i can't afford it...

it's almost 2 in the morning
and it just struck me hard
i've passed the letter on to her
now it's all that i regard

i can't believe i did that
i can't believe it's done
something strange is building up
as though something's just begun

i don't know if i'm right to do so
i don't know if i should
doubt now swallows me bit by bit
it'll swallow me whole if it could

but something else lingers deep
something got in doubt's way
something else gives me a rush
perhaps it's hope, i'd say

hope entails bad news i think
hope should be surpressed
for with hope comes expectation
and i might just end up depressed

i wish i'd never wrote the thing
i wish i'd never started
i wish i'd never fell for him
to end up broken hearted

something tells me i should stop her
coz i know i've still got time
something says i should just let go
but giving up seems like a crime

i thought i've done my math in this
i thought i've weighed the odds
why am i still taking the risk
why am i still calling the shots

i need to think things through some more
i need a firm decision in the end
there's more at stake than just my heart
i can't afford to lose a friend