bruised ego

i went running with Keith at the lake yesterday morning and i lost. We did 4 rounds in opposite directions and he finished like a minute and a half before me.

*ouch*

it's either all the working have made me ultra tired, or i've become super unfit or my 12 year old brother has increased his stamina by leaps and bounds! either way my ego's dented and i'm as sour as unripe oranges can be. sure i'm proud of him...but...but....

bleahhh....guys have it easy. they can have no training and yet beat the a** out of me when it comes to running. they just can. and we have to train like super hard to be able to outdo them.

and i have 36 days to KLIM. and being the genius i am, i signed up for the half marathon because i'm such a complacent idiot.

how the hell am i supposed to do less than 2 hours 17 minutes if i keep on slacking?

oh yea..

Happy CNY you guys....=)

another day at camp 5

that's Eugene....

and Melanie....

and Lee Kes Sam a.k.a Sam...

and last but not least, me...=)

another day at Camp 5 ends with more-than-satisfactory results. =)

photos galore!

right...i actually have been taking photos. coz that's kinda what i do best on an outing, aside from eating. but i've been too lazy to poke the USB into the camera to upload them. So i finally took the time to do so, thus, i shall just display them all. =)

i had the opportunity to see how Camp 5 looked like before the doors are openned to customers. i watched in awe as these people were literally hanging out cleaning the handholds on the walls. how cool is that!


and this department was sorta under me for a couple of days. Rental. it's no joke during peak hours.


then there was the much awaited Korbubu Gathering. We had BK in 1 Utama. Fancy meeting Camah there as well. haha...:)


and finally, tonight we had the G5 get together for the year 2006. This was fun. Food at New Paris was undoubtly delicious. And the company? Priceless. =) stopped by Bec's place after dinner, where our stomachs were given time to digest while we launched into a heated In-Between card game. well...actually they did. not me. and ashwin. =)


and of course, Puvesh happened to be in ss2, so i shamelessly asked for a ride home. as always.

Puvesh, if you're reading this, i'll buy u lunch someday ok? =)

super ice breaking session

i got called to work today because there was some staff meeting for the senior staff and i had to be around when no one was. of course i wasnt the only one. they wouldnt trust me. i wouldnt too if i were them. =)

so anyway, Camp 5 was quiet today. and the supervisors werent in the office. and i was left at the counter with 2 other guys. So, we had this super ice breaking session. now one of them is my age. he looks like a nice chap but the stories i heard tonight left me in doubt. the other guy is 2 years younger. he has a boyish look and he is just that. so there was the entertainer, and the entertainee, and i was there to just listen by the side.

then it came to my "favourite" topic - partners/boyfriends and girlfriends. grr.

"mum dont like you to drive home alone? then get a boyfriend la? oh wait...do you already have one?"

"nope..."

"serious? no boyfriend? find one la!"

"you think what? shopping ker?"

"i think you're just choosey"

well he ain't the first. I'm choosey? Isn't everyone? I mean, we're talking about someone whom i will share my life with here. I can't just go picking up any Tan, Ali or Muthu from the road can i? when i find the right one, i'll know. and i will totally commit. but for the time being, finding the right one is still my mission. and lately it seems to be one that is impossible but i'm still young right?

right?

today

...i woke up at 7

...i sat a train all the way to KL to get turned down.

...i found out i wasnt tall enough i.e. less than 5' 5''

...i sat a train all the way to kelana jaya

...i missed the bus by a couple of minutes, thank God daddy loves me and came to pick me from KJ to 1u. =)

...i spent a lot of money on transport and food

...i got reprimanded at work for yawning too much, hence, not being alert

...i almost couldnt feel my heels

...i am dead tired.

First day at work report

Camp 5 is the place to work at. seriously. when they say you learn new things everyday, they're not kidding. in just 7 hours of work today i learned helluva lot more than i've learned in my umpteen years of climbing. hmm...ok maybe not umpteen. since i stopped for a good couple of years. but yea...i learned more than in all of my climbing experience.

and i found out that Bukit Takun has a key hole called Pussey keys. *shrugs*

and Han, Jote and the Racist Sardine came today! nice...hope to see them tomorrow.

will

actually during my porpor's funeral, i thought of writing myself an unofficial will. just so i feel slightly more at rest. at least should anything happen, God forbid, then there will be readers who will know what to do. =)

i don't have much. but there are several things i would like to be kept:

1. all my cash in hand and in bank shall be given to my parents.

