cheat

She smelled, felt, and tasted different than Allie, and Cam allowed himself to think this just once. Then he concentrated on learning the texture of the backs of her hands; the feel of the pulse at her temple; the clear, heady scent of her hair.

Sometimes I wonder if people who cheat on their wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends, actually have any remorse. I can't comprehend how someone can be so caught up in lust that they can push that little bit of virtue, honesty and respect out of their heads and just get on with it. I wonder if some of them do it to spite their partners. Or if some of them "just get carried away".

Many a time we watch this in movies. And we shake our heads and sigh and go tsk tsk.

Ok maybe it's just me.

But really, I don't understand why some people can be so cruel to the person they claim to love. If they don't love that person anymore, why not just say it? Why make a fool out of them by lying to them and pretending to love them more? Really, they don't deserve to be cheated on.

Nobody deserves it.

p.s. Excerpt is from Mercy by Jodi Picoult.

eyes on the prize

Only 15 people registered for Women's Open category in the Putrajaya Night Marathon next weekend.

Prize money is up to 20th position says the entry form.

I'm bringing home some moolah~! =)

Back to nature

I've actually managed to make this trip home somewhat adventurous. It's kinda cool. I always love being outdoors. It's strange because sometimes I find myself feeling more at home sleeping between the trees than I do in my own room.

Anyway, couple of weekends ago I went to Lepoh Falls, thanks to Ijan. It was a nice retreat, a bit of hiking and a whole lot of splish splashing. I reckon you ain't sittin on a water slide till u slide down a waterfall. =)Then over this last weekend Ijan brought us to Maran, Kuantan. There, we rode on a stinky old lorry (used to carry rubber sap) into the jungle to Jerangkang Waterfalls. We spent a night camping just by the falls. It was quite therapeutic.

There's something awesome about staring into the campfire. Amidst all the raging red orange heat, I seem to find myself hypnotised by the beauty of the dancing flames. I know, I'm so Pocahontas, aye?
Waterfalls are awesome. Camping is awesomer. But what completes the equation to make it perfect is actually the right company. And for these 2 trips in particular, Stevo was definitely the bright crazy sunshine to the rain clouds which drenched us that night. =)

Perseverance

I'm a marathon runner. I'm an endurance athlete. Perseverance is my key strength. It should be anyway.

There are a lot of things I persevere in.

Like the fact that I am going to get my Sport Science degree, by hook or by crook. Even if it means surviving another long lonely year, and another half year after that.

Like the fact that I carry on running when my toes hurt, when i twisted my ankle and when my stomach was flipping up and down. (With the help of other runners around)

Like the fact that I relentlessly went to work on cold winter days, even if it meant walking in the rain.

Like the fact that I finished both Da Vinci and Angels & Demons even though they were the 2 most boring books I've ever read.

There are a lot of things, though, I fail to persevere in. Studying the hardest I can, being one of them. But let's not go into detail. =)

Basically, I persevere. When there's uneven ground, I allow myself to fall down, cry, and take a deep long breath. And then I get up once again and persevere.

I don't give up if it's something I really want. So don't try to make me.

flustered

i hate new zealand.

there. i said it.

i hate new zealand because of its stupid student permit system which has to be renewed every semester or every year. and to renew it i need to have paid for my course fees already. and i need to have NZD5000 in my bank account (if I'm renewing for half a year) or NZD10,000 (if i'm renewing for 1 year). what sort of student has that kind of money in their bank accounts la?

i hate new zealand because its stupid Auckland Uni campuses are so far from each other. which makes commuting such a chore and a complete and utter waste of good time. why can't i do my electives on my campus?

i hate new zealand because even Air Asia doesn't like it enough to want to fly there.

i hate new zealand because it has brought me nothing but drama over the past year and a half.

i hate new zealand because you're not there. all of you. all of you who matters to me the most, you're all not there.

i hate new zealand because you're not there.

maybe i'm just feeling pressured
coz everyone's earning their own money now
while i'm still using my folks' and brother's money.

NB - Pacesetters 30KM - Silence of the hills

I have forgotten how merciless the hills of KL can be.

