i just came back from a julie-peijien-karen outing. outings like that should happen once in a while. be it a julie-peijien-karen outing, or a vennee-anne-karen one, or a julie-jiayin-karen one, or even just a julie-karen one....:) we talked about current boyfriends and potential boyfriend and potential ex boyfriends hahah...

college commenced yesterday. i guess it was alright. for some reason there are more english speaking students. as in students who speak english as their first language. last year there was a chinese ed student every corner of metropolitan. i dont have anything against them. they do better than i in the finals. it's just the communication barrier, which made me zoom from a loud speaker in high school to a church mouse in college. but this year's different. subjects are cooler too. i hope the rest of the semester turns out as goos as it seems.

i have been running regularly. my aim is to not suffer during the 21 km this sunday. i wanna have a good race. i think maintaining my PR is secondary. i am aware of my body's depreciation in terms of fitness.

p/s: i don't know how to get my comment system back. the html is there. just doesnt seem to be showing. will go through it again when i have the time.

meet the Camp 5 crew:


This is William. or should i say Wil-Liam, which is exactly how he spells his name. I call himWil-I-Am, but that's for me only. hahaha....William's really nice. He's one of those people that you can talk about anything under the sun to. Easy going, and very helpful. I find him pretty good looking too...:)


This guy is Sam. Surname Lee. Full name Lee Kes Sam. hehe...betcha never thought of that huh!? Sam's got a boyish look and he is just that. hahah...ok he's gonna pummel me when he sees this. Sam's a bitch king. If he and Eugene were to be in OB last last december, we would've never heard the end of it. haha...cool guy with cool hair. :) Enjoyed our bitch sessions together buddy! See you in more runs aye! :)


Noel...sounds pretty angelic for some reason. haha..I forgot his surname. But yea, i tell people Noel's my inspiration in climbing. He's really good at it. He's fun, enjoyed walkie-talking with him. haha....


June Tan. The both of us may have gotten off on the wrong foot when we met, but we're cool now. She speaks her mind and does a good job. It's a quality to admire, really.


Adam Sinclair. Brother of Ashraf Sinclair. Needless to say, i think he's hot. haha...really sweet guy, who's very softspoken and loves to read. He has a book everywhere he goes. He's in a band too! Plays the guitar. I somehow find it hard to put two n two together, but that's Adam. Ah...the smile....*melts*


Rafidah. or Fida for short. wasn't exactly very close to her. But she's very nice. She bought me fried rice today. Said she'll belanja me. haha...so nicee...:)


Kevin O'Donnell. I think. This is our Chief Instructor! I think he reminds me a bit of Aragorn, in a hunky, buff, slightly messy kinda way. haha...loved working with him...


The woman behind all of us. Without her, we wouldn't be employed, given duties, and get paid! haha...strict, no doubt, but kind in her own way. :)


Shennee is she who stays in sunway. hehe...very very cool girl who's good temper amazes me. Never have i seen her angry. She helped me more than anyone else and i owe so much to her. She's great with kids and sh's always so cheerful! :)

couldnt take everyone, but that's about all that i am somewhat close to. :) thus ends my job as a Camp 5 Marshall...till June 2006!!

bad day

yes...i appoint Daniel Powter's Bad Day as the official theme song of my beautiful saturday.

hmm...excuse my lame beginning.

it started off with me waking at bearing the thought of getting a new hair cut. I was talking to my brother about it online, and he was pretty enthusiastic about it too. And i, with my mission to discover new things every time, went on a search for a new salon i have not treid before. I started off with SS19, since i saw a few the last time. But the moment i went into SS19, i was stuck amongst the Lick Hung parents. Parking was impossible to find, so i struggled a good 15 minutes to come out of SS19.

Headed to SS14's Cut & Blow. No cue, ample parking. Then i suddenly thought, have i got sufficient cash? Pulled out my wallet and took a peek. 6 bucks and 32 cents. Great. Asked if they accepted credit card, and the lady said "yes yes!" nodding her head furiously.

