Tuesday, December 07, 2010


I have a tattoo on my left ankle. It reads Kia Kaha, and it means Be Strong in Maori.

I got it because I wanted something to remind me to be strong. New Zealand was more than just an overseas education experience for me. There were many times where my walls caved in around me, and all that I wished for from the universe was a pair of ruby red shoes to bring me home.

Power is something I see in everyone. Some people let it shine, some people struggle to find it from within.

Power is in my brother's heart and soul, as he finished his 3rd Ironman on Sunday.

Power is in my brother's mind, as he stood on the ledge at the Nevis Highwire Bungy, trying to calm the roaring fear of heights he's got.

Power is in my dad's spirit, as he relentlessly, wakes up to run every single day with full discipline.

Power is in my mom's heart, for all that she does for every member of my family, day after night after day after night.

Power is something I constantly seek. I may not be an outright feminist, but I strive to be as powerful as I can be. I seek strength to satisfy my thirst for winning, to lift my chin up in the face of a heartbreak, to emblazon my words to inspire others to want to be powerful too.

It's amazing how being an instructor and a personal trainer gives me the ability to channel power. I took a spin class by myself the week I finished my exams in Auckland. I have never been able to fully complete an RPM class following the instructor's resistance and not backing down. I always had to turn the dial down at some point in the class. But that day I took a 50 minute spin class, yelled my lungs out at the members of my class, pumped my quads and hams till they were numb, and felt power surge through my veins.

Yesterday I started at Rebel Bootcamp in Subang Jaya and I saw power. I've instructed and trained quite a number of people and group classes. And they never cease to let me down. I saw power in the faces of those who gave it their all. I saw power in the people whom I know was fighting every temptation to give up, to quit...yet they could squeeze in one more push up. And another. And another.

I love seeing that. Seeing people dig deep, and finding power within themselves. I love it more than anything in the world.

Lately, though, I have been finding it a little harder to harness my own inner strength and power. I am broken. I have been for a while. Like having dying batteries, I shine my brightest smile in front of everyone, then flicker and dim when I'm alone. I try to keep my chin up, immerse myself among people, let loose, enjoy, have fun. It. isn't. really. working.

I seek the power to forget you. I sure hope I find it.


jote said...

Doubtlessly one of your best written posts.

Stay strong Karen, we know you have it in you. There is a power you've forgot to mention- the power within you to inspire others, be it through a simple blogpost such as this or through your constant and undying refusal to ever give up, give in, or give less than your all.

You're a rubber ducky, Karen, and sooner or later you always come back out on top.

-3niGma- said...

in time, we all heal.
just have to keep our chins up till then.

we love u karen.