not good enough

wanna know the reason why i'm so darn competitive sometimes? it's coz i'm not good enough. i'm always not good enough.

i'm not good enough for my parents
i'm not good enough for my brother
i'm not good enough for my stupid Lion
i'm not good enough for Uncle Peter to put me in a winning team
i'm not good enough for the freaking UWC scholarship
i'm not good enough to reach Grade 8 in piano
i'm not good enough at rock climbing
i'm not good enough to run a half marathon
i'm not good enough to get top 10 in my runs
i'm not good enough at dancing
i'm not good enough at public speaking
i'm not good enough for debate
i'm not good enough for my poems to get published
i'm not good enough to score As
lastly...i'm not good enough to win a guy's heart

the things i stated above are the things i do. the things that people know me for doing. the things i'm supposed to be good at but somehow i'm just not quite there. Talk about Jack of all trades but a Master of none. That's me. I'm the Jack. Basically, this whole post is about the last statement. I've learned that another friend of mine has been paired. yup...someone's got himself a girlfriend. and it is not that I underestimate people or anything, it's just if they can why can't i?

I can pretty much sum up what a guy goes for at this age. I'm talking majority, but not all. Looks. That's like number 1. Brains. yea recently brains have been turning ppl on. Style. things like cool clothes, stiletto heels, sleek handbag, great hair. Or maybe even skill. and by this i mean stuff that impress a guy. Like foosball which recently sweep guys off their feet when a girl is skilled at it. Or cyber games or pool. And that's about it.

Now, coming back to me, I wonder in which division am i deficient. I have my credits, don't I? i'm a runner, i am the president of the club, i'm an avid fun of the outdoors, i rock climb, i climb mountains and hills , i kayak, i canoe, i camp, i love dancing, i am basically a fun lover, i get As (maybe not straight As), i write poems, i make friends easily, i love my friends, i offer help generously. As for my negative points, i'm a slacker at times, i have this thing against smokers and prissy girls even if they mean me no harm, i don't score straight As, i kinda dislike reading, i have the don't care attitude when it comes to current issues and facts of life, i sometimes brag about my achievements when i'm really proud of them because i think i deserved it (hey, i wouldn't even call it bragging, i'm just happy that's all, ure supposed to share happy moments with your friends rite?), i'm big sized, i'm bowl legged, i've got annoying hair. So that's me in a nutshell from my own point of view. I consider myself a pretty normal person. So how come, I have yet to find someone who loves me for me...for who i am? what happened to good ol' fashioned unconditional love? unconditional. no conditions. just because. My 2 best friends seem to have someone who's in love with them unconditionally. shoot...emo kicking in....