ticking time bomb

i've been a bit jumpy lately. i don't know why myself. i don't handle stress very well, i know, but procrastination is a skill i've acquired over the years. what i mean is, i have no problems with doing last minute work. i'm usually relatively comfortable with it.

lately paints a diferent picture. on monday i've an essay due and i havent started on it. i've searched for some websites on the internet, but non quite covered what i need to answer. and the fact that they need at least one journal reference makes it all the more annoying. i hate referencing. i've looked through something like 30 journals in the library just now, and i couldnt find anthing. i've searched vastly on the internet but they only provide abstracts of a journal for free. why??? dumb money-making idiots. knowledge should be shared for free!

i toss and turn in bed at night with the due date haunting me. in the past few days i've noticed that my hands tremble slightly. my heartrate seems to be beating a tad too quick. and my mind has been rather distracted.

i desperately need to go for a nice long run but i cant seem to pluck myself out of bed in the morning. and my evenings are spent trying to catch up on sleep or searching through the internet. i really don't know how i'm going to pull through this one.

my mind is constantly bombarded by not only college work, but also by personal issues. from feeling anger and frustration, right down to feeling sad and lonely, i can't seem to go through one day without thinking about the person who made me cry tears of anger, about my friend who's just been asked to the prom, about she who's patiently waiting for him to come home, about she who gets to see him everyday, about how i'm going to pay for both the KK trip and my trip to Sydney without bothering my parents, about how the girl i'm tutoring is ever going to pass the grading if she keeps climbing over my head, about baby ryan tan yu en whom i've not met, about the upcoming duathlon which i really want to join...

time is ticking....