2. all my medals and certificates to my brothers. they're hard earned and only my brothers will know how hard i worked for it all. and they know the story behind each medal so...yea...

3. my treasure shoe box goes to Julie. she'll want it. =)

4. those books which Lyn and i exchanged among ourselves shall of course be given to Lyn.

5. my bike goes to Keith.

6. my shoes go to Mummy.

7. my leotards to be sold via Mrs Khaw.

8. my PC, handphone, digicam and video camera to anyone in my family.

9. my bags, clothes, costume jewellery, accesories, i shall leave to my family's own discretion. they can sell it, give it to the needy or if any of my friends would like to keep them for memories' sake then let them have it.

10. my photos to be kept by friends and family.

yup...i think that's pretty much it. Oh and if i fail to sign up for an organ donor society, then by all means i hereby consent myself to be an organ donor. and i want my funeral to be short and sweet and as free thinking as it possibly can. i just want as many as my friends and family to be around.

so there.

"nice"

so i was just chatting with the usual on MSN, when all of a sudden my little brother signed in. Now not only does Keith use the same computer as i do, but at that precise moment, he was also sleeping peacefully downstairs. so i thought, who the hell is fiddling with Keith's account? All at once, my big sister instincts suddenly sprung into action.

i double clicked the nickname. At first i started off casual, pretending to be just another friend, at the same time picking up as much information about this Keith-imposter as possible. But then he did something really mean. He changed his nickname to something awfully rude and vulgar which i really shouldn't mention here. I was apalled at how offensive 12 year olds can be these days. i mean it was like innocence was a thing of the past! And he was spreading stuff about my brother, of which i do not know how true it is.

anyway, i decided to go out of my cover and question this boy. How dare he portray such an image of my brother! I found out who he was and my heart felt stabbed. This guy happen to be among my brother's "good friends". I mean, i've heard of some cheeky stuff that he did to my brother (e.g. send him 50 smses a day just to irritate him to the bone) but Keith had always stood up for him, saying he was just playing around, and that he's a friend anyway. So i asked and found out that my brother gave him his MSN password out of trust. I think they all share their passwords for some reason which only a 12 year old (or younger) can digest. So that could be a mistake on Keith's part, but for God's sake he's just 12. And the fact that everyone was doing it, i very well would too if i were in his shoes. Sorta some brotherhood thing which he had to contribute to stay in the ring.

So i don't know whether i was harsh or straightforward, but i gave that little boy a piece of my mind. I told him to leave my brother alone. I told him not to let me catch him using my brother's account again or frame him in any way. I subtly noted that i know his house number. He bailed, said he won't do it again and went off. Odd thing was he added me on msn with his own account.

but all these sum up to one thing - there is no more "nice" in this world. i mean, we were taught values and virtues by our parents as we grow up. we were taught to be humble, to be kind, and to help others with a sincere heart. and most importantly, we were taught that one good deed deserves another and do unto others what you want others to do unto you. what happened to all these values??

I had a very close friend back in high school. We sat next to each other and we shared lots of stuff. We motivated each other to finish all our homework and we had a good time. She was very nice and kind. She was funny and cool. I used to think peoply bully her at times. But i remember her telling me, very very clearly, that she believed if she was nice to others, others would be nice to her too. I remembered what made her say that, i remembered what condition she was in when she said that. And i remembered how i felt when she said that. And ever since high school ended for me, she was the reason i would attend every Usaha reunion that was held after. she'd always be the one I would be ever eager to meet up with.

