Sunday, September 28, 2008

friday nights, saturday nights, sundays

Weekends have lost its appeal to me ever since i got to Auckland. The mere thought of a Friday night now only brings forth images of Dennis's chat window flashing on my task bar for longer hours i.e. till later in the night. It's a big change from the Karen I used to be back at home where I'm almost never at home on Fridays at all...let alone Friday nights. In the first few weeks here i thought that was the saddest thing ever. I had completely severed my socializing side and had chosen to wallow in my self pity and misery in the empty apartment i stay in. An apartment i still refrain from calling "home". But i've come to terms with this solitudinous side of me. I've accepted that being alone in a strange apartment on Friday, Saturday or any night for that matter is not sad or pathetic or a picture of misery. Whether or not that's being positive thinking or living in denial, i'm not sure.

Saturdays I work. Which is going against everything I've ever preached about the working life. I chide my friends who find themselves dragging themselves back to their offices, all zombified, on Saturdays. But work is different for me. I like work. to the extend that working on a staurday may very well be the highlight of my week. omg...i just realised how sad that sounds. bah. i don't care. work rules. =)

And Sundays, well, on some of them I work. Full shift. 8 am to 4 pm all by myself. Now before you think that i'm a goner, hold your horses because THIS...this i do not like. Working on a Sunday. by myself no less. It sucks. Big time. And because it starts at 8 am. and because the next day's Monday. *shudders* But on days that I do not work, Sundays give me a chance to go around the place. I usually grab my bike and start cycling around on Sundays.

But not today though. Today i'm on a mission. To finish my Psych Lab report. Can't seem to start on it though. Also because today I woke up at 11.30 am. For the first time since i came here. I slept at 6 plus last night. Talking to my favourite boy. Ah...can't wait till I have the luxury of doing that every damn night...

Anyway, on a higher, brighter note, (no i'm not sad and all la. I'm actually feeling very at peace with myself don't worry) I went out last night! Abby's 21st Birthday Bash. And i'm so glad I did (because i almost didn't want to). Because I met so many people and now the chances of me meeting a familiar face in Uni has probably quadrupled. And the thought of that puts a smile on my face. Abby had it pretty grand. She had a hall booked with a piano, a stage, projector and screen and the works. Her mum did a lot of cooking, her friends helped out with deco and her boyfriend Alex did pretty much all of the organizing. Such a sweet guy. He and his friends did a video for her even...and sang (or pretended to) a song to Abby. It was hilarious and really sweet. I would've melted on the spot if i were her. And her friend sang her a song with another friend playing the piano.

Well i could see a lot of people loved Abby very very much. Everyone put in so much effort for her and she seemed pretty happy. Oh the theme was The Classics and everyone really brought their game last night. I had no intentions to buy a new dress so I picked out the most decent attire I could ensemble and the first response I got was "Hey, so ure bringing the beach theme huh?" Right. owell...i liked how i look. *pouts*

But enough with words. Here are some photos.

Yang Diraikan...walking through fashionably late, pulling of an Audrey Hepburn
Sitting up on stage while we gave her speeches...
The group i was with for the party games. Let me see if i can remember all their names. Boon, Jun Bin, Fiona, Jie Huei, Adrian..=)
Birthday Girl, Birthday cake, Birthday boyfriend?
Christine Ho and MattMan of the hour...Alex, the partyplanner/entertainer/musician/cakebearer/birthdayboyfriend
And the little miss herself =)

Happy 21st Birthday Abby!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Biodex a machine that does pretty cool stuffs. It measures your specific strength and power at specific joints in your body, at specific angles, with specific resistance applied, at a specific speed. its just this awesome machine which controls everything and all u have to do is either pull or push really really hard.
anyway, here's the machine. you've got to strap yourself up to it really tight. and then you set your maximum extension and maximum flexion of your knee. and then you set the speed at which you should move based on the force of resistance applied. but enough with this gibberish. just know that there is this really cool machine which does some really cool stuff and i got to sit on it! =)

random blabber aside...i did generally quite alright in all my midterms with Medsci being that rotten apple. I got pretty high marks for my Sportsci subjects. Feeling pretty happy about things right now actually.

my face probably has gone rounder but my weight remains at 53-54 kg. I'm happy i guess. Though I am so shopping for new pants when i get home...

home. that's only 70 days away and it feels so near. i really can't wait to go home. there's just so much i want to show off - my newly acquired cooking skills, my recently cultivated habit of waking up no later than 9 am, my new lean toned figure *yeah baby* and just the new me, in general. coz i think i've changed in some ways...

better start keeping your days and nights free for me people! 70 days to go...=)

Monday, September 22, 2008

i woke up to rain. and that made me frown. back at home the weather never bothered me much. sure id throw a gah here and there if it rained at night when i want to go mamak, or if it rained during the evening when i wanted to run. but that aside, it never really had an impact on me. here, the weather sets my mood...and the tone of the rest of my day too apparently.

i woke up feeling a little sad. feeling a little disappointed in myself for failing MedSci. feeling a little less than confident.
but it all went away after the rain left and the sun came up, thank God. and my day became much better. i even walked with rhythm in my feet to the Meadowbank school for work. Its a pretty long walk but i enjoyed it. Meadowbank is a lovely little residential area with lovely gardens and houses. Pretty flowers and trees are everywhere.

