I cannot cry...

today it seemed to me as though
a chronology of drawbacks and upsets
everything either hurt or disappointed
angered or brought up regrets
 
i thought a jog would do me good
but as i paced i felt heavier
my chest started to tighten up
and i was getting breathless sooner
 
thoughts that were supposed to be eliminated
were bombarding me, drumming my head
i got sadder and sadder as i thought of today
till a point i felt like dropping dead
 
i couldn't continue my jog like this
i needed to let it all out
going to the mini hills appealed to me
standing on the hill, i wanted to shout
 
i laughed as though i made a joke
the truth was my tears were welling up
so many are dependant on me right now
so much i am needed to give up
 
as i poured out my troubles one by one
a huge lump formed in my throat
i ducked down, and calmed myself
i'm not alone in this same boat
 
breathing in deeply, i controlled myself
i must stand up and give it one more try
i can't break down now, i'd lose my strength
no matter what, i cannot cry...
 
it started off with a bad hair day. my hair's growing like wild creepers. even the wax doesn't help. then i had to get my muet results on the first period. band 5. i dun understand? was i that bad? i mean, the band 5's not the thing, it was my marks. 238/300. that's low. real low. ashwin had to rub it in that Ramu beat me. fine. then i was harassed by my leos. misscalls shown everytime i checked my phone. and messages were nonstop.
 
1.20 pm, Lion Chris pulled into Taylor's. after that was history. 1 hour, without any interruption by other leos, with no where to escape, i've never been sooo eager to go to the sam office at 2.15 pm. he nags, he lectures, he still doubts my capabilities, and he tells me to have more initiative. fine. we'll just see how well the install turns out. but i have to say him putting me down is somewhat of a challenge to me, thus boosting my semangatz to do better.
 
Mum, wasn't around so i had to walk home. in the hot afternoon sun. haha but lucky for me i caught Jolvin and he sent me home la. hehe but by the time i reached home my head was throbbing. the last time i had such a headache was in form 5. It's stress inflicted, i hypothesized. looks like i've reached a theory. hipothesis dibuktikan benar.
 
2 rounds round the lake is...indescribably....disappointing. pathetic even. what? i could do 15 km but lost steam at 2.4 km? nvm that. up on the hill with lyn n ju. i did cry. or almost did. as in, give me 5 more seconds of shouting and tears would've started to stream down my cheeks. sigh...
 
the stress is mad. i love leo. i love being the pres. i love organizing events. why issit any different now?
 
mum just came in and took my Challenge Trophy away. this year's Majlis Anugerah Kokurikulum is coming. marking the end of my glory. another name will be printed under mine on that trophy. i'm officially yesterday's news.  just for remembrance here's to former pride and glory.