Lately she is slightly different. On the outside she's still the same. We can still talk and everything. But her perception of others, of things, have changed. She now sees the world with a more skeptical point of view. She sorts of screen others before she puts her trust in them. And she most definitely no longer think that people will be nice in return for her being nice. I didn't feel comfortable with it, so i decided to talk to her about it. And she told me why. And all i can say is, it does take very little to break trust. And though I'd love for her to be the old her again, i agree with her way of life now. Especially how people all around have drastically decayed in terms of moral.

and just just now, i learned that an aquaintance of mine, formerly a rather close friend during my primary school years, has started taking drugs. now this girl was once a top student in class. she was class monitor in standard 6, and she loved Sailormoon. She drew beautiful pictures of Sailormoon and other Japanese anime stuff. She was sweet and lovely. When she went to high school, the guys trailed her like ants took to sugar. I don't know who exactly was the rotten apple but the moment she had her first boyfriend, it was downhill from there. She transfered school after form 3 i think, i was never close to her since. i've heard of her smoking and all, but drugs were something i never expected her to touch.

The latest headlines and news make me sick. No...actually it makes me think. Just how did the people who made the headlines become who they are now? Rapists, snatch thieves, robbers, murderers. How did they come to become so violent, so obsessed and so cruel? Don't our parents' generation take pride in how they were brought up with high moral standings and such? Weren't they the ones who drum it in our heads how hard life was for them back then, and how strict their parents were with them? So technically speaking, the sickos that we read of today, aren't they a part of that virtuous generation?

I've heard of how broken or abusive homes can cause a man to be emotionally unstable later in life, thus, they are potential rapists and such. But I thought divorce rates and cases of abuse have only started to ascend recently.

What i'm trying to denote is that if people back then are said to be better in terms of moral than now, then crime rates as mentioned above in the future would be worse off than now, wouldnt it?

i know that being dishonest, or being vulgar or all of the petty immoral stuff i talked about earlier would probably strike you as a small impact to the future. But think again how did rapists these days come about. One may be mentally disturbed, but i doubt all of them happen to have the same condition. I can safely state that 80% of so called "criminals" today were nurtured rather than by nature.

and that little 12 year old opened my eyes a bit today...

Why i think Weng Lum's so full of himself

with all the wonders of Photoshop,
he gives me this...

and gives himself these...

well at least they're ALL famous...

whoever begs to differ, i'll get Joe to sit on ya!

check out more celebrity lovers...

off tangent

my wardrobe lacks a pair of capris
something that stops right below my knees
and a half jacket made of denim
for me to wear my tube tops in

my shoe cabinet lacks a pair of heels
that's plain and simple without 'em frills
and a pair of shoes for the great outdoors
so that i don't slip on 'em muddy floors

and my arms lack someone to hold
for i do long, truth be told,
for someone to be with for days on end
someone on which i can depend

eventually,
my mind will lack the energy to place
that cheerful smile onto my face
and the happy tone of my voice
is something put on by choice

my heart lacks the confidence
that i can uphold my perseverence
in search of he who will make my day
just by listening to what he will say

i lack the humility
to love someone of whom i don't think highly
to love someone who's warm and kind
even if he's running behind

i lack the will to commit
to a full-fledged relationship
to let my guard down and be cared for
or simply allow someone to adore

i lack the love...

*frowns*...i've written better...my rhyming's gone down the drain. crap. i think without someone in mind, i've lost the ability to write what i feel. Coz technically speaking, i don't really feel anything...anything of the lovey-dovey category, that is. yep...i've freed myself, so to speak. *pats own back*

Wanna know what's on my mind now?

1. working at Camp 5. Not only is the pay good or is the experience indescribable, but Camp 5 really is the place for eye candy. Seriously, i'm talking flexed biceps and firm upper torso. *beams*

2. Improving my PRs for all the runs this year. I'm thinking of breaking that 55 mins for 10 km i have been carrying around for so long. This time around, i'll make it 50. And i'll just try my luck in doing a 2 hour 14 minute half marathon. =)

3. Doing a full triathlon/duathlon. Either one. Or both. *go Karen, go Karen, GO!*

4. Defending the 2nd runner up title for Genting Trailblazer! If Keeran can't make it back, Isaiah and i will tear it up there! Right...right??

5. Climbing Mount Kinabalu. MOUNT KINABALU!

6. Getting that string of HDs?? or at least more than one. Hey, I CAN study ok. Don't look down on the fitness freak slash adventure junkie.

