Sunday, October 31, 2004

* blogging a novel *

Do you think i should do this?? I've always wanted to write a short story, which, unfortunately, I've never been successful at. So short stories are out of my league, let alone a novel! But still, when I read a book (which is not very often...i just started reading only recently thanks to my wonderful bookworm bunch of classmates) I tend to pick out catchy phrases and words the writer used and I would think of times in which i can use them. Then again, the only time I'd ever use them is when I'm sitting for my English paper (which is in less than 24 hours from now) and that happens to be my final English paper. Plus, the aesthetic domain (which is the part where they have narative, desciptive et cetera in other words creative writing) is only 250 words long and I'm contained to 30 minutes tops! Where's the fun in that!? Chances are I won't be taking English anymore in my tertiary education. Or maybe i should? Yea I think if there is an elective I'll take it. Maybe do the big L altogether. Literature, that is.

Anyway, I once started a story actually. I followed the style of Franscine Pascal's Sweet Valley Junior High, where every chapter is a narative by one of the characters. And needless to say, I never resumed. No idea why. Just me I guess. My mum still thinks i have ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And with the increasing number of times I have forgotten to do a specific chore, or send a specific message, I'm starting to believe it. I have an attention span the length of penguins' legs. hehe i just watched some discovery channel program and noticed that penguins have indeed uber short legs. I don't exactly know why and u know what? Neither of my parents want to admit that it is their trait. My parents do that pretty often. They see who i got it from when i happen to exhibit some negative behaviour such as slouchiness or laziness. =)

so, yea, going back to my topic, I think after my sam I'll actually try blog-novelling. Maybe I'll find my true passion there and forget about sport science altogether. Or should I say sains sukan. Oh btw, updates on that, I have applied for UM but missed the second intake deadline so now gonna apply for next year's first intake which is gonna be much harder. So I'm now looking into physiotherapy. So, that's it from me today. Tomorrow SAM finals start. And within 240 hours, I'm actually a free person, equivalent to jobless men! yay!

[ r e s t l e s s ]

i'm tired...

i'm bored...

i'm moody...

i'm restless...

i kinda had a small argument with my mum just now which i now feel awful about. I actually almost started crying during the argument. Almost. and now, i'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. see that's one thing you probably don't know about karen siah (now i gotta start putting my surname to avoid any unnecessary mix ups). I start to regret my words and actions almost immediately after doing so, and i end up feeling even worse than when I was worked up.

There was once i experienced the worst of this symptom of mine. I was arguing cats and dogs with my elder bro. Did that pretty often in my younger days. Then I said something like "If i had one wish i'd wish my brother was my sister!". I immediately regretted that motion. I went into my room and started indulging in self regret, so much so that i actually started crying. Mummy saw me in tears and thought i was saddened by my brother's loud tones and harsh words. She went on to lecture my bro about his temper and the way he treated his little sister. I think my bro was a bit cheesed off but he kept it low, because we both know no one gets into an argument with mummy and wins. I heard the whole thing from my room. I heard how my mum nagged my brother relentlessly and believe me guilt had never tasted to bitter. Literally.

Ok, I'm actually feeling my throat in knots now. I, for one, idolise my brother. I've always looked up to him, and i think i always will. And everytime i get into a fight with him, I immediately find myself enveloped in guilt. Sorry kor....

And for today, sorry ma...i guess exam stress for the better of me...

Saturday, October 30, 2004

* first impression *

someone asked me today
if i was seeing anyone
and when i said no
she was clearly shocked
and later on uttered "none?"

i started off by explaining
how i couldn't find the one
but when she heard that
her eyebrows raised
even before i begun

she gave me a once over
but stopped twice at my face
or was the second
time for the hair
and gave a look i couldn't erase

"your hair is far too brittle"
and she said my skin was dry
she pointed out pimples
and white spots on my face
then shrugged and said "U'd never get a guy"

"but..." i begin to protest
"i was told looks weren't everything"
but when her jaw dropped
to an unsightly level
i had second thoughts of continuing

she raised a finger at me
and said out matter-of-factly
""if looks did not matter"??
if that's how you believe
then your love life's history!"

