sense of liberation??

merdeka eve on my part was spent at home. i'll probably sound really bratty by saying this but

I can't believe i had no plans for Merdeka eve!

i was moping around like a depressed sad-case teen wondering who in the world can i call out for yum cha or just to count down with. and Keith was going all "jie, why u got no plans wan? first time Karen Siah got no plans". and my mum sort of took pity on me but she had no idea she made it worse by asking "Shirlyn leh? Julie leh? oh yea...pak toh...nvmlaaa"

grrr....

so i came online....checked my mail for the umpteenth time yesterday. in came Yuh Huey's mail. now people with an already low self esteem, or at least feeling low or the least bit insecure, should not, under any circumstances, read Yuh Huey's mail. it'll just make u feel lower than low. if nobody's life is perfect, then she is nobody! make that Nobody (with a capital N) who is very much a somebody pretty much everywhere she goes! the girl has the ideal life anyone could possibly dream of! it's like everything just falls in nicely for her, piece by piece, brick by brick, thread by thread!

now i sound like the Green Witch of Jealousy. The little voice at the back of my head is screaming "Be contented with what you have!" but...it's hard! it really is....

to top it off...i have 2 assignments due, one this Friday and the other next Tuesday. Both of which i've not even read the question through. with or without the mood, i shall start on them today. afterall, it's not like i had anything to do on Merdeka Day.

oh...Happy Merdeka Day!!

photos~!

it's been sometime since i last posted up some pics. these are taken in Luna Bar. enjoy!!

hooi lian, moi, beat, joe

birthday girl + significant other

now how often do u get to see this?? ahahha

all photos compliments of Kenneth....

camwhoring moments aside, today Isaiah was back at the lake! was doing my usual pre-round of walking when i heard the unmistakable voice. haha..seriously, where do u get the strength to talk and jog simultaneously??. He joined caught up with me when i started my rounds, and as u guessed it, carried on talking. haha but surprisingly though, i managed to improve from an average of 6:30 a round to 6:19 a round! way to go me! i should pace with people like Isaiah more. although i know i'd probably be disrupting their regime by slowing them down. but i guess i could always be their cool-down kaki...hehe....i need the push man...no point running at the same speed all the timee....

that's the difference between u and me

i say a word out loud
while sentences you're making
i swallow a whole mouthful
while you're at your second helping

i take a step forward
while u've already taken 3
i go one extra mile
while u've been there repeatedly

i play and win a game
while u finish your winning streak
i find a new adventure
while journeys you have seeked

i try to hold up strong
but even that i lose to you
i try to move on
but you've beat me in that too

you're strong and tough for real
while i'm weak inside actually
that's the difference between you and me...

extreme feelings

this is the 3rd time i'm coming into the create new post page tonight. reason being, i don't know how to express myself. i have lots to say, but they're all jumbled up in one big ball of yarn that i decide not to blog after starting and restarting my blog entry. but i guess not blogging would result in me tossing and turning in bed tonight.

so before i begin, be forewarned that it's gonna be messy and unorganized.

today somehow had me feeling both of the extremes - the uncanny sense of sadness as i see the plight of someone else, and the utter bliss of going to a new place and finding it so beautiful.

today i realised that for all the times i have whined or complained or just simply frowned at something that did not turn out just as well as i had expected...i truly deserved to be reprimanded for my lack of gratitude towards what i already have. and for all the times i had thought that i was strong or tough or brave, i was truly a coward compared to her.

and it just seemed so wrong for me to feel such sympathy at one minute, and at the next, i was getting all dressed up and heading off to Luna Bar, a place known for it's class and luxury. it didn't feel right. but sinfully, i was truly amazed and overwhelmed by the beauty of the place. i was just sitting there, not caring one bit if i was gaping like a gold fish, just taking in the ambience of that place...thinking to myself "this is what it feels like to be posh and classy".

and just just now i once again felt the pang of loneliness as i watch from the corner of my eye, my dear friend who have found someone who loves her for who she is. and new discoveries of some others who have also got hitched...and then coming home just to find a dear friend, down and gloomy as the day he leaves draws closer, daunting her.

i feel obligated to cheer her up, to ensure she's alright. i feel helpless that there's nothing i can do to make things seem better. i feel for her but i'm unable to help.

part of me weighs a tonne, bearing the burden of all the sadness in me. but another part of me feels feather light. and hanging out with Lyn today contributes to the latter.

