Monday, October 31, 2005

necessity, rather than luxury

i think i'm starting to actually need a boyfriend, rather than want one.

yes...i think the whole boyfriend issue is more of a necessity now rather than a luxury item.

i need one. why?

because, as humble as i can put this, i'm attracting to wrong guys. "wrong" being the adjective to describe the situation, not the guys. i am not particularly shallow. i do place importance on looks but that isn't the deciding factor. there are many other things to consider like, maybe, love and chemistry. i just don't feel interested in any of them. it could be that i am reluctant to let myself be interested. but the bottomline is i'm not.

and unless i can continue to churn out creative (buy-able) excuses to turn them down, i seriously think i need a social status change. i'm not skilled in saying a flat out no. i don't have the heart to do so. or the courage. either way i suck at being direct. i often resort to avoiding the guy, ignoring the guy or asking friends to help me out.

but my creative brain juice is running dry and i really shouldn't be wasting it on thinking up excuses, and i will never be able to say "i'm not interested in you" in the boldest, simplest, most direct way.

goodness...i've brought desperation to a whole new level...

anyway, i just found out last night while tinkering with my videocam software that i have a pretty cool photo editing software. i've been playing with it all are some stuff i've been doing...haha....

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