"the first impression is crucial
it determines who you are
it places you
on where you stand
and differentiates you by far"

"good hair shows you're prim
healthy skin shows you're proper
a flawless look
tells nothing but
how well you're looked after"

"it shows how much you care
how much you're willing to give
if you take pains
to watch your looks
then you take pains to live"

"it shows that you've got style
and your shine will never dim
with qualities like these
it also means
you'd put in the same for him"

so i started to ponder
if what she said were true
that how i look
and how i'm seen
matters as much too

i thought about it long enough
and came to one conclusion
that actions and character
will most definitely
change the first impression...

hehe dunno what to talk about. Just started typing and voila (is this how it's spelt?). I wanted it to sound like the kind of poem in Chicken Soup, where the 3rd, 4th and 5th line are said continuously. And it probably doesn't even make's purely fictional ok. I just had too much free time on my fingers...even with finals less than 48 hours away. hehe...well enjoy...=)

Thursday, October 28, 2004

* s u p e r h o t f e m a l e *

somehow going thru that whole anti-karen war had boosted my self esteem a little. I think it's the fact that I now know I've got friends who will back me up in times like this. I've known it all along I guess, but seeing is believing. =) So thanks a lot u guys! Know that I'd do the same....knowing is believing too....haha...

this poem is gonna be a little high in the confidence and self esteem...but maybe sometimes a character boost is needed to remind you of who you are...c'mon...don't tell me you don't feel good with songs like survivor or i will survive or maybe even sexy naught b****y. haha...and for the guys...hey...notice how guys never sing songs which portray their ke-macho-han even with all that talk abt a man's ego? I think a new age revolution of the female species has evolved. haha...i take pride in being one of them then...i do have somewhat of a woman's ego.

i woke up today with a smirk on my face
like nothing could possibly let me down
all traces of doubt were magically erased
and a new sense of sureness i'd found

i feel my expression all lit up
giving my face a brand new glow
for today onwards i won't give up
for everything i do i'll go with the flow

i feel myself evnveloped in charm
like i could pull anything through
competitors behold, be very alarmed
coz i'm on a roll to get past you

i feel myself coated with charisma
like i can take on the world today
i'll breeze right through, near or far
consider it done, whatever you say

i feel stares all over me
as i turn heads wherever i walk
girls are turning green with envy
guys are hardly able to talk

i feel beauty slowly unravelling
as i refuse to acknowledge the meaning of fail
for ever obstacle i end up conquering
after all, i'm still a super hot female! (taken from Gwen Steffani's Whatcha waiting for)

like it? i's ok to flaunt it once in a while... =)
The song from West Side Story has a similar message...only difference is Maria's in love...=)

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

[ life ]

Rebecca turns 18 know there's so much hoo-ha over turning's like what everyone're legal to do a lot of stuff. though in my case, I haven't even gone clubbing! haha...waitla...I'll go one day with the right ppl...=)

Anyway, I gave her this already but, oh well, why not make it a public announcement!

Happy Birthday Rebecca!

hehe like my art?? =) It's called Microsoft PhotoEditor

anyway, as u can see, I made myself a new friend. And it seems as though we didn't get of on the right foot. Honestly, that little chatterbox is waaaay too limited for me what I intend to say.

1st I thought of saying, Who u callin' a b****, b****? but then I ain't gonna stoop to your level coz FYI, I don't curse. You don't even know the meaning of a b****, if ure using that word on me....

Then, I thought of saying, Shuttup! what are you, 8? then again, I consider myself pretty childish in some ways too. So I'm not gonna belittle little 8 year olds just for your sake. For one thing, they're cute.

I also had this in mind:

but that shirt's bought for the fun of it. Besides, that line is old...

I actually even thought of copying and pasting the whole of Britney's My Prerogative here...Then i figured u'd either not appreciate the song dedication or not know the meaning of the song title...oh wait...ure english is freakin' good i forgot...

I guess being, poetically me, this would be the best thing to do thing i want to do...

i guess life is pretty unpredictable
you just don't know when you'd offend someone
and when things become uncomfortable
you'd just wish it hadn't begun

i don't know when and what i did to you
and i admit that you've hurt and offended me
for whatever i did i had no intentions to do
but somehow with my existence u do not agree

for whatever's worth, i'd like to say sorry
that the fact that my birth could be a nuisance
but my parents made me who i am to be
and i'm no doubt proud of my existence

so maybe it's wrong to be who i am
maybe it's a crime to live my life
maybe if i sat for the perfect living exam
i would hardly come out alive

because in your eyes i have failed
in your eyes i shouldn't have been born
in your eyes, i'd try to no avail
and i'd be living a life that's forlorn

but even if that is the saddest truth
even if i am such a lame*** failure
i've got a billion friends in my youth
who would think quite oppositely i'm sure

malaysia is a free country
and there's no rule saying i'd have to be like you
so let me be whoever i choose to be
because in your case, i'm doing that too...

after reading this, u probably think i'm even lamer. But newsflash, i don't care. Listen, I don't want you to like me anymore than i like you ok. I just hope that you would accept ppl. Like it or not, the real world ain't gonna consist of your worshippers only. So, it's been fun playing guessing with ya, but I've got to study for my exams right now. And since my friend has revealed who you are, say hi to me the next time i see u ok? Don't be shy. I'm very friendly. Honest. =)

oh and btw, student council really did a good job for BOTB. My compliments to you all...

