* h e *

he shall love to run
or play a sport or two
he shall not mind the sun
or walking far distances too

he shall write me poetry
or at least he shall try
he shall recite them sportingly
no he shall not be shy

he shall not buy me flowers
but instead handpick them
surprises, thoughtfulness he showers
on me, and he'll show wisdom

he shall attempt cooking up
a dish of my favourite kind
and little details that i fess up
he shall keep in mind

he shall drop by when he's free
without a message or a call
just coz he knows it surprises me
and i wouldn't mind at all

he shall be ever encouraging
in all the things i do
and he should be ever knowing
i'd do the same for him too

he shall joke to make me laugh
and he wouldn't even have to try
he shall help me with all my stuff
and he wouldn't even ask why

and i shall have no difficulty
in loving a guy such as he
because most importantly
he shall love me for me

hehe...i was cracking my head for a nice humble way to put it but somehow i just lack the appropriate words. so i'm just gonna thicken my skin up a bit and declare that i just got the Star EduFund!! hehe...it's something to be proud of right?

was very surprised to get it since i was talking a bunch of crap during the interview but if i was able to convince them...it all voices down to the Perception of Truth. :) anyway, i have a few things to consider though. i'm weighing out the pros and cons of accpething the fund. first of all, i think it's for the 3+0 course. So if i take it, it means byebye Curtin, Perth for me. And it also means no majoring in PR as well, since PR's not offered here in full. So i might have to switch majors and i'm not exactly known for doing well in something i dun really like. But anyhow, by accepting it, i save my parents roughly RM45000 worth of tuition fees. which is a hefty sum to be rid off their burden pile. so yea, i might have to sit down and discuss it with my parents. :)

my neighbour got robbed yesterday. 2 houses away from mine. apparently, according to my maid, the robbers had saws. and they left just before i came home from college. that scared the living daylights out of my mum coz she thinks that i