summer 09/10

Now that it's less painful to reflect, let's have a look at what I did this summer.

Family and Friends

I started off by catching everyone by surprise because I appeared a whole week before I was supposed to! Jayson and Grace came to pick me up from the airport, whisked me away to Murni's for my first Malaysian meal, and then I came home and surprised my family! Daddy was hilarious, because he was walking out when I arrived home and he somehow didn't recognize me at first (it was dark) and thought I was my cousin when i went "BOO!". And then when I got closer, he realised it was me and went, "Eh, what are you doing here?". Haha...it was great to be back. =)

The next few days I went about surprising some more people like Ju and Lyn and Rosie. Poor Shiau Sang had to be my cameo in surprising Lyn, and even though she hasn't seen Lyn in ages as well, I kinda stole her thunder because Lyn cried when she saw me! Priceless. =)
Meeting up with the high school gang was real nice as well. On many occasions I hung out with Ven Nee or Julie, mano o mano, so we could have deep, intriguing conversations about boys. haha...Off and on those oversea-ers came back and we had small reunions here and there. Always nice to attend those. Although I think I didn't make it to some of them, and I regret I didn't. 3 months is so not enough I tell you.

The Metro peeps, I managed to meet a couple of times too. Stevo being the one I saw most often. Because he's cool and agrees to go for anything. Joey, Yan Yee and Nick I managed to catch once or twice. Shakti too! Some I failed to meet, like Kailash and Shah. But you know, there's always next summer. =)But this time I made it a point to eat more dinners at home. And it was nice. Mummy's cooking is definitely a healer of the homesick soul. I dare say that I miss her cooking so much when I am here, I tend to go crazy with junk food to stave the craving. heh. 9 months till i have it again. I know they probably feel I didn't spend much time at home. I guess I always should've done better at that, but it's hard to say no to dates with the boy though. =)

Cambodia
I went to Cambodia with my family in December. It was really nice. I wish my big brother came along, it's been quite a while since we went for a holiday as a family, not counting the recent CNY. I guess that'll have to wait till I'm done with this degree. But Siam Reap was good. Very cultural. Lovely scenery.
Runs
Then I ran the Singapore Marathon blindfolded. That was quite an experience. I think I enjoy running a bit more with the gift of sight. I'm a little more grateful, you could say.

Running the NB 30 k was when all the oily street food and alcohol binging started to show. Haha...and where the hills of KL humbled this Auckland trained runner. heh.

The Putrajaya Night marathon was really something. Quite an interesting race. The best part was seeing D at the finishing line waiting for me. Oh and winning a grand. =)

Adventure
I was supposed to go on a mountain expedition. But seeing as how that failed, I went on 2 waterfall trips instead. Ijan, my friendly waterfall guide slash OB friend, brought us to Lepoh Falls and then to Jerangkang Falls. I loved them! Waterfalls are awesome!Skytrex with a bunch of Ds friends and Ju and her cousins was the bomb! I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Chinese New Year
CNY fell on Valentine's Day this year. So i think the festivities all over the place was a little diluted because of the double event. I went back to Raub with the family as usual, big brother was back too! It was really nice having him around, because if not I'll be the eldest grandchild there, and Keith was the only one I talked to the most. Having my kor around meant one more person to talk to.
D time
Where do I start? I spent the most of my summer with D. And I can only wish we had MORE time together.

We went on a Christmas trip to Penang/Ipoh/Teluk Intan with Calvin and Carmen. I stuffed myself crazy with really really good food. I had a really good time with them. I have to say it was one of the best trips I've had. I think Calvin and Carmen are like our permanent double dates. haha...

D planned a really great Valentine's for me on the Friday before I flew off. It included hiking, and wake boarding and of course, more eating. I think the boy really did it this time. He really stole my heart and had me wondering how on earth did I get him.Being with D this time around made all the difference. I was never big on physical contact and PDA, but this time around, I held his hand or waist or shoulder every time we went out and I didn't want to let go. We probably might have kissed in a few public areas too, something I so, wouldn't do. We went through a lot, and each time we made up, I cling on to him a little tighter. It was really hard to leave him. I made a promise that I'll try my best to sail through this year without missing him painfully. I don't know how well I'll be able to do that, but i will try.And those are just some snapshots of this Summer. What wasn't captured was the joy and sheer happiness I felt the entire 3 months. It sucks that I can only have that again after 9 months. But there are only 3 semesters left in this degree. And when I'm done with it, I will be going home to Malaysia. For good this time.

Getting there..

So I think I'm slowly getting happier with this place. Excuse the last post. It gets a lot harder each time, as I've come to realise. Maybe because each time you go through a year, you start to appreciate home a little bit more, and when you go back home, you have a blast and all too soon it ends. And when you have to go away again, you're all too familiar with the emptiness that comes with the absence of those you love very much.

Anyway, I finally found a place to settle for a bit. I'm staying with a nice Hong Kong family. Really puts my Cantonese to test, but I've done pretty alright thus far. Their daughter is also called Karen. They're actually friends of Aunty Jane's and the best part is they live right behind her. Their gardens even connect, I kid you not. I've walked through the garden over to Aunty Jane's a couple of times already to use the internet because Karen wasn't around to help me set up the connection for my laptop here. The wireless here is super high tech, super high security. Karen's a programmer.

