Life and death.

I attended a funeral service yesterday for a good friend of mine who had just lost his father. I was slightly hesitant at first because the last time I attended a funeral service, I got really affected emotionally and I ended up not being able to sleep the entire night, with shivers of fear going down my spine. Whoa, right? I know.

Anyway, last night I went with some friends and while listening to the eulogies given by this man's family and friends, it occurred to me how little I know about my friend. I couldn't help but feel ashamed, for we've known each other for over 6 years and I couldn't even tell how many siblings he had, and whether he was the eldest, the middle or the youngest in the family. And while the pastor was talking about Death being a destination, and how you should live life well so that when you pass on, your life can be celebrated, I couldn't help but think to myself if I am doing what I can to live my life well. I don't even have a hectic schedule, nor any status or celebrity, yet I couldn't even name the number of siblings my friend had. Who am I?

I think it's so easy to get caught up in the race of life, even for someone like me who is not climbing the corporate ladder. It's just human nature, or should I say Asian nature, to chase wealth and success and keep up with the Joneses. So often I feel the pressure to buy a new car, just because my friend did, or buy a house, just because this person did...I keep thinking "we're the same age! And she's not even living at home any more!" and stuff like that. But there's so much more to life, as clichéd as it may sound. There really is. I don't even know why I have like a gazillion friends, yet I find myself not making any plans on a Friday night. I'd much rather curl up in my bed watching old episodes of Friends. Why? I use to crave social meet ups and hangout spots. But I feel like I am no more interested. And I don't know why.

Hmm...maybe I am rambling a little off topic here. But I think initiative is key. I do not take the initiative to keep in touch with my friends, to visit my relatives, to spend time with people I love and care about. And I'm only friggin' 26 with a lame entry level salary! I'm not even anyone rich and famous!

So coming back home last night, I thought to myself, that I need to take more initiative. I need to step out more, do more, care more. I need to live well and make my time on Earth matter.

Annoyed.

I'm a little upset with myself. I overslept, didn't hear my alarm, and missed an RBC session. That's $$$ down the drain because I didn't hear the damn alarm. This isn't the first time this month, I overslept twice, although I made it JUST in time the past two times, today being the first time I completely miss it. And I don't know why. I've been so good throughout the year. But I know that I have no one else but myself to blame. And I also know that whining about it isn't going to make things any better, and it damn well isn't going to solve anything. So...-end rant-.

To try redeeming myself I went out for a run and started thinking. I need a more sustainable income. I love what I do, and I love the freedom of having my own flexi hours. But whenever I fall sick, or want to go on a holiday or an emergency happens, I am losing out on quite a lot of income and that is not good. I wish I have some sort of sick leave or something.

And so I think it's time I start making some big decisions. I've accumulated an okay amount of savings over the past year. I think it's time I park some of it somewhere where I can generate more money. Otherwise I'll never get rich. Time to start making some real money, Karen.

Sick again.

There is something very wrong with my immune system. I'm sick again. For the umpteenth time this year. I swear, if I actually counted, I'd scare myself. Shouldn't I be really fit and strong and healthy? Shouldn't I fall sick much less than people who do not regularly exercise? Urgh. Not fair I tell you.

And because every time I fall sick and fail to go to work, I lose out on income. I need to find other means of income or else I'm gonna lose it one day.

I was thinking about my big dream to own my own place next time. My own community health centre. And the more I thought about it, the more I think I don't have the experience, or the knowledge or the network to start building my own business yet. I think about the people I work for, they all succeed because of their many many many years in the industry. They know their stuff.

I need to get there someday. I'd better have one solid idea for my business then.

meh.

I sometimes get little sparks of ideas which make me go, "OMG I got it! It's gonna be huge!". And I really wish I have the drive to follow those ideas and make them a reality. But then the rational part of my brain takes over and I start to think (which is a dream killer). I need more drive in me.

