. someone, somewhere mentioned 6 km to go, and that lifted my spirits a little. but with every step i took, my legs felt more and more like bricks. it came to a point where the soles of my feet felt like they were burning through the shoes and hitting straight on the tar road. every step was painstakingly taken. my heart burned with every breath i drew in. i was suffering. somewhere back in KL, a man told me to look up, face the world. At this point, i was already crying. only thing was tears did not fall. i bit back pain as i tried to numb myself, whisking my thoughts to other matters like college and friends and family.

somewhere up ahead, with about 4 km left to go, i spotted Isaiah. I gave my strides a little bit more push to catch up with him. Somehow i managed a brief laugh as he didnt expect me to catch up. the remaining kms of the race, i was trailing behind, but closely. Until finally, pulling into Lake Gardens, i sucked in my breath and my pain, and made a dash for the finishing.

30 kms, i completed. 30 long, tiring kms. in 3 hours and 26 minutes. i know people run the 42 km race all the time. but to me, this 30 kms was a major major achievement. i bet that my mental power have never been tested so before.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

January babies galore!

in my family, there are 5 January babies. and, as of yesterday, 20th January 2007, there's now 6. i know, i don't get it too...but every year, January calls for a huge birthday bash as we celebrate everyone's birthday from my YehYeh's to my newborn nephew's. That's 4 generations there! say it with me now...whoa!!!

Yesterday we celebrated the January birthdays in my uncle's house in Ara Damansara. His 3 kids are all born in January. so they had a huge children's party consisting of 30 over kids. He was even hardworking enough to make treasure hunts and other party games for them. haha...well, i'll let the pics do the talking...

the super semangat game master!beautiful cakes from Cake Sense
the camwhoring witch blatantly doing what she does best =)

now everyone was exhausted by the end of the day. the dutiful wives and mothers were worn out from all the cooking and baking and whatnots. the proud parents of the 3 January babies were beat from the party planning. yours truly was, well, getting ready to call it a night because there was a long long long race tomorrow. but nobody, i believe, was as pooped out as one particular person. this proud aunty must've stayed up all night, anxious to receive her newborn nephew that she pretty much blacked out the moment she stepped into Ara Damansara, missing pretty much most of the action. hehe...

the pooped out er yee

when love songs make it worse

when there are no words
to ask about my day
when there are no ears
to hear all i have to say

when there are no hugs
to ensure we never part
when there are no kisses
to mend a broken heart

when there are no calls
just to hear my voice
when there is no you
and i'll take no other choice

when there is that void
that i really want to fill
when there is that feeling
that i really dont want to deal

when there is a frustration
which threatens to burst
thats when love songs
just make matters worse

Thursday, January 18, 2007

KarenJoey day out


did you guys catch American Idol? did u see the 6" 4' black girl? she was amazing! and the final contestant of Seattle, Rudolpho! He was fineeee....*grins*


I was bored out of my wits today. for some reason i had this itch to get up and get out! so when i expressed my utmost sienness to Joey, she made my day by asking me if i wanted to go to Pyramid after class. whoopee!!

So i came home to have lunch, while i waited for her class to end. I was flipping through The Sun and there was a full page saying Parkson Grand Sale! 70% off wei!!! so the shopaholic in me, caged up for a pretty long time, broke free.

Funny, how i only got myself a formal shirt from Bliss. I was in need of one coz everytime there was oral presentation, i dont know what to wear. In FOS, being the evil place it is, i bought 2 more tops.

Walking around a shopping mall, no matter what you say, is and will always be a work out. so by 4.30 pm we were hungry. Off we went to a nearby mamak.

In a nutshell, i had fun with the girl today. Joey is a great shopping partner and an even better mamak companion...=)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

when i'm no longer in charge

today was my first group discussion with the other girls regarding our upcoming group assignment. now i was never a big fan of group assignments. as much of a people person as i may seem, there are certain things in life which i prefer to fly solo. assignments are one of them. for the simple reason, i have a certain way of doing things which i have realised is not the way a lot of people do things. but i digress.

so today i realised that this time around, i have a very very different team of members. usually my teammates are pretty blur about what goes on in class and are very willing to just accept whatever task i throw at them, within reason, of course. and though there were times where i wished my teammates were more in the know about things, i never really thought about how much easier they had made things for me in the past. because now i've got a team of girls who, like me, are very opinionated and, like me again, have each their own ways of doing things.