Sunday, October 24, 2004

[ G 5 c l a s s o f ' 0 4 ]

January 5th, I stepped into what was supposedly the education of my dream...of most secondary school leaver's dream for that matter...a college education. I was psyched. Air cond rooms. No school uniform. A student ID with my face on it. Computer labs (All broadband equipped). A cafeteria with a pool table in it (never played there though). English conducted lectures. It was cool. At least it seemed that way.

March 8th marked our first common test. Things were still lookin bright. Did pretty well for all subjects. English being my fav, Chemistry being the other extreme, and Bio being a shocker. It was actually...easy. =) Formed my Leo Club, first GM on 4th March at DR2. Overwhelming response kept me smiling for a week!

March 29th, Chem draft was due. Never in my entire life have I written so much on Chemistry. It was madness. Realised ever since that all the cool coll life was about to change.

April 12th, I found out I've got butter fingers as I broke 3 things during Chem practical. Not on the same day but in 3 consecutive lessons I think. One of the glassware cost me 15 bucks! Common Test 2 started on April 19th. Completed with a less sunny mood this time. Math was hard, Physics was tough, Chemistry was impossible. ESL still fav subject, Chem still the worst.

April 30th we handed in ESL draft! I have to say I was pretty surprised at how long I could go without proper sleep! Somehow handing this in seemed like a huge relief...although I was well aware that the real deal had not been faced. Held elections for the Leo Club BOD. Was so sure I'd have a fruitful year with loads of fun!

May 24th was our mid year exams. Honestly I was kinda slacked. Had some problems staying focused at that time. Personal thing. But didn't really matter. Doubt I would've done any better with 100% focus anyway. Oh well, welcomed the 2 week break with open arms.

June 30th was basically a killer for every SAM student, arts or science. ESL research project was due. Everyone was sitting on a time bomb! Slaving over the computers in the library, working our butts off till way past midnight. Believe me when I say everyone was rushing. I guess procrastinators are a major of our society. =)

July 13th marked Common test 3. Kinda like the test I worked a little harder for to redeem myself for what I did for mid year. However, the results remianed a constant variable. Leo Installation was drawing near and I was stressed to the bone by Lion. Just couldn't get used to his ways. Turned out great in the end, if you don't look at our accounts *grins*. Lions were pleased. I was freaking out over VIVA as well. Somehow the thought of being in a room with my teacher and the casette recorder, and responding impromptu style brought out the clastrauphobia in me. But it went ok with buckets of thanks to Pn Zaidah.

August 13th was the only date posing a threat throughout the month. Bio Human Awareness essay was due. But thanks to ESL, every other project was made a lot easier. Once again, I gladly welcomed the break during the last week of August.

As September 16th drew closer, my stress level increased exponentially...nah...actually it was more of a fluctuation as I would not worry on something long enough. Nature of me I guess. Still, the thought of using these results to apply for unis was a bit worrying. I really tried to put in more effort and do better. Once again, my results weren't much of a surprise. Although, by this point, ESL was no longer my favourite. That spot got taken over by Bio. (yea BIO!). Chemistry was still dwelling in impossible. Prepared for oral as well.

October 8th was my IU nite. You gotta scroll down to read about that. During this month, no doubt the atmosphere was a little feverish. Our files were threatenning to explode with past year papers and drill exercises. But with the rising uptightness of exam fever, there was also a rising warm sense of sadness. Our last days together were numbered. It was at this moment that I truly found my classmates fun and interesting. I guess I never allowed them to impress me much. I totally regret now. All those times I harped on the subject of changes taking place in my life, changes that I did not welcome, I seemed to have overlooked the one change that I should have...the new friends that had found their way into my life.

October 22nd was spent taking photos, writing autographs, talking and just bonding with my classmates. I felt a pang of sadness whenever I was reminded of a moment that marked my G5 life. It's great that I'm finishing SAM. But I'll definitely miss this crowd. Gawd they're hilarious!!! haha...*sniff*...I'll truly miss them...

These are us. My crazy, wacky group in class. (L-R: me, bec, mandy, su yi, vanessa)

Girls n guys. Juliets and Romeos. Saints and monkeys...*grins*

My lunch mates which consists of Shirlyn's classmates.

G5 Class of 2004

Friday, October 22, 2004

* another year, another end of it *

Right this very moment, it is officially the last day of SAM. Next week will be study leave, and then it's straight on to the battle field! And after that, I most probably might not see half of my class ever again! sigh...I'd like to quote Hisham this time: Mengapa bertemu jika untuk berpisah. Used to think this was like emo big time!. But I don't anymore. It's true. Too many times we're forced into accepting changes in our lives. And when we finally do, too many times are we forced to move on again. It's sad. But that's life i guess. Oh wells...

