i read an article in Cleo that day...tho i have no recollection whatsoever as to why me, of all people, was reading a Cleo. Think it was coz i was bored and had nothing better to do in the library. so, yea anyway, it's about whether or not you treat your best friend as your boyfriend. i don't recall much of the rules but there was on very very clear cut rule which totally scared me.
And the number 1 rule to show that you treat your best friend like a boyfriend, is when u start getting jealous when your best friend gets a date.
how true is that? I have 2 best friends. no, we're not a trio of best friends. My 2 best friends aren't best friends with each other. Yea as complicated as it seems, u'd be surprised how people so easily underestimate the importance of girlfriendship. they think it's totally normal, and that it's no big deal. Well, being in my shoes, u would definitely understand when i say that it's not easy. The situation somehow involves the same emotions as a couple situation. No, we're not gay. If you think I am, then stop reading now coz you're probably not gonna get me if you go on any further. If you think i'm nuts, do the same.
so, anyway, i went through a lot of what couples may regard as truancy, or being cheated on and all that crap. it may not happen to me, but somehow i think my best friends felt it happen to them. Things got a little better after some heartfelt confession by yours truly to each of them, and we just went on to a whole new level of understanding. however, things went a little bumpy when one of them got a boyfriend. I was in emotional despair. seriously. I went from being jealous, to being sappy, then to being conceited and selfish. i wanted to have things back the way they are so badly that i may have let that get in the way of my best friend's happiness. but much of my feelings were bottled up so i didn't actually ruin anything between them. which i think was why i was a wreck. seriously i was. and at that time, i sorta became closer to my other best friend. i'm not sure if my actions of taking her as just a shoulder to cry on is evil to some of u, but try to view it as i was in much need of support and my gurl was being there for me. and she wasn't just a shoulder to cry on. I had very honestly wanted to catch up with her too, since she was away at NS, and i'm in college, then she in form 6. so yea, there was a lot of sincerity in my heart.
but i guess i can't deny the fact that part of hanging out with her was a form of escapism. i was obviously still hurt from what i can define as being dumped by the other best friend, and i started hanging out with my other girl to escape the loneliness of...well being alone. if it was any consolation, i did this subconsciously. it is now that i realise what i've done. and at that moment, during that period of time, i thought "who needs her when i've got the other?". I was so comfortable with it that my pain and jealousy eventually wore off. i no longer felt compelled to stay angry with my best friend, because while she is with her boyfriend, i could chill with my girl. :)
and very frankly? i thought that would stay. for as long as...well as long as my girl and i remained single and that one fine day, we'll both have our own boyfriends at about the same time so none of us would have to go through what i went through. looks like luck wasn't really on my side. or rather, fate wasn't. my girl eventually found a suitor. and as of now, i cannot deny that history is kinda repeating. i have all this feelings in me that i fought so hard to surpress. i would think that once bitten twice shy, but what i feel now is slightly more coz there's no other shoulder to cry on no more. no one else i can tell how i feel. i used to ask a question. When u have a problem u seek your best friend. But what happens if your best friend is the problem?
guess i'm a doing a practical study on my own hypothesis. however, i seem to have forgotten something. with jealousy, selfishness, and selfpity clouding up my mind, i might have just overlooked the fact that, even as life moves on, once a best friend, always a best friend. today i was called by one best friend. she wanted to meet me before my birthday because she regrets that she can't be with me on that day. and when i met up with her, i poured everything i was feeling about my other best friend out on her, the same thing i did when she first got hooked. and she was there for me, with hugs, and comforting words just like how the other was for me. and yes it was comforting. very very comforting.
that's how i realised that though they have found someone else in their lives, they have never stopped caring for me. the attention may be divided but the heart isn't. and right now i feel like kicking myself for thinking only of myself.
so i have 2 best friends. both of which are seeing very gorgeous, very intelligent gentlemen. and i'm still single. but they'll be there for me. i can count on them. sure there'll be days where i'll probably have to wallow in self pity alone in my room. days like Valentine's day, New Year's eve, or any friday night for that matter. but am i not Ms Congeniality? haha...i'll go call up some other friends. It's not like i'm all alone. And when i get my own gorgeous, built, athletic Jon Johnsson, I'll have Sandra Bullock calling me up! hahah...or not...hey, a girl can dream can she? *wink*
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