Monday, July 18, 2005

it's not my fault...

Melbourne Pics

i think i'm too much of a goody 2 shoes. seriously. and i blame my parents.

i blame them for giving me curfews. i know they're pretty lenient already but not in my group of friends.

i blame them for doing so much for me till i'm pampered and spoilt. i think taking public transport is fun. that's how spoilt i am. public transport is a rare rare thing as i was growing up. almost never.

but most of all, i blame them for instilling such discipline in me. such filiality. if there is such a word. i could never lie to them. i could keep things from them, but i could never lie. either i'm a bad liar or they're lie detectors. either way it won't work. i won't do it anyway. lying to them i mean. the saint with the halo on my shoulder wouldn't let me. i just can't. and when i know it's something they would never let me do, even if i had every opportunity, and they're not there to stop me, i'd still think like a gazillion times before i do so. often i end up not doing so.

and thanks to that, i can see myself being isolated among my friends. i've never been clubbing. i had my first cup of red wine on the way back from melbourne on the plane, and that's pretty much the only alcohol i've consumed. oh apart from the cocktail on my last night. i despise smokers. actually i'm not gonna hide it. i kinda despise clubbers n drinkers as well. it's just that majority of my friends are just about that: smokers, clubbers, drinkers. and i could say i hate it. for the simple fact that it's against my principles.

i want to club because everyone's done it before. yup, it's purely peer pressure. my best friends have been clubbing. a couple of years back, i saw myself sorta "experiencing" it for the first time with either one of them. looks like i'm gonna have to face it on my own this time around.

but i have a feeling, i'll never be able to do so. at least not until i leave home and live on my own. i doubt staying with big brother in Perth is gonna be much a difference.

truth is, it doesn't bother me. at least i don't want it to. i'm fine by not going clubbing and not drinking. it's just being the only person who doesn't that bothers me. i'm frustrated that there's such a trend. i'm frustrated that amongst all peer pressures i'd have to face, it had to be this one. i'd much rather be pressured to wear that livestrong band that everyone has.

i think what bugs me most is my friends being pressured to do so. i know some of them don't like it either. i know that it is against some of their principles too. but they had to give in. they had to think twice and figure it's not that bad.

fine. clubbing isn't that bad. drinking too as long as everyone's still thinking straight. as long as it's not an addiction.

but i hate smokers. i'm sorry. friends have been telling me a billion times over not to be judgemental. but i can't help it. many of my friends are. i don't treat them differently and all. i keep an unbiased perception at all times. i just don't understand why they should start. and the closer the person is to me, the harder i find it to accept. coz i really don't want to hate them.

in form 5, the Ed board voted me as most influencial female for sinar jaya senior poll. now i wish that's true.

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