it's sunday now.
i have exactly 5 days to complete a 1500 word report on macro and microenvironments of manufacturing company.
i have exactly a week before i run my next 10 k.
i have exactly 2 weeks before i do my first half marathon.
i have exactly 4 weeks to train for AXN challenge.

once again...a mixture of excitement + thrill and regret + dread....

vanity

say it! tell me i'm bein vain!! hahaha

the idea hit me this afternoon to paste my big fat face on my blog's background...praises and critics are welcomed with arms wide opened. :)

i think today marks the funnest day in metro. Merdeka Day was celebrated today at college level. i performed the traditional chinese fan dance that i told u guys about and it turned out fantastically well. apart from the fact that i was ever conscious about my short cheongsam riding up my thighs when i lift my hands up, and that my heels were shivering from the stillettos i was wearing. hehe...but i had fun...mainly because aside from just Shakti i was able to spot more friends in the crowd. yup, my network of friends in metro has widenned! hahaha and we snapped pictures here and there...i'll post them up once they mail them to me. my camera's still under repair.

5 usaha '03 had our dinner get together again. Kenny came this time! haha how many donkey years have passed since i last saw him! we had dinner at Ton Chan in The Curve. No, it's not Chinese. it's Japanese. after that we adjourned to Murni's where we met like Beatrice, Hooi Lian and gang. And halfway thru Lyn showed up with Jin Aun. hehe everyone mamaks in Murni's!

Navin and Kenny were treated to Russel Peters after that at my house!

so yeaa...that made up my Friday....hehe....:)

where did ashwin go?

i just realised that ashwin has not messaged me in a long long time. it's either there's something wrong with his pc/connection or he really is studying. so ashwin if ure reading this, "where are you??"

hehe...just last night i was ever determined to post a long-winded emo post on why i'm still single and that there should be more nathan and lucas scotts in this world, and how it's so unjust that everyone's got someone except me. yup...i was in that mood. the kind of mood that harps on sadness and loneliness and makes me refuse to sleep eventhough my eyes were tearing from sleepiness and my head was throbbing from fatigue, just so i can let the silent lonely night engulf me and let me wallow in self pity.

but then someone started talking to me. i'm not exactly thrilled by this incident actually, but if it was any consolation (which i regard it to be) it broke my train of thoughts and pulled me back to reality. the guy had asked me out (and sincerely too, he was quick to add) on a date (he specified it crystal clear). and it was pretty intriguing in the beginning, that someone like me could be of interest to someone like him. but then he started getting a bit corny and fake and sugary sweet that it was just plain hilarious. yea...i was actually laughing at his deep, meaningful words and his utter sense of romance. it's so funny. the more he talked the more i'm convinced the guy's desperate and that he thinks just because i'm no where along the lines of his experience in the matter, that i'd be an easy catch. sad to say, i'm not the least bit attracted. i have always been sweet-talk-shy and the guy was hypothetically a candy vendor.

sigh...what if i start laughing at every guy who tries to pick me up? haha...

i watched charlie and the chocolate factory about an hour ago. Roald Dahl has a bizarre mind and my hat's off to Johnny Depp. The movie had rather good effects and the storyline is so very...children's-story-like. Fun, senseless movie. Go watch it. You'll be amused and amazed!

my 3 little couzzies are in my house to spend the night. i enjoy their company. they keep me young! haha....

shopping lists

short term shopping list @ things i need to buy:

contact lense solution (~RM35)
shampoo (~RM20)
liquid paper (~RM5)

long term shopping list @ things i want to buy:

stomp ticket (RM77) <---this transaction will most probably be carried out next month
dance shoes (RM189)
Nike short running tights (RM89.90)
Nike lime green sports bra (RM89.90)
new bike seat (~RM60)

i need to start managing my finances. i'm obviously pretty high maintenance. and i love to eat. so foods and drinks take up majority of my money. as it is, i'm quite broke. and as much as i'd like to take on a prt time job NOW, my mum wouldn't allow it. so, i look forward to the end of November, when hopefully i will take the first stepping stone into my fitness career. :)

back on broadband~!

u have no idea the hell my new pc has put me through. Gawd~!!! from a late delivery, to a missing network card, to a non-functioning windows, to an undetectable network card and now to unaccessible file transfers and downloads. WHY!?

someone up there must be punishing me for whatever reason put him/her up there. grrr....

