the bubble that i am in

i've been confining myself to a bubble most of my life. contrary to popular belief about my love for change and new things, i realized (just last night, actually) i am actually very comfortable and contented in my own comfort zone. i like being good at things that i've taken a while to be good at. i like knowing everyone around me that i've taken a while to know. and i like places where i am familiar with because i have taken a while to familiarize myself with them. i am most comfortable at my races, where every 1 out of 2 people i meet is a friend or a reader of my blog. i know exactly what to do form start to end; arrive early, park, warm up, talk to friends, gather at the start line, start my stopwatch at the gunfire, run easy, finish, grab isotonic drinks, meet more people. fingertips, really.

on the other hand, i don't like being at a place where every face is new to me. i don't like not knowing what to do next, and not knowing who to speak to next. take for example a chill out bar in Bangsar. I went to watch my friend sing open mic at the Attic last night. the place was nice and cozy. it was the sort of place i would like to hang out with friends at. But for some reason i couldn't make myself comfortable. the air condition was a little too cold. the people around me were a little too foreign and the drinks were a little too unfamiliar. everyone seemed to be dressed to the nines while i was sitting there feeling as if my RM11.50 top from FOS was glaringly similar to that of a peasant. I felt extremely self conscious, and would give anything to shrink to pint size so i could sit comfortably at a corner unnoticed.

it is an odd phenomenon. i sincerely hope to grow out of this security blanket of mine. i am but 22 and there is an entire lifetime of change and new faces and foreign places that i would be forced to encounter.

on other things, RPM instructor course is tomorrow. I'm feeling pretty good about it. :)