Once again I am taken aback by the beauty of Auckland.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

apricot and toasted muesli

i just got home from work. i'm sitting down once again in an empty apartment, staring at the skies outside, with the blinds completely drawn open. the grey clouds are here, but the sky is still blue. sun is still up, though it's on its way down. houses with red zinc roof tops line the mountainside. swirly smoke coming from chimneys. the gorgeous. Auckland is gorgeous.

and i'm sitting here, with a bowl of apricot and toasted muesli in non-dairy soymilk (enjoy the goodness of milk without lactose!). I'm chewing hard on the muesli, my brain registering the fact that it is delicious, but somehow not registering the fact that I am hungry. I am. Or was, when I left work. Where has my apetite gone? i feel...confused.

i just got out of a quiet day at work, with very few members in the gym and completely zero clients for personal training. it was dull, but i had a nice conversation with Merin. I like Merin. She's really nice. And I like Cara and Kate and Sarah. I like all of them that i work with at the gym. In fact I truly love my job at the gym. It's fun, it's laid back, it pays, and it has me looking forward to it. That's gotta count for something. And when I'm at work, i am...contented. As if that's all I ever want to do for the rest of my life here in this country.

I have just gotten my Medsci 142 midterm results and i...did not pass. No, I did not do so-so, or alright, or okay. I failed. And that just ruined my every nerve that were sending out happy positive impulses. And I know it isn't over. I know there is only one way about this, and that is to pull up my socks, lift that chin up and start doing some serious studying for the finals. But my heart is heavy. Everything was going so well. Now i'm back at square one. Did I make the right choice by fighting for this? Am I doing this for me or for everyone else? What exactly am I doing here? Do I even want to know what Medsci 205 in year 2 is like? I feel...questioned. By me. With one cocked eyebrow, a tapping feet and drumming fingers on the table.

I know I can make things right. I have not given up faith, merely hope...for now. I look forward to passing my exam but I dread the daunting clawing back up i'd have to do. I can't wait to go home but i dread saying goodbye again. I want so much to learn but i dread being tested on it. I feel like I already know what tomorrow will bring and I want it yet I'm afraid of it at the same time. I feel a little...cautious. Walking on tippy toes when I really should be taking long big strides.

And just like that, I see the bottom of my bowl. How is it that I munched and chewed through that obscene amount I poured for myself without being hungry? I just kept munching and chewing. =)

So yes. Keep munching and chewing Karen. Soon you'll see the bottom of the bowl =)

Thursday, September 18, 2008


there were 2 ducks in my uni today. ignore the sunshine interruption in the picture. don't know where they came from. and for some reason, this fact amused me to no end. i mean, i've seen ducks in UWA in perth. But that's coz they have a pond for them. There isn't any pond in Tamaki. and i dont think they're anybody's pets. they're wild ducks who decided to waddle into uni one search for knowledge perhaps? for a better future?

haha...really the littlest things amuse me sometimes.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Karen can cook counter the post before this and settle some worries from home, i have decided to do this now. i was gonna wait till i had an awesome collection of photos, but there seems to be no better time than now. so ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, my very own scrapbook...

Karen Can Cook!

