it'll never be the same

i remember clearly the day Lyn told me that she was with JA. she called me up to tell me so that i wouldn't hear it from anyone else. she said it was so natural. it happened so quickly that it didn't feel the least bit awkward. she told me she enjoyed being with him, talking to him, and that it felt right...like it was meant to be. she told me she was happy. and then she told me not to worry, that things are not going to change, and it'll still be the same.

some months later, Ju called me up and told me she was with SG. she didn't say very much. but like Lyn, it also just happened. like there was no prior indication or anything. she said she was able to talk to him, to share with him. haha trust me, there are not a lot of people with whom she can share with. (no offense, hon). and so she told me she was happy. and i told her i was happy for her. and once again we said that we could still have our own fun, we could still hang out, we could still be the best of friends, and that things will stay the same.

yesterday, my closest friend in college, told me she's seeing someone now. she told me it happened during new year. i reckon it was the fireworks. hehe...she said it all happened recently, that she just started having these feelings for him and stuff like that. and, like all the rest, she acted as if nothing was going to change a bit.

but i guess we all know that things do change. life changes. everything changes. no matter how much we wish for it to stay the same, it will never. i feel happy for them, all of them. and though i know that we all miss the times before these people got hitched, i know that one of us misses it more than the other. coz i doubt that they are going to trade whatever they have now for anything in the world.

and what does a young, female adolescent whose best friends have all been hitched start doing? she starts pondering, on a lot of things which can basically be simplified as "what the hell is wrong with me??". so here i am thinking why...nothing severe...no heart wrenching teary moments nothing. i just...stone. wondering what had happened from the moment the first one gets a boyfriend to now. wondering what had occured during the gap between my previous relationship and now. wondering why i had always been asked where my boyfriend is, why i don't have one, and eventually be accused of being too picky or something. and wondering how the hell did i end up the last one to find myself a better half.

anyway, just so you know, all this is NOT, i repeat, NOT code for "please pity me". i'm fine. really i am. like Ju said, the right one hasn't come by. i can live with that. i just need to book my best friends earlier in advance from now on. haha...just kidding...they'll cancel on me the moment they get called out anyway. no big. running is an individual sport. this is why i choose running over rock climbing. because i don't need a partner. that, and it's cheaper too.

really. i'm fine...just fine...