my weekend seemed to have zoomed past in a wink of an eye. i'm back to being busy i guess. can't say i don't miss it. used to have a hectic schedule during school days and even in Taylor's. But ever since i got enrolled in Metro it's like i had too much free time. i enjoyed being preoccupied. it takes my mind off things...

i'm performing for Merdeka day in Metro this coming Friday. i'm dancing...get this...a chinese traditional fan dance! hahaha...i don't know how i got into it. i had practise on sat morning. the dance is slow. and i actually think it's really tiring to move with such grace. it takes such effort to glide along and twirl my wrists. but it's fun anyhows. just fyi, i'm trying to make my college life revolve around a little more than just going to classes. it's too mundane. i need co-curricular activities. i lived by them throughout school!

on friday night was Curtin orientation night. i missed it last sem, so Shakti and i made sure we went this sem. it started out lookin a bit sad coz there weren't many people. but then the crowd built up. it was fun. i would admit it. i never knew orientations could actually succeed in getting people to know one another. i guess it could! i met a lot of people, though most of them are chinese ed. 3 guys asked for my number at the end of the day. haha just a friendly gesture might i add. The first, i failed to give coz both of us weren't having our phones with us at that moment and the final game was up. the 2nd somehow has this impression i club just coz i was bobbing up and down to the music they were playing. He was like "next time i go clubbing i call u ar??" haha...sorry mister, i don't club...but we exchanged numbers anyway. and the 3rd was someone who has loads to tell, pretty interesting fella. we went for a drink after the orientation, with the other CSO (curtin student organization) members, myself and Shakti. and we found out that ths 3rd guy is in his late 20s, and has worked in several places including Dragonfly the tattoo parlour in 1U. haha he promised me a discount if i went there. IF i went there...:)

the only athletic one is guy no. 1. he's some black belt taekwondo fella. but he's like my height? haha

on another occassion, the lady-with-nice-running-outfits t the lake called me up. no idea where she got my number. but she asked me join her for the AXN Challenge. i somehow find that so surprising. she's a great runner. her boyfriend/husband/partner is the guy-who-runs-with-one-arm-bent. they both got 3rd in the Genting Trailblazer Wild Category. and yours truly is wanted on her team?? well, it was because one of her teammates fell and twisted her ankle but still!! hahaha i feel so proud. but i refused anyway. coz i'm on the media team and running for free with 2 guys i barely know is better than running for rm135 with 2 super fit ladies. erm...ok that sounded strangely weird. i do know one of the guys la....:)

so that's about all the updates i can offer. it's senseless ramblings but cut me some slack k...i have nothing else to write about...

papercuts

how many papercuts can one get in one day? three. and all on the same hand too! i got one on my 4th finger, one on my palm and one on my elbow. All on my left hand...i think Weng Lum's NS ordeal is taunting me to self abuse as well...unconsciously.

i wasn't planning to blog for the 2nd time today. i was planning to sleep early, and rise early for a good morning run. but check out the time. no running for me. i won't be able to survive 2 lectures if i did.

kenneth khaw was enlightenning me with his law of the post-teenage life cycle. It was a long complicated discussion but i'll spare u the headache and give u a summary.
1. only applies to post-teens i.e. aged 20 and above. and yes i am yet to qualify for this law...
2. girls have a harder time than guys now coz girls are pressured to find their suitors. as for guys, they have more time to wait around.
3. reason being, girls age faster.
4. a guy can afford to wait around and then get a girl who's like years younger than him.
so, mr. khaw ken min, correct me if i'm wrong but are these what you were trying to stress on??

also, in addition to that i have calculated that i have approximately 2 years to search for the right one, go through trial and error, and finally settle on my husband to be. by when, we would start dating for 5 years. and we'll get married when i'm 26. and we'll have daughters named Gaia and Katia.

haha ok the last part i added on myself.

here's what i've been doing to my mp3s lately...

penny and me...next....nothing compares to you...next...just the way you are....next....you don't know me...next....hollaback girl...aha! stop and listen....

i have waaaaaaaaay too many emo songs. i need more hiphop and RnB. my life is dull. i need more colour...more spunk! i just downloaded 2 Ciara songs and the Pussycat Dolls. Now that's more like it. i really need to get a life....

* evolution of moi *

i'm bored. class starts in 15 minutes. 15 minutes in metropolitan college is a long time. trust me. especially when you're alone. so i should just blog while the idea still lingers in my mind.