Perhaps I was being too complacent. Having run a couple of good full marathons prior to this, one running my PB, I think I kinda thought I'd sail through 30 km. Tough luck.

Started at 5.30 am, and the moment I got into what I thought was a comfortable running pace, I know I was screwed. The lack of training was apparent (Although I think I say this in almost every race report, heh). Having a nice big bowl of curry laksa for dinner the night before was not the best idea.

I think I'm spoilt. By Singapore and by Auckland. I found I needed water every 2 kms. In this race, water stations were only set at every 5 kms and I suffered every 3rd to 4th km from each water station. and when I come to one, I take a cup and a half. And I slow down to a walk to swallow all of that. I usually take a couple of sips and go on.

I have an unwritten rule when it came to running. Thou shall not walk. This time around I broke that rule about 3 times. Keat Seong had to urge me to go on when he saw me walking at about 26 km. Paiseh.

And those damned hills. I quote Mr. Loh Meng Choon, "I think KL grows hills. Every year there's an extra hill, and the present ones grow a little steeper". Every corner we turned, when I saw an uphill, my heart sank. And when the uphill never went downhill, but instead continued to go up, my heart sank even deeper.

All in all, tough race. But I'll tell you one thing. It's the first race I've felt really happy about in a long long long time. People were calling out my name. People know me. And I know people. People noticed I wasn't around, and now I'm back! Ah, feels like home alright.

Total time, 2:56. Still a sub 3 hour race. I thought it was only so-so, but then my brother reminded me that I did over 3 hours in the last race - 3:09 in fact. So I've still got it. =)

Got another full marathon in 3 weeks. Aiyaiyai...

heartbeat

lying down next to you
thinking of times that we share
feeling the warmth of your embrace
wishing that these moments weren't so rare

resting my cheek upon your chest
rising and falling as you breathe
listening to the sound of your heartbeat
wishing i never have to leave

burying my face into your shirt
hoping that time would stay still
not knowing when i'd have this again
hating to go against my will

feeling like my time is limited
fills me with a growing despair
wishing i could always listen
to your heartbeat when i'm over there

Sara Bareilles - City

There's a harvest each saturday night

At the bars filled with perfume and hitching a ride
A place you can stand for one night and get gone
It's clear this conversation ain't' doing a thing
Cause these boys only listen to me when i sing
And i don't feel like singing tonight
All the same songs

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
Nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold you?

The situation's always the same
You got your wolves in their clothes whispering Hollywood's name
Stealing gold from the silver they see
But it's not me

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold you?

Calling out somebody save me i feel like i'm fading away
Am i gone?
Calling out somebody save me i feel like i'm fading

In these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold on to you?

random thoughts

I wonder what goes through his head when he decides to propose to his girlfriend at such a young age. I wonder what goes through hers when she says yes.

I wonder why men started wearing cardigans.

I wonder if I should spend RM28 on facial, RM45 to replace the batteries of my brand new polar HR monitor, or RM10 on a New Balance loyalty card.

I wonder whether I am actually living my holidays back here to the fullest.

I wonder what made me fall asleep during the movie Avatar. I honestly enjoyed it.

I wonder why people do not like using their real names on Facebook. I mean, its a social networking website, what good would it be if people can't even find you or don't know you're you.

I wonder if pregnancies really occur that easily, or are people really silly enough to have unprotected sex.

I wonder how heavy is the heaviest pot in my front porch and whether I should use that as a weight for squats.

I wonder if the lady on Biggest Loser Asia is just crying crocodile tears so she can have an excuse to ask Dave Nuku for hugs.

I wonder how hugging Dave Nuku is. heh.

I wonder how life after Auckland would be like for me and whether you'll be in my life then.

What do you do when you've got heaps of time, and your boyfriend's got a busy week, and your friends all work 9-8, and you're running low on cash?





No, I don't have the answer. I was hoping you would.

the personal trainer

I love training people. I have people skills. I get along with most people.

I am halfway through a degree in Sport & Exercise Science. I've been working in a reputable NZ gym for over a year now.

What more does a Personal Trainer need huh?

But I guess there are some things which just can't be bought. Like experience.

