Monday, June 27, 2005


i thought maybe if i laid off blogging for a few days i'd have more interesting stuff to blog about. but i've got nothing much to say. heck, will just blog it all out anyway...bits n pieces from here n there...

SJ10K was pretty fun. however my head was throbbing througout the 10 km. i have no idea why. the headache came on saturday, stayed through till sunday. it was so painful i couldn't sleep. and so painful i couldn't run well the next morning. my 55 minute target wasn't accomplished, thanks to that. did 58:26. oh well...not too bad also la. :) I beat chihui! yay...quite happy la. but she did well too. for the fact she didn't train and all. i got 30th place, which is pretty much the last position to get a prize and a finisher medal. my prize was some mini mini hamper of uncle toby's and Loacker. :) Chihui's dad got 13th! He's so chun!

i have to start packing for Melbourne. I don't know where to start! i dug out my aunty's long johns yesterday. and i found my winter clothes. now all i gotta do is put them all into one big luggage! wondering if i should bring my video cam there. would be a bit troublesome if i have to carry it with me all the while.

yesterday at dinner my mum was telling us about her high school reunion. she met up with some high school friends and one of their teachers. (i think it's so cool btw! we should meet up 30 years down the road!!). anyway, some of her friends were still bachelor girls. and she was telling my dad about it at dinner. and what my dad said kinda frightenned me a bit. he was like "all these people, they set too high standards for themselves. they all want the perfect man. I'm sorryla...they'll never find him". then my mum said that these friends are socialites, they're very active women and had always had many friends and all. then my dad said " yeala, when men are their friends they're ok la. but when men want to get close to them, they close up. they withdraw themselves". sounds pretty familiar to me.

i've always had this withdrawal sympthom whenever someone comes close to me. it's funny though. i mean, i like guys, it's not that i don't. i have had crushes n all. just that they're always on the guys that are not interested in me. and the guys that are? well, once they are it just ruins everything we had before. it's annoying, the way i clam up. actually, i think i know the reason of my behaviour. throughout my life, there was only once where the feeling went both ways, and i was fine by it. i was happy and ecstatic of course! however, that so-called relationship was a bad one. miscommunication can seriously destroy. and ever since then, i've been this way. i've been over-precautious at myself and all. i used to say, i'm happier during the days where i'm liking the guy and the guy doesn't know i exist, than when the truth has been told and everything's out in the open. i get scared.

yet, i seem to spill the truth very often. i always believe in confessing my feelings to the guy that i like. perhaps it is due to all those e-mails which preach the "have no regrets! tell your loved-ones you love them before it's too late" theme. i always told myself, at least he knows and i know what he thinks of it.

could it be that i'm afraid of commitment? i thought that's what guys are for? hehe...i don't know what it is. all i know is that whenever someone wants to be there for me as more than a friend, i freak out, and back away. it's like Runaway Bride, only it's not at the altar. it's at the point much before that. :)

well, hopefully my Richard Gere may chance by, and break thy spell. :)

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