The heart is an idiot

There's a saying which goes "The heart wants what the heart wants". Something like that.

I haven't written an emo post here in a while. Perhaps it's time I did.

So my latest take on Love is that the heart is an idiot. Because it has no rationale, no forethoughts, no reason, no nothing. It just wants what it wants. It lunges, headfirst into pits of fire. It dives into troubled water. It battles uncertainty and doubt if only at the tiniest chance of obtaining whatever it wants.

In a way, the heart is strong. It weathers just about anything that gets in its way. It can withstand criticism, it can take insult. It defies orders from the mind to a degree that puts the biggest teenage rebel to shame. It can turn bullshit into reality and reality into bullshit. It picks what it wants and that's that.

The heart is resilient. It usually doesn't stop until it gets what it wants. Even if it meant getting pierced, torn up, or shredded into a million pieces. The heart is never shy and it never will be. Once bitten, it pummels forward with even greater desire than it started with. The heart never learns from mistakes because the heart never makes them. Only the mind does. The mind makes them, and tries to hold the heart back, but the heart always emerge victorious.

The heart cannot be tamed, though many of us often try to. We hide our hearts under blankets of denial and lies. We try to silent it by drowning ourselves in work, in alcohol, in exercise, in loud music. But at the very back of our minds, we hear it's muffled cry.

The heart wants what the heart wants. That's the problem.

wacky weather

Auckland's got some really wacked out weather this past few days.

I'd wake up to bright streaks of yellow sunrise pouring into my window at 7.15 am. Then I'd go and wash up, take a shower, and come out of the bathroom realising that the sound of water pouring down is coming from outside. I'd peep through the window and see rain, lashing down from apparently blue skies.

Then I'd have my breakfast and look out the windows as I do. And in my 15 minute meal, I'd see the day turn bright again and the birds come out to sing once more. I'd go downstairs, change and prepare to walk to uni when I see dark clouds hovering above me. Not wanting to take the chance, I'd come back in, don my waterproof jacket, and within seconds I'd hear rain pouring down again. So I'd grab my car keys and drive to uni.

And this has happened for the past 3-4 days. Really frustrating weather if you ask me. I haven't been able to run outside. I've been doing treadmill runs for the past few days, and on the treadmill I could never go more than 5-6ks. I managed one 40 minute run the other day, which I think was about 7.7 k. But yea, that was my limit.

Yesterday, it flippin' HAILED. Like pieces of ice fell from the sky like an ice dispenser. On the roof top you could see little bits of ice bouncing off the zinc pieces. It was so weird! I was so amused by it, I took a photo, but you can't really see much.

Notice the white spots on the road? That's ICE. This is the view from my room window.

Needless to say it was FREEZING yesterday. 9 degrees, in the middle of the day, and in the middle of Spring! I think that is so wrong! Winter's gone, stop rewinding! Bring out the SUN.

BFF

Here's wishing Julie Kuan a Happy 24th Birthday!

You've always been one of the constants in my life, someone I could count on to always be there for me through thick and thin. You've always been supportive and understanding, and you give me free stuff! :)
"May we be best friends till we're old grannies!", you once wrote me in a note.
I'm betting on "yes, we will be". ;)
Have a great time today, don't hold back, aye?

xx
ren

So High

Baby since the day you came into my life
You made me realize that we were born to fly
You showed me everyday new possibilities
You proved my fantasies of love could really be

Let's go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

(You've got me up so high) So high
(My shoes are scraping the sky) So high
(You've got me up so high) Oh
(My shoes are scraping the sky)

Maybe later we can go up to the moon
Or sail among the stars before the night is through
And when morning comes we'll see the sun is not so far
And we can't get much closer to God than where we are

We'll go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

This is how love's supposed to be
This is how, this is how love's supposed to be, yeah
Let's go to the moon baby, ooh
Let's go to the moon baby, yeah
Let's go, go, let's go to the moon baby
So high..

-John Legend-

35 and stillovingu. :)

GE3K 1N DA GR3EN

I'm a geek. (So lame post titles are excused).

Lately, since my flatmate generously increased our bandwidth quota for us and will continue to pay for us for it, I've been discovering more and more awesomeness of my phone. Let me show you how geeky I've become.