back then, my group discussions barely last an hour. and that does not account for the 15-20 minutes delay in my teammate's arrivals. which means discussions last for no more than 30 minutes tops. guess how long we discussed today? one and a half hours. and the reason it ended was coz lecture was starting. *eyes bewildered*

so...this is new for me. not that it's bad or anything. just new. and a new year is about changes right?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

oops, i did it again

remember how i said i'm gonna give new year resolutions a miss this year because i'll never be able to achieve them? today's a good example.

if i were to make a resolution this year it would be to end all eleventh hour work and avoid procrastination. and as simple as that resolution may be, i might have broken it today already, and i'm barely into the month of February!

once again, i've completed my individual assignment, a 1500 word report in a single day. It is due tomorrow. or rather, in a few hour's time. ha! so i did have aspirations to maybe earn myself another HD this time. i did have aspirations to maybe boost that 68.8 average to a 70 plus average. but i guess, once again, i'm settling for mediocre.

i really need to change this attitude of mine. baahhhh!

Anyway, i've started labelling my posts. but 600 plus posts is a hard number to track down. so i've only managed to tag 2 different labels i.e. 'muscles' for my running, swimming (hopefully), and cycling related posts, and 'rhymes' for all my poems. going back into the years 2003 and 2004, i realised i actually managed to write a poem a day back then. and i must say, i am impressed by my own rhyming ability. i think i've lost it, because inspiration to write don't come as easily these days.

then again, considering inspiration to write poems comes in the form of heartache and pain, the lack of poems is a good sign. but still, i would like to be able to rhyme just about anytime anywhere, like how i used to. so i guess i'd have to find a new form of inspiration. :)

but for namesake, here's one for tonight.

i guess i've always been a little too proud
to tell myself that he's more than alright
to remind myself of my own flaws
to see the both of us as right

i guess i've always been a little too jealous
of the people who once looked up to me
the people who now tells me what's wrong
and tried to advise me accordingly

i guess i've always been a little too condescending
of the people i deem to be untrue
the people who walk with masks
the people i never really knew

i guess i've always been a little too careful
of paths that i may stray from unknowingly
of people that may deceive me
of journeys that seem just a little too crazy

Saturday, January 13, 2007

how my day went from glum to glam

when i opened my eyes for the 3rd time since i switched my alarm off at 7 am, the clock was already showing 11 am. i had slammed the alarm off, and slept for another 4 hours before i decided to wake up. needless to say, i was groggy and moody.

i had Milo for breakfast which for some reason upsetted my stomach, so that by the time lunch came, i was in no mood to eat. still i ate a bit and grudgingly changed and went to college. the rain was pouring down so my mum dropped me off at the front gate.

dreading every second of my day, i wished for the billionth time since i woke up, that there would be another blackout or class would miraculously be cancelled, none of which happened. and then, half an hour into lecture, my phone started vibrating. the caller ID registered an unfamiliar PJ number. i held my breath. could it be?

fading out Mr Henry's voice in the background, i ducked down and answered the call...

"Hello? Is this Karen Siah?"
"Hi, yea Karen speaking"
"Karen do you know who i am?"
yes i do, but let's not raise my hopes here now
"Karen, this is Rahimi here"
"Oh hi Rahimi!"
"Hi Karen, I hope i'm not disturbing you" no no...not in a million years, no... "But i have some good news for you"
"Really? You do? *laughs* That's great to hear..."
"Do you know what it is?"
uhuh yea, take ur time, stall longer!
"Did i get into the team?"
"*laughs* Yes Karen, welcome to the family!" yes my dear friends, excuse my moment of self indulgence but YOU are currently reading a Powerbar Team Elite member's blog! i am IN the TEAM! i swear if it weren't for the narrow lecture theatre chairs, and the fact that there was actually a lecture going on, i would've screamed and kicked and thrown a fit!

needless to say, that pretty much made my day. Now i know Mr Rahimi would probably be surfing into this site pretty often now. If he is reading this i wouldn't know where to hide my face the next time i see him, but yes i truly truly appreciate them selecting me.