I haven't been running on my own in ages. I don't know why. I've kinda lost the mood to run. It's just whenever I find the time to run, it would be a decision I'd have to make between run and sleep. Sleep always trumps run. I think I love to sleep more than I love to run now. Oh, shoot me please.

I cannot wait for the school holidays. I've cut my school time down to only 2 days! And I've only got 3 more weeks of it. That's only 6 days! Why, oh why, do I feel so restless?!

The Auckland Marathon was last weekend and a few of my friends did really well! I wish I was there with them. It would've been my 3rd Auckland Marathon. I wonder if I can still run marathons any more. Maybe I totally suck at them now. *eek*

I'm being completely and utterly random tonight BECAUSE...(I think) Gary's coming home tomorrow morning and I'm so excited to see him that I cannot sleep. And I'm dreading the amount of work hours I have to go through before I get to meet him tomorrow night. Meh.

Miss.

I'm so pathetic. G's been gone for 10 days now and I really miss him. And I used to survive LDRs. Well, actually I didn't survive them that well, but I still kinda did! Urgh.

I guess this is another one of those tests to see just how much this boy means to me. I was listening to that women's station again and they were talking about that moment when you find out that he's the one. And it could be as simple as he orders your favourite food for you, and you look at him and then *BAM* it's him! He's the one! You know? I don't know if everyone goes through a moment like that, but I think right now for me, many little moments add up. Moments that make me go, wow, I really really like this guy. This is one of them.

I have taken a few wrong turns while I'm driving out for work because I would subconsciously drive in the direction of his house, and then I'd snap out of it and start cursing myself.

I have also found it incredibly tough to fall asleep some nights because I didn't get to talk to him, because he calls me every night to talk to me.

I have also found myself going "Ooh G will love this!" in my head when I come across a food or song or just random things.

I got it bad, don't I?

And it's October

Can you believe it? Gosh, the time!!

I spent the entire day today lounging around. Which isn't good, because when I don't do anything it means I don't earn anything. I've just gotten myself 2 days off from teaching in the school so I can focus more on Personal Training. But while I was able to make a couple of those materialise, I still need to work on getting more clients in during the day. Housewives and Aunties where are you?

I've been so busy for so long that when I finally got a day of doing nothing (Gary's in the States, hence I've been free), I found myself indulging in old episodes of Friends and getting emotional about Ross and Rachel. And then I decided to take a nap and that nap went on for 2 hours. Well, in my defence I did get up at 5 am this morning and slept at 12 last night and had a killer weekend. So I think I was just having a little down time. Rewind. Recharge. That jazz.

I tried to write something for my fitness site but nothing came to mind! In fact for the longest time, I haven't had any idea what to write about. I remember having a clue sometime back but I didn't have the time to sit down and do the research then. Today, I wish I had jotted that idea down somewhere. Geez.

Something hit me over the weekend. I realised that I am probably at my strongest, fittest form, ever. I ran 10km in 50 minutes. I look at myself in the mirror and I have to say I'm quite happy about how I'm looking. Friends are telling me that I look extremely fit from the photos they see on Facebook. I think I should take this opportunity to do something great! You know, before I go over the hill. And so, sitting down at a mamak after cycling 33kms with some friends, sipping teh c ais, and having my roti with 2 telur, I decided, I'm gonna do an IronMan. By hook or by crook, I'm going to achieve an IronMan before I hit 30. So, there.

And while I'm at it, why not do more things? Buy a property, join a gym and do RPM again, take vocal lessons. So much I want to do!

I really need to make more money.

Can I?

Things are moving pretty quickly for me, career wise. I've been working full time just over a year and in that short period of time I've managed to get myself into many MANY things. It's quite a thrill, mainly because I have envisioned all of this for myself, but living it makes it feel all the more extravagant.