Ideally I'd like to stay with a bunch of youths though. Because that gives me a bit more freedom and what not. But right now there aren't any available. So I'll just wait till Erin's flatmate moves out in April.
Anyway, on to happy stuff. I went to the Auckland Lantern Festival. It was pretty interesting I must say because the lanterns were really nice. But the food was either outrageously expensive, or I am still thinking in ringgit(RM) at this point. Everything just seemed to cost too much, especially Malaysian delicacies. Sigh, these people need to come to Malaysia.

I did feel a little sad that D or my family weren't with me to walk through the festival. It's so much nicer to enjoy because the weather is cool n breezy, compared to back home. Nobody litters too, everyone throws their rubbish into recycling bins. And it's quite romantic too.

Well I guess in due time, I'll be able to bring them around. =)

Auckland 2010

So after 3 blissful months at home, I am finally back in Auckland. And to be honest, I don't really know how to feel happy or excited or thrilled in anyway right now. I know it's because I just got here, and it has only been less that 72 hours since i bade my boyfriend goodbye for 9 months, so i'm feeling extremely emotional, and homesick, but really, there must be the slightest hint of excitement in me to be getting back to my course, or to be independent again, or to be able to have mussels and belgian beer again.

But all I can think of is how I won't be able to have Ramly burger at midnight anymore, or drive to Mutiara Damansara for lamb burger anytime, or arrive home and Mom would've had dinner ready on the table, or call up Julie on a weekend and crash her place, or have her crash mine, or call friends from everywhere, really, to meet at mamak lorong anytime. Or how i won't be able to call D up and see if he's keen for lunch. Or go on spontaneous trips with D to Klang or Bangsar for more food. Or go walking around with D.

I was walking up on Swainston Road just now, by myself after looking at a potential flat. It was about 9 pm. And the streets were deserted. It wasn't that it was scary or anything, considering I've been mugged on that road before. But I wasn't scared this time. I was just so full of hatred for this place. I hate Auckland. I hate the fact that I have no where to go to, and nothing to do on a night like this because everything is closed. I hate the irony that right here, where the weather is so awesome, and there's no curfew and all the freedom in the world, I couldn't have D here.

I feel like I've been locked up in a department store, and I can have anything I want for free, but I can never leave the store.

So, right now, I'm still struggling to keep my chin up. I am feeling so miserable this time around, it's not funny. I'll get better. I know I will. It's just this time around it's a whole lot harder than last time. And I can't quite put my finger on it. I think the novelty of studying abroad has worn off, and i've had enough of being by myself, and really because I just want to be home, where I don't have to pack lunch for work, or think twice when I want to eat out, or worry about internet quota.

And with that, I leave u with hopefully the first and the last whiny, emo post I'm gonna put up about Auckland for this year.

Oh I hope it'll be sunny tomorrow.

heartache. severe heartache.

i thought it's supposed to get easier.

magical

i always talk about magic and fairy tales
and faith and trust and pixie dust
i always dream of being in it
and hope to God that it will last

i guess i've always wanted to find someone
whose warm embrace can fly me away
whose presence touch my heart so deeply
with every word he starts to say

there are times i look at you
and realise, in my eyes, how special you are
and i smile, and stay silent to preserve the moment
and try to observe from afar

there are times i listen to you
and realise, with a little fear, how amazing you are
and i start to look at the girl in the mirror
and wonder how i can try to be your shooting star

there are times i feel your touch
and realise, with sadness, how much i need to be
standing this close to you reaching out
drawing you closer and closer to me

you're magical to me
you make me want to be
the best that i can possibly be
you make me want to shine
like the brightest star you'll ever find

you're magical to me.

Keong Hee Huat Zhai

Roar! Have a great Year of the Tiger!

admiration/jealousy

i pride myself as being "not your average girl". i love the outdoors, i love being physically active, i have a thirst for muddy endeavours and i love having cuts and bruises, and showing off my "battle scars".

and in most cases, i'm usually the "it" girl under those categories. in most social circles, i am the subject of metaphors related to running, cycling, mountain scaling and so on. and i love being it. i love being called tough, and fast, and powerful.

but like every other "it" person in this world, there's always someone who is better. and at times, i can deal with the competition quite well. because there is always a trade off. she's faster than me, but i have more endurance. she's stronger than me, but i have more grace. she's tougher than me, but i'm so much more personable.

i know myself. i like a lot of things in a lot of people. i want to be so many things. i want to be everything. and yet sometimes, i realise i can never be perfect in every way, and so i allow myself to be flawed in some aspects, thinking i'm still a pretty cool person in the end. ego's back up. self esteem's back up.

until you meet the person who has it all. the strength. the speed. the agility. the grace. the elegance. the brains. the beauty. the character. oh yes, perfect exists in our world. and for such perfect people, i have a lot of admiration. i admire that these people are everything i want to be. down goes the ego. down goes the self esteem. that's when admiration blurs into jealousy.

my problem is i have the guts to dream, but not so much the will power to get myself there. and that, is one huge issue. i know i have to overcome that. and maybe start being a little happier with myself.