"Rebonding? Colouring?"
"No...wash and cut only"
"oh...credit card for RM80 and above only. sorry."
"Oh...but i've got no cash. so how?"
"You wanna buy our shampoo?? Only RM52"
"erm...it's ok. Thanks anyway" *immediately walks out*

Looked at watch. 12. 15 pm. Can i make it? I went anyway, figuring i was already out and the petrol used must come to some use. Drove to SS15, Subang Square. Found a parking in front of Herbs n Food. Spotted a pretty cool salon called Bird.

"credit card accepted?"
"accepppppptttttt!"
"ok cool. Wash and cut only"
"ok..." *holds open door for me*

all went well till it was done. i now have VeeJay Denise's hair style. It's weird. It suits her. Not me. I look like i've got a helmet on my head. Gosh!!! Asked the guy if it was had to maintain, since i don't really know how to blow straight my own hair. Pushes a pink bottle into my palm. I refused. He pushed on. I agreed.

wash + cut = RM35
pink bottle of haiur solution= RM68

Ahhhh!! more than RM100 spent in just 20 minutes. damn. Looked at watch. 1.10 pm. Cool. I could still make it in time for work. Drove out of Subang Square and i was faced with a massive traffic jam in all directions! Eveywhere was stuck. I started to panic.

Got home at 1.55 pm. Gobbled down lunch. Left. Reached work finally at 2.45. Work starts at 2. It's ok. No one noticed.

Heaps and heaps of shoes, harnesses, belay sets all waiting to be checked in and out. My god! It's like non-stop! BWC and Taster sessions do not go well together! Finally had my break at 7.30 pm. Had to be back before 8. Ate a fish burger at A&W. Not bad. Went to Rest*relax to try on some dresses. Went back up.

In the lift, i rummaged my bag for mny handphone and i couldnt find it!! I panicked even more. No time to go back and search. Felt distracted all through the rest of work. To add to the pain, the number of gears did not tally with the number this morning. Stressed like hell. Everyone was leaving. I didnt even have the chance to take pictures!

After work felt really tired and hot. Took a bath, forgetting to remove my feather earrings. Got them all drenched and out of shape. Dropped my clothes on the floor, got them all wet. Frustrated, i stomped out of Camp 5. Back tracked to all the places i went to in search of my handphone. To no avail.

Went back to car hoping it was there. Nope. Worried and feeling a bit insecure without communication, i drove pretty fast back home. Almost knocked a motorcyclist who appeared out of no where!

Reached home. Ran up to room. Guess what i saw lying nicely on my dresser? My handphone.

went out for supper. bit my lower lip. Bled pretty bad. Gosh!

***

Tomorrow's my last day of work. *sighs*

S'kali

Alritey readers! There's a new movie in our local scene coming soon. It's said to be released in Malaysian cinemas in August. It's a full feature-length movie that's 90 minutes long. What's cool about this is that my friend's boyfriend is the Writer and Director of this movie!

I'm guessing it'll be good...so if i could so kindly ask for you bloggers to post this up on your blog as well? Support the local film industry!!! =)

For more information, you could check out Skali's blog.

p/s: should you happen to read this, Arivind (or Yuh Huey) , I just wanna say a big congrats! Can't wait!

new skin

i changed this coz i tried to go back to an old post, and i couldnt. with all the many layers of my precious skin,it has become very hardto go through the archives.

so...voila. :)

weight loss

i've been receiving comments saying that i've gone down a lot. And that's usually music to a girl's ears. But when they ask "why? been training very hard?" i cant hide my face any deeper. It's good to be losing weight, but not so good when it's for all the wrong reasons. I have not been training very hard. And that's the cold hard truth.

I guess the reason why i'm going down is because of work. My daily diet would be 5 meals a day. Since work started it has been restricted to 3. Which was insanely torturing when i first started coz my stomach would growl like mad. I eat a lot. Believe me. My friends can vouch for me.

Anyway...with all the guilt gnawing at my conscience, and the intense pressure to meet people's expectations, and the ever wanting to return to former glory....i have started training. Hard. Like every single day. With Daddy dearest.