But yet I seem to doubt myself quite often. "Can I?" is something I find myself asking over and over again, even when I have made a promise to myself to always take that leap of faith because doing so has granted me so much in the past. I am a leaper. I leap. Always have been, always will be (hopefully). I sometimes think Disney has ruined me, making me a dreamer, an idealist. I live for fairytale, dreams come true, and happily ever afters. But because society in real life as I've come to know, is quite the opposite, so while I have these vivid visions of my future, I still wonder "Can I?".

On a separate note, I realised that, evident from this blog, I think about my career a LOT. If it's not this, than it's about love & marriage, but still, most of the time I think about my career and where I am heading.  I don't know if people still enjoy reading this blog, or has it become quite boring. Meh.

Of proposals and weddings

No, not mine. Everybody else's. (wah sound so bitter).

I've been surrounded with news of engagements and tying the knots and gorgeous wedding dresses and locations for wedding shoots and so on. It really touches the heart seeing everyone finding true love and meeting their soulmate and all. I mean, as you already know, I'm a big, fat, hopelessly romantic goon who believe in the sanctity of "till death do us part", and having that one person made for you for eternity. (Now I hope Gary doesn't read this because he may get scared off).

Recently I've been hearing of engagements and weddings of people that I used to know quite well. People who were "friend-in-laws" in my ex relationship. And although that is done and dusted, and I've found myself someone truly worth loving, I can't help but feel slightly nudged in the ribs whenever I see news of these people tying the knot. I guess it just kind of reminds me that at one point in time, not too long ago, we were probably all hanging out at a kopitiam or a mamak together, some of them single at that point, some of them just found each other, and I was with the ex at that time and it just all seem so...I don't know...surreal, now that I have tried so hard to bury that past behind me. All these news just kinda bring up some old memories again.

The fact that I'm 26 and not getting any younger, and that one of my best friends is getting married in March next year, and that I've like a gazillion wedding invites all year long, just makes me a little antsy about the topic of marriage. I'll be very honest. I do really want to get married. But I also know that I've only been in this current relationship for barely a year, so I don't feel like thinking about whether this is the one right now and all that mumbo jumbo. I mean I love G very much. But for the time being, I just wanna leave it at that. Am I making any sense? I suddenly feel like I am Bridget Jones.

Anyway. The point is, I love it all. The stories, the strategy different guys adopt to propose to their girlfriends, the planning of the wedding, the photoshoot, the wedding dresses, the bridal party. I love weddings. And I eagerly anticipate my turn because I don't care who my husband turns out to be, but my wedding day is gonna be epic. =) Do I sound like I'm going crazy?

366 days and a bit

It's been 369 days since I touched down in Malaysia, armed with a new degree and raring to go into  life. I can't believe how fast time has flown. I was on BFM today and they asked me a lot of questions like "Why fitness?" and "How did you get here?" as if I have been "here" for so long. And I felt like I had so much to share as well, but at the same time I couldn't help but wonder if my words can really inspire others out there. I mean, who am I but just another 26 year old girl, fresh out in the working world. It's like Justin Bieber and his biographic movie. He's not even been in this world as long as I have, and they make a movie about him? haha...those were my thoughts anyway.

In the one year that I came home for good I have achieved so much that it feels more than just one year. Work has, of course, been the main focus of my life these past 12 months, and it has been an adventure to say the least. I still think I have a very long way to go to be at par with those I have a lot of admiration for. But it's ok, it is a journey I look forward to embarking on. :)

And I've found love. I think I'm really lucky to have found this one because he makes me happy. These past few months with him have been refreshing and inspiring because he truly allows me to be myself around him. Especially at this point of my life, where every day is a journey of self discovery for me, this boy encourages me to speak my mind, talk to him, let him help me work through life's daily obstacles and discover myself a little bit every day and I cannot thank him enough. I hope I can do the same for him. Much love. :)

I guess I realise today during the interview on air that I'm a big girl now. I need to start looking through the eyes of a grown up woman and take things more seriously. In life, in love, in relationships with the people around me.

Maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home

Stereophonics...isn't always my cup of tea but it's currently playing on air and it's somewhat suited to what I was going to write about anyway. =)

I think I feel a little unsure of my footing. I feel like my career path is somewhat more accelerated compared to other people's and while some may take a year or two testing the waters and figuring out what they'd like to be, I find that I need to make that decision now, or the soonest possible. Because while I kinda know what I want in life in terms of career, I am distracted by everything else in the market place. Suddenly there is more to the fitness world than what I knew of and I want to learn more and try more and see more. I want so much but I think I need to start homing in onto something in specific and pursue that journey. And if I want to achieve what I plan to achieve as young as possible, I had better get started because I'm not that young any more. Sadly. Meh.

Sometimes I wish I have a more brilliant mind. Like that of people who have made it big. I know there is a lot of sweat and tears poured into what they do, but not every hard working fool can reach such success. It takes a certain amount of brilliance and that much of life is unfair. Because brilliance could be blessed onto some undeserving people with the wrong intentions. While simple, less brilliant minds are inherited by the kindest and most hardworking of people. Not saying myself. While I try to be a good and caring citizen of society I know that I may not exactly the noblest of all.

So yea. I want to kick start my life. But how and what exactly, is the question.

Post School Holiday Blues

I never thought I'd have this feeling today, but I guess it is inevitable when I agreed to be a high school teacher. It's the first day back at work after 2 weeks of break from the kiddies and I have to say I'm kinda dreading it. I don't particularly hate working at the school, I just don't particularly love it either. It's fun when I teach maybe 2or 3 classes of kids a day and then go off to do my own thing after that. But to teach 5-8 hours of teenagers with highly fluctuating mood swings in a single day and then going off to do my own thing after that takes a bit of hard work to really enjoy.

I remember this feeling as a kid, the feeling of returning to school after a break and it sucks. The teachers are just about my least favourite human beings during this time, and now as an adult I get to be them. Joy. Really need to rethink my work angle and see where I'd like to focus more of my energy on.

On another note, the upstairs of my parents' home has completely morphed over the school holidays with big thanks to mum and dad and a bit of me. =) We've been lifting and pushing and pulling and mopping, and vacuuming, and wiping everything around the place and it's been quite a feat! But it looks really good now, all ready for my big brother's big day!!

Ok, really need to get myself armoured up in my Nike top and cropped tights and my winning smile to take on those teenagers. Wish me luck!

Hello.

My last post was a month ago. And I am surprised that my weekly site meter tells me that I still have about 17 unique followers. So to these 17 unique people, I thank you very much. I will try my best not to let this page die and to continue to provide you loyal people with rantings or depiction of my awesome life. =)

Life has not really been that awesome. Haha...or maybe it has been too awesome, such that I no longer have time to pen a few things down here. Hmm. I lie. Life, has been starting to plateau as the thrills and excitement of my homecoming and starting my job and learning about this new phase of life I entered are all now starting to settle down. I still love my job, and I still meet new people every now and then, but that rapid fire pace at the beginning is now a slow and steady fortnightly thing i.e. the meeting new people part.

Updates...updates. OH! I turned 26!!! And how did it go? Pretty good actually, though nothing like I had expected. At the end of my birthday last year, I said I was going to celebrate my birthday with a BANG this year, because I will be back home and surrounded by friends and family that I love. I didn't. It was a pretty quiet affair, but I did spend it with Gary and he made it pretty special. =) I had a somewhat early night because I needed to study for my Japanese exam the next day (which I failed, so on hindsight I probably should've just hung out with Gary all night and make a fiesta out of it).

Turning 26 was supposed to be a big thing for me. When I was in high school, I had envisioned myself being married by 26. So when I was left single 2 years ago I kinda knew I'm never going to be married by 26. It bummed me out a little when I see friends my age getting married. Ju laughed and kept saying "The only person who really wants to get married among us is Karen". I don't know, I like the idea of Till death do us part. I guess I'm very much a Ted Mosby. Ha!