Because I didn't want to turn into a pumpkin

I had wanted to finish the Putrajaya Night Marathon before the clock struck 12. I had wanted to write a post about how I was gonna be Cinderella and all, and that I wasn't going to turn into a pumpkin, or something like that. I had even thought of running with a tiara.

Well, thank God I didn't.

Because I was late. a whole 30 minutes late. Something like that. heh.

I made so many running no-nos that I, an experienced runner, should be truly ashamed of myself. Some of them are quite ridiculous, now that I've given a thought about it.

I ran on a pretty empty stomach. Like Hello! Sportsci 206? Sport and Exercise Nutrition? I had a light lunch at about 2 ish in the afternoon. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry, and I've been cutting down my rice for so long, it became a habit. I didn't want to overeat, i didn't want to put on weight. *oops* I didn't have dinner because I had to leave my house at 5.45 pm. But when I heard my tummy growling at about 7 pm, I knew this was gonna be a pretty loooong run.

I didn't have a full 7-8 hour sleep the night before. And even though I had been advised by my brother to have plenty of rest throughout Saturday, I was out and about squishing my way through the warehouse sales in USJ. hahaha...don't we all love the word SALE. :)

I forgot bananas. I never forget bananas. But I forgot bananas.

And last but not least, I had close to no mileage in training from NB 30km till yesterday. So clever right? I'm unbelievable.

So I had a rather crappy run. I was reduced to walking speed by 25 km and I enjoyed every refreshment station like it was a cuppa on a lazy Sunday afternoon. And that was every 2.5 km. I ran-walked the rest of the way. Wanted to give up at 30 km thinking I had probably already lost to 20 other women in my category or that they probably don't want to give up to 20th place anyway, or I simply just didn't want to run anymore. I wanted to go home. And sleep. Like a baby.

Maybe that was what it felt like to "hit the wall". Can't say I've experienced it before. But I felt like every muscle fibre in my legs were shutting down. And i couldn't quite breathe.

Then a sweet runner came along, whose resemblance to Lily was uncanny, and urged me to go on. I had my ipod on so I didn't know what she was saying, but her smile was encouraging enough. So I told myself I was gonna run all the way. I tried. It was a good try. I stopped again several times. But never too long. There was always reason to pick up the pace again. Such as seeing Lydia, seeing a photographer, seeing another female runner just 20m ahead walking.

I completed, in agony, in 4 hours and 30 minutes. Dennis was waiting for me at the finish line, so that was a really nice relief. Later on, I found out I had gotten 8th place. And this was the prize.
Let's just say I'm SO GLAD I didn't give up. =)

age is just a number

I know we say this a lot. That we feel so old.

We go to Sunway Pyramid on a weekend and see clutters of teenagers lining up outside the McD ice cream booth. We feel old.

We're denied concession price when we go and play bowling. We feel old.

We hit the clubs (not like i do) and see girls coming in with bolder make up and shorter mini skirts. We feel old.

We get caught in the Sri KL traffic jam and see all these kids going into nice, posh cars. We feel old.

We listen to the next table at the mamak talking about 18th birthday parties. We feel old.

Ok maybe some of us feel it a little more than others. I, for one, seem to be quite conscious of my own age. I don't know why. I feel like I'm trying to cling on to my youth for as long as I can just so I can have an excuse to...I don't know....mess up. Adults are expected to behave too much. Tolerance for screw ups is lower once you're anything more than 21. It's ok for a 20 year old to forget to do a chore, but when you're 23 and you do that, *bam* you're a late bloomer. You take months to finish a book, *bam* you're slow.

I had no idea what Britney Spears was singing about back then when she said I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman. But I think it's starting to make sense to me now. I'm not young enough to slip up and get away with it, but still not quite the age to just know all the right things. That's what I think, anyway. Especially in our Asian culture, where we live with our parents till we're married. The transition its a little more accented and sharp, one minute you're daddy's little girl, and the next you're expected to be the woman of the house.

People say teenagers go through a hard time. I actually think my teenage years aren't all that bad. Sure I had bad hair issues, and boy issues. But less was expected of me than now. But I guess, only then can we grow into sensible, grounded adults. *shrug*

She Is Love

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need,
She is love, and she is all I need.

February

November had me trying hard to focus on my final exams while the thought of home kept playing in my head. The thought of a million and one things that could happen. And the million more that I had prayed would happen. Coming home in November was the best feeling I've had since spending my summer with you last December 08 - February 09.

December had me achieving things. Things I talked about achieving, coming true. I did things, and made things happen. December was a great month.

January had me home alone in the mornings. I focused on helping mum out with the house chores. I focused on training my uncle and my friends. I focused on training myself.

Now it's February. Gosh, that was fast. 22 days left. Every inch of me wants to make the very most of it. By doing things I won't be able to for the next 9 months. Feel the company of close friends, smell the aroma of affordable local food, indulge in the luxury of home, talk to mum and dad, hang with Keith (and my big brother very soon), and most of all, be with you.

Why do I feel like time's ticking a wee bit too fast?