7. ....just have an amazing 2006!

bye kor!

alas...i have to bid farewell to my running kaki, my disciplinarian, my breakfast partner, my money lender, my free breakfast provider, my expensive-gifts-giver, my movie-accompaniment, my understanding friend, my funny guy, my muscle building companion, my supper partner in crime, my loving big brother...

bye kor! come back soon!!

poems

i have not been rhyming for a while
it's seems to me poetry's no longer my style
finding words that sound the same
no longer is my middle name

it's been sometime since i cracked my head
thinking of words that rhymed instead
i've been more absorbed into writing my thoughts
in lengthy paragraphs and what-nots

i guess it's coz...
it's been sometime since you crossed my mind
coz i try to leave as much as i can behind
i finally see how it would never be
how very different you are from me

it's been sometime since i thought about love
and all the things a girl deserves
it's been sometime since i indulged in self pity
and in things i thought would make me happy

i am but a teenage girl
whose teenage life was but a swirl
who knows that she cannot pretend
that her teenage life is coming to an end

i will fall in love again eventually
and one day my life will unfold before me
and maybe then i will rhyme some more
and publish for all eyes, my poems galore...:)

camp 5

camp 5 rocks!

literally...=)

Missing my porpor

My mum and my aunt went to clear my grandma's stuff today. they found like 2 stacks of new shirts tied up and boxes and boxes of new handkerchieves unoppened. My grandma was a super thrifty person. she stinged on a lot of things and whenever people gave her stuff she never used them. My granddad said she saved too much. He said she doesn't know how to live her life to the fullest.

I just feel like there were so many things my grandma thought of when she was alive. she had everyone's heart in mind and she tried her very best to please everyone. And i never knew she was such a meticulous person. She had a book whereby she jotted down every expense she incurred for the day. I really had no idea.

I don't know why but it makes me sad finding all these things out now. I thought i spent quite a lot of time talking to my grandparents. It looks like there was so much more to know about and i was oblivious to them. i feel bad.

on a brighter note, i found out Jackie's girlfriend and I are related. The world is microscopic i tell you. and i can't help but thought, should Jackie marry her, then Jackie and I would be related. Now wouldn't that be odd? hehe....

feeling better

am feeling much better now. i've accepted it more. once in a while, when we chant prayers i still start to sob. i just can't believe she's gone. my aunt is in a worse shape. she's feeling bitter and sore over the fact that she couldn't be here when my grandma was admitted into ICU. my cousins from singapore came today. they all said it was pretty sudden. but it really wasn't sudden at all, if you asked me. Jude's grandma came by too.

currently just feel all tired and cried out. i'm emotionally very worn out now. and physically too.

thanks for all your messages sending heartfelt concolences. sorry i didn't really have the time to reply you guys.

thanks Lyn for coming. Made a lot of difference. Thanks Mel, Poh Leng and Pauline who wanted to come. It's alright. It was the thought that truly counts.

thanks YC and Yvonne for your spirit. YC, it's good that you realise it sooner rather than later.

tomorrow's the funeral at Nilai Memorial Park at 2 pm. everyone will be leaving with heavy hearts tomorrow, as we see the last of porpor.

when i was young, porpor, i'd go to your house in Muar. i'd climb on that HUGE tree outside your house and get bitten by those big red ants. still, i never learn. when i go into the kitchen i'll open up that wooden cupboard with the mesh. you will then come by and give me a piece of sugar to eat. i loved that...

during chinese new year, your house was like pasar malam - brightly lit, and filled with food. i used to hang up those paper lanterns all around the garden and on that huge tree. then i'd kill the red ants by dropping wax on them.

i can't remember when you came down to Subang to stay with sui ku. i remember bragging to my friends how my porpor and yehyeh could speak perfect English. "my porpor was an English teacher!" i used to tell them with glee. i think i even brought some of my friends to meet you.

i love it when you boiled extra soup for my family. my mum always say that i can tell porpor's soup apart from the soup that my mum boiled. it's different. it has a lot more taste. my mum will then ask me to give you a call and tell you how much i loved the soup. after a few times it became a habit to do that - call you up and thank you for the delicious soup.