Another update (coincidentally about marriage too) is that one of my best friends, Lyn got engaged! I'm so happy for her! I'm still trying to let the news sink in. That this girl, who used to stay over at mine, who went shopping with me and write me letters, and even planned to wear identical clothes, is getting married next year. Pretty epic. And a little scary at the same time because I can't help but wonder what will happen once she's married. As it is right now it's so hard to meet up with one another, I have a feeling it's going to be harder next time. I guess that's just life. *shrug*

I've also decided that I'll be a little more dedicated to the company that has helped me grow as a Fitness Instructor - Rebel. It has given me so much to learn from and to master and to just enjoy the ride that I barely felt any negative stress from work at all. Sure there were stressful times, but never negative vibes. Everything has been an awesome learning process and I think I'm turning out just the way I had hoped.

And life with a boyfriend is lovely. I'm in a really good relationship, where we both have a balanced, healthy life between work and play. I find that I can learn to prioritise more than one thing at a go, that is my family, my loves, and my work. They are all important to me. I didn't go all high school giddy headed and neglected my other aspects of life, and I find that our relationship is very healthy. Literally. The dude works out with me when we can, and it's really nice to have someone motivate me to work out just as hard as he does. =) Aahh.. ♥

I think I'm happy. Yea, I am. =)

That yellow parade

I wish I went.

Initially I thought the demonstration was in the morning, so I couldn't go for it because I didn't want to miss running for the Orang Asli in the jungle. But it turned out it was in the afternoon. And I didn't have anybody to go with. But looking back I wish I went.

I've never been a strong follower of the political situation here at home, simply because I honestly don't know in depth enough about the issues that go on. I only know what's on the surface. So that's why I never really projected a strong stance in anything with regards to politics. But I'll admit to one thing, I do want change. Because I have been lucky enough to travel out of the country, I can see how our country can do with so much change.

I missed the last gathering because that was the date I was flying back home from NZ. I had intentions to join the next one they had, but then I guess I wasn't proactive enough to find out more about it to go this time around. But looking at the news and videos on the internet, albeit how biased they may be, I felt a sense of pride for the people who had the courage to stand up for what they believed in. I thought that the audacity of the youths of my country is just amazing, and whether or not they were just there to silently observe, or there to fight, I just felt so proud that they were the same nationality as me. I want to be like them.

Whatever injury or pain they had to sustain yesterday, I know. without a shadow of doubt, that it's working. Change is about to unfold, slowly but surely. And I couldn't beam any brighter with pride.

Out with the old, In with the new

I spent all of Sunday trying to tidy up my room and it is shocking to realise what a hoarder I really am. For one thing, I would like to be as much of an environmentalist as I can, so I really try to keep bits of unused paper, or notepads, or exercise books to be used in future. I also try as much as I can to be an artist, so I have managed to compile quite a collection of scrap paper, bits of wrapping paper, nice little plastic bags and gift boxes and cards so I can use them to make gifts and cards for friends. And most of all, I grow emotionally attached to a lot of my things, especially if they were given by my friends. Every gift I have ever received is truly treasured because of their effort and kind thoughts. But what I end up with is piles of things I never use at all!

So I filled a big black bag full of rubbish and there's still some more to go. The last time I had a clean up of my room was probably about a year ago because I bought a new cupboard and chucked an old broken one. I cleared up 6 drawers of things and during that time, I guess the hardest thing to do was to chuck away the ex boyfriend stuff. Those things held way too many memories, keeping them felt as if I am not letting myself move on, but throwing them away felt wrong as well. So I kept a bunch of things, well hidden from plain sight, so I don't stumble across them too frequently.

