Thursday, December 30, 2004

* strange encounter *

I think I should be more careful of the people i meet in future. 2 random encounters have landed me in tight spots. I think sometimes i trust too easily. Could be possible that I was on the verge of being desperate at one point. I really don't mind admitting that. loneliness does strange things to u...I have now learned not to let my guard down that easily. The good news is, i would probably trust ppl less easily, therefore sparing myself from more strange encounters. The bad news would be, that i have formed a superficial shell around me that may harden me from the world. This has happened to me before. I found it hard to trust, therefore hard to love as well. I had my little crushes, but none were deep enough for me to commit. Broke a few hearts during that period, which lunged me into a deeper fear of commitment. Guilt tastes more bitter than rejection. That's what I realised.

Anyway, someone called me today on my handphone. The first thing he said was "guess who I am?". I personally hate this question. If it was from a close friend I don't mind it. But if it's from an unfamiliar voice, I hate it. Gives me the creeps. Anyway, the hints he gave were sufficient and I found out who he was. He happened to be a cyber friend of my friend's (note: not mine). He just called to ask how i was and all. Proposed to meet up sometime too. I was freaking out. He had been trying to go out with me since the time i met him, which was, according to him, 6 years ago. Yup. I'm not sure how old he is but not less than 5 yrs older. He had been begging my friend for my contacts since then. I think i recently gave him my hp thru friendster. Don't ask why. The conversation was casual, though I was freaking out. Anyway, we didn't make any specific plans to meet and so on, but he was sure that we would one day. I just hope i can come up with a good excuse when that day comes...

yup...that's it. Not very strange to some of u, but i'm not a meet-and-date kinda girl. So it is strange to me. I have not seen this fella since form 2 i think. And he claims he updates himself about me thru Friendster. Creepo.

i do not know when exactly
that i'd see myself hand in hand
with someone meant for me
on someone that i can depend

i do not know how exactly
that i'm gonna find myself one
a person who'll love me for me
just by being with me, we'll have fun

i do not know why exactly
that finding the perfect person seem so hard
that the list would go on endlessly
before, as the one, i would regard

all i know is when that happens
at that moment in time exactly
when the warmth in my heart deepens
i know i will be ready...

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

* personal thoughts *

Class trip planned on the 14th of January 2005. It's in Genting. Should be real cool. =) What's even cooler is on the 16th, i'll be going for this. Now my only prob is...what happens in between the 2 events. =)

Spent the whole day sleeping or lying down. Ate only watery porridge. Gawd, if it weren't for the fact that I lose weight in the process, I swear food poisoning is by far the worst illness one can go through. Felt weak in the knees, and tipsy in the head all day. I seriously need to get back in shape if i wanna do reasonably well for the Trailblazer.

Got some update about a friend. A relationship just ended. Puts me in thought i would say. Relationships are hard to keep, aren't they? Good, long lasting ones are hard to find. But yet, many are started within a blink of an eye. Makes me wonder if the word love has its value anymore. May seem like a small issue now, but in the longrun, won't divorce rates increase even further than they do now? Think the phrase "till death do us part" would have to be editted to "till divorce do us part". Sad really...

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

[ a series of unfortunate events ]

before i begin, here are the links for the pics:

mid valley gathering

outward bound school

now for my story. at this very moment, i'm supposed to be in a car to Singapore. Reason I'm not is coz i had a sleepless night, purging and puking. And i couldn't even enjoy last night's family dinner coz i was sick inside out! Uhuh...i'm jinxed. First i lost my voice, then some bug bit my arm, then i sprainked my ankle, and now a bad tummy. I have always known to be an accident prone but this is the worst that i've ever gone through! Oh well, least i don't have to worry about maintaining my size after OBS. haha after all the puking, I think i grew even thinner still!

my ankle's much much better. Think i'll resume training in a couple days time. My voice is about 85% back. still can't hit high notes though...=)...and my arm...well believe me when i say this is when it's much better:

it's less swollen already. Though i must say, i think the medicine's stopped working. Pass (spelling?) started to form thie morning. So i dunno...hopefully it gets ok soon.