It's a good thing he's not working anymore. He's all mine!! =) yes...i was, and still is, a Daddy's girl.

Anyway, KLIM target : under 2 hours 17 minutes for 21km.

Emo-self-pitying-discontented-with-my-life post alert!

GaHhhh!!!

he tugs at my heart strings, i'm telling you! his smile, his voice, his cologne, his mannerisms...seriously. it's like i need this big bright neon light to shine above him with the words TAKEN in bold letters to tell me not to crush on him further. *figuratively bangs head on wall*

my mum has recently raised the bars on how revealing my clothes can be. We got into this debate coz i wore a tube out, and just just now, a spag top out. She has never been so particular before! I thought i had a cool mum! Then, when i tried to argue, saying that Lyn dresses like that too. we both bought tubes from Urban & Co together! Her reply almost made me stomp in rage!

"For shirlyn it's different, she has a boyfriend to be next to her, you don't"

News flash: I do not need a guy by my side to ensure my safety! Not having a boyfriend should not restrict what i choose to wear. It's just downright insane if it should.

I don't have a boyfriend and i'm not exactly psyched about it. But i live with it...

And just now she went all "just don't want you to be conned by people. sometimes friends arent what they seem!" She still thinks i would be naive enough to follow some unknown friends out. Her upbringing has taught me well not to. In fact i'm on the edge of paranoia when it comes to befriending certain people.

I really hate to be angry with my mum, but sometimes i just wish i was out living on my own, where i can make my own decisions in life, without having to worry whether or not my mum would think it's ok. I'm approaching 20 for God's sake! I canmake my own decisions in life and take personal responsibility!

pictures

some pics courtesy of KC. kinda grabbed them without asking...but they're pics of me right? hehe...anyway, if you're reading this KC, thanks a bunch! i've always asked friends and family to capture shots of me but they never seem to get it.

p/s: i've got humongous thunder thighs...grrr....

ain't no tower high enough?

damn right there is!

needless to say, i had a lousy race. insufficient training, consecutive days of work, bad race organization, pride and ego all comes up to a horrible horrible first race of the year. I almost puked midway, at one of the water stations. The official wanted to give me a box to carry up. I stopped almost 5 times, doubled over, and gasped for breath. and i did a disappointing 36 minutes.

Sam of Camp 5 took part. he did very well, if i should say so myself. Under 23 minutes!

Kevin of Camp 5 took part. that kiwi did 17 minutes!! he deserved it. he trained like hell!

Yuan Yufang took part. needless to say she did great!

Ashley Lim took part. t-w-e-n-t-y minutes mind you!

lots and lots of Uncle-peter's-runners/triathletes/duathletes were there.

So i guess i shamed myself pretty darn good this morning. what with all the expectation from myself and from others. It took all the strength i had left in me not to break down in tears after the race. It's a good thing i didn't bawl because someone from Pacesetters asked for a photo of me. haha...one good thign came out of it. I finally get acknowledged as a Pacesetters member. Should be up at the site soon. =) I know, I know, what can i expect from almost zero training right? Hard to just be okay with it when i've realised how much i have deteriorated.

Power Run is coming up. 10 km. can i do it under 55?

*edit* Just realised that the Power Run clashes with KLIM. Since ive already signed up for the latter, 21 km it is. can i do it under 2 hrs 17 minutes?

weakenned

working an everyday 9-5 job is no joke. i've always thought it was alright. my dad does it...why can't i? what more i work in a climbing gym. where active, energetic, sportsmen come with so much zest and spirit every day. i should be livenned up too shouldn't i? but i become dead tired when work's over. my legs feel sore, my heels numb from all the standing and my back aches. i usually come home and plomp onto the sofa and sleep till dinner. so tireddddd....

ok...maybe i exaggerated a little about the active, energetic yadda yadda people. not all of them are like that. and it does get pretty boring during mornings when NO ONE comes.

anyway, i feel like i'm on a decline. my running form is out. my stamina's gone down. and i'm tired most of the time when i'm not working. i feel like i've been drained of energy. with all this, i really fear i might faint tomorrow. i don't do too well in stuffy enclosed areas. i've got low haemoglobine and i don't get enough oxygen usually.

another thing creases my forehead. i got a job as a Fitness Instructor at Celebrity Fitness. I start training 1st of March under FISAF at the 1 utama branch. Then when the one in Subang Parade opens i'll be transfered there. The pay's good. the environment's cool. And it's basically what i've dreamed of doing ever since Fitness First came to town.