Marketing 100 lecture today was interesting. Today's chapter was Consumer Behaviour. Lovely. There was this part where we study the age and lifestyles of consumers that affect their buying behaviour. So Juliana asked us to recall back to the days when we were younger. What was our lifestyle and habits like, and then ask us to think of how much all that have changed throughout the years. It got me thinking, so here's the Evolution of Karen Siah.

At age 3-5
Favourite outfit includes doll dresses (the ones with strigs to tie to the back) and shinny buckle shoes which i specifically noted as kick-kock shoes.
Favourite past time was to go swimming. By swimming i meant splatter about in the water doing my dog style.

At age 11-13
Favourite outfit was denim. Anything from jeans to skirts to vests to blouses. As long as it was denim.
Favourite past time was to climb trees, play catching, hide and seeking, and talk on the phone.

At age 17-19
Favourite outfit was and still is jeans and baby tees. Recently a couple of skirts.
Favourite past time includes running, dancing, blogging, writing poems, hanging out with friends, shopping, ogling at hunks, listening to friends' romantic stories, fiddling with my pc, watching One Tree Hill, eating.

and that took me 10 minutes. told u time crawls in Metro. i'll be a good metro-ian and go to class early. chowz!

h-a-p-p-y

today's just been sing-aloud-skip-along-smile-awide jolly good!

it started with Mr Sun shining right through my window! the haze is gone and the sun is back!!! whoopee~!! it just sets the mood u noe....

then i attended some Thespians meeting nd out of nowhere i've been appointed the Events Coordinator. It's quite funny coz only 2 of us were there and she called it a BOD meeting. anywhoz, we planned the semester's agenda and hopefully it all turns out well. from experience, i know that a year planner almost never gets carried out accor ding to plan. but if 50% of what we came up with today will be carried out, i'll be happy enough. :)

and then i dozed off for the first time during lecture this semester...this shouldn't be added to my happy list but there should be a ceremonial inaugural everything rite? hahaha...and i became closer to another friend, Grace when she helped me through BCM 101 lecture by enlightenning me with her love story. haha...i don't know what is it in we girls that make us so interested in other people's lives. :)

the cream of the crop, would be the arrival of my new pc!!! it's sooo marvelous! i could stay here forever! haha....that's it la...i'm so gonna be a tech geek with this pc in my hands. it actually caused me like loads of problems in the beginning. first the delivery was late (it came on saturday instead of wednesday). then after bringing it home, i realised there wasn't a network card (i know! like wth?!?!?). then after clearing the mix up today (apparently the fault of the manufacturer) i brought it home and it couldn't connect! how disappointing and frustrating! but thanks to my dear Daddy dearest it's working now~! full force! it's so fun! everything is soooo freakin fast! i swear i tend to flinch sometimes when i maximise or minimise something. it's that astonishing to me! ahahhaha

i'm so so so in debt with my parents. God give me diligence to work hard, patience to hold on, and self control to limit myself! :)

i love kids!

What are the things that you enjoy even when no one around you wants to go out and play?

~jogging/running
~sleeping
~eating
~watching Friends
~writing poems
~thinking to myself
~indulging in mp3s
~blogging

What lowers your stress/ blood pressure/ anxiety level? Make a list and post it on your blog.

~jogging/running
~talking on the phone to my girlfriends
~writing poems
~dancing
~gim class (yes a little more on this after this)

Tag five friends and ask them to post it on theirs.

~Julie
~Melanie
~Ben
~Rebecca
~Ellie

p/s: i've been tagged by Kimmy to do this.

i was a substitute gymnastics coach today in Holiday Villa. Mrs Khaw is currently in US right now and she has asked the favour of Regina, Shirlyn and me to look after the little darlings while she was away. Our job specifically: teach the Dirrty Dance. We did this dance as a group of 6 last year. Proudly presented to the shoppers of Subang Parade on Valentine's Day by the RSGs. Dancing in a group of 6 is nothing like dancing in a group of like 20. we had to re-choreograph several dance steps to make it possible for the Grade 2s and 3s to comprehend yet not too simple till it made the grade 4s n 5s look like dorks. It was pretty complicated but we got the thing sorted out....somehow. Anyway, we underestimated the mental capacity of these kids, thinking that it would take more than the given time to teach them the moves. Instead, we finished teaching them almost everything before time was up.