Thursday, January 11, 2007

it'll never be the same

i remember clearly the day Lyn told me that she was with JA. she called me up to tell me so that i wouldn't hear it from anyone else. she said it was so natural. it happened so quickly that it didn't feel the least bit awkward. she told me she enjoyed being with him, talking to him, and that it felt it was meant to be. she told me she was happy. and then she told me not to worry, that things are not going to change, and it'll still be the same.

some months later, Ju called me up and told me she was with SG. she didn't say very much. but like Lyn, it also just happened. like there was no prior indication or anything. she said she was able to talk to him, to share with him. haha trust me, there are not a lot of people with whom she can share with. (no offense, hon). and so she told me she was happy. and i told her i was happy for her. and once again we said that we could still have our own fun, we could still hang out, we could still be the best of friends, and that things will stay the same.

yesterday, my closest friend in college, told me she's seeing someone now. she told me it happened during new year. i reckon it was the fireworks. hehe...she said it all happened recently, that she just started having these feelings for him and stuff like that. and, like all the rest, she acted as if nothing was going to change a bit.

but i guess we all know that things do change. life changes. everything changes. no matter how much we wish for it to stay the same, it will never. i feel happy for them, all of them. and though i know that we all miss the times before these people got hitched, i know that one of us misses it more than the other. coz i doubt that they are going to trade whatever they have now for anything in the world.

and what does a young, female adolescent whose best friends have all been hitched start doing? she starts pondering, on a lot of things which can basically be simplified as "what the hell is wrong with me??". so here i am thinking why...nothing heart wrenching teary moments nothing. i just...stone. wondering what had happened from the moment the first one gets a boyfriend to now. wondering what had occured during the gap between my previous relationship and now. wondering why i had always been asked where my boyfriend is, why i don't have one, and eventually be accused of being too picky or something. and wondering how the hell did i end up the last one to find myself a better half.

anyway, just so you know, all this is NOT, i repeat, NOT code for "please pity me". i'm fine. really i am. like Ju said, the right one hasn't come by. i can live with that. i just need to book my best friends earlier in advance from now on. haha...just kidding...they'll cancel on me the moment they get called out anyway. no big. running is an individual sport. this is why i choose running over rock climbing. because i don't need a partner. that, and it's cheaper too.

really. i'm fine...just fine...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


so the Wentworth Miller craze lives on with the completion of the transfer of Prison Break Season 2. i, sadly enough, am edging on high-school-teenage-celebrity-stalkerism. i took the liberty to watch several interviews with Miller on Youtube, i spent a couple of hours ogling at his pictures through Google Image, and when i saw that he was in the video of "We Belong Together" with Maraiah Carey, i became insanely jealous of that woman. which is bad, because i hate her enough already.

anyway, fanatic madness aside, i gave in to temptation today and slept in, knowing very well that i do not have the evening to run today. i figured i'd give myself a day's rest since my knees feel like they're about to give way soon enough. so tomorrow i'll start again.

this may come a little last minute, but i have got a mountain climbing expedition coming up. here are the details:

3 Peaks at Cameron Highlands

G. Berinchang, Irau and Berembun

5 Days 4 Nights February 7-11 2007

RM200/pax all meals and transport included

if you are keen to join us (us being a group of nbtd OB CAs, a couple of running heads, and some people who are training for Mt Kinabalu) please send me an email at by Friday, 12th January.

p/s: i still have not found a song to sing this evening. i guess if all fails, i'll "sugar sugar" my way through....

Monday, January 08, 2007

1 year

exactly 356 days have passed since my porpor left us. funny how fast time seem to have passed me by because that is only supposed to happen when we're having fun. today i felt a pang of guilt coursing through my spine when my dad showed me the orbituary because i thought it was in February.

1 year. and i still miss my porpor deeply. it's sad to think that we've had a lot of good family events throughout the year. Events which she would have loved to be apart of. Events which we had always thought about at the back of our heads but never got around to doing, because for us there was always a next time for everything. a free-er time, a better time. and it is shamefully unfortunate that her passing was what made us realise that we should be acting on our ideas as often as we can, whenever we have the chance to.

But i guess she was, for every second of it, very much amongst us. i know she must be looking down upon us with a smile because family gatherings always made her happy.

1 year. and ever so often i feel ashamed that i sometimes i forget to pray to her or to wish her peace. and how i never dreamt of her once. whenever my cousins or uncles and aunts relate their dreams of her, i can't help but wish that i would too. could it be that i do not think of her as often as i should?

1 year. and i still wish i had done more for her.