think that's about all my unwell mind can offer. My poetic brain cells seem to be disfunctional at this moment...=) will start being poetic again once i'm well. =)

Sunday, December 26, 2004

[ war torn ]

check this out:

my left arm and my left ankle

My cousin said i looked like some war casualty. Another cousin teased that my parents could be held for abusive nature. haha...the bandage on my arm was caused by a bug bite during OBS. I earlier thought it was a pimple but then it started swelling. I'm unable to bend and stretch my arm fully coz the wound is directly on the other side of my elbow, (the fold of my arm). So i went to see a doctor coz my dad was saying that there may be eggs hatching inside! eeeiw....thank God it was nothing of that sort, but rather some poison/toxin that's injected by the bug.

My ankle has a rather humourous story to it, though. I got it by spraining my ankle during gim class on Friday night. Mrs Khaw was saying i survived 2 weeks in OB unharmed, but somehow managed to get myself hurt within an hour of gim class. Plus, i've been in the sport for over 8 years and i've never sprained my ankle! so anyway, there was a pretty loud crack to it. But somehow after a while it didn't hurt so much anymore. I could still carry on with the exception of the toe-breaker. At night, it started to swell a little, but walking was still easily done with minimal pain. The next morning, as i was getting out of bed to switch off my hp alarm, my right leg (better leg) gave way just as i stepped out of bed with it! I have no idea what happened, how it happened, why it happened. It was just lifeless at that moment and i collapsed into a heap on the floor, re-spraining my left ankle. I would've laughed at the thought of it all, if it weren't for the excruciating pain i was feeling. Within 30 minutes of that incident, my ankle swelled up so much i had no ankle left. I had difficulty walking, and my korkor had labelled me physically disabled. i limped around throughout the day till about 7 pm, my uncle decided to bring me to a tit tah yi sang (tabib cina). Gawd, i couldn't bear to watch him twist n turn my ankle around as though i was born boneless. And the pain!!! It was soooo painful i had my teeth clenched and fists gripped throughout that 40 minute session! But after that, i feel much better. I can walk with more ease now, though the painful sensation still strikes once in a while if i were to hit a precarious angle.

Now i'm off to bed. I need to prop my foot up so as to not let gawd knows what fluid coagulate at my ankle. Hopefully it gets better by monday...going out with OB peeps again! =) Nite!

Saturday, December 25, 2004

* everybody dance now! *

I'm back from OB! hehe i actually got home yesterday...but 2 weeks of non-stop adventure drained every ounce of energy i had in me so, the post's a bit delayed hehe...I had loads of expected....=) I actually had this dream about the CAs last night. Problem is the only 2 people i could remember from it was Poh Leng and Mel. hehe...oops...let's not get into details now, shall we? hehe...the 2 week experience was, needless to say, indescribable via words. So to cut the story short, click here. Right now, pictures speak louder than words, anytime. =)

from time to time in life
our hearts are trodden upon
but among the footprints that cross our paths
only the true ones would stay on

from time to time in life
people put marks by impressions
some may seem true and sincere
but only to manipulate our decisions

from time to time in life
crossroads are very often met
especially in friendships that we hold dearly
time limits how close we can actually get

from time to time in life
we ponder and ponder again
as we say sad goodbyes to new found friends
why do we meet, when forever lies in vain?

from time to time in life
we cherish moments and hold them in our hearts
though we know it's painful, we keep on meeting
only to split and take on different parts

from time to time in life
these farewells remind us well
it gives a sense of appreciation
of friendship, that we'd never been able to tell

from time to time in life
we share great times with those we love
leaving sinking feelings when we part
as arranged by the heavens above...

awww....*sniff sniff*...hehe hope u like this....oh and here's wishing everyone:

=) Happy Holidays!