For the 2 months I've been here, i have been agonizing over meal times. There were times where I wished my body never knew hunger from thirst. And then all i needed was a 3L jug of fruit juice and carton of Lactose-free Soymilk (Chocolate flavoured no less). Whenever my tummy started to rumble i would stare longingly at my 9-pack cookie time box, or at the little square packets of Indomee. Every voice in me would be yelling at me to just grab the nearest, most convenient form of food to quench and quelch that roaring sensation in my stomach. But for some darn reason, I only gave in 3 times. 3 times in the 64 days I've been here, 3 times out of the 120 odd meals that I have cooked. That's gotta worth something for self discipline right? The other times? I had greens, protein, carbo, fruit. In all the right portions, trust me. And so, without further Karen Can Cook moments, for your viewing pleasure. :)
ah, the first meal. Chinese style fried rice with shredded carrots, fresh chicken drumstick flesh, garlic and onion. Felt like home.
Long beans omelet cooked to perfection. I flip eggs pretty good. Easy, healthy, yummy.
Something i learned from my aunt in Melbourne. Avocado, ham, cheese, all melted together on buttered oven toasted bread.
Indomee with mushrooms, carrots and slices of cabbage. And of course, topped with a less than perfect telur mata kerbau, but hey, imperfection is perfection when ur this far away from home.
Pasta with tuna and honey roast ham. And slices of white buttom mushrooms. All mixed together in a crazy, unique tasting mesh of consumables. Not the best tasting dish, but it was definitely something different.
Mee suah in steamy hot chicken soup, with chicken slices and a handful of fresh taugeh, put in last to maintain its crunchyness.
Yang Chun noodles with garlic sprouts, baby bok choy, mushrooms and pork balls, boiled in ikan bilis soup!
Of course, one must have white man's meal in white man's land. Oven baked Italian filled chicken, mixed vegs, chicken and cheese sausages and mushroom and cheese omelet
Pickled vege (hamchoy) with long beans and minced meat. Mummy used to cook this. Didn't quite taste the same though.
Beetroot i think. Pink and yellow ones. Given by Aunty Jane from her own garden! Organic greens yo!
Kon Lou yang chun noodles. Stir fried beef with garlic and chinese celery also from Aunty Jane's garden.
French beans with mushrooms and garlic. Crunchy, aromatic, dripping with goodness!
Pan fried pork, marinated with black sauce and potato flour. Slightly crunchy when bitten into. Fat bits left on on purpose. :P
And finally, chicken curry laksa, cooked to perfection with tou fu pok, chicken, and spring onion!

Ok fine, I lied. The last dish was from Sri Puteri restaurant. But it was superbly awesome. =)

Yes, my dear friends and family. Karen Siah has proven that she can cook. BUT, this is not an indication that she has overcome her fear/hatred for preparing and cleaning up after cooking. So as much as i would like to cook and entertain all of you with my self learned cullinary skills, I'd much rather we all hang out at Suku or Asia Cafe back at home. No seriously. I'd even pay for ur drinks. Please don't make me cook! Unless of course you all offer to clean up. =)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

i hate cooking

i cant do anything right these days.

blasted frying pan! pffffttttt~!

Monday, September 08, 2008

karen, go study

the rain, pelting on the glass door
the wind, howling through the street
moaning and groaning it persists
to stop or fade it resists
and i think, looking down at my feet

the walk to the school, seems unnerving
long and uphill, it daunts
even more so with cold merciless rain
to keep dry and warm i'd try in vain
a vision of the past haunts

and so i pick up the phone
a flu and fever is forged by me
sorry i can't come in today
i've been hot and sneezing away
and just like that my day is free

now, the hour is empty and idle
flip through the books, my conscience beckon
but my head, it fails to see it through
my heart, it calls out only to you
and so i'd do it tonight i reckon

it started to rain today from the moment i was up and it's going to rain till wednesday. And because it's cold, and wet. and because the school is just too far away from the train station. and because those kids make my blood boil. i have decided to call in sick today. i shall study. yes i shall. =)

sometime today.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

one week

one week has come and gone
and what have I done
my studies and reports I'm afraid
I have not begun

one week and I have cooked
way more than my entire lifetime
tasting tastes I've never tasted
committing absolute culinary crime

one week and I am doing much better
by myself, on my own
yet when u come and then leave
that's when my feelings are shown

one week and I have come to realise
you're a very big part of me
from the start till the end of day
I could have you endlessly

one week and I have stayed
indoors most part of it
talking and laughing and missing
you every single bit

one week and still not much closer
to learning to live without you here
and I yearn, how I yearn
just for you to hold me dear...

Friday, September 05, 2008

day out with the girls

Lily was such a darling when she decided to pen me down into her diary for a day out! So yesterday I woke up pretty early to go meet her, and we both went to Cornwall Park again because i didn't get the chance to walk around it much the last time. And we went chasing sheep! Baby lambs are so adorable, and they really do go baaa hahaha...i had a lot of fun trying to catch them but they're really so quick to run away. =)Then we went shopping in Dressmart. Which is like an outlet where old stock/models and rejects (i think) go. so things are cheap. =) I got a pair of cargo pants. And we had bacon burgers at McDonald's for lunch. I wish Malaysia has bacon hamburgers. haha...

And then Lily wanted to go to the gym so she dropped me off at Newmarket for more shopping! But Newmarket is a rather high class area and the only affordable store on Broadway St was Supre coz it was having knockdown winter clearance. And so, eventhough I said I was so sick of Supre and it's loud music and fashion, I went in anyway, and came out with 3 tops. But in my defense i spent only $14 altogether on all 3 tops. so i didn't exactly go crazy! sides, one is a present.

after that I met Abby and we went to Botany Downs for even more shopping! ahah but i didn't buy anything this time except for one more present which was only $6.90. we walked around for a bit more, then we drove back because Lily was going to meet us for dinner!