It's been a while
But your smile always
Brightens up my day
I guess you know
Because it show
You can see it
On my face
Feels like
You've put a spell on me
Feels like
You've captured me
And baby
This is how I feel
Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside
'Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause baby
I know that I got you

Everyday there's a change
You bring out the best in me
My inner soul is what you know
That is how you speak to me
You seem to understand
You know just who I am
And baby, this is how I feel

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside
'Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause baby
I know that I got you

Don't need a rocket man
To help me touch the sky
I don't need to fly a plane
To get this high
Don't need to hitch a ride
When I could run a million miles
Yes I would, just to see you smile

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside
'Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause baby
I know that I got you

-Gabrielle:Don't need the sun to shine (to make me smile)-

In loving memory of dear PorPor

p.s: my kor left for Aus today. more running kaki...

Saturday, January 06, 2007

soundtracks of my life

got this from Ben's xanga. it's probably not the best thing to do considering the music compilation i have playing. but, all the more hilarious the results turned out to be...haha...

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button


Opening Credits:
Fergie ft Will.I.Am - Fergalicious

Waking Up:
No Doubt - Don't Speak
yes people...a sleepy karen is a not so pleasant one

First Day At School:
Lisa Loeb - Stay
haha...must be referring to my dad...

Puppy Love:
Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
what? if it's ain't no other man at puppy love stage wonder i'm single

Fight Song:
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
oh no! this is so so should be You're Mine!

Breaking Up:
Lumidee - I'll Never Leave You (uh-Oh)
uh-oh alright! wth!

Hinder - Lips of an Angel THAT happened...

Life is Good:
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide

Natalie Imbruglia - Torn

Edwin McCain & Jewel - What Matters

True Love:
Alanis Morisette - Ironic
double shit...

Akon ft Eminem - Smack That

Moment of Triumph:
Jewel - Good Day
if u google the lyrics to this's not exactly very triumphant...

Death Scene:
Lisa Loeb - Try
yes...i'll save the world or DIE TRYING!!!

Funeral Song:
Pat Boone - Speedy Gonzales

End Credits:
Juliet The Orange - Eyelash
beats me...*shrugs*

and i tag...everyone who reads this. :P


i can't remember when was the last time i met up with Ben but i'm currently wondering why i never tried to sooner. i just came home from a brief yumcha session with the boy, alongside Dr. Chong and my deary Lyn. and it was fun! Ben is amazingly animated...even more than before.

i've always had a funny friendship with Ben. We were from the same primary school. He used to walk to my house as a kid because the bus drops him off very very early on Fridays. So we'd try breaking into my own house, because i was then looked after by a neighbour. and when we achieve that, we'd make a ruckus with the radio and the mic and whatnots. it was good crazy fun for 7-8 year olds.

then there was a point in Standard 5 or so, where Ben became increasingly annoying with every passing day. i had loathed him so much that so many times i wanted to punch him in the mouth. i vividly remember (with much horror) the time Ben took my board game chips and placed them in his socks to act as weights. he'd swing them around like a boat's propellers. it was downright disgusting!

and then there was secondary school where it was more of a hi-bye situation. we weren't the best of friends, but the friendship remained cordial throughout. there was a brief moment when i was in scouts. which probably was out bridging point. apart from that...i dont recall us hanging out much.

then college came, and for some reason i was writing him Friendster testimonials and we were talking to each other on a regular basis. i even remember driving all the way to KL with Fu Wen and Lyn to watch some performance of his in the Actors Studios. haha...and catching HipHopera as well as BOTB.

and now, with him in Auckland, we chat online occasionally and he sends me stuff about his band, asking me to proof-read really really jargon-ish engineering work and pretty much crap about a lot of stuff.

it's funny. i don't know why i'm so tickled about this but it's funny...and all i can think about now is DARN why didn't i take a picture with him just now.

haha Ben...ben....

Friday, January 05, 2007

and i'm IN...

thanks to the sheer intelligence of Mr Dektos Loh, i am now able to access my blog. to think that i was fooled by something as trivial..something as negligible as a damn IP! *darn you IP address!*

unfortunately, the p2p file sharing is still not made possible. either Limewire is no longer trustworthy, or the finger's pointed at Taiwan again. wmp list is in much need of a new addition...seriously...if you see the songs i'm listening to on my msn, u'll understand.

anyway, just back from my 3rd day of college and i'm already having thoughts of ditching all friday classes from now on. having thoughts...i don't think i'll really skip much la...not that truant. :)

Grease production practises begin next Wednesday. "Do i have to prepare a monologue?" "No, but you have to prepare a song..." a song??? i can't sing for peanuts. now i'm scheming a way to pull a Ramon-and-Mumble-esque performance with Shakti...hmmm.....