In short, i never had a more fun 1.30pm - 5.00pm time in my life! I really could get used to coaching little girls. I love them. and they seem to love me too. they asked me for my autograph after class! and phone number too! it's hilarious! but they're all so endearing. really...they give me this warm sense of achievement when they're able to show me what i've taught them. it's utter bliss. :) sigh...i'll be seeing them next week. although i have run out of ideas of what to teach them, i look forward to it with nothing short of eagerness and anticipation.

i think my future gym will cater to young kids. and i will personally handle that class.

afraid

i'm afraid...
to think of you again
for fear that it would be
of times i wished had happened
or times i wish would happen

i'm afraid...
to talk to you again
for fear that it would be
another pointless conversation
or another tearful one

i'm afraid...
to see you again
for fear that it would be
far too hard for me to accept
or far too hard for me to forget

i'm afraid...
to post this poem up
for fear that it would be
read by you come one day
and perceived by you in another way

i'm afraid...
that anything i do
may just make things worse

the sedentary college student

Summit is vanishing in front of my eyes! and USJ 2 seems to be a blur. GaH!

The hailstorm caught everyone by surprise. I somehow was pre-warned. I was in my car, waiting outside college for Grace, when suddenly my mum calls up sounding all cautious, "karen come home! i hear thunder! come home before it pours ok!". But i had to send Grace to the KTM station so i told her i'll be home as soon as i could.

5 minutes later she calls again, this time yelling into the phone "Karen! It's raining ice la!! Hey!! ice cubes are falling from the sky!!" and i was in utter disbelief when within seconds i heard loud thuds on my car! Then i saw the ice! Falling one by one on the road as it tapped rhythmically all over my car! All symmetrical in size. To be precise n descriptive, it looked a lot like the kinds u get when u buy soft drinks from a stall, and they scoop the ice up from the bottom of the drink dispenser. The smaller ones, not the big cylindrical kind. I must've gotten carried away coz suddenly my mum's voice came through the phone again and she was urging me to go home! "Come home la girl! Afterwards the ice cubes shatter your windscreen or dent your car! come home come home!" By then i was already on my way to the train station, so i told her i'll be home soon!

After dropping my friend off, still amazed by the magical phenomenon and amused by the irony of it falling in Malaysia and during the haze, my mum called me again. "karen DONT come home! don't come home. trees are FLYing everywhere! literally flying! the roads are littered by tree branches! DON'T come home!!" whatt?? where does she expect me to go then?? Carrefour? haha...i headed home anyway...seeing that i had no where else to go. Driving into SS14 did shock me! Hypothetically, it was as if a tornado had whipped the whole area upside down! serious! Tree branches n trunks were strewn here n there! even the houses had leaves and twigs covering their lawns. It was madness! I had to take several alternative routes to get home. it was that bad! I drove slowly and carefully over branches n twigs, wincing every time i hear a thud or a trrrock! haha....

*~*~*~*~*

That was yesterday. Today the view from my window paints an entirely different picture. For one thing Summit is gone! for real. I can't see it AT ALL! and now USJ 2 is vanishing.

I no longer sweat profusely after walking acroos the bridge either to or from college. Instead i stink! I stink of smog. Walking out of college just now i passed by a smoker and i had the intense urge to shove that foul stick down his throat! Like the air isn't bad enough! I think the government should declare smoking permanently banned for the time being. Hey the smoking population of Malaysia is not small ok. If everyone just stopped smoking for like a week, perhaps they can not contribute to the already hazardous situation.

I hope all the races next month are postponed. Including the AXN challenge. :) because as it is, i'm not training at all. i'm eating more now that i'm confined to the four walls of home. and i slouch and slump in front of the TV basically throughout the time i'm at home. yeap. I have adapted the lifestyle of a sedentary college student.

choked

for the next few days...i never want to leave an air conditioned room again. preferably mine. at home. with my new pc.

tell me that's possible.....

my stride

ain't nothing gonna break my stride...
ain't nothing gonna slow me down...oh no...
i gotta keep on moving!

i told myself that i will do a total of 21 km this week. Today i kick started my running regime again. screw the haze. i breathe it in whether or not i run anyway. however, traffic poses another threat. Jalan Kewajipan was at a bumper to bumper crawl from Summit all the way to the roundabout today. so i hit the SS18 hill instead.