I'd be a liar if I said I'm not happy at all that we're ending. As a matter of fact, I've been counting down to this day for months, right from January 5th 2004 to be exact! Honestly, I'm psyched that SAM's ending. I can finally pursue what i love. I can finally be rid of the grips of chemistry, tugging on the nerves of my brain. I can finally be done with annoying deadlines for silly research projects which I've learnt nothing from, oral presentations which make no sense (except for ESL), and 4 stories' flight of stairs every morning! I can finally escape Mr Chin's taunts, Ms Tan's mood swings, Mr Yap's kolotness, Mr Sam's horrendous English, Pn Zaidah's...oh I love Pn Zaidah....=)

But when I think of it, I enjoyed the fact that Mr Chin gives in to my plea for an early break. He buys it all the time when I say I've got gastric haha...I was amused by Mr Yap's resemblance to Phua Chu Kang...I was spruced up by Ms Tan's numerous drills on Bio....and I most definitely had a ball of a time during Mr Sam's negligible moments...hehe....and of course, I always looked forward to ESL with Pn Zaidah. =)

As for my classmates, can't live with them....can't live without them either. Tomorrow we're gonna hang out for possibly the last time this year. Oh wait, we're having some class trip planned by yours truly, but still! It's different. We don't have our after college restlessness, sweaters, and bags with us. It's these after-college escapades that I'll definitely miss from tomorrow onwards.

It's getting real late...tomorrow after the whole outing...maybe a lot of my feelings will be unlocked and i'll treat you all to one of my best rhymes ever....=)

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

[ someone turns naughty 19 ]

i often wonder if amidst my childhood
i did something He was happy about
something wise, something good
something kind that i shone out

because to deserve you as a friend
to have your care and loyal friendship
your patience towards my laments
whenever i slipped, i had your grip

your concern for my well being
whenever i'm lost you offer me advice
your kindness showed from the beginning
i think i'll never be able to repay the price

so i guess i'll end this with an apology
for letting this slip my absent mind
hope it went well, hope you're happy
hope u know you're one of a kind!

happy burfday Fang!!

check out my art skills! hahaha...well, sorry again for forgteting...if ure reading this i presume u got my sms. I kinda had problems accessing my email if not i'd sent u a personal email. And i thought of calling u...but then...let's just say i didn't think it was wise....;) so hope it was a blast...i bet it was...overseas birthday bashes are the best! hahah....Happy Naughty 19!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

~ Higher Level of Acceptance ~

I think I may have been selfish
I think I may have been unkind
I guess I sorta got carried away
With the thought that I'd be left behind

I know I shouldn't have judged
I know I shouldn't have concluded
The only thing I had in mind that day
Was if our friendship she considered

I think I may have been too rash
At pushing faults on somebody
I think I may have forgotten
Just how dear this person was to me

I think that in my self centered ways
Other feelings, I may have cast aside
Feelings that are not of my very own
But feelings of others, hidden inside

Part of me wishes that she understands
And see exactly from my point of view
But the other part knows that I am wrong
And that her malices are but a few

I have been wrong to want time to stop
I have been blind to wish the clock didn't tick
I have been ignorant to refuse to move on
Ignorance had gotten me tricked

Now I guess not only have I just accepted
The fact that she has found someone that loves her
But I have come to understand my friend
And could only wait for my time to draw nearer

Yup...I think my jelousy soaked days are over. It was, shall we say, a passing phase? hehe...I guess I knew something like this was gonna happen. It was either to her first or to me. Guess God chose to test me first. And being the rebel that I am, I get occasional sparks of retaliation. All's well that ends well.

Oh, my PCs fine btw. Font size a bit small though. Everything seems so....squeezed. Straining on my eyes la. Within 2 months you see my eye degree increasing...exponentially. heheh...

Oh yea, I also applied for Physiotherapy in 5 different unis today. All Australian unis. Queensland, Newcastle, UniSA, La trobe and Curtin. All 4 year courses, completely abroad. Chances of me getting an offer? I don't even wanna try thinking. My forecast doesn't seem to portray such a good academic impression. So we shall, I quote my mum, leave it to the hands of God, unqoute. *God please be kind...I'll study I promise*

Went to tame my wild hair today. Trimmed it a bit. Make it look a little neater, rather than the mulberry bush I've been wearing to college for the past couple of weeks. Oh, i've decided. I'm keeping long hair again. So I trimmed it in a way where i can let it grow long smoothly. =)

Kla...tired....2 nights already <7 hours of sleep with no afternoon naps.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

* best friends n boyfriends * Life of a teenage dirtbag...

it's a tragic life led by a teenager. Especially those within the age group of 17-19. ha! i'm right smack in the centre of that age group *grin*...and if u didn't know, according to the normal distribution, the centre value, the mod, has the highest value based on the bell shaped curve, thus being 18, is by far the worst year of your teenage life! and i have reasons to prove on...

for most 18 year olds (some 17 for pts students), it is the year we leave 5 years of secondary school memories behind and move on to the next chapter of our lives. we meet fork roads where friends, inevitably, go separate ways. course there'll be those "4 get me nots" and "we'll keep in touch...u know, there's always the phone, the net...bla bla bla...." and the standard "we could still hang out? things will be the same, trust me". yea...i did. But to what degree exactly is the level of similarity of the lives we lead now and the lives we led a year ago? i mean, there's no doubt we put in efforts to hang out with old chums once in a while, doing a commonly shared interest or something...but how often do we get to do that?

