Thursday, February 25, 2010

Auckland 2010

So after 3 blissful months at home, I am finally back in Auckland. And to be honest, I don't really know how to feel happy or excited or thrilled in anyway right now. I know it's because I just got here, and it has only been less that 72 hours since i bade my boyfriend goodbye for 9 months, so i'm feeling extremely emotional, and homesick, but really, there must be the slightest hint of excitement in me to be getting back to my course, or to be independent again, or to be able to have mussels and belgian beer again.

But all I can think of is how I won't be able to have Ramly burger at midnight anymore, or drive to Mutiara Damansara for lamb burger anytime, or arrive home and Mom would've had dinner ready on the table, or call up Julie on a weekend and crash her place, or have her crash mine, or call friends from everywhere, really, to meet at mamak lorong anytime. Or how i won't be able to call D up and see if he's keen for lunch. Or go on spontaneous trips with D to Klang or Bangsar for more food. Or go walking around with D.

I was walking up on Swainston Road just now, by myself after looking at a potential flat. It was about 9 pm. And the streets were deserted. It wasn't that it was scary or anything, considering I've been mugged on that road before. But I wasn't scared this time. I was just so full of hatred for this place. I hate Auckland. I hate the fact that I have no where to go to, and nothing to do on a night like this because everything is closed. I hate the irony that right here, where the weather is so awesome, and there's no curfew and all the freedom in the world, I couldn't have D here.

I feel like I've been locked up in a department store, and I can have anything I want for free, but I can never leave the store.

So, right now, I'm still struggling to keep my chin up. I am feeling so miserable this time around, it's not funny. I'll get better. I know I will. It's just this time around it's a whole lot harder than last time. And I can't quite put my finger on it. I think the novelty of studying abroad has worn off, and i've had enough of being by myself, and really because I just want to be home, where I don't have to pack lunch for work, or think twice when I want to eat out, or worry about internet quota.

And with that, I leave u with hopefully the first and the last whiny, emo post I'm gonna put up about Auckland for this year.

Oh I hope it'll be sunny tomorrow.

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