the traveller

Last night I had guests!

For some reason, staying out on my own, and having my OWN guests stay over, being able to say "Yeah come crash in my place" just seems a lot more liberating. I felt really happy. I even made Curry Laksa for them. That was how happy I was. Oh and I ran extra fast that morning too.

Race partner, Keeran and his travel buddy Tania from Slovenia, stopped over in Auckland last night before they board a plane to Queenstown to hit the slopes this morning. So I said, with a smirk and a real chillax tone, "Yeah, just come crash at my place, dude." and they did! And I made them curry laksa. doesn't matter that I used that packet from Singapore. I still put in the extra effort ok!

And so the night was spent listening to stories of their travels...of sleeping in cars and working on farms...of looking for bruised apples and slaughtering pigs...of couch surfing and hitch hiking...and like a little girl listening to a fairytale bedtime story, I started to dream! Oh my, the life of a traveller! It sounds absolutely amazing! I was green with envy. At that point I really really wanted to do that...strap on a haversack and backpack around the world, live off bread and Nutella, go away for a year or so and just collect heaps and heaps and heaps of pictures!

Except one minor problem. I was afraid. There was so much uncertainty, so much risk to their journey. And though they sound really adventurous and thrilling, I just don't know if I can take it! And to leave everything behind, and pack up and go with no clue whatsoever what the next month would bring, or when I'll be going home again, or what sort of person I'd be staying with. And to have no commitment to anything at all. Am I cut out for that?

I really don't know. To be frank, I think I'd be terribly homesick. I'd miss my family and D just too much to open my eyes to the world. Unless someone from my family, or D goes with me. Hmm...i think I can backpack with my mum. I need someone I know and trust to be with me.

Does that make me conservative? Does that make me a little too cautious?

I've always wanted to be one of those people who just played a little too close to the edge, but experience a thrill far more exciting than to keep to the inner sidewalks. And for a long time I thought I was capable of doing so. But I think as I grow older, I find the fear in me doubles and I am more likely to pick a less exciting, far safer path.

Does that make me a scaredy cat?