I mean, COLLEGE IS NOT EASY. I've been chasing datelines ever since i stepped into that hell of a tertiary education and this is only the beginning. and of course, FORM 6 isn't any different. I think Julie can vouch for that. Honestly I think the easiest is the matrikulasi thing but then again, I'm in no position to judge. Anyway, it all voices down to LACK OF TIME.

Then there's the whole socializing thing. ppl make new friends and all...first you would think, I could hang out with these peeps while i'm not with my old buddies, why not? But then "jus hanging out" turns into "hanging out 24/7". My reason, i believe, is simple. These new peeps have no idea about your story and so u could become a new person with a clean record. Ure giving ureself another chance to prove that u wun mess up like u did before. And thus, these new peeps become more interesting. So, u hang out more and more with them and less and less with your old chums.

until one day, you chance upon the opportunity to meet up with old friends and then it strikes u in the face. U MISS them hell a lot! And u can't wait to do more of that "old friend bonding" thing. And so u come up with the brilliant idea of COMBINING the 2 groups.It works occasionally but trust me, it doesn't most of the time. I think it's simply because you're a different YOU with the 2 groups. So your friends can't mix. So this eventually leads to more time spent with new friends, less time spent with old ones. It's my own theory, so i dunno if u get me or not.

and as if things could not get any worse, your best friend runs along and gets a BOYFRIEND. first you're all "i'm sooo happy for you! Finally!!". And u know what? U ARE. at least for her. for THEM. But i'm not so sure about the "for US" part. It's like u've lost my partner in everything! Sure she'll be ever willing to be your friend and be by your side. Except that she...can't. And for once, you actually have to THINK before your wanna do something with her. You can't just call her up on a Saturday and expect her to get ready in 20 minutes to join u on a shopping escapade. She'll have a DATE. Forget about going out. What about "best friend telephone conversations?" She won't be able to talk long because she just got off the phone after a # long conversation. Or she's expecting a phone call. or the phone is ENGAGED altogether. Same goes to going out with her. She'd either say she's going out. Or she just came back so she doesn't wanna go out anymore. Or she's OUT. Or maybe even she has been to THAT place with him, or watched THAT movie. Or maybe she just needs to study, eat or watch TV because she has been going out too frequently, or talking on the phone too much. Either way...u can't get her. Mum says "why don't u find someone else?" Sure. If it was that simple. Firstly, teenagers have something called PEER GROUPS. U dun just barge in on another. Secondly,it's different. Your friends are all individuals. they like different sorta stuff. For example, A love shopping and B hates it. A hates wasting time, doing nothing, but B digs jus that. So, I can't call A to go driving aimlessly or eat Chocolate chocolate Sundae with me or call B to go on a shopping spree. It's just different. I've got different allocations for all my friends. So it's not the same. It'll never be the same.

And if u think that's the last straw to your already miserable adolescent life, think twice. You parents bugs u timelessly with RESULTS and UNIVERSITY APPLICATIONS. It's only normal. After all it IS ure FUTURE. Somehow the whole world revolves around education and you know it. And your parents think it's the only thing that matters. I mean, when i was down because of the above paragraph, they thought it was because i didn't want to study Chemistry. Not like I wanted to but yea...that's besides the point. It's like this heavy responsibility to decide what you're going to do next. So what do u plan to do? Tell them WHY you're really upset? Yea, I can just imagine my mum saying "Your finals are in 2 weeks time and that's all u can think about?" So i guess u just have to bite back your words and swallow your tears and keep nodding as they go on and on about Physiotherapy, Marketing, PR, Sains Sukan...

And that's life. Specifially a teenager's. To be exact, an 18 year old female college student who, on top of ALL THAT, has typed this for the 2ND time (thanks to blogger) on her Dad's com, with a dial up connection because her PC crashed on a thursday, disallowing her to enjoy her weekend chat routines in the middle of the night in the comfort of her own room. Sad?

well, snap back to reality. Finals are LESS than 2 weeks away. Somebody pinch me...

(note: To the subjects of this post, please don't get offended as I admit that I may have exaggerated it a little to spice things up. I'm a writer, sue me. But know that at least 60% of it is true. Also know that I'm not angry with anyone. I just needed a place to output my negative energy and that I'm fine at this very moment.)