A few days ago, G came over to my place after a run together to use my shower. And it struck me that I've moved on now, I really should not be keeping certain things such as dried roses from Valentine's Day 3 years ago. So yesterday, I finally chucked them, along with some other things I learned to let go off. Memories will remain as memories, in my head. Chucking away these things doesn't mean I cut out these memories, it just means I'm making space for new memories to be made with G. :)

The surprising thing was when I went out with G yesterday night, I felt closer to him, like I could finally step over the big rock that was holding me a step back from him. I realised how much I've fallen in love with this guy. I was just too afraid to admit it for fear of shattering my heart again.

The comeback half marathon

I didn't really tell many this but I thought of the Brooks Half Marathon on Sunday as my comeback race. After an extremely disappointing performance at the PJ Half and Penang Bridge Marathon last year I deduced that my hyperthyroidism was back and a blood test affirmed my deductions. So I have been staying away from races, with the exception of the Newton New Year Challenge on January 1st which was only a month after I begun my medication again, so I was still drugged and not my 100% just yet.

I am still on my medication, but I've been feeling heaps better! I've also been training harder than usual just to make a good comeback at last Sunday's run. And I think I kinda did! Well, somewhat there la. There was one minor setback but overall I'm happy that I'm pretty much back to my form!

I went for the race with my dad, and it started in the National Stadium in Bukit Jalil. It was my first time ever in this stadium and the moment I walked in I felt a sense of awe. It's a really gorgeous stadium, I think it's of international standards and I could almost feel the presence of great athletes from all over the world just warming up and getting ready for their respective events in this stadium. It's a very humbling, yet inspiring feeling, I can't quite explain it. But the sports arena always does that to me. =)

So the run started alright. My legs felt strong, and I felt strong, but my tummy was a little unhappy. I have only myself to blame for that because I ate a whole bunch of stuff (trying to be clever). I ate half a powerbar (because it was free), 2 bananas, a slice of wholemeal bread, and I took half a shot of Red Bull (from NZ) which had very much expired. :D I wasn't in turmoil or anything, but I did keep an eye out for the porta-loos. The porta-loos only appeared after 5 kms into the race. I went in, did my business, and went back out feeling a whole lot better!

Before I went off to the loo, I was pacing with this guy wearing a LowYat.Net vest. He had a good pace to follow, just right for me, and he kept quiet too, so I didn't have to make to much conversation to follow him. But after I went off, I figured he'd be way ahead of me by then so I ran on my own. But the relief must've been a good one because I caught up with the same pacer again in under 2 kms and soon was keeping up with his pace again for the rest of the race!

The hills in Bukit Jalil are out to KILL, I tell you and if I weren't so in love with pain (from running, nothing else) I probably would've died. But I didn't. I happily overtook a handful of people each time we went uphill and I thanked all the Insanity and P90X and Nike Training Club training sessions I had with Olya and Wenisa! Thanks for making my legs nice and powerful, babes!

I finished the race in 2:05. It felt good eventhough it was 5 minutes off target. Hills plus toilet factor can account for that 5 minutes. =)

With that, I'm happy to say I'm back in the game, sistaz! Watch out for me in the next one!

Up to my frickin' eyes.

I have been working as a full time personal trainer/fitness instructor/high school PE teacher for about 7 months now. And I know that most people are still under the impression that I don't really DO work. As in my work is more like fun, hence it's not really working. I agree, to a certain extend. I love my job, it's what I dreamt about.

But I am so.darn.tired. I am constantly, constantly going to bed at night, feeling like I've had my batteries kicked out of me. I lie my head down on my pillow and there is that moment of pure relief, that feeling of blood finally being able to flow slowly back into my brains, feeling the weight finally easing away from my feet, feeling my muscles finally able to just relax and not contract any more. Every.single.night. I mean, I am up to my frickin' eyes with clients to train, kids to teach, 5 am mornings to wake up to, programs to write and read, miles to log for my poor deprived marathon legs, and just life to live. It's just a taaaaadddd worried that I'm running myself into the ground. I used to say I'd love to go to bed every night, feeling completely and utterly drained.

I take that back.