But...i don't feel so good about it. Firstly it's the whole idea of studying and working. I usually debate with my mum about how I can cope with it and she just doesnt have faith in me. I usually tell her that i need to be more independent and earn my own money. Now she's allowing me to, i fear i may not be able to cope. It's like all her lectures and nags have been bolted right into my brains. gah!!!

Next, i don't wanna leave Camp 5. i'm just starting to get in their good books. and i'm getting to know my colleagues better. Just doesn't seem right to leave right now.


owell, i haven't exactly resigned from Camp 5 yet. wait till my timetable's settled on the 23rd. Then i'll see how i can organize myself. maybe i might not take the celebrity fitness job after all.

i.never.learn

• Towerthon's this sunday. what have i been doing? nothing. i'm so going to suffer this sunday, and embarrass myself in front of Kevin. seriously, how many times have i told myself that i would train up good? hmmm....i fear i may faint this sunday. no kidding.

• I once again find that the object of my interest is taken. i think i need to start looking nearer. at people who are less likely to be taken.

• its almost 12. im still awake. and in about 7 hours i have to be up again, on my feet for 8-10 hours straight. yet i did not make any effort to sleep earlier.

i.never.learn.

Val-day-Schmal-day

if you've been a reader here for a couple of years or more you should know i'm not exactly an avid fan of Valentine's Day. I have not been seeing anyone for a good long while and for that my February 14ths of the past years have been nothing but utter loneliness and distraught.

and to add to the heartache, i was working on V-day 2006. not that i mind actually, since i had nothing better to do. but the thought of working-on-valentine's just seemed S.A.D. don't you think? because as much as i appear to be one of those i-can-live-by-myself-who-needs-guys-kinda-girl, i actually would very much love to celebrate V-day with a loved one. I know people think it's silly to have a day for one to express all forms of love and romance to another. But it's like why have Mother's Day or Father's Day, right? it's symbolic!

anyway, the last straw was when i found out that someone had a girlfriend. Not that i was really into him, but it was possible. He was one of those really nice and sweet guys with polite and kind mannerism. Softspoken, yet had a good sense of humour. Somewhat active and physically good looking. At least, this was what i gathered after knowing him for less than a month. So, you see the odds were that I might fall for this guy come one day.

Sadly, a hickey on his neck was all i needed to tell me to back off. This one's taken. bummer.

Asked a girlfriend out but she refused. Her reason? Ain't no way was she going to sit amidst the sea of lovers, watching them profess their love for each other. Can't blame her. Was eating lunch during my break in 1u and the amount of clingy, touchy, forlornly-in-love couples that were out there made me want to hurl. seriously.

Call me conservative but I'm not an avid fan of PDA either. Get a room!

ah....val-day-schmal-day!

dong dong chiang!!!

i finally saw my first dong-dong-chiang for this chinese new year...on the 14th day!! and of all places...at camp 5...haha...but unfortunately i was inchrage of rental and since gym operations were as usual, i was stuck behind the counter. so i wasnt able to see the lion do some super stunt over the bouldering rock. sighhhhh...



this is pactrick. he's, i think, the Manager of camp 5. or the director. or something...=)



up the stairs to the 2nd floor!! :)



mandarin orange cum pomelo art.



and guess who was in town? Raymond!!! came to watch some hip hop & rap challenge in 1 u....came all the way from Penang and he couldnt find the darn thing. hahaha.....



my friendly colleague/duty marshall - Shennee!!



Kim came to meet Raymond i think...



and this is Jasmine. my boss's daughter. get this...she's eleven! she looks 15!



pretty cool eh? thus ends CNY 2006.