Friday, December 10, 2004

* anyway *

Mummy's back from Sabah! She got me loads of beaded necklaces and ice cream potongs. Missed her while she was gone...but then again, if she had known what i did during the sleepover, she probably would've grounded me for life. =) I have been spending the past few days watching every movie there is either at the cinema or on DVD. Good shows though...good shows...=) I recommend Stepford Wives, Paycheck, Minority Report, Ella Enchanted, Incredibles. I do not recommend Alexander and Polar Express. Some of them are pretty old movies but they're not-to-be-missed shows. Seriously...=) And i've been watching with my bros...basically going everywhere and doing everythign with my bros for the past few days. I have a feeling, when my KorKor leaves for Aus again next year, i'm gonna feel it this time.

Mummy brought this for me. She got it from one of the schools she went to see in Sabah. Apparently some really good school which recycles everything, is 100% clean, has zero waste bins, and is admired even by schools in Japan. The principal of the school said she was inspired by this:

* a n y w a y *

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,
Love them anyway.
If you are kind, people accuse you of selfish motives,
Be kind anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow,
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight,
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you help them,
Help peole anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth,
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final episode, it is between you and God,
it was never, never between you and them anyway.

- author unknown

cool huh? May sound pretty simple and all, but apply it anyway. =) I'm going to OBS tomorrow! Finally! I won't be back till 23rd! So no blogging for a while huh? haha...will miss you all! Enjoy your hols!

Julie: will miss you! Thanks for helping me check my results, and getting me jack jack! see you ojn the 23rd!
Shirlyn: enjoy yourself in Japan gurl! January 8th will come very very soon! Have fun and time will fly! see you in 2005!
Kim hooi: Read from Ju's blog it's your birthday! So Happy Birthday Kim Hooi!!!
Rosie: pls pls pls email me those pics? thanks a lot gurl! see ya soon! oh and enjoy gim! haha...
Everybody else: I'll be back on the 23rd! Don't wait up! haha...=)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

* sore cheek bones, painful abs, puffy eyes, and an aching heart to match *

You know the feeling u get when u had just about the best time in your life with some of your best friends and it's now over, and you're in your own home now, after all the goodbyes and hugs, promising each other we should do that again, but knowing in your heart that it'll be a while before that again comes? Don't you just take a moment to replay the moments of laughter (actually basically every moment was spent laughing) and end up smiling to yourself? I dunno bout you guys, but i'm in that exact same position right now. That, and also the extreme need to sleep, of course. =) Readers, this is gonna be long. But i'll spice it up with pictures...=)

Started with a certain email Gene sent that was soooo cute it made me jump to my feet (metaphorically) and start planning something! So ideas flowed, plans were made and voila! The rest of it will definitely be entombed in my memory bank for the rest of my life! Yes, this includes the hilarious chat sessions i had with Gene and Rosie! haha still makes me laugh at the thought of it. hahaha ok, here's how it went.

Gene invited Roshida and I to join her in KLCC for lunch. Was supposed to have Ramen but the place was jam packed so we went into this Lebonese place. Gene's whole family was there including a cousin. Ron, apparently was there but he left with his brother to visit someone in the hospital or something, so i didn't get to see him. Anyway, the food was scrumptious! Thanks again to Uncle for the treat! It was buffet, had lots of briyani rice, rendang, potatoes, lamb yadda yadda...mmm...mmm....=) I have Gene to thank for loads of stuff i got to try, stuff that, with my own family, would not eat in a million years!

We went to Isetan to look see, and picked up a teddy bear for Mrs Khaw. It was just a spontaneous thought that came to mind, in recognition for all the years we've been under her! Finally the last of the Mohicans (Lyn and I) are leaving the pack. After strolling around KLCC a little while longer, allowing the food to digest, we proceeded to Subang Parade. It was almost 5 so we thought we might go see someone and usher her out from work haha! Kinda like an en tourage. We were just in time, managed to catch her in her rotiboy uniform behind the cashier! haha Shirlyn looked so cute! =)