i forgot how rewarding it was to run around my neighbourhood. for one thing, the hill is a great place to train my uphill running. and for another? i meet people i know. people who, unlike the hardcore runners at the lake, aren't so hardcore at running. :) Trudging around the SS18 basketball court i bumped into Thean Aik. haha...nice meeting him there. We were moving in opposite directions for a round and a half, and then he turned around to run alongside me. And we started chatting and all. So i think he's cute. :) Sue me. The guy looked good! and any cute guy who was running will be eye candy for me. Let alone one that ran with me and know me personally. haha...he's a nice guy. we talked about him going to Melbourne next year, and me confined to dreary Subang Jaya, and how he regrets doing science now, and his girlfriend being in Brisbane. hahaha there really ain't enough nice, good looking, athletic guys to go around. :)

after doing 5 rounds, i told him i was going back down. which was a good thing, since the both of us were breathless already from all that talking while running. and that was when we split. story of my day. :) haha...

oh wait...coming down the hill i saw a very familiar figure. Didn't dare say anything till i passed by and had a glance at his face. Rajan! fancy meeting him taking a walk around the neighbourhood. haha...i gave him a brief "Hi Rajan", but seconds later i heard loud stomping behind me. He kept up and we spoke a bit. Nope...he got tired after a while so i didn't have another conversation while running. haha...how la Rajan?? tsk tsk....:)

came back home and felt good of course. Told my mum about Thean Aik, to which she responded "Oh that handsome boy ar?" see, i'm not the only one who thinks he's cute. And believe me Pn. Yeo doesn't think many guys are cute. haha....

alright. i'm just done with my Biz Stats homework. The effect of that large glass of cappuccino is starting to wear off. Topping off this post, here are some pictures i took at the studio. Comments are appreciated. However, do not point out the obvious such as my face is fairer than the rest of my body, and all my flaws have clearly been photoshoped away. yup...:)

-->Studio Photos<--

hazed n dazed

i swear all Malaysians have their lives shortenned thanks to the haze. stupid. It's the worst i've ever seen! Coz this time around, you could even smell it! bleAh! Just looking out the window makes me wanna trap myself up at home. And there goes my weekend! Not to mention my running regime?? How can i train in this condition?? *whines* The year i finally braced myself for a half marathon and Sumatera had to burn! grrr....

I went to PC Fair today. Daddy dearest got me a new desktop PC!! haha not using it at the moment though, coz i can only collect it on Wednesday. The specs are as follows:
* Intel Pentium 4 3.0GHz
*512MB DDR RAM
*80GB SATA HDD 7200RPM
*CDRW 48X 16X 48X drive
*1.44MB floppy disk drive
*ATI Radeon X550 256MB DDR PCI-E Graphics
*2-Channel speakers
*17" LCD flat screen monitor

there are other stuff which sounded greek to me so i figured these are the isi-isi penting la. :) yay~!

yes i know...i'm a spoilt lucky brat! My mum was just saying how my dad spoils me too much. I get to go to Melbourne on my own, i get a new desktop PC. well if it's any consolotaion, i do appreciate all that they've done for me. And i will repay them in terms of good behaviour, well-being, good grades?? hehe....

or i could just get 20th for Putrajaya half (that's rm200 cash in hand), get a few photo shoots and commercial ads which would more than cover everything. ;)

swimming competitions and weddings

i think that the rules for swimming competitions are far too strict for kids under 12. i followed my parents to Cheras today to watch Keith swim in the Milo Sports Excel. He was up for 100m Freestyle. When they were all on the diving boards, the starter shouted "take your mark!" and then there was a loud thud, which didn't beling to the whistle that was supposed to be blown. so, acting by reflex, a boy dived into the pool. this was followed by 2 others who responded but realised too late, so they fell in. One of them was Keith. All 3 were disqualified. Poor Keith came back to us in rage and in tears. he had been waiting the whole day for this event!

Apparently after the "Take your mark!" you're not supposed to move a muscle. That's the rule. The loud thud, so i heard, was caused by some monkeys playing around with a toy gun. That's an interference, a distraction! they should not disqualify the poor kids! At least give them a second chance. Unfortunately, they were on a one-start rule. sigh...shouldn't little kids be encouraged to get up and try again after a fall?? this is definitely not the way to do that.