Has an Android phone. Check.
Has a phone which reads out her incoming text messages. Check
Downloads free apps and will always find a use for it. Check.
Brags excitedly about new app features to friends when they come online on her phone. Check.
Constantly browses through the Android market for new apps. Check.
Reads e-forums on apps and does comparisons. Check.
Sees $6 for 50MB data pack and goes "Whoa!". Check.
Relies on phone to tell her whether or not to do laundry. Check.
Tweets random tweets just because she can. Check.
Spends hours on Facebook on her phone. Check.
Gets disappointed when there are no new notifications on Facebook on her phone. Check.
Sees green light as new text msg, blue light as new Tweet mentions, orange light as Gtalk message, aqua light as Ebuddy MSN msg. Check.
Gets addicted to her phone. CHECK.
Darling, when you bought me this phone, you weren't just buying me a means to communicate. You got me unlimited hours of entertainment, moments of OMG, and potential to become socially averse. =)

cold nights

they make me miss you more.

=/

I was having one of those crummy days today. It started with me waking up waaaay before my alarm (again). And I had one of those boring lectures for Sport Psych, where I couldn't keep my eyes open. Luckily there was no tutorial today, so that gave me some extra time to come back, and cook myself some lunch. I then took a nap, and went back to uni to do some more data collection.

I spent an hour capturing videos and taking snapshots when the computer decides to FREEZE and I wasn't able to save any of my work. Great. I had to leave the lab after that because a class was coming in. Frustrated (and hungry) I decided to drive to Greenlane to get some breads and buns from the Asian bakery over there. I spent $10 on comfort food, something I am not proud of. I then rushed back, got changed and had to leave for work again.

In my haste, I scratched Jack Jack (which is my car, btw) on the side of my concrete wall. Bummed out, I went to work, listless and a little lacking in energy. I then realized I had to cover a colleague's shift tomorrow from 10-1, which was in between my classes. Which was something I agreed to over the holidays, but forgot about it until tonight.

And...so, yea. Pretty bad day. Movenpick Swiss Chocolate ice cream made it a tad better though. =)

I think what triggered the crumminess this morning was seeing Facebook flooded with Raya open house photos, and my bestest friends having a great time in Bali, and the thought of my family going to Pangkor...the homesickness I've been holding up pretty well for sometime just came flooding right back. Sigh, I'm such a baby.

On a sillier note, there is the most ridiculous TV show here which my flatmates and I religiously follow every Tuesday night. It's called Daisy of Love and it features the most bimbotic, shallow, annoying, kinky, shallow, cheesy, tacky, jockish, people in the realm of Rock. It's about a blonde, big boobied, plastic lipped girl called Daisy in search for love. And all these strapping, buffed men, with tattoos and piercings all over their bodies, practically tripping over themselves and each other to win Daisy's love. It's so stupid, we actually love watching it.Sometimes I just cringe at the sight of these men trying to do anything they can for her. Call me conservative, but I really do not like to see men in that light. Sure, I like the guy to be romantic and chivalrous, but to sit around and watch this dimbo stick her tongue down one guy's mouth to another right in front of you...i think it is plain wrong. Guys should have more pride than that. So should girls. heh.

semester break

2 weeks of semester break went by really quickly, which was expected I guess. I've been in uni long enough to know that 2 weeks of semester break versus 2 weeks of exams, the latter never quite fly by like the former.

But in saying so, I've been in to uni possibly 8 days out of the 14 day break. Which I think is something to shout about by my standards. I've done a bit of research, a bit of reading, a bit of data collection, a bit of data analysis, and a bit of journal researching. My my...after 5 years in uni I'm finally starting to sound like a student.

Anyhoos, the break was good. I relaxed, and worked out, did some extra hours at work. And to cap it off, I went to the snow again with Zhi and friends. It was good fun...I thoroughly enjoyed the hike up the snow. Best part of it was when it actually snowed at the top! I've never really seen snow fall from the sky, so that's like a first. It was amazing! Really beautiful! For once I wasn't too bothered about the bitter cold that bit my skin. I just stared at the little pieces of white fluff flying at me at really high speed! (Actually the weather was getting bad at that point, and we had to turn around before we could reach the summit). And certain parts of the mountain had soft, fluffy snow on the ground which made our feet sink right in when we step down. But yeah, it was pretty awesome. Can u see the snow? =)How far we climbed...gorgeous innit?
It was back to uni today, and I really had to tear myself away from my bed. I wasn't feeling particularly sleepy or anything, in fact, for some reason my eyes just opened at about 6.50 am, and alertness just came to me for no reason at all. But I dreaded going back to class. heh.