everytime i went over to sui ku's for dinner, you'd be sure to fry prawns because that's my favourite. both you and yehyeh called me "Heh Ong" (Prawn Empress). i remember competing with Sarn jiejie to see who would create a larger prawn shell heap.

then i started gymrama. you took my half shoes and said you could make me a few pairs. you made me a lot. i wore them to class with pride. coz i'd have all these custom requests such as using thicker cloth for the bottom, having more sponge and so on. there was once where a needle was left in the half shoe and it pricked me the whole class through. i thought that was really funny, honestly, because i leaped pretty high that day.

you made me a blanket recently, using that felt material that i love. i'm still using it. i remember seeing you stitch the pieces of the patchwork one by one, knowing that it'd be for me. i still love it. they don't sell felt anymore. i will never trade my blanket for anything in the world.

you once gave away lockets instead of ang pows, one chinese new year. each locket with the animal of the year we were born in. i wear it every chinese new year since then. when the new one ringgit note came out, you made sure every one of us got it. when the new 10 ringgit notes came out you did the same. you always wanted things to be special.

i once had a peak into your phone book. you have the most interesting cursive writing. seriously. almost like caligraphy. i don't know how you write like that all the time.

your handbag always had a comb, that tissue casing, and toothpicks. those really sharp toothpicks that is green on one end and had a minty taste. and your comb - i used that comb pretty often back then. my hair always had tangles in them.

there are so many things that you've done for me. i wonder if i have done enough for you. i really miss you now. i wish you were here.

porpor, i love you...







my porpor passed away this morning at about 10.00 am. just a note of thanks to all those who prayed for her.

i woke up to the sound of my mum walking rather hastily into the house. i could tell from the way the door slammed and the bag dropped onto the table. i could hear her shuffling in, making a beeline to the phone. i squinted at the clock. 12 noon. my mum's voice was tensed. i perked my ears to listen to the conversation. i heard the words "mother" and "ICU" and "condition's bad".

sounds as though i'm leading into a story of this nightmare i had last night, huh? i wish.

my porpor's in ICU. she's not doing too well. from what i gathered, her lungs have failed her and she's sort of in a coma. she's not conscious. she's currently given oxygen. her conditions have stabled but more serious issues are to be settled. all of my porpor's children were assembled at the hospital.

i dare not ask too much, so this is what i know. my porpor has 2 choices. to be left in her current state with the oxygen tank, with hopes that she will recuperate on her own, or to be given lfie support where she will be conscious for sure, but will forever be dependent on the life support, and bed ridden. the Doc's advice was for the former. Because once she's put on life support, there is an even harder decision to make - to pull or not to pull the plug. and another thing is, life support will cost roughly RM1000 odd a day.

i was at the ICU. my mum and yehyeh were in tears. my uncles were in tears. even their wives were in tears. the air was grave. i looked at porpor as i stroked her arm. her chest heaved heavily to inhale as much oxygen as she can. her feet and fingers twitched now and then. i glanced at the heart monitor afraid that at any second it might just give a shrill beep and the lines will turn straight. my second uncle was talking about a funeral service. my yehyeh was talking about withdrawing all her cash out of the bank. all in between sobs. someone was on the phone with my aunt in Brunei and he said she was trying desperately to get a flight home. to no avail. She must've been crying too because the person she was talking to started to cry.

down at the lounge, my cousins were in tears, and in the arms of their boyfriends. the littlest cousin was starring in yutmost curiosity at all the grown-ups breaking down. i took her out for a walk. brought her to 7-11 to buy some snacks. she said "i donno mummy and daddy can cry wan..." and that did it. a lump formed in my throat. i had to look away. everyone was crying. i needed to just stay cheerful for this zesty little 5 year old.

a while later my big brother came. he went up to the ICU, then came down about 30 minutes later...in tears. my dad and mum told me to go home. Keith has tuition at 7.30 and i had to see to his dinner and transport. daddy fetched me home. in the car i cried. i felt so useless...

just now dinner time, my mum said they decided to forego life support. we shall leave it to God's will now i guess. I can only hope and pray my porpor will have the inner strength to pull through. i can't believe this is happening.

