today.

Auckland was covered in fog this morning. I got out of bed at 7.45 am expecting to see clear blue skies and fine weather because the weather forecast said I would. But nope! It was a bone chilling 6 degrees when I got out of bed and outside my house, apart from the mist escaping my lips as I breathed, the streets were blanketed by fog.

And I had picked today of all days to hang my laundry out. heh.

I took a train ride to Otahuhu to check out some car wholesalers. I've never trained there before, and when i got to the station, Westfield, I was a little bit surprised to see how barren it was. It was merely 2 train tracks, with a mount of sand in between, and a measly looking train stand/booth thing. And because it was a depot/workshop/industrial area...sort of...there were one or two stragglers in overalls, looking kinda dirty, smoking a ciggy, walking about. Plus, with the fog, I almost felt afraid to step off the platform. It looked so desolated I half expected a rolling stack of hay to go bouncing across the road.

Anyway, I looked around for a good cheap used car. Found a couple. The whole street was car dealer after car dealer. I'm still thinking about it, but I'm guessing I'll get one by Sunday. =)

So 1 week has passed. I survived. I think it's going to be something different this semester. I have field trips! and I'm working with an external government organization on an environmental project. I'm also going to be doing my own biomechanics research project. Where I get to have subjects and conduct motion analysis, with force transducers, and accelerometers and all that jazz. So cool!

I'm loving my new place. It's so clean, and new, and neat, and tidy! And everything's pretty. And my housemates are clean, and neat, and tidy, and very pretty too! I feel like I'm spoiling myself with all this luxury, what student lives in such niceness? Still, I am paying not much more than I would've paid at the other places. Which makes it all the better! For once, my shower is nice and strong and warm. For once, I get to sleep on a double bed (Although, i think I need to get used to it being so big, because i keep bumping my knees into the corner, hence the bruises in the picture). And for once, I can heat up the room, so that I can come out of the shower and into a toasty room without worrying about an increase in the electricity bill! I realise now, how these little things can make my life so much more bearable. I'm actually very happy to be in this house. It's nicer than my own house back in Subang!

Tomorrow I'm going for The Food Show! Ruth, Erin and I went last year and it was awesome! I can't believe one year has passed! I guess time does fly, now that I think about it. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I remember eating so much free samples and drinking so much wine that I was nicely full and tipsy by the end of it. hahaha...=)

Now. Let's see this year fly as well.

day 3

Day 3 back in Auckland. The homesickness is well contained. Feeling quite alright at the moment. Definitely a whole lot better than when I came back here in February.

2 days of uni so far, seems alright. Hopefully.

I'm actually quite afraid of the next few weeks, though. Self esteem is a little shaky at the moment seeing that I managed to fail a unit. But, go forth I shall.

I miss Bootcamp. I miss Delta. I haven't gone running in a while because I haven't had the mood to. But I will soon I guess. Lest I turn into a marshmallow.

I carried roughly 10kgs of groceries and walked about 2 kms from the supermarket to my place this afternoon. Back to being car-less. I can tell Bootcamp has definitely made me fitter.

I cooked tonight for the first time in about 9 months. Stirfried chicken with broccoli. Added a fried egg. On rice. Wasn't too shabby. =)

We'll see how the rest of the week pans out...

hands

Sometimes, sitting in his car just the two of us, as we drive to...i don't know...somewhere to eat most likely...I reach out to rest my hand on his lap. I do this almost instinctively now. As if to make up for the distance and time we spend apart every year, I try to be close to him as often as I can.

And sometimes, he puts his hand on mine. Like teenage lovers, he would hold my hand, and try to steer and negotiate the gear shift with his one free hand. I have to admit he's quite skilled at it by now. Sometimes he would bring my hand up to his lips, and plant a kiss or two.

I know this isn't really the kind of thing a person should blog about on a public blog. Especially since my family reads this. But bear with me.

It is moments like these which make me wonder why I travel so far away from him. The little things we share are probably what most other couples share too. But I guess the fact that they come once every few months, and then gets taken away always too soon, makes them seem a tad more precious. And I really treasure them.

Sitting in his car, driving off to eat, just the two of us, with my hand laced by his fingers in between my fingers. Sometimes all I can do is stare. At his hand clasped over mine. Wondering to myself, what could look more perfect?

on being back

Bootcamp in Subang on Friday. Sprint Triathlon in Port Dickson on Saturday morning. 1 hour flight to Singapore on Saturday night. 10 hour flight to Auckland on Sunday morning.