And so, 3 of us ladies, hungry as hell, made our way to Sri Puteri, a pretty well known Malaysian restaurant not too far from here. And believe me when I say this, I had the best plate of Hainan chicken rice ever! can bertanding with back home man! =) It was immensely satisfying, i felt like a really overdued craving had been satisfied. it was absolute bliss from a hunger standpoint. =)

After that we went for hot choclate because we had so much more to talk about! hahah...yea, girls day out, the main highlight is the talking! =) I had a really good time chatting with these two as we compared boyfriend stories. haha...
then Abby stayed over and we talked even more, till we both fell flat out into deep slumber. =)

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

the line between admiration and jealousy

I've spent quite a large amount of time surfing Facebook since i got here. I don't have a car, and moving around seems too expensive and too much of a hassle sometimes. So I sit in my flat, in front of my laptop and pretty much wait for the people in Malaysia to wake up and come online. On better days I surf Facebook about 2-3 times a day. On more boring mundane days I see myself logging into Facebook 5-6 times a day. Profile statuses don't even change fast enough for me. That's how bad it is.

Anyway, I am trapped in a transitional age whereby I am, by right, supposed to be embarking on a career, but I am however still stuck studying. It gets me every day really. I don't know why I cant just let it sink that I can just spend another 3 years studying without worrying about being too old, or too far behind in the rat race, or too much in debt with my family. And that is why many times a day I have fleeting thoughts of how my future would be like. What kind of person I want to be. How do I want to live my life. I think about it every single day. There's so much I want to achieve in life. I believe that I was born to reach great heights and I want to get there, almost desperately.

And from surfing Facebook I see how some people I know are making it big in their lives. And by making it big i don't mean earning the big bucks. More like going places, leading extraordinary lives, experiencing sights and sounds most people only dare to dream about. To me these people are wealthy beyong compare and I yearn to be like all of them. I admire their drive in pursuing their dreams, in painting their lives colourful, in just living out of the norm.

Here are some of them whom I admire so much I'm bordering on jealousy. I hope they don't murder me for snatching their photos of Facebook. =)
This is Joy. What she does, I really am not sure, but I know from her photos that she goes places. Big places. She's on a foreign land every other week and her photos are amazing. I think she does voluntary charity work at some places too. And she's in some sort of film production crew. I think she's is really cool.
And who could forget my fellow gymnast, Yuh Huey. She was probably what made me decide to take a stand and do what I want to do with my life. Doesn't matter if the prospects of it are good. If it's what you like, you'll make it work in the end. And this woman seems to be doing just fine! She studied performing arts in London, played Cho Chang's stunt double in the latest Harry Potter film, was in High School Musical Broadway and she stars in her boyfriend's movies! Her life is to die for even if it's a whole lot of hard work and living by the day. Just look at her photos! I want to have such photos!
Keith was a fellow student in my school, everyone's favourite. I dont know if he still is, but last i checked he works for Sports Center ESPN. He travels around places as well, visiting world class sporting competitions! How cool is that lah?? How many people can lay their hands on a Thomas Cup? I would kill to have his job!
Here's Beatrice. I've always had a lot of respect for her throughout my school years. An avid adventure junkie, she is always on the edge of some rock face, or charging down mud trails on a mountain bike, or rafting, snowboarding, running, everything! she's hiked so many mountains, climbed so many rock walls, her upper body strength is amazing! I super kau tau to her man!
Kim Hooi is another schoolmate who is currently flying in Denmark. I think. He was a pretty successful photographer here, and he cozied up to a lot of supermodels. he's a pilot in Denmark, he recently picked up biking, and he seems to be tearing it up in the trails of Denmark as well! Who wouldn't want to be a pilot?? Envy envy...

My mum always said that I wanted everything. I do. And though I may not be all of the above, I am determined to be all that I can be. Because I was born to do so.

Sue me.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

to shop or to cookie

i feel like shopping. there are presents to buy. and everyone's got end season clearance.

because my pay comes in every fortnight i feel like i have some income i can use on myself. but there's this voice which says save, karen save! and also the fact i'm going on a trip next week that will cost me about $200. so that's spending money right there.

and so, because there's this want to satisfy myself. and a want to not spend money. I shall therefore have a cookie. because i've been craving for that all day too, but didn't want to eat a second breakfast. and I wanted to ration my cookies too. and i want to maintain my weight as well.

but since there is a choice between two evils, i have decided having a cookie is the lesser of both.
You'll never convince me there's more to life than a chocolate chip cookie
- Charlie Brown

I guess it's cookie time then. :)