five point five

sometimes i wonder if i will ever possess the will power to really study. as in read the text book, do sample questions, check errors, absorb, reinforce, vomit it all out...that whole mumbo jumbo. in all my years as a student i had never been studious. i blame the Malaysian education system for spoiling me with all the spoon feeding and the workbooks with past year questions which come ready with answers and the really low distinction marks. i never did exceptionally well, but i always managed to remain above average with very limited studying.

i do, in fact, wonder how well i can actually do if i did put my best efforts into my studies. all the time. and once or twice, i thought i'd challenge myself and put myself to the test. but i never went through with it. it was all too much of a hassle to want to beat myself every year. i was happy with carrying on with what i have done before. study past year questions, spot, and hope for the best.

5.5. that's 0.5 more than 5, which on a scale of 1-10, signifies a pass. a 5.5 would mean i have gotten 0.5 more than the passing mark. and in most cases, i'd settle for it. in most cases, 55% would do just fine for me.

5.5 is what i got for my participation mark for one of the subjects this semester. in most cases, i never gave 2 sh*ts about participation marks. they seem too insiginificant a value to make any detrimental impact on my total marks. but when a 5.5 is given out of a whole list of 7s and 8s and 9s? that's when participation marks start to matter. and when people whom i know participated less than me are given those 7s and 8s, thats when a 5.5 is unforgiveable.

this calls for a change in approach. for some reason, that 5.5 has got me worrying. so perhaps this time around i'd actually test myself and go through with it. perhaps this time around i will see what i can truly do.

perhaps...