(note: Notice that I couldn't Bold or Itallise anything? Somehow I couldn't. Not on this com.)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

- w h y b m ? -

I just realised that courses in UM are conducted in! the last thing i'd want in Uni was to speak and write in BM again. So there goes my wish to go to UM and study Sport Science. or should i say Sains Sukan. I know, that shouldn't be a deterrent. But think about it, would you go through 3 years of the prime education time of your life, studying the field that determines your future in bm?? I mean i'm talking my career! It has to be something I enjoy learning. So, i guess i'll have to pass on this one.

On the contrary, I'm now giving my academic life a once over and...i'm wondering whether or not i'm cut out for science. I mean check out my Trial results. Not a single A. I failed Chem again. Scraped through Physics. Thankfully scored a B for my Bio. Got a pathetically average mark of C for Math. And i'm supposed to be gallivanting into UM, presenting these results with a wide smile pasted on my face and expecting to get in?? Tough luck. So I guess Science again for another 3 years isn't such a wise idea. Mum, the moment she saw me in a less adamant state, stole the opportunity to persuade me into looking at Business. Specifically Marketing. She told me once, she told me a billion times that I'm somehow suited for that field with, i quote, "the gift of a good PR and outgoing nature", and "the ability to manage both my uplines and downlines", says Daddy. I Marketing? sure i've had experience promoting SoyRich for Yeo's but I don't think I'm really the marketing type.

Anyway, as promised, i looked into it, and chanced upon Sport Management of TBS, and Sport Administration of Metropolitan. So there's another 2 options i could see myself in a couple of years from now. Then again I could always try Physiotherapy for the sake of keeping that Science touch. Geez...i need to revise my 5-year life plan....

Sunday, October 10, 2004

* IU nite * Shiau Sang's birthday bash * Titiwangsa Triathlon *

Friday afternoon. 8th October 2004. Donated blood for the first time. or at least i intended to. Got low haemoglobin. For those who don't understand, it meand i've got not enough blood even for myself. So they pressed a packet of Iron Pills and Folic acid into my palm and sent me off!

Friday night. 8th October 2004. TCSJ Leo Club's IU NIte. Thanks to PorPor for sponsoring RM10. And to mummy for sponsoring RM50.

The event was a bit bumpy. There were some major technical glitches. The CD player, which was working fine during rehearsals, suddenly decided to boycot us when the real event started. We delayed for more than an hour. In the end we let everyone go and have dinner first while the technician tried to rectify the problem. Which he couldn't. So anyway, we cancelled the opening act which honestly would've made my IU unlike any other. But oh well. We made do with my little radio, the round shaped one. Not bad ar...came in handy also. We put it at the side of the stage and put a mic to it...throughout the IU nite. Apart from that it was quite ok i think. Yours truly donated all my unused running shirts, including dad's, mum's, keith's LakeView shirts. haha all the Jogathon Summit and Klang Quarter Marathon all give away la. Brand new anyway. Used for Lucky Draw Prices.

This director of mine, Hanna, donated 2 hampers, 1 toaster this...1 VCD player. cool huh? she claims it has been sitting in her house as a white elephant. But she says so were the hampers. hmm i wonder how many of the items in them were still valid and edible. haha...oh well, made Lion happy anyway. Though he didn't have a chance to win because he didn't buy ticket. His loss. VCD player won by Sean from Prime-MSC, former La Salle Leo Pres. haha...

Ended considerably early considering we started so late. Left with loads of extra food coz response not so good again. But it's ok la. Every director have to bring back lor. Then there's this girl, another director, she's got lots of contacts wan. She basically knows everyone from everywhere. She's this clubber kinda girl who's working also and...u get the picture. So, she managed to get us free chocolate cakes with ice cream topping from TGIF. MmMMmmmm.....

Shirlyn and Yan Nee were my models!

This is ZiLing on a Zither. Who would've thought that there was such talent hiding beneath this petite Ipoh girl.

This fella's talent, on the other hand, was pretty well heard of, but you have got to see it for yourself!! Shi Wei and his self taught Er Hu skills.

Ben asked me, "Which is better Half of Madfish or just Mad" I don't see the difference *wink*

My club. I sooo dun wanna step down. sigh...

Finally came home at about 11 plus. watch the remainder of a movie my family was watching: 8 legged freaks. Stupid show. Took a long long awaited bath, spent a few minutes online and hit the bed like a log.

Saturday was pretty free. Went for Shiau Sang's party at night, was held at Bistro 40, her mum's bistro. Not a big thing. Met ppl like Shelin Grace, her Inti mate. Watched Malaysian Idol. One comment. Bad sense of fashion. Went to Por Por's house after that. Stayed for a while then left. Went home prepared for bed at about 11.