Anyway, i had some family dinner on just now. My cousins from Singapore are here. After dinner, we all gathered at my cousin's place for kopi-o. The bigger cousins were talking about my cousin sister's wedding plans. haha no easy task i'd say, to get married. I never knew there were so many things to look into. The guest list, is by far the biggest problem of all. My cousin was like "My boyfriend la...wanna have 30 tables!" and we were trying to outnumber that, so we were thinking of who else can we decide from this side of the family. haha...then there was the place to have it. they'll be having 3 wedding dinners, coz one's for hometown Muar relatives and friends, one's for KL relatives and friends and one more's for Klang relatives and friends.

the discussion heated up more and more as we all gave our 2 cents worth commenting on hotels and restaurants and such. In the end she said "haiya...elope la..." and there was a sudden pin drop silence. then she started laughing....and there were sighs of relief from her parents. :)

weddings...i actually love attending them. apart from the fact that i get to dress up, i also enjoy listening to the bridesmaid and the best man talking about the newly weds. it's so nice listening to their courtship days. haha...

i would definitely want to get married some day. yes, i am one of those girls who believes that life is not complete without a marriage and a family with kids. i would not settle for dying a spinster. i've thought of how my wedding gown would be, i've thought of who i'd elect as my bridesmaid, i've thought of how the wedding should be. Yes, i have. :)

Freakier still is the fact that i've thought of children's names. haha...mostly girl names as i really would like to have daughters. the only boy names i find attractive so far is Dean and Damon. But girl names? the list is endless. haha...

I'm actually really sleepy right now. But for some reason I don't want to sleep. Nope, it's not the kopi-o. It's the feeling that comes only at this hour...

i thought of you today

within a time frame of a minute
i'd relive a moment in my life
i'd go to a time that i hold dearly
as i flipped through my mental archive

i'd recall the way you were
i'd recall the way i felt
i'd recall things i wished i said
i'd recall things i wished i dealt

i'd just blank out for a moment
as emotions start to conquer me
i'd stare into space for a fraction of time
and absorb as i replay the memory

a minute is all i give myself
as a smile creeps up for display
bearing in mind as i go on with life
that i had thought of you today...

pathetic jiwangness aside, i went to times square today to do a photoshoot. i remembered why i disliked make up so much.
1. it felt like i had cake on my face.
2. i did not look like me.

the photos seemed ok though. yet to be photoshoped. will get to see the end results on monday.

i went to Villa just now. It's so great to see all those fellow gymnasts again. I'd give anything to go back and train in that stuffy, oxygenless, badminton court on friday nights. and of course, to get my flexibility back. Amelia's dad said i slimmed down and i've grown prettier! woohoo~! haha then again he says that all the time. He even asked if i have a boyfriend yet. to which i regretfully said no. haha sometimes, i think he's just teasing us girls. he definitely has the look. haha...

unsent

i wrote a poem today about you again. but after reading it through i figured i should keep it to myself. :) it shall remain unsent for now...

i'd like to share something with everyone, if you will. I got this from a friend of mine. i think it's really really good. Enjoy! :)

I am born with two perfect ears,
So sharp they are for many years,
I knew music, I knew chimes,
I learnt songs that perfectly rhymes.

Eighteen years of beautiful sounds,
Its my soul that they have found,
I crave to sing, I crave to speak,
Listen to me, my voice ain't weak.

The voices of people I love to hear,
They always coax me out of fear,
Especially those who are dear to me,
They use their words to make me glee.

Please, God, don't be cruel to me,
Being deaf is like not able to see,
What could possibly be more scary,
Than the feeling of uncertainty?

-Yvonne Foong-

If you think u need some inspiration in life, head on over to her site. It made my day today. :)

just scribbles

I miss my digital camera. or rather...i miss camwhoring. my digicam is currently not functioning, and i just returned my cousin's. now i'm digicam-less and quite frankly i feel rather incomplete.

=+=

I think my Business Communications lecturer is far too long winded. However, the subject seems like a rather enjoyable one. It's like English basically. Writing letters n proposals with a good command of the language.

+=+

I think my Marketing lecturer is cool. Firstly she insists we call her by her first name, Juliana or Julie for short. "No miss or madam all, you all are university students already i think that you all should address me by my first name." if it makes her happy, it's fine by me. :) And Marketing seems like a fun subject. I'll be doing an assignment whereby i have to market a car. The company will be assigned to us next week. I hope and pray I do not get Proton.