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Locked out!

i think it's so strange that i cannot access my own blog from my home pc. i can access all sites except blogspots. i feel locked out from my own personal space! wth! it's really weird coz it's accessible from every other computer, so it's not streamyx. it's my pc. why why why?

anyway, waking up this morning for my 9 am class wasn't as "death defying" as i thought. it was surprisingly quite easy. either Anna Nalick is extremely soothing to the ears or all those morning runs have conditioned me to somehow abide by the alarm.

speaking of runs, i have started to increase my mileage. i did an extra round (which is 430m) today. not much on its own, but accumulatively, say 3-4 times a week would be 1.39-1.72km extra. which is still not much i guess. maybe next week i'll try increasing to 2 rounds. it's all bout tone-setting! it's all in the mind.....:)

i just got home from William's. Ryn is flying off to UK again. another flying off. sigh...i can count the number of people from our group left with 1 hand. it's pretty sad. not like i won't be getting a chance to do the same, but by the time it's my turn the fly off, there'd be no one around anymore. and by then everyone would eb getting ready to graduate, some may be searching for jobs and stuff...i really shouldn't be complaining because i get to do what i want at the end of the day...but it'll be different then. i'll be starting with people 2-3 years my junior. i'll be going through the entire 3 years of education again knowing that my friends are already out there getting paychecks. i'll be experiencing for the first time, going out and living on my own, when my friends have all had 2-3 years experience of that.

i really want to do this other degree. and i will accept no lower than a degree too...but it just would've been a tad nicer to be relating my freshman year with my friends who are in the same boat as well. i always feel that the path we choose after school determines who we are. and it bugs me to have to tell people that i'm currently doing a business degree when people ask me because that is not the person i want to be. i do explain that it's a safety net for me, in case my other degree proves to be nonfunctional. but the truth is, i really really can't wait to be able to tell people that i'm studying Sport and Exercise Science when i'm asked about it next year.

I really really can't wait for next year.


sigh...come home la...miss u....

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

the first day of college

i was barely in college for 15 minutes when the entire lecture theatre went dark! i laughed! the first day of college and we've got ourselves a blackout. was a rather major hiccup. the entire ss15 was out apparently. but...sigh...the lights came back half an hour later. so the lesson resumed.

anyway, i take a daring step into college today and every single person who passes me by starts congratulating me upon "making the billboard". haha...they finally changed those 6 huge ass panels in front of college. i'm actually quite bashful about it now. it's not exactly the best picture of myself. i look constipated. and it's not exactly unnoticeable. it's HUGE!

before and after

on to other things, i think i shall give new year resolutions a miss this year. it's not like i ever achieve any. my resolutions were always to be less of a procrastinator, to work harder, to push my limits further, yadda yadda yadda...

but you know what? i think that's just me. last minute work is my forte. procrastination is a skill i seemed to have mastered. it's just how i am, and it works for me. i get satisfying results. so, why change something that works?

i'm not a strong believer of scheduled routines. i never made timetables coz i never stayed focus long enough to follow them. i'm very emotionally driven. i can't do things i don't feel like doing. so new year resolutions? i never saw them through. *shrugs*


if only i can know for sure
that my thoughts are fixed on you
if only i can know for sure
that i am able to stay true

if only i can tell myself
that i have entirely moved on
if only i can tell myself
that those feelings are gone

if only i can show myself
that i will not dwell on the past
if only i can show myself
that my feelings for you will last

if only i can gather the courage
to leave the past behind
if only i can gather the courage
to have just you on my mind..

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

old flames?

"Carl! Caaaaa-aaarrllll! Can you seem them??"
"I can seem them! So many!!!"

Almost 15 years back, the company my dad was working for had a family trip to Kuala Selangor. Back then the fellow collagues and their families met very often for family days and stuff. We went to watch the Kelip-Kelip (Fireflies). It was amazing...

Now, well into my 20s (yes i'm feeling OLD), i find myself going back there again, hand in hand with little cousins who, like me then, were jumping up and down eager to see this so called fire bugs. and just like me, they ooh-ed and aah-ed at the marvelous creatures, shouting across to each other's boats in the darkness.

hmm...i wonder where he is, Carl, who shouted across to my boat in the darkness that same place 15 years ago...

yes, i want to find him. for some strange unknown reason, i wish to find him.