not so sure anymore...

At first i thought, you're interesting
You gave a new perspective towards guys
Things we talk about are amusing
Made me feel like giving it a try

I thought I finally found someone
That could match everything R had
In fact I almost thought you're the one
That was better when I compared

But tonight I felt a bit different
I feel as though I have changed my mind
Your intelligence might be a deterrent
Guess i'm not into the smart kind

But then i started to think again
And again I think I'm not that sure
One possible reason I managed to obtain
My jealousy might have made me detour

I thought about you and your ex
About how you both were said to be perfect
I guess my fear is quite complex
That my simplicity you migth reject

Then I thought about the girl you call
And talk for hours almost everyday
You 2 must have clicked and all
To have so many things to say

Maybe it's not jealousy that i feel
Maybe it's the fear of disappointment
I guess I fear that I'll never be ideal
Thus, I dare not make a commitment

So the focus here isn't on you
It's what I think of myself really
I thought it would finally come true
Guess I'm not that sure already...

Jus know i suddenly felt a pang of sadness as i talked to E. He seemed so sure of himself all the time...makes me wonder if my low self esteem could match him. What if he thinks of me as someone not at par? Then the phonecalls? what if he has feelings for that girl? Or feeligns for his ex? I dunno...possibly I could be saddened coz he cannot meet up with me tmr due to some rearrangements. Or maybe i'm just saddened coz fate doesn't agree?

OR maybe i'm just thinking of R because he jus msged me after centuries i have not seen his name on my phone. Maybe i'm not totally over R. I tried to avoid meeting him this morning coz of my new haircut. It just happened naturally. In my phone are the 4 messages i recieved months ago from him...rejecting me. I didn't intend to keep them for so long. But i didn't come around to deleting them either. sigh...