But this morning, something pretty life altering happened. Well, it's pretty life altering to me la.I checked my results. I got through the papers, 2B+s and 1 C+. Except one. I got a D+. Yes, I failed Medsci 205. And I'm devastated.
At this moment, I can't imagine anything worse.
At this moment, I refuse to see the silver lining, because at this moment, there isn't one.
A fail would mean, I have to do an extra semester. That would mean an extra 5 months in Auckland. That would mean an extra half a year's delay in my career embarkation. That would mean another 5 months away from home. That would mean another 5 months away from D.
I suck at long distance relationships. I do. I am utterly hopeless when I am over there. I try to enjoy myself, I try to be happy with my friends and my work. And I generally am. But I constantly, CONSTANTLY wish he was with me. I do. I cannot take the distance. And I've summoned up the courage to hold on for another year. But to hold one for another year and a half just stabs me right in the heart.
Now I know a lot of you may say love isn't everything. I know a lot of people, including the boy, would say you can't throw all your eggs in one basket. I know there's a bigger picture. I know there is one right thing to do, the best. I know life's full of trials and tribulations, and that this obstacle isn't that big.
But life is a pursuit of happiness. That's what I believe in. That is my religion. And if something doesn't make you happy, I believe it is against human nature to keep on fighting.
That would be ideal wouldn't it? No shit.
Then again. Life never is ideal, is it?
I'm not going to lie. I am THIS close to throwing in the towel. The mere thought of having to go through another semester, to hold back for another half a year, to be away from home for another 5 months, to graduate when I am friggin 26 years old is just way too daunting. It's like asking me to run another 42km after i've run a hundred.
I'm being a wuss. I should really man the hell up.
Right now, I'm weighing my options out. I can either:
A. Quit. I already have a couple of job offers. I already have a plan. And I already have a damn degree. I don't have anyone else to impress but myself. Knowledge gained is never a loss. I have experienced and learned way more values of life in the past 2 years than the total amount of knowledge I gained in my entire life.
B. Suck it up, and man the hell up. Grab this bull by its horns, finish that one last semester, stand up tall and graduate with 2 degrees. Make your parents proud. Make your brothers proud. Put their money to good use. Maybe I can take on a 5 subject load next year. It's possible.
C. Transfer out of Auckland University. Go someplace closer like Perth where my brother is. Or Singapore, then I can go home every weekend.
I'm a mess right now. But I know that at the end of the day I'll choose to stick it, get through, graduate. I just need to find the courage to go do it.
3 comments:
Its ok Karen! *hugs* Seriously go and enquire about the option of transferring to Perth though. And the option of overloading. (although that does carry the risk of lots of stress and higher risk of not doing other subjects as well).
Return air asia flights to Perth are $600 at the most exp. You won't have to worry about accomodation, the only thing you have to worry about is your korkor nagging you about studying.
=) thanks li-ann. i've emailed the faculty about compassionate pass or something. because i got a D+ maybe i'm close to 50. and i think i would rather overload than transfer. because the transfer might pose more problems.
im ok now. told mum n dad di. they also say wait n see what the uni says.
its ok girl. :)
its ok.
stay strong. boleh wannnn! u can do it, u macho macho super girl u!
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