Owell. 6 more weeks of school. 2 weeks of exams. =)

random updates

• I just spent $55 on replacing my watch battery. If converted to MYR, thats more than half the price of my watch! That's insane. Service charge here continues to amaze and annoy me. Then again, if I had brought my watch back to the watch shop Uncle in Subang, who's to say he wouldn't damage the water-resistant seal and make it non-water-resistant? well, it's sunk cost now. Let's just hope my watch lasts for another 3 years or something. Wish it'd beep though. the beep sound went away after he repaired it. =(

• I am more than 3/4 through my mid semester break. What have I done? What have I not done, is the question. I have not been running as much as I wanted to. =(

• I'm starting to think my hair is a little bit too long for me. I'm wondering what length should I keep it at. I was kinda growing it together with Rosie to see if we can both keep our hair really really long. But it's come to a point where it's starting to annoy me now. It gets in the way when I change my clothes, it gets pressed on when I lie down on the bed by my own body, it gets tugged on when I put on and take off my bag pack. And you know me, I'm itching for a new hairstyle now.

• I navigated my way through the city last night with my X10 mini and 2 Degrees national data. I know I've been using the phone for about 2 months now, but I still think it's amazing! My, my, how do men live without smart phones? :)

• The Vagina Monologue was very interesting. I think, I think quite differently about myself now. Every bit of myself. It just helped me see things in a different light. Not just about vaginas, but in every aspect of life. I think women are indeed complicated beings, but only because we're so damn awesome. =)

• I have so many flight itinerary documents sitting on my desktop. It's almost funny. Every time I switch my computer on, or switch back to Desktop view, I look at them and smile. November is going to be quite an interesting month. And it's less than 60 days away.

• I just signed up for car insurance. I now have to pay roughly $25 a month for the next 12 months. And after paying $55 on a watch battery, I feel kinda broke. I'm not actually broke, so mum and dad, don't worry ya! I have money. I just don't like to see myself spending so much money, without making more in return.

• I think time is finally moving fast enough for me to wonder where it's gone.
  

These boots are made for fun times

The mid semester break has been quite fun so far.

I've had a good balance of routine exercise, some hours of uni work, chatting and gossiping with the girls in the house, out and about with the guys, and a decent amount of hours of work in the gym. I think life's just about comfortable right now.

Tomorrow I'm gonna catch The Vagina Monologues with the girls. I heard it's hilarious...i mean look at the title. ahaha...'nuff said. =)

Zhi and friends took Elise and I out for some photo shooting around my suburb. I love people with nice big cameras. And now that more and more people have nice big cameras, my world of still images is gonna be so much more awesome.

So while my beloved friends at home are away enjoying the sun in Bali, I've decided to join some friends for some time in the snow (although given a choice i'd pick the sun over the snow anytime). Will be going away this weekend to tramp up Mount Ruapehu.

6 more days of semester break. 6 more weeks of the semester. 2 more weeks of exams. and then mum, dad and Keith will be here!

Elise and I at St Johns paddockUs at Mount Wellington

ouch

I woke up this morning with the stiffest neck. I guess what people at home would call salah bantal, i slept in "the wrong way" last night, possibly due to me switching my pillows over. I've 2 very soft pillows that are not thick and firm enough for me. I'm a side sleeper, but my shoulders are too broad for my own good sometimes, so sleeping on a flat, soft pillow give me neck aches. But putting the 2 pillows together makes it way too thick. I've been sleeping on one pillow, with my blanket folded underneath it, but somehow the blanket feels too hard and I often wake up with a sore cheek, or sore ears. So last night I switched my pillow and woke up in agony. bleh...i miss my hypoallergenic, anti dust mite, 100% getah(rubber) Malaysia, anti stress (it's got magnets in it, I kid you not) pillow at home.

And so I had trouble turning my head more than 45 degrees in either direction, resulting in me having to turn my whole torso whenever I want to look over my shoulder today. This is what it must feel like to have a neck brace.

As if that isn't bad enough, I crashed my knee once again into the corner of my bed post, sending a sharp pain that radiated through my entire leg. My entire knee now looks like a blueberry, especially since my knobbly knee cap protrudes out anyway.

AND, in my effort to maneuver around the corner of the stairway, with a stiff neck, limited range of motion of my upper body, and semi limping on my very bruised knee, I banged my hip on the stairway handle - right square on my pelvic bone.

Now, I don't know why people say I'm such a klutz. I was a rhythmic gymnast, for goodness sake!