mid-morning

funny. i don't exactly feel the dying need to sleep. it's waaaaaay past the latest i've ever stayed up for. well, excluding nights in Gene's house, or in OBS. At least in those cases i spent the wee hours in the morning having fun. Now i'm spending it on nothing but the wonderful subject Information Systems 100. Was a bit fiery just now. had a lot of pent up frustration all day long due to the stress i was facing. literally cried myself to sleep last night at about 4 am as well.

feeling kinda neutral now tho. don't feel like shredding my IS assignment guide into bits now. don't feel like quitting Metro either. nothing. feel like i've lost all energy to feel any sort of anger towards the subject now that i'm done. well not exactly 100% done, still got one teensy bit which i have no clue how to do. will ask Shakti tomorrow. shouldn't take too long.

brought my cousins to the playground today. it's been ages since i sat on a swing. i got dizzy today. back then i was the girl who swung the highest. the daring one. now i go an altitude higher and my head starts spinning, my sight blackens. must be the whole low blood count, low blood pressure thing that i have. yup, still can't believe i can't donate blood. me. of all ppl.

it's 4.31 am right now and my air con feels strangely cold. my air con is pathetic. it's 18 degrees C could feel like normal room temperature at most times. but right now my fingers are white n cold. currently waiting for Rudy to come home. where the hell could he be at this time?? why doesn't he just do his work at home? well, i hope he doesn't need much help coz i think i'd appreciate at lest 3 hours of sleep.

4.33 am and i suddenly miss Lyn dreadfully. was explaining to Mei what my "lost butterfly" was all about. haha yea plenty have asked me about it. well, Lyn got it for me. It's a butterfly keychain which i put on my car keys. and what's special about it is she got it for me for no special occassion. she simply saw it at Maggie T, and knowing my fetish for butterflies, got it for me. she gave it to me with a note, that it shall accompany me and guide me through college life. and throughout my college life, it was like part of Lyn was with me. back in Taylor's when she was spending time with aun. and now even more so when she's in IMU. and now that it's lost, it leaves me in a state so...so...lost. i would say that next to my mum, Lyn is the person who understand me the most. i miss her so much right now.

4.40 am. where on the face of planet Earth is rudy wong? oh yea...i finally gathered the courage to tell someone that i'm not interested. my excuse? that i was into someone else. i think he may have interpreted it as i'm taken, but yea whatever. as long as he gets the point. now as for the perception of truth? am i really into someone else? i would say i am. a little. i guess the negativity is due to the humongous possibility of it not working out between me and the person i have in mind. yet i find it rather disturbing that i think of him pretty often.

4.45 am. andrew's funny. haha...been a while since i had a chat with him. wasted i couldn't go just now. but owell. nothing like someone to talk to at 4.45 am. :) am i sensing a bit of jealousy in his tone? haha tsk tsk. never easy to let go of someone that has marked a spot in your life i guess. still have to remind myself not to be judgemental about R's gf just coz she's with R. but he's too good for her!! haha...okok...:)

4.49 am. that's it. i'm so sorry rudy. my sleep is precious. every minute counts. serves u right for not attending tutorials. nite everyone.