thoughts

Eventhough much of my Chinese New Year spirit has been dampened by my grandma's passing, what's left of my spirits were robbed away by the fact that big bro's not with us this new year as well, and that the crowd in Raub was halved. One of my aunts decided to go back much much later so that took away one family.

CNY this year for me was nothing like the dong-dong-dong-dong-chiang i had in recent years. Fire crackers were very very strictly prohibited this time (not like they weren't last time) so not much of it were heard. Relatives that come in and out of the house speak of the same thing over and over. It just didnt seem the same.

But my grandma would have wanted me to have fun. So i was determined to. The spontaneous Fraser's Hill trip that my family planned after Raub was a good one. Nature at its best, i'd say. Met a lot of "forest friends" too. It was so cool.

The RSG get-together rocked. Sleeping over at Gene's, talking the night away. I grow to understand them and myself so much better each time we have one of these girls night outs. and it leaves that knowing sense in me.

my mind's been rather scattered lately. bits and pieces of my family, my friends, college, all seem to just float around. and there will be times when i would just fall into utter loneliness. i have great friends to talk to but i just dont have to mood to tell them anything. simply because i dont know what the problem is. i've gone back to wishing i have someone. moving on has relieved me from pining for him. but it has also emptied that spot in my mind.

i noticed, losing my grandma has made me very thoughtful.