this may seem like a terrible thing to blog about. but quite honestly i've never had a worse day than this. and it may seem a bit morbid but i'd like this day to be recorded. i love my porpor very much but sometimes i think i take her for granted. and it is today that i really felt scared for her. it is today that i really really felt as though she musn't leave us.

i feel so insecure. i'm so afraid that if i fall asleep tonight something will happen to her. and i don't think my mum and my brother is doing too well...

i feel O-L-D

I walked out of Villa tonight with a breaking back, a pair of very sore legs, and a sudden realisation of how old i've become. yup...it's bad. i'm stiff, i'm uncoordinated and i'm outdated. haha...but these reunions serve specifically that purpose. To let you know how fast time can really fly and make you realise how you used to be like that at some point. =)

Yuh Huey, as always was ever flexible. She can barely qualify as stiff and uncoordinated as the rest of us graciously call ourselves. it was good seeing her again. =) What a pity Gene and Kat couldn't be there.=)



L-R: me, rosie, yuhhuey, lyn, regina

"the lion pose"

Yes! Point those toes girls!

The new and improved warm-up session for seniors and juniors! Line work has been abolished!

On the bench that gave us feet that could spread more that 180 degrees apart....then....
After class, we fulfilled Yuh Huey's wish (she actually had a Malaysian-food-wish-list which was REALLY long, and which she completed about 80% in the 1 month she's been home) to eat at Murni's. It was an eye openner to Rosie n Regina. We had RM24 worth of delicious, lip-smacking, scrumptious, mouth-watering food!Of course, by then it was waaaaaay past midnight and my handphone was ringing off the hook. Mummy dearest worried for me. You'd think by age 20 your mum would let you think for yourself. A mother will never stop worrying i guess....

On another note, i havent been very well the past 2 days as a matter of fact. I had this bitterness in my mouth and my stomach churned every once in a while. And my head throbbed like nobody's business. i felt like throwing up every now and then, but no such luck. According to my calculations, i'm late. No, i'm not pregnant. My mum's gonna start feeding me evening primrose from now on.

splish splash!

i forgot how cool water slides were...=)

crossing over to two-ou-ou-six

Sarn Jie gave me 4 tickets to Sunway Lagoon. It was inclusive of dinner. Seemed rather cool since i've never actually been to any of those large scale new year's eve bash before. I'm not a crowded-area-person. Never had been. But i thought i'd have my last new year as a teen to be one of those crash-boom-bang moments.

turned out...my friends weren't in the mood for it. so we came up with a super budget low key new year's eve party.

venue: my place
time: 9-ish 10 pm
activity: watch DVD watched 13 going 30 on Astro, then played PS2 all the way.
party participants: weng lum, daniel, han yang, sing foong, moi.
food: fries and orange juice, compliments of Siah residence.

the guys were so hooked onto Virtual Cop till we forgot about the countdown. Apparently they won, so, yay them! :) Senseless ramblings were carried out in my room till about 1.30 am. we were hungry so out we went!

first place was A&W SS13. The waffles seemed tantalizing. BUT, the place was packed like a public Metrobus on peak hours. Supper was adjourned to McDs Drive Thru. One thing cool about hanging out with a bunch of guys, i don't feel the need to dress up. I was in my big tee, shorts and wearing glasses. I had fries and a Choc Sundae. While the guys probably made an order that would go down in history for McDs. At 1.45 am, new year's day 2006, the guys ordered the 20 piece nugget box. Not just one box, but 3 boxes! 60 pieces of chicken nuggets!

Han Yang downed his within 15 minutes. Daniel managed to finish (with weng lum's and my help) shortly after. Sing Foong forced a few down my throat and made Han Yang and Weng Lum eat up the rest. I think Han Yang ate close to 30 pieces. I ate about 7. 3 words. Oh my God!

so i ushered in the New Year with 4 guys, several hours of PS2, and 60 chicken nuggets. And I really enjoyed myself. Who needs a boyfriend when i can chill with 4 and have the time of my life?:)

p.s: i found my little blue mirror. *wink*

Happy New Year!!