About 6 hours of uncomfy sleep (again) later the alarm rings! 5.45 am. Time to run! Titiwangsa Tri!!
I went there with Siew Ghee. His father fetched us there, daddy fetched us back. Siew Ghee's team got 2nd. The 2 brothers Joey (he's 10 yrs old) and Jason now upgraded to the winning team already. The younger one, Joey, was put in an even better team than Siew Ghee's. Apparently, he could've won 2nd but his runner was a bit blur and went extra half a loop so Siew Ghee's runner came in 2nd. The elder brother Jason got 4th place. The running leg was 3 loops btw. cyclist, John Boy, we both missed each other during transition. He went straight past me and i didn't even see him. So apparently he went looking for me for abt 5 minutes. That's what this other guy said la. I felt bad so when i ran i told myself to make it up to him by improving 5 minutes. haha...after the race I asked John "did you really wait for 5 mintues?" he said "nola...but it was quite a while" so i appologized again and again. hehe...I kinda wanted to be on his team for quite a while since he was once my brother's cyclist and also i find him very yeng. So when i finally was, I didn't wanna disappoint him. oh well...that plan didn't go very well now did it? But...i beat Junki Iwata...haha! So I take pride in beating 11 year olds who unlike me did the full triathlon. Sue me. He's Iron Boy!!

Kimberly Yap (Daniel Bego's sister) was there. She was the first swimmer overall to come up. Next was Kee Tzuen (spelling?) and followed by Chiew Wei. Both of them are brother sister. National swimmers. Sia Wai Yen (SEA games gold medallist) was somewhere amidst them as well.

Anyway, even if it was <10km,>!!! ahahah...exhilirating experience to see the digit '4' as the first digit on my watch. In the beginning it was just "pleaseee below 60 below 60" Then when i finished the first loop in 15 minutes plus i was like woah!!! Setla i'm doing below 55!. hahaa...thinking I wouldn't be able to maintain, but looks like i did. =)

A rough idea of how swimmers of the tri start off...

Thursday, October 07, 2004

[ c o m e ]

- temporary insanity -

think yesterday i was a little off. Sorry. Today i'm back to normal. This morning i woke up with a terrible tummy ache. Started purging. i called Puv saying I ain't going to coll! haha...but then in the end i went also. Feeling bad that I've been skipping so much that if i keep it up i might start getting used to it and slack off. Also coz there was Bio group thingy to be done and I'm not one for leaving all the work to my groupmates to do. That's not me. Plus, we were to do Aesthetic Domain in ESL today. That's the part of the essay writing which has narrative or descriptive kinda thing. Meaning to say story kind and not the hard facts kind. Which, needless to say, is my fav! So since i failed so badly in the trial paper, I thought i could redeem myself but unfortunately, i wasn't quite back on track and my thoughts keep shifting around in class. So didn't manage to finish my story abt Karen and her bf Jared(taken from Jared Padelecki, Dean from Gilmore Girls). oh well...=)

I have a feeling the IU's gonna be great. Only I'm afraid not many will show up. It's a pretty unsual time for IUs to take place. Alpha leos will have spm and all. Just hope we could cover the cost la. =)

Finished Fearless - Before Gaia. I'm sooo gonna name my daughter Gaia and my other daughter Katia. Now started on Fearless - Gaia Abducted. These Fearless series kinda got me hooked. The perfect girl power kinda book to feed my ego. hehe

Pei jien, I'm so proud of what courage you showed. haha...u'll do just fine without him.

Think i shall retire now. tired. lost my rhyming touch. think it's due to the temporary insanity. nite nite.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

[ b e n g ]

It's times like this where u just feel so freaking beng with the world. I honestly don't know what triggered it, but i have this sudden hate for the world today. And it didn't help that someone had the decency to tell me that he did not pay someone he was supposed to just because the person did not ask from him. Ok...maybe I owe you an apology. Shouldn't have gone all judgemental and all but i guess u caught me on a bad day. But u have to admit you're very wrong as well. You know who u are.

Anyway, I think my college's staff have this thing against me. Somehow I'm blamed for every darn thing, every darn mistake is pointed out in bold and every darn fault is mine. All this for working my butt off on something that i wasn't even supposed to do! It's not even my job!! I'm just filling in for someone who had to follow her dad outstation for a few days. So while i was running up and down TCSJ trying to make things right, she was enjoying herself. I don't blame her honestly. She's a good worker. And i love her for that. But i did do her job and the least i deserve is an appreciation of the staff. Not her, coz she already appreciates what I've done. But the freaking staff! I rush back from my lunch breaks, stay back after coll and skip some of my classes to make things right. But somehow everyone seem to smile and nod their head to her while they end up sounding me for my carelessness. hello!! I didn't even commit the freaking crime! Why does she have to blacklist me and generalise my whole presence as something that makes her life huru-hara. And sometimes i feel like complaining to the one person that would probably understand me but that lady's freaking daughter is in her class. Don't get me wrong. Her daughter's a great friend of mine and has done nothing to even raise my eyebrow.