My client's dad commented today that I am all puffy eyed and tired looking. He said "Be careful, don't burn yourself out." I think I should start taking heed.

But I just have to say, that apart from awfully tired bones and eyes, MAN, do I LOVE my life! :)

Happiness Part II

What I had intended to write about last night (till I got sidetracked) was about our own perceptions of happiness. I think know that everyone has different wants and needs and various quantities of those wants and needs to make them happy. But in essence, I think it's only human nature for someone to just want love, acceptance, appreciation.

A few days ago I received some horrible news about a former colleague of mine back in NZ who had died. He was only a bit older than I am, and he was said to have committed suicide. This came to me as shocking as I had worked with him before on many occasions and to me he was outgoing, sociable, very talkative, and very nice to hang out with. He was always good company during those long, boring hours at the uni gym I was working at, for which I was grateful because time could past really slowly in that country. Anyway, I cannot understand why he would choose to take his own life, but I guess still water really does run deep. Word on the street was he had gone through some personal issues with his family and his girlfriend, and he wasn't taking it too well. But even then, could a divorce and a break up really have that huge an impact on a 28 year old man who was fit and strong minded?

Maybe there was a lot more to the story than I know. Whatever the cause of his actions, I felt a huge sympathy for his family and friends. Whatever happened to him obviously robbed away his happiness in his life to the extent that he didn't want to live any more.

Which makes me ponder upon the lives of people I have crossed path with in my life who I know are not quite where they want to be. I have met people who felt like they were at their lowest point in life and were just pushing themselves along day after day for nothing in particular. To be honest, I cannot understand that. Why isn't LIFE itself not enough for them? There is so much for everyone to live for out there, so much to see, so much to do, life is like a giant theme park, where we wake up every day deciding for ourselves what we want to do with it. Time is our currency, more than the notes in our wallet, I think. I cannot comprehend why anyone would think why there isn't anything left to live for? There is ALWAYS something!

Perhaps I have been blessed with a good life so far, thus I see things the way I do. Now, more than ever, I hope that I can help change the lives of others. I don't know how, I just know I want to.

Happiness

Hello! Really haven't been good with this whole blogging thing seeing that my last post was about 3 weeks ago. Gosh, Karen, what have u been so damned busy with?

Ok. Ohp-daytes!

So I've been making a conscious effort to train more. When I say train more, I actually mean actually train, literally. Because I used to not train, ever. Well...in Auckland, I trained quite a bit, but that was Auckland, what else was I gonna do there? But yeah, I've been doing well with logging in about 3 runs per week, and seeing a steady progress in my running pace. I've also carried on with strength training just to *ahem* keep in shape and actually look like a Personal Trainer. This I manage to do about 2 sessions per week. So yeah, pretty good stuff, looking forward to keeping this up for another 3 more weeks which is when Brooks Half Marathon is. Fingers crossed, I maintain my upward trend in my running pace and hopefully meet a sub 1:50 half marathon. :D

Work has been exciting and invigorating! Starting to get into the groove of my hectic schedule and I think teaching is a lot more enjoyable now that I no longer feel so lost in the school activity hall. The higher income helps, too. And more PT clients make me feel more established as a Personal Trainer (or, at the very least, on the way to getting established). So things are just sweeellll!! :D

Boyfriend is amazing. Valentine's Day was special because he cooked me dinner, and got me a gift which I feel really really grateful for! <3 I probably didn't do so well on the gift front, but I'll get better!

Now I was gonna write about something quite tragic, hence the title "Happiness". It was supposed to be an irony, but I'm a little too tired to carry on writing now and it is waaaaay past my bedtime, so hopefully I'll get to do so tomorrow. Otherwise it might actually be a good 3 weeks before I pen those thoughts down *eek!*.

Till then, goodnight world!

It's not a resolution per se...

I want to do this right this time. My brother is always saying I should just try it once, train really hard and properly for one race and see how the outcome is. I'm thinking maybe it's time I test this theory.