=+=

I signed up for Nescafe Kick-Start. Considering the victor of 2004 was gonna invent something, i think my dream job is nothing close to winning this year. anywho, i'd like to get in to semi-finals. seems fun! :) Plus i get RM30,000.

+=+

I signed up for the 3 runs that are running through the top of the screen. I'll be doing 10 km for both Adidas and PJ Half. As for Putrajaya Half, i'll be doing the actual half marathon i.e 21km. I'm not sure if i'll survive it. and if i do, i'm not sure how i'll run 10 km in the consequent week. See how i recover. :)

=+=

I am marshalling for the coming AXN Challenge which will be held in KL. It'll be so cool! I've always wanted to attend one of those races! I dare not take the challenge of joining it coz i think i'll die halfway. But having a look at the race would give me an idea how it really is and from there i'll gauge if i'm physically fit to take part in one next year.

+=+

I have acquired a bizarre craze for big chunky dangly earrings.i recently bought a few from Melbourne and i bought another 3 pairs from Subang Parade. I think i should really stop buying.

=+=

I ate my dinner at 10 pm tonight. Had Triple H (the waiter kept saying triple X, and when he came he said triple light) and Horlicks Ice at SS2 Murni's. Was with Daniel, Han Yang, Puvesh and Anne. All of a sudden i have this new group of homies. They're fun people really. :)

set...

i've reached a dead end
nothing else about u seem to matter
i've thought things over a thousand times
every little thing there is to ponder

nothing else seem to make sense
i'm not bothered to make sure they do
nothing else seem more important
than the fact that you're still you

i could not possibly ask myself
another darn question about you
i've grown so helpless in finding answers
i've grown so tired of seeking out what's true

i've grown so sick of the why's and what if's
and all the trips down memory lane
what's the point in travelling back to now
bearing more heartache and pain

i am uncertain and confused
but yet never more decisive
i am forlorn and shaken
yet never more assertive

all the doubts and worries
i have decided to break free
as my heart never seemed more set
nothing seems to want to change in me

and i guess that it shouldn't really matter
as much as it hurts to ignore
i'm living my life for the now
rather than what happened before

i am unsure of what lies ahead
i am oblivious to what both of us have become
i am more than done with bygones
and it doesn't matter
doesn't matter at all
my heart is set...

they say when someone stares at you hard enough from behind, you can feel it on your back...

i wonder if someone thinks of you long enough, you can feel it in your heart...

*2012*

more melbourne pics

finally got my first half of my pictures from my cousin. this batch features a lot of my cousins and i. places we visited includes Mount Buller and Phillip's Island. :)

i went to see dear Lyn today. gave her the souvenirs i got her from Melbourne and in return, i got a bracelet from Redang. haha yay~! :) her Redang trip seemed so fun! like all other trips-with-boyfriends do. *jealousss* and as always, i get treated to her Por Por's special treats. this time around it was chicken rice balls and soya bean agar-agar with longan. MmmmMmMmmm.....:)

i went out with 3 guys just now. my mum thinks i have too many guy friends. she must be wondering why i haven't found a boyfriend yet. haha...anyway was out with Puvesh, Daniel and Han Yang. and they're quite funny la. 2 of them seem to have found a special someone. i'm telling you, the world is in love. but like Anne says, it's nice to see people in love. especially your friends. it's nice seeing them go all shy n quiet when a phonecall comes in. and watching the way they change their expressions to subtle embarrasment. and the way they hush their voices down a notch, but try their best not to be too obvious. it's so sweet.

it's almost funny, the way we've reached another part of life. just a couple of years back our mamak sessions were filled with "where u studying now?" questions. and now, they're more of "so who's the new dish?" kinda thing. nect thing we know it'll be "which company are you working for?" together with the exchange of business cards. and before we know it, we'll be receiving wedding invitations. woohoo~!

20122012. that's the date that Ven Nee and Pei Jien and yours truly, are supposed to meet up again. 3 years ago, when we made that pact, our vision of the day would be like this. chronologically, it'll be the passing of comments on looks and stuff. then it'll be questions on jobs. and somehow i think it'll be Pei Jien passing out wedding invitations to the both of us. and i, hopefully, would be inviting these gurls to the launching of my new gym. and Ven Nee would probably be someone highly successful, where her cellphone rings of its hook. i can't wait...:)

college officially starts tomorrow. first class? Business Communications 101. Lecture.

just 4 more months....:)