we sent her home (Gene was ze drebar) in a Harrier. Then everyone went home to pack and get ready for the big dinner. At 7.30 my dad fetched me and Mrs Khaw to Pyramid. All of us had dinner in Amata Vegetarian Restaurant, Gene's mother's restaurant. The food is delicious! Rosie got to eat char siew!! ahhaha it was darn good. And the best part was, it was on the house!! Thanks Aunty!!!! Mrs Khaw was all about jokes and ghost stories, and even palmistry! We found out she could read palms! Apparently Gene had a millionaire line, and Rosie's spendrift! Regina will marry late and Rosie early! It was so cool. I didn't let her read mine though. Not sure why. Just felt insecure about learning about my future, whether or not it may be accurate. Anyway, we brought out the present. I tell you, the surprised look on Mrs Khaw's face was priceless! ahahha Hey the bear was cute ok! and she loved it! we were obviously the noisiest table there and we only got up to leave when the restaurant was about to close. that was like almost 10pm hahaha but good time it was!!! definitely need to do that more often.

after that all went to Gene's house. Ate Haagen Daz wafer ice cream! haha seriously, i thought i was pampering myself the whole day..but u ain't seen pampering till u've tried the wafer ice cream! MmMmm....heard it's RM11 something for one. Quite mahal la...but once in a while lerrr.....Then at about 12, had to send Shirlyn balik...we begged and pleaded for her to stay but her mum insisted she went home coz the next day they were leaving for Penang at 5 am. so cannot lor...I was so sad ler. We only found out in the car that i won't see her till January 8th! The thought sunk in and lingered for a while when we sent her back. Then they decided to go somewhere and make noise. Ended up in Q Bar Pyramid, where i drank my first glass of Margarita. haha fine! I know I'm quite the ulu la...but i don't like alcohol ok! =) We joked and laugh somemore, along with a couple moments of serious talk about studies and boyfriends and such, until 2.30 am. Oh...during which we met Kat's friends and Ong Su Lynn and her friends. SU just had their senior prom.

Moving on, we went back home (gene's place that is). Talked and laugh some more. Swear, we laughed so much we had to take moments to catch our breaths. At about 3 plus we were all changing into our pj's and washing our faces and removing our contacts. All of a sudden, i felt hungry. And not surprisingly, so did everyone. Again we went out, went to Rafi ss15 to have some good ol' mamak food. we were actually all in our pj's! Here was the ultimate laughing session. Gawd knows what tickled us so much but we kept on laughing! The stupidest things on Earth could make us laugh. And it was like one laugh, all laugh! We couldn't help it! At one point there was this stupid Ah Pek from the adjacent mamak, who kept imitating us with a very loud, very rude, very sarcastic hahaha as though he was trying to compete. Well, we've got Rosie on our team! ahahah and what he did only made us laugh even more! There was once when he said "hahaha woh ying liao (i win already)" and we were like "Lamer!" ahah nola...but we were thinkin' it! then there was another table next to us with a guy that laughed just like me and Kat! hehe...

we stayed at Rafi's till about 5.40 am. We were waiting for Lyn to get up so we could say bye one more time! So we cruised to her house, made her come out and we snapped more pictures! Then there were group hugs and all. *sniff sniff* so saddddddd.......

after that balik Gene's house, thought of watchign Shrek 2 summore. But as we waited for each of us to brush our teeth and all, i guess one by one fell asleep. by then it was already 7 am plus. Our brains were already half dead. hehe...=)

I woke up at about 8 am. Don't know why. Dozed off and woke up again after that a few times. Finally got out of bed at 12 pm. And that was it. The end of an amazing, wacky sleepover. went home and found myself here. feeling a little emo-ish now. But i think the sleepiness is starting to take over. hehe...=)

