Saturday, April 17, 2010


So the 2 week break is over. As I awoke from my afternoon nap today, I sat up and suddenly realised that it is. And I wonder what the heck have I done in the past 2 weeks and 4 days.

I've never been good at time planning. I was an average student all through school life, college life and uni life. I don't get straight As or High Distinctions, but I get a handful here and there. People around me always say that I'm smart, and I would probably do heaps better if I put my mind to it, and study as much as I should. And sincerely, I wish I do. But in my head, whenever I have to choose between studying and doing something else more fun, like a child, I always choose the latter.

I feel like the holiday did me good. Sure I worked close to every single day. I'm looking forward to a nice fat pay cheque next week. But I enjoyed the relaxing, the bumming, the eating out. And now that it's back to school on Monday, I'm starting to feel a little edgy again, cursing the mid semester tests I have yet to study for, the 1500 word essay I have yet to read the guidelines for, and the 3 more Medsci labs and lab reports I have to do before I am done with this term. Oh, and of course, the final exams after that.

Uni is wearing me out. I never was a good studious student. And at age 24 I really just want to be out there, making a name for myself in the world. I want my life to begin already. I know I am supposed to be on an adventure over here, but really I find the things I am doing are merely to fill the void that is my social life. Everything I set out to do is merely to fill my free time, so I am less homesick, so time will move a tad quicker. I do them, just for the sake of doing them. Sure, some may argue I am not going out enough, not doing enough. So maybe I am not as adventurous as I thought I was. Maybe I fear. I fear traveling alone, afraid that I may lose my way, make the wrong choices, end up making mistakes. I fear spending too much, afraid that I may get carried away, end up seeing the bottom of my bank account. I fear going out and "getting on the chop" (which means getting wasted), because I don't really like it, and I don't know what I am capable of doing if I lose my sense of self.

I take this degree because it is who I want to see myself as. A person with a background in Sport Science. A person who is different. A person who is going to make a difference. I want an overseas education. I want an overseas experience. I want to be able to look back on a chapter of my life that was different. I want a colourful, interesting past.

And while the passion is definitely there, the energy it consumes to keep the fire burning is sometimes not quite enough. I am impatient. I know what I want and I want it now.

9 weeks to go till home. =)

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