Happy Chap Goh Mei!

girl next door

check it out...i've got a theme song...=)

Girl Next Door

Small town homecoming queen
Shes the star in this scene
Theres no way to deny shes lovley
Perfect skin perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside shes ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor
Shes Miss America and I'm just the girl next door

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutaunt
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding

Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor
Shes Miss America and I'm just the girl next door
Oh an I'm just the girl next door

I don't know why I'm feelin sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishin that I was someone else

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
I get A little bit she gets a little more
Shes Miss America and... she's Miss America
I'm just the girl next door...

-Saving Jane

more poems

Just written 2 more poems for my cousins. She liked the first one but she said she never had such dreams. hehe...my dreams?? maybe...

anyway, the persona is more neutral for this one. Could either be from him to her or vice versa. Enjoy. =)


Hold my hands and I'm yours

For all the times we've been together
For how I feel when my spirit soars
I'm there for you every moment of it
Just hold my hands and I'm yours

For all the tears that were shed
For all the roads that wasn't too even
For all the mistakes that were made in the past
Just hug me tight and you're forgiven

For all the things that are yet to unfold
For the entire journey of perfection and flaws
We'll travel it together hand-in-hand
Just say "I Do" and I'm yours

This I promise you

No bright sunshine throughout the year
No blooming flowers everyday, I fear

No sweet juicy apples every time you bite
No working days that is always light

No smiles and cheer every single day
No shortcuts through life, no easier way

Just warmth and kindness that I will offer
Just my fondness of you that would grow deeper

Just safety and security as we grow old
Just gentle, soft words, never too bold

Just my love and my heart that I guarantee is true
Now, this I promise you

Poem for the wedding

my cousin asked me to write a poem to be placed on the wedding invitation card. i cracked and squeezed my head and this was the best i could come up with at this time of the night.

As a girl I used to dream
Of snowy white dresses lined with lace
Of crystal white ribbons from chairs they stream
Of elegant ballrooms that becomes the place

Of eight course meals which arouse and delight
Of silky soft table clothes on which they dine
Of a romantic ambience which caresses the night
Of diamonds and pearls which glimmer and shine

And...
Of the one who would sweep me off my feet
Steal my heart and take my breath away
The one whom I've always dreamt to meet
To stand by me day after day

The one who loves me for days on end
Who treats me with kindness and respect
The one on whom I can always depend
Who, in my eyes, would be perfect

It's been years since I had those dreams
I grew up and along came you
And it struck me then, it seems
That dreams do come true

p.s: i do take constructive criticism. thank you.

let me know

i started jogging at about 6.45 pm. a little late because it was burning hot...as if the sun forgot to set. i drove to the lake at 6.35 pm but it started to drizzle. I made my way back home only to find out that there wasnt a drop of rain at home. so i parked my car and set off around the neighbourhood.

i was keeping a slow pace, for fear i might burn out. slow and steady i hit the uphill slope. i chugged up keeping a steady pace. upon reaching a certain row, i tend to slow down. i tend to cast a glance sideways. i don't really know what i'm looking for. i don't even know if i want to see what i'm looking for.

and from that point onwards, i could almost forget i was jogging. my mind would be preoccupied with other stuff. is he home? has he gone out? when's he coming back? when's he going back? stuffs like that. and themore i wondered the more i thought. round and round the park i go. until i decide to go back down. someone calls my name. i looked up with a mixture of hope and fear. only to see someone else. smiled and waved.

all the way down, i would still be thinking. how has his day been? how has she been? how has everything been? until i come to that same point. that same row of houses. i would cast a sideways glance...and see that he isn't there.

back to earth. i know what you're thinking. yes, i have moved on. but you're still a friend right?

and i have been wondering. so if you're reading this let me know how you've been. it's been ages since i've spoken to you.

it's back to work tomorrow. I couldnt be happier. the holidays have been boring me sick! i need something to do. or i'll turn into that mushy-head-love-sick thing.