Monday, December 06, 2004

[ the ugly truth ]

i don't know how far is true
are the words that has got to me
how much can i trust about you
based on what i've heard recently

it's strange to know about such ways
concerning someone i know so well
you're no longer how u were in those days
or maybe i was never able to tell

i guess at this point in time
changes are pretty much the norm
and i seem to be standing behind the line
watching as they transform

i feel as though they're evolving
the friendships that i used to hold
one by one the bonds or loosening
and i often feel left out in the cold

maybe i myself have changed
though i have not been told
but perhaps the reason for all things strange
are due to my character so bold

i often find myself enveloped in guilt
over things i wish i didn't say
causing a concrete friendship built
to be strained or thrown away

i often find my actions too loud
but only realise it after it's done
sometimes i wonder what the anger was about
and realised that it shouldn't have begun

at this point in life, i guess
when pressure is applied to friendship
when we start to drift away from the rest
the ugly truth will start to take a grip...

found out some disturbing news about an old friend. Don't know if it's true and all, but it's sad to think how people can change. It's even sadder to think how you might change just like them, under the same circumstances. But it's worst to think how you won't even realise it, and when you do, it's too late...

Sunday, December 05, 2004

[ birthday boy ]

HaPpY BuRfDaY WeI WeRn !!!

Just came back from this fella's birthday dinner not long ago. Met him during the Gunung Ledang Expedition I went with Beatrice's college, Sky Adventure Club. He's 21 soon. Not really sure when is his actual birthdate but oh well, it's round the corner.

The surprising thing was i met my primary school teacher, Mdm Leong! Seriously it's a small small world. She happens to be Wei Wern's aunty. Not exactly immediate family but along the lines of the husband's cousins's son or something. =) Mdm Leong taught me English in Standard 3. I was surprised she could still remember my name!

Here are some other pics:

Don't you think they look like twins?

i went with Beat...

The cake was HUGE!

K...gtg now...byebye!!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

* forkroad *

yup...yet another face lift for = galnexdor =. Like it? Well I do. So all you critics out there, keep it in. hehe...nah...i'm open to constructive criticism. =)

My aunt's back from Brunei again! yes...D aunt. The one that bakes tonnes of cakes and cookies and tarts. The one that buys me nike shoes and branded clothes. The one that loves shopping just as much as I do. That one. hehe...and she brought back lots of chocolates! I'm sooo growing fatter. hehe...

Tonight's gim class was the last one I'll be attending with Shirlyn. next week I'm off to OBS and the week after she's off to Japan. I still have one last class on the 24th while she has one last class next week. After that it's byebye RSG. Sad really. I'm finally ending my rhythmic sportive gymnastic career after 8 years. It's not so much about missing the things I can do, (frankly, i can't do much more than anyone can), it's more of missing the friday nights. From now on I'm gonna have to start worrying what I would do on friday nights while my non-single friends are having fun. Back then, Friday nights were something I look forward too after a week of stressing. It was also the time i would see Shirlyn (back in high school) and the time to see Julie (this year in college). It's like the transition to break up the long periods i would be away from my best friends. Then there's also the free fun. The let-yourself-loose sensation after slaving over books and notes was what i needed essentially. Something tells me i'd still need it and I better find some other way to find it.

Today marks a forkroad at which the lives of Shirlyn and I diverge. Without Friday night gim classes, I can practically say I won't meet her again unless we plan for a gathering with my other gim friends, or invite her to a shopping spree or party or something. What with her new boyfriend and all, i already see her so much less as it is. Over the past month i found that we only met during gim class. Much were promised to have shopping sprees and sleepovers, however, none were successfully carried out. She has him to go out with. I've got uni applications to settle (she doesn't coz she's JPA sponsored). So we were both unable to commit. Though there were several times it crossed my mind to get her to go out with me, the thought was quickly pushed away for fear that she might say no. For fear that she might say "JA's over so..." and trail off so that I could find my own conclusion. I silently wish that i could one day hear her voice on the phone asking me to go out instead. That way I wouldn't have to worry if I had interfered with her plans.

Anyway, doesn't matter now. We're officially on different paths. I would just have to wait till the day comes where we have not seen in each other for ages and desperately need to catch up on each other. I just hope that when that happens, the feeling is mutual.

