the line between admiration and jealousy

I've spent quite a large amount of time surfing Facebook since i got here. I don't have a car, and moving around seems too expensive and too much of a hassle sometimes. So I sit in my flat, in front of my laptop and pretty much wait for the people in Malaysia to wake up and come online. On better days I surf Facebook about 2-3 times a day. On more boring mundane days I see myself logging into Facebook 5-6 times a day. Profile statuses don't even change fast enough for me. That's how bad it is.

Anyway, I am trapped in a transitional age whereby I am, by right, supposed to be embarking on a career, but I am however still stuck studying. It gets me every day really. I don't know why I cant just let it sink that I can just spend another 3 years studying without worrying about being too old, or too far behind in the rat race, or too much in debt with my family. And that is why many times a day I have fleeting thoughts of how my future would be like. What kind of person I want to be. How do I want to live my life. I think about it every single day. There's so much I want to achieve in life. I believe that I was born to reach great heights and I want to get there, almost desperately.

And from surfing Facebook I see how some people I know are making it big in their lives. And by making it big i don't mean earning the big bucks. More like going places, leading extraordinary lives, experiencing sights and sounds most people only dare to dream about. To me these people are wealthy beyong compare and I yearn to be like all of them. I admire their drive in pursuing their dreams, in painting their lives colourful, in just living out of the norm.

Here are some of them whom I admire so much I'm bordering on jealousy. I hope they don't murder me for snatching their photos of Facebook. =)
This is Joy. What she does, I really am not sure, but I know from her photos that she goes places. Big places. She's on a foreign land every other week and her photos are amazing. I think she does voluntary charity work at some places too. And she's in some sort of film production crew. I think she's is really cool.
And who could forget my fellow gymnast, Yuh Huey. She was probably what made me decide to take a stand and do what I want to do with my life. Doesn't matter if the prospects of it are good. If it's what you like, you'll make it work in the end. And this woman seems to be doing just fine! She studied performing arts in London, played Cho Chang's stunt double in the latest Harry Potter film, was in High School Musical Broadway and she stars in her boyfriend's movies! Her life is to die for even if it's a whole lot of hard work and living by the day. Just look at her photos! I want to have such photos!
Keith was a fellow student in my school, everyone's favourite. I dont know if he still is, but last i checked he works for Sports Center ESPN. He travels around places as well, visiting world class sporting competitions! How cool is that lah?? How many people can lay their hands on a Thomas Cup? I would kill to have his job!
Here's Beatrice. I've always had a lot of respect for her throughout my school years. An avid adventure junkie, she is always on the edge of some rock face, or charging down mud trails on a mountain bike, or rafting, snowboarding, running, everything! she's hiked so many mountains, climbed so many rock walls, her upper body strength is amazing! I super kau tau to her man!
Kim Hooi is another schoolmate who is currently flying in Denmark. I think. He was a pretty successful photographer here, and he cozied up to a lot of supermodels. ahah...now he's a pilot in Denmark, he recently picked up biking, and he seems to be tearing it up in the trails of Denmark as well! Who wouldn't want to be a pilot?? Envy envy...

My mum always said that I wanted everything. I do. And though I may not be all of the above, I am determined to be all that I can be. Because I was born to do so.

Sue me.