running blues

i've been hearing loud pak and thud and eeeee-booom outside. Today's chui kau which means the 9th day of chinese new year. For the hokkiens...today's like a super auspicious day. Betcha dont know the story to it. My mum told it to me yesterday. I must be the most dense Hokkien in history. hehe....apparently, the hokkiens and the cantonese used to be at war at one point. and the war was during CNY. The hokkiens hid in sugar cane plantations during the period. it was not only till the 9th day that they finally came out from the plantation. Thus, for most Hokkiens, the celebration of the 9th day is far bigger than the 1st day. and sugar canes are a must during this day.

hehe...just a little ancient chinese history to enlighten u guys. =)

anyway, continuing the last post...Melly's right. i couldn't have explained it any better.

on another note, i'm slowly returning to my former running form. i no longer feel extremely breathless when running around the lake. i was able to do a good 4 rounds without stopping. and my timing has improved a bit. feeling much happier.

yes...i plunged from a 6.5 minute a round to an 8 minute a round timing. and the fact that Keith was getting faster and faster flustered me even more. i won't deny it. i'm jealous. running was supposed to be my sport and swimming was his. he can very excel in swimming and leave the runs to me, that's what i thought. but now he's slowly conquering the running arena and i felt pushed aside as he gets showered with praises and compliments from mum, dad and big brother. i almost thought of giving up running. it puzzled me to think of how, my performance could deteriorate so much.

but i did a 7.5 minute a round today and that gave a spark of confidence back in me. it's still not the best, but i'm determined to whip myself back into shape, if not better. especially since my dad has no faith that i can do so.

watch me.

smses

yesterday i accidentally deleted one sms that had been stored in my sim for ages. i was clearing my inbox and i deleted it by mistake. i almost panicked. and then i thought...what for?

i have about 6 smses in my phone which i have had since....2002?? yea somewhere there. 4 are from someone very special. and eventhough those 4 smses bore bad news, i kept them because i could never bring myself to delete them. another 2 more was from a very close friend of mine. well, at least he was then. now we seem to have drifted apart. he sent those smses during his NS. i could never delete those as well coz they meant a lot...

so when i deleted one of the 4 by mistake i went into a panick state. moreover those 4 smses were continuous. and i deleted the last. i blinked, went to Delete All and pressed yes. i did it without a second thought.

there's no way i was going to have a second chance at being with him. and even if i did, i probably didn't want to. there were too much of a difference between us.

and as it is, i was no longer close to the other friend. even now, when we're in the same college. something changed.

i don't know if i hung on to those smses just for memory's sake or for hope. Hope that time will take a turn and things will go back to how it was then. but the more i thought, the more i realised that even if it did go back to the way it was, it would've still turned out this way.

What Ifs don't work. Things happened for a reason.

thoughts

Eventhough much of my Chinese New Year spirit has been dampened by my grandma's passing, what's left of my spirits were robbed away by the fact that big bro's not with us this new year as well, and that the crowd in Raub was halved. One of my aunts decided to go back much much later so that took away one family.

CNY this year for me was nothing like the dong-dong-dong-dong-chiang i had in recent years. Fire crackers were very very strictly prohibited this time (not like they weren't last time) so not much of it were heard. Relatives that come in and out of the house speak of the same thing over and over. It just didnt seem the same.

But my grandma would have wanted me to have fun. So i was determined to. The spontaneous Fraser's Hill trip that my family planned after Raub was a good one. Nature at its best, i'd say. Met a lot of "forest friends" too. It was so cool.

The RSG get-together rocked. Sleeping over at Gene's, talking the night away. I grow to understand them and myself so much better each time we have one of these girls night outs. and it leaves that knowing sense in me.

my mind's been rather scattered lately. bits and pieces of my family, my friends, college, all seem to just float around. and there will be times when i would just fall into utter loneliness. i have great friends to talk to but i just dont have to mood to tell them anything. simply because i dont know what the problem is. i've gone back to wishing i have someone. moving on has relieved me from pining for him. but it has also emptied that spot in my mind.

i noticed, losing my grandma has made me very thoughtful.