Friday, December 03, 2004

[ will powerless ]

scroll down and check the time of this post. 9.10 am?? the problem is it's supposed to be earlier! I was supposed to be up by 7.30 am! This fat pig needs to go jogging and she doesn't have an ounce of will power to pry herself from her bed at 7.30 am even after 2 alarms!!! In fact this is the 3rd morning of which I failed to wake up. I'm so pathetic. And i call myself a runner.

Yesterday I went jogging up ss18 and honestly, i did so badly my baby cousin could've laughed at me! I kept stopping to walk, i did half my usual distance, and i did not feel good after. I felt lousy! and today i couldn't even redeem myself. Gawd...

Oh well, need to wish some special people some special wishes:

happy birthday, EDWIN !!!

happy birthday, BAN LEE !!!

There u go. I feel better already! =) time to make my day productive...=) chowz!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

* running out of things to say *

This Photo Album includes:
- Dim Sum at some Ipoh restaurant on the way to Penang
- Ong Kee Hui Swim Meet in PISA (Penang International Sports Arena)
- Dinner at Genting Hill, Penang
- My cousin's dog Sandy
- One night stay at Cameron Highlands

With all the holidays I've kinda gotten disoriented from blogging. Either that or there just isn't much to blog about these days. My life, despite the many trips outstation, is pretty mundane still. I'm still the Karen who's single and available. I'm still the Karen who has a heart for running, (though I've not done that in 2 weeks and i'm putting on weight like pigs!). I'm still the Karen without a job for the break.

Last night I went out with julie, hua and elaine. yup...ELAINE out at NIGHT. ehehe...well, she thought we'd do some catching up. That was the initial plan. However, i think it didn't turn out that well. For one thing, Jhun Ming and his cousin were there. I don't have anything against them. It's just that if we're gonna do any catching up, it's better to keep it to one group of close friends. It's like Elaine had to split her attention between us and them. So it's kinda hard. For another thing, my parents. Curfew time for yours truly is now 11 pm.'s like it's getting earlier as i grow older. That's not supposed to happen. I don't even go to clubs or bars. I don't even drink or smoke! What can I possibly do that would endanger me? She, however, doesn't trust me. She thinks that I'm vulnerable enough to let my friends talk me into drinking or smoking. You know what she does to corner me? She compares me with my saint-of-a-brother. So he prefers to stay home at night. I would if no one asks me out. And he has to go swimming every night and running every morning. So we're different. I respect him for what he does. I should be treated the same.

And she thinks the reason I'm so eager to stay on my own is so that she won't keep tabs on me and i can go out and come home whenever i wish. The annoying thing is not because it's untrue, it's because it is. Partially at least. I mean, how could i possibly show her that I won't get into any trouble if she calls for me at 11 every time I'm out? Sigh, I shouldn't be complaining I know. She cares. And it's not like I wanna start hating her. So I shall stop. Right here.

hmm...looks like i did have something to say afterall.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

[ k e - h e c t i c - a n ]

Back from Penang/Cameron Highlands!! phew! i've been on my toes ever since the 10th of November!!! And there I was thinking i'd be spending a mundane life searching for my future in edufairs n uni open days. Oh well not like i'm complaining! hehe...

I'm actually dead tired so i'm just gonna make a to-do list. Over the next few days i need to :

1. Top up my handphone.

2. Pass Paul leo stuff, enquire about my "work" in Taylor's, pass Lyn Leo certs.

3. Post on my class trip (if i'm hardworking enough) and my family trip to Penang/Cameron Highlands.

4. Change my blog layout so you blind people will be able to read the message i'm trying to convey...hehe bad my bad...=)

5. Submit TBS scholarship form. (yes i've resorted to giving commerce a second thought for the sake of my future)

6. Pack up my room.

7. Watch DVDs I borrowed from Be Koh.

8. Exercise/ work out. Intensively

9. decide on a course to study.

and that's it. My to-do list. and don't think it'll be easy. Looks can be deceiving. In this case, words can. so off to bed i go. Hopefully by tomorrow i'll complete at least task #1 to #3. Toodloo!