I never know what I am truly capable of because I'm never serious enough to put in the dedicated hours of training for a specific race. I write programs for people every day. I spell out instructions and goals for people to achieve. I tell them if they want it bad enough they'll get there. Oh don't I know it. But I am utterly bad at keeping my own discipline. I just let too many things get in the way. haha...

So I'm gonna try upping my training this time. I'm not gonna fix a set schedule, because, well who am I kidding, I'll never follow it once I know it's a "regime". But I'm going to make a conscious effort to sleep earlier, eat better, put in more hours of training, and stay focused until race day i.e. March 11th - Brooks Half Marathon. And if that goes well, I'm gonna stay focused and carry on for PJ Dawn in May. And hopefully by then I've gotten myself into the rhythm of things, that I can carry on and improve all my personal bests for the rest of the year! :D

So yeah.

But work is going to almost double up on me in the weeks to come. I cringe when I think of the sort of hours I'm going to be clocking in next time. But it has to be done. If there should be a resolution for this year at all, it would be to get rich. Rich in knowledge, rich in experience, and rich in the pocket too. =) Come on, Karen, ga yau!!!

About a boy.

This is a post about a boy. He is someone whom I met a while ago, never really kept in touch with, but has recently reentered my life. He is really great.

This is how I describe him to my friends. On my first casual date with him, we hung out for about 5 hours, just talking to each other, with only 1 pint of beer. To be able to talk to someone for that long, without the influence of alcohol, and to go home feeling like I wanted to see this guy again, SOON, I thought that should count for something :)

He has this ability to put me in this happy, silly, daze no matter how tired I was after a long day's work. Spending time with him always feels too short-lived. I guess these are things you usually say about someone you just got together with, but I am saying these in all honesty and sincerity.

I just sent him off at the airport just now, coz he has gone home to visit his family for Chinese New Year. He'll be away for only 6 days, but already I'm starting to miss him. Gosh, I've got it bad, don't I? haha...

Happy new year, guys. :)

2011

A bit late I know but owell.

I cannot believe it's already 2012. Because a year ago I thought I'd never see the end of my degree, I'd never get out of New Zealand alive, I'd never gonna start work and get paid, and I'd never cease to tell relatives at Chinese New Year that I'm still studying. =\ Well, it wasn't that I thought I'd never see the end of all of that, but it just felt like such a looooooooongggg wiinnnndddingggg road that the end was very vaguely in sight.

But well, look where we are. =) SO! Things I did in 2011:


I learned to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
I did a flash mob! *woot!*
I met Patrick Teoh and recorded my voice in a recording studio.
I flew back to Auckland with a changed mind set.
I met some interesting people around the world through Couch Surfing.
I rode with one of them on one of those big sporty motorbikes and went up to 200kmh on the highway!
I did Tongariro Crossing for the second time. ♥
I went clubbing in New Zealand for the first time and loved it.
I went clubbing for the second time there and decided I still hate it.
I went out with a soldier boy for a little while.
I went to Fiji! *yeah babyyy!*
I got my girls Lyn and Rosie to travel around NZ with me and laughed our heads off everywhere we went!
I skydived from 12,000 feet!
I graduated and got my second degree. *woot!*
I came back home and started work, for real this time.
I became Teacher Karen.
I earned my first big paycheck!
I had the most number of foreign friend visitors in my life.
I ran free workout sessions for a bunch of friends and (think) I managed to convert some of them into exercisers now!
I did The Legend marathon in Auckland.
I did Cycle Malaysia.
I did Powerman again!
I finally did Penang Bridge marathon and it was horrid.
I got hyperthyroidism again. *boo*
I attended a whole bunch of weddings.
I got myself a new sister-in-law.
I met someone else who makes me laugh. =)

2011 was a pretty good year, looking back at it. I think I achieved a lot, explored a lot, and learned a lot.

Well, here's to an even more awesome 2012!