Sunday, May 30, 2010

on leaving

I don't know if I have told any of you before, but I, although generally quite a positive, happy person, sometimes wonder what would happen if I died.'s nothing really, I'm perfectly fine. I just wondered what would happen to the people around me.

My family would grief, I know. But how would they remember me as? When they're reading eulogies at my funeral, what sort of things would be highlighted? My personality? My achievements?

And my friends...I wonder who would really feel my absence. I wonder if i touch anyone's life, if knowing me made a difference to anybody. I wonder if a great number of people will be at my wake, I wonder who would cry, and who wouldn't. And I wonder if anybody will step forward and want to continue what I had set out to do, that is to make a change in Malaysia.

I've recently started watching a new series, yes when the sun sets in Auckland, there isn't much else you can do save for going to bed. It's called Drop Dead Diva, and it's about a girl who dies, went to heaven, hits the "Return" button and comes back to live in another person's body. So she would have to assume the life of this new girl, who is the total opposite of her. But she still has every memory of her past life, her boyfriend, her family and friends etc. So she has to struggle with seeing these people while being a complete stranger to them. Anyway, she was a shallow person in the past, a stereotypical bimbo, whose dream was to be the model on The Price is Right. But she came back to life as a chubby lawyer, very intelligent, very workaholic. =)

So anyway that got me thinking about where I stand. When I die, I don't want to be remembered as an empty vessel. I want to be someone who has touched the lives of many, whose words are remembered by one maybe two people who had come to me for advise. I want to be a great big sister and little sister. I want to be a great daughter. I want to be a really special wife to some lucky man, and an awesome mother to some lucky children. I want to be the founder of a company which gave people new breaths of life, and a boss to happy employees who learned heaps from me and runs off to pursue big dreams too.

Kinda puts my life into perspective, you know. What do I want to do with my life from here onwards? Am I going to fill it with meaningful things? I sure hope I will. =)


Joanne Khoo said...

hey karen,

hope you are going well =) havent written a comment in a while but thought ill do so today.

haha...though im not THAT close to you, through your blog...I think you are someone inspirational, who has big dreams and tries to attain them, who loves freely (evident from bf-related posts =) ) and who isn't afraid to be vulnerable.

Its a winning combination babe. You are filling it and will continue to fill it with meaningful things. Keep running on the right track (literally and figuratively) =).


galnexdor said...

hey joanne, thanks a lot for this. means a lot =) i will continue to do so...

Mei Ling said...

Hahaha.. you're just as 'morbid' as I am! I wonder about that sometimes too. Kinda narcissistic if you think about it :p

Too bad we can't ever attend our own funerals. I think. LoL

Anyways, we go waaaaaay back so I would always remember you as my first ever friend and how everyone wanted to sit with you but you chose to sit with me... haha. We've come a long way, and I'm glad we're still good friends (:

You're someone who initiates change, thats for sure. You go girl!


galnexdor said...

haha yea actually it is narcissistic.

well, i guess thats why we should always tell people what they mean to us whenever we can. eulogies should be heard before we die.

thanks, mei. it's been a good couple of decades. =) here's to many more decades to come.

theo said...

the struggle is with the self. affecting change is subtle, the aftereffects of the former. not as you intended.