- c o p e -

i never had thoughts about
when i needed to quit playing
sure i worked a little harder
when the finals were coming

but even if i said i would
i'd never actually got down to it
i'd never been as serious as i should
but somehow i always managed thru it

i had always told myself
that i'd change and i'd strive
but my lip service never fails
and every year i seem to survive

guess, as important as it sounds
i somehow knew i never really needed
a string of As or excellent results
to get me where i was headed

and i'd always had friends with me
the people who lazed just as much as i did
every year we'd panick and make promises
but our habits we never actually gotten rid

and up to this year i was complacent
i built a wall against studying
thinking that i'd breeze through again
and go thru the cycle of complaining and regretting

but this year regret takes on a new meaning
if i really don't succeed eventually
13K of my parents' money I'd be wasting
Throwing my chances of entering any Uni

this year brings a new circle of friends
new challenges arise with new competition
nearly everyone has started to change
everyone gears up for the examination

but the thing that woke me up the most
was when she started to worry
she worries that i am not studying
she worries that i'm taking it too easy

her concern took a toll on me
it gave me a little spark of hope
but it also made me ask myself
will i be able to cope?

i don't think i've ever heard any friend told me that he/she was worried for me. especially when it came to academics. but then again Lyn hadn't been with me to see how i was all through school. i'm taken aback. it's like, when your parents worry, it's the norm. it's what parents do. but when your friend starts to worry, no make that when they tell you their worried, then maybe you should consider taking action. so i'm now struck by Lyn's concern about my studies. i have this sudden burst of determination to do better now. i know what i have to do. problem is, can i cope with it? i've always told my mum that i know what i must do to get that score. i'm just too lazy to do it. this is me. i've always been like this. so news flash people, coz i know many people think i'm like hardworking and smart, i'm not. proof's on friendster - my testimonials. there's a possibility that they're under the impression that all teachers' children are academically inclined. i'm no where near. i loathe studying. but this year, i'm just gonna have to force myself to love it.