Now in Auckland. Local time is 12.35 am. I am clearly jet-lagged. And missing him. And worrying about uni tomorrow. And wondering what I should have for breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow when all I've got is a Nature Valley peanut crunch bar, a packet of har mee, and 2 crackers.

Gotta go grocery shopping tomorrow.

It is surprisingly not bone-chilling cold. Although the temperature is about 10 degrees. Either this room is really well insulated, or I'm carrying enough heat in my body to sustain my core temperature.

I did not cry this time at the airport. He came to Port Dickson. We walked on the beach. We hugged. We kissed. We ate. We rushed to the airport. We hugged. We said goodbye. And I did not cry. I help my chin up, bit my lower lip, willed my tears to not roll down my face. And I did not cry.

Walking away from him is never easy. But at least every time it happens, it's one less time it's gonna happen. It didn't feel so bad yesterday, but today my heart felt a tad heavier.

On a brighter note, I completed 750m swim, 20k bike and roughly 3km run in 1 hr 26 minutes. Not too shabby considering I targeted 2 hours. Good comeback to the tri scene, although it'll be a while before I am able to do another tri. But I had fun! Triathlons are fun. =) Next year, I'll be back. =)

I've no more races. How? Gotta go look for some. I'm itching to compete. =)

I'm gonna miss bootcamp. I think it was what kept me nicely lean and toned even through my gastronomic escapades back in KL. I'm gonna grow fat without it. urgh.

Gosh I miss him.

happenings

Things have been moving at lightning speed, but I am glad that I've managed to keep myself quite busy throughout the holidays. Well, I do wish time didn't seem to fly by when i am so preoccupied, but I would kick myself even harder if I spent my time doing nothing. I guess.

I've been having the usual symptoms indicating my time to fly off is near. Mostly these symptoms revolve around feelings of dread, anxiety, sadness, and reluctance. I get nightmares even. Nightmares of me waking up in New Zealand, and forgetting to bring my suitcase over. And when I wake up and see my own room, the feeling of relief is beyond words.

Though a lingering discomfort lies in the knowledge that it will soon be true, these dreams, and by then I'd be having dreams of waking up at home, and then waking up for real to the cold cold walls of my place in Auckland.

I wish I weren't such a wuss. I wish I could be like everyone else, and look forward to going back to Australia/NZ/UK with a smile on my face, and have the time of my life.

I have a slight regret now that I have skipped Week 1 of Semester 2. Especially since I failed a unit, it seemed only logical that the last thing one should be doing is to slack off some more from school. Also because I seem to have quite a lot to deal with when I go back, and I just don't seem to have enough time. And having no car, my transportation is limited/takes forever.

On a much brighter note, I've had an awesome time back home! I think I've managed to do, see, eat a lot of things. And I managed to catch up with quite a few people too! Here's a recount of what I've been up to.

1. Ran a marathon. Ran it pretty well too. =)
2. Conducted a group aerobics session for my old high school, with teachers and students! I used the Waka Waka song...hence the picture. But i'd be damned if I wore what she's wearing below. hahaa...3. Went to the Rainforest World Music Festival and had an amazing time with my favourite boy.
4. Climbed a mountain. Gunung Nuang. I *heart* hiking.
5. Organized a high school class reunion. Had about 12 people turn up. Not too bad. Was really good to see some of these people again, and to see how our lives have all diverged since 7 years ago.
6. Climbed some indoor walls.
7. Bootcamped my arse into shape.
8. Went to Bukit Cahaya Sri Alam and got owned by a darn monkey. It was HUGE. Not tame and tiny like the picture below. It stole our bread and our 100 plus. [picture stolen from google images]
Yeah. And ate heaps. heaps and heaps and heaps. =)

failure

I was gonna blog about my trip to Kuching. It was awesome. I had an amazing time with D, it was a unique getaway. I absolutely loved it.But this morning, something pretty life altering happened. Well, it's pretty life altering to me la.

I checked my results. I got through the papers, 2B+s and 1 C+. Except one. I got a D+. Yes, I failed Medsci 205. And I'm devastated.

At this moment, I can't imagine anything worse.

At this moment, I refuse to see the silver lining, because at this moment, there isn't one.

A fail would mean, I have to do an extra semester. That would mean an extra 5 months in Auckland. That would mean an extra half a year's delay in my career embarkation. That would mean another 5 months away from home. That would mean another 5 months away from D.

