so not me

I've always thought...
That I had it under control
That I could play it cool
Pretend that I was ok
But myself i couldn't fool

I've never been quite like this
Not last time, not ever
I always had a clear state of mind
Of the consquences later

I always knew what I should do
And what i shouldn't try
I always had a way of getting
Away from letting myself cry

I almost never do things
As hastily as i did this time
I never let my guard down
Coz it seemed like a crime

It went against my principles
To show that I was weak
I always put up a tough front
What i showed was never bleak

But this time seemed different
Somehow I lost all that
The ability to stand strong
The ability to confidently react

The ability to analyse
What might come out of it
If i did something rashly
I should be more cautious a bit

I don't know why this time
But now that I've woken up
I'll try not to do anything
Considerably crazy, so abrupt

I'll be more careful with my words
I'll be more cautious of my tone
I'll keep more things to myself
Leaving less of my feelings shown

It was amazing how I literally lost my apetite just now. I had never felt so much regret and guilt before. For real. It was then i decided to stop trying to make ammense. Stop trying to make things seem better when the only way to do so is to let go. I can just imagine how much your impression of me have changed since we met. haha can't blame you...

once again i apologise for what I said. I really overdid it this time around. So not me. Something i just can't explain. Don't think i'll try to anyway. Whatever it is i guess this is it. Won't be wallowing on this topic anymore. =) Seem to do more harm then good anyway. so to redeem myself, i'll drop the topic. Got better work to do. I'm cool. I really am. I promise. =)