Friday, September 30, 2005

quarrelsome queen

i remember the time i used to work in Tumble Tots. And on weekday mornings, they had this workshop thing or whatever they called it, and it is pretty much like any other preschool to me. I personally don't see the necessity in parents sending their kids there for it for such a high price. but i guess as long as they paid, i get paid.

anyway, the kids learnt the alphabets of Letterland. their songs are quite catchy, i used to hum them when i'm back home. yes, i hummed nursery songs =). anyway, every letter had a character and an action. it was quite silly watching the munchkins acting it out.

Q was for Quarrelsome Queen and the kids had to frown and wiggle their lips to show anger. and there was this very very adorable little indian boy (yes yes, me and my indian boys) who did the cutest impersonation of Quarrelsome Queen ever! because while he struggles to wiggle his lips, he wiggled his butt as well. haha! and he also had the silliest mood swings! not the good mood bad mood kind. if he felt like it, he'd talk to me in English. If not, Hindi. Hindi! haha throw my some mandarin boy! i don't know no Hindi!:)

now as much as all those nonsensical ramblings are my way to avoid the topic, it is very much related. first off, I have been rather quarrelsome lately. i seem to pick fights with a lot of people. My mum's got it, my brother (in Perth mind you), and my friends. i don't know if the world is really against me on this one, or that i'm just being difficult. and it is not PMS, coz that just passed.

for as long as i remember, i have always been rather willful. i always had to be the one who won in the end on most occassions. and as a kid, i kinda always did. but then i grew, and i became more tolerant. i, like my folks often said about themselves, mellowed down. my circle of friends grew too big for me to win in every dispute i had. and i love my friends. all of them. i take pride in being called "the more sociable of the Siahs".

but just these few days i feel like i don't want to be the one who gave in again. i just don't feel like being the one who backed down and called truce. i haven't been up and sunny recently, and i guess my ego kinda fed on these little victories. i have my reasons, i think. but i typed them all out last night and my connection bailed on me. so this morning, let's just say i won't blame the "Bachelor of Commerce" anymore. it was a choice that i myself made with no brainwashing whatsoever. And it doesn't matter whatever took place prior to my decision. in the end, i still made that choice and i'll stick by it till i graduate.

but i had time to reflect, and seeing that i can come up with a post like this, i guess i'm cured. i'll be more accomodating now, more forgiving, and more myself.

to those who got on my bad side, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

i'm sorry.

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