I was having a drink with Dennis and Isaiah the other night. And something about that conversation made me feel really small. Isaiah's a great PT. He's been in the industry for about 5 years now. So clearly he would have a whole lot more experience in training people than I do.

But I feel small next to him since that night. What do I know? Close to nothing compared to him.

I've a long way to go if I want to be a great personal trainer. Guess I always knew it, but never quite realised it.

babe.

you're my everything.
happy birthday.
x

emo caller

I'm sitting at my desk, going through photos on Facebook, as you do, listening to the radio, which i do very often now coz i'm sick of my playlist.

A caller calls in to the station and here's my best reiteration of the story.
girl: hello! Happy new year!
djs: hello! Happy new year, so how are you tonight?
girl: actually i'm really emo tonight and i just need someone to talk to
djs: ok why are you emo? come. let us know.
girl: because today is the first day of school, and you know la, it's new, and i don't know what's coming, and i got put into a class where i'm alone, i don't know anyone, and none of my friends are with me....haih...i hate new years.
dj:*suppresses laughter* aww...well, don't worry, come on, i'm sure you will make new friends and all..
girl: yea, i know, but it's like you don't know what's coming, and i miss 2009..
-whole lot of other lame stuff-
girl: anyway, it's really nice to be able to get through tonight because it's been so long since i last called you guys. thanks!

Now, i found that weird. i guess there really are lonely people out there who calls into radio stations for company. And i can't believe they aired that conversation.

strange indeed.

2009

I started typing this yesterday. But then halfway through the boyfriend asked if I wanted to go running (which is one of those rare golden opportunities type things), and then after running-and-dinner with D, I had to zoom off for an ex-smsjian meet up in Station 1 SS15 and by the time i got home, I was waaay too sleepy to write. And that was only at 12.30 am...looks like 24 came much sooner than it should.

Being 23, I found, wasn't all that fun.

For some reason, in 2009, I had to go through quite a bit which tested me in many ways. But considering I've had a pretty good 22 years before that, I guess it was about time the Gods threw me a little uphill road.

In 2009, I left, once again, for Auckland. But even though my heart was heavy to leave, I was looking forward to living it up in NZ. I had no clue what was ahead, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about going back.

And how did I live it up in NZ?
Well I went zorbing in Rotorua with Ju when she came to visit me.
I drank possibly 25 odd shots of vodka because I was so bad at a really stupid drinking game and passed out for 12 hours.
I watched Cats the musical, for free. (Thanks Ken)
I had a lot of beer.
I, for once, had my NZD's worth when I went for The Food Show and stuffed myself silly.
I picked up Spanish.
I made some very very good international friends when I moved out and rented a room in a big big house with a swimming pool.
I snowboarded in Mount Ruapehu.
I bought a car.
I learned all sorts of things about said car when it broke down on the motorway, in the middle of the roundabout, outside the supermarket, spewed engine oil all over the place, spewed transmission oil all over the place, overheated while at the traffic light on an uphill slope, skipped gears whenever it felt like it, and when i locked the key in the car.
I sold said car for the same price I bought it for (boo-yah!)
I went to Waiheke Island when Weng came.
I joined a bouldering competition.
I picked up salsa.
I got mugged by 2 big dudes, and then went through a whirlwind event of finding my stuff back bit by bit.
I dealt with a crazy housemate. And I mean, literally, crazy.
I ran across the Auckland Harbour bridge.
I ran a marathon in under 4 hours.

But all that being said, I don't think I truly achieved anything in Auckland. I was either too afraid, too lazy or too not bothered to really get out there and do something big. But I guess there's always next year.

And then I came home.
I ran a marathon blindfolded.
I attended 2 weddings.
I visited Cambodia.
I went on a trip to Penang/Perak with D and some friends.
I find myself captivated by love again.

And that covers 2009. And as always, I don't make New Year resolutions. But I guess my New Year wish for myself in 2010, is that I achieve something great in Auckland. Seeing how life practically drawls by in Auckland, that is gonna be quite a challenge, but I can do this. I am going to have something grand I can blog about this December 31st.

I hope everyone enjoys this year. Because Tigers are awesome. =)

The year 2008.