And why must they change the staff after i have done so much? A new hierarchy has taken over and what they see is what she has done. The people that have seen what I have done were transfered to PJ campus (i think). The only staff that stuck around long enough and have seen what I've done is against me.

It's me against the world today, and the world is winning. Bummer...

Monday, October 04, 2004

Ode To Siah


hey look! i found this...Siah's a cat and her former owner was Karen. hehe....

was thinking of cutting my hair. It needs it. It's growing like the virgin jungle. But i wonder if i should cut it in a way that I can keep it long again, or cut it in a way that it's short for life. All those in favour of Karen with Short hair, say aye!!

- s t a r e -

even after all this while...

the sight of you walking down the stairs
the sound of your voice calling to my attention
the glimpse of your overly dyed hair
the glance you cast in my direction
gets me rooted to the spot to watch you there

you still get me watching from afar
you still make me want to talk to you
you still touch me with a jar
you still leave me feeling blue
just seeing, for her, how much you care

i still size up others that approach me
i still compare and place you on top
i still think of you very highly
i still assume you the cream of thr crop
as from my position, frozen for a second, i stare...

Today's been pretty bad. No...wasn't wearing black. Just a sheer string of bad luck. Actually just one. One major one. Having problems with my IU. I skipped basically 3 periods of class today. Meaning to say i only went for 2.

The free ice cream cooled me down a little. Literally. however, seeing him did wonders. sigh...can't believe he still turns me into mush till now. He's got a gf for God's sake, Karen!

Sunday, October 03, 2004

| extreme park cross country fun run |

Congrats to u guys! Thanks so much for joining me!!

You wanna know what thrilled me most today? Winning 5th and 50 bucks wasn't expected and was quite surprising, driving the Unser was pretty cool, but what i liked best about today was the fact that all my friends agreed to join in the fun. I particularly enjoyed the way the Unser was like this movable chill out place where everyone in the car can start chatting, singing, arguing even. =) Very very honestly, this is the first time I truly enjoyed my race. erm well, maybe i enjoyed this much the last time i went to Bukit Merah with Siew Ghee and Guan Lim also. My point is, i love hanging out with my friends. It's waaaaay cooler than just going for the race, coming back and reporting it to them (of which half probably don't have the interest and just nods or congratulates me out of obligations and the other half don't bother listening at all).

I think the next time my friends decide to go on a shopping spree (Pei Jien are u listening?) we should go here:

I think some of the stuff are better than the ori! hehe...i went there just now with my grandparents and family. Was so tempted to buy Friends Season 10. was saying buy here they con you and all that nonsense. so...oh well. will just wait for Ashwin to get it and i'll borrow it from him. ;)

Okla...sleepy...have no idea why but I'm super sleepy. No mood to rhyme whatsoever. Have been very caught up in this book that I bought also. Fearless - Before Gaia. So think i'll go offline to finish it now. ;) Night!

*~crowning glory~*

I just came back from watching Princess Diaries 2. Pretty nice show. Left a warm fuzzy feeling in me, just like all other love stories would. =) But i don't get why she didn't start to date Mike (Lily's brother from the first show). But nonetheless i find the guy she fell in love with this time really cute! Blue eyes....

Reason for not blogging: I was dead tired after 2 consecutive late nights due to 2 consecutive oral presentations on 2 consecutive days. Yup...first was Physics which was a Powerpoint presentation. Next was ESL. I think i've redeemed myself for flunking my trials ESL exam by giving a flawless oral presentation. As in the speaking was flawless but how solid and sense making my points were is a different question. =)

Yesterday I was dragged to Pyramid by Michelle to join Jolvin and Yim Chan for a movie. Resident Evil: Apocalypse. More about this later. Before that we had lunch at Kenny Roger's. Jolvin dared me to finish up a bowl of mash potatoes with my toungue only. Meaning no use of utensils. The bet was a free movie. Bring it on. I licked the bowl squeeky clean. I guess the people in the restaurant were already giving me looks so i kept announcing "free movie ar!!" to make sure they know it was a dare!

Anyway, the show was sooooo gory and gruesome. It made me scream a billion times. Made me jump a thrillion times. There was this couple sitting in front of me. The guy being directly in front. He was really tall. So he blocked my view but for the first time, I'd say thankfully! Jolvin was laughing his head off watching me hide behind my little green wallet and my handphone. sheesh. He kept whispering "alien coming alien coming get ready get ready!" whenever it reaches that music.

Won't rhyme coz it's late. Tomorrow my friends and I will be splattered with mud and soiled with dirt. We'd be having fun! =)