I suck at long distance relationships. I do. I am utterly hopeless when I am over there. I try to enjoy myself, I try to be happy with my friends and my work. And I generally am. But I constantly, CONSTANTLY wish he was with me. I do. I cannot take the distance. And I've summoned up the courage to hold on for another year. But to hold one for another year and a half just stabs me right in the heart.

Now I know a lot of you may say love isn't everything. I know a lot of people, including the boy, would say you can't throw all your eggs in one basket. I know there's a bigger picture. I know there is one right thing to do, the best. I know life's full of trials and tribulations, and that this obstacle isn't that big.

But life is a pursuit of happiness. That's what I believe in. That is my religion. And if something doesn't make you happy, I believe it is against human nature to keep on fighting.

That would be ideal wouldn't it? No shit.

Then again. Life never is ideal, is it?

I'm not going to lie. I am THIS close to throwing in the towel. The mere thought of having to go through another semester, to hold back for another half a year, to be away from home for another 5 months, to graduate when I am friggin 26 years old is just way too daunting. It's like asking me to run another 42km after i've run a hundred.

I'm being a wuss. I should really man the hell up.

Right now, I'm weighing my options out. I can either:

A. Quit. I already have a couple of job offers. I already have a plan. And I already have a damn degree. I don't have anyone else to impress but myself. Knowledge gained is never a loss. I have experienced and learned way more values of life in the past 2 years than the total amount of knowledge I gained in my entire life.

B. Suck it up, and man the hell up. Grab this bull by its horns, finish that one last semester, stand up tall and graduate with 2 degrees. Make your parents proud. Make your brothers proud. Put their money to good use. Maybe I can take on a 5 subject load next year. It's possible.

C. Transfer out of Auckland University. Go someplace closer like Perth where my brother is. Or Singapore, then I can go home every weekend.

I'm a mess right now. But I know that at the end of the day I'll choose to stick it, get through, graduate. I just need to find the courage to go do it.

semana dos

I've been home 2 weeks!

Non. Stop. Fun. =)

I planned a hiking trip with Ijan and some friends. Daddy came along, and so did Isaiah. We went up Gunung Nuang on Saturday morning and it was like going home...my second home. =) I love mountain hiking. Especially ones with a couple of mud puddles to cross, a stream or two to scramble over, huge roots to tug and haul my body over/under, ginormous steps to jump down from...u get my drift. It was sheer paradise. All 11 hours of it. Yep, we hiked from 8 am to 7 pm. Took us 5 hours to get to the peak =) And we met a group at the top, Uncle KC and friends, who climbed up from Janda Baik and took only 3 hours to the peak. heh.
Nike said Write the future. Well, write mine I did. I got in touch with Original Bootcamp President/Manager/whatever his position is, and asked if I could be a trainer with them. We had a chat, and it was decided that i joined in the training sessions before I can truly be evaluated as a trainer. Haha...although I've never really had an interview and a probation period quite like this one, I am loving it! So it's up at 5 am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning and digging my knees, elbows, palms, butt into the mud for an hour, working up a sweat. I find it hilarious, because these are exercises i prescribe to my clients, while I myself have never worked so hard. My arms feel like 2 punching bags by my side. They seriously do. It also makes me indulge in food more, with less guilt. so yay!

My 1 month is passing by very very quickly, but I'll try not to fret. I'm really looking forward to my trip with D this weekend. We're going to Kuching for the Rainforest Music Festival. =)

semana uno

It's been one week and life back in Subang Jaya has been utter bliss.

It's way too fast. I've only 3 weeks left before i shoot off again to Auckland. And I dread that day.

Life here is too great. It's got the comfort of my family, the warmth of the boyfriend, the awesomeness of my friends who make plans to meet up every day. It's got amazing, affordable food. It's got somewhere for me to go to every night. It's got roads I can drive above 50kph. It's got cheap holidays. It's always festive. It doesn't get too cold. It gets too hot, yes, but nothing a cool shower can't save.

I love it here. Auckland, not so much. There still isn't a solid reason to want to go back to Auckland apart from completing my degree and catching up with a couple of friends. Life in Auckland drawls by. Everything I do in Auckland is more of a not-like-I've-anything-else-to-do thing. I settle. I settle for $5.50 bubble milk tea because there's no where I can get a dollar Teh-o apart from making it myself. I settle for 99 cent rice crackers because there's no where I can buy onde-onde or keropok lekor. I settle for early bedtime because I can't do anything at that time.

Ok, stop whining Karen. Just get back there, finish one more sem, then come back here again for 3 months.

On a side note, I think I've hurt my hip. Maybe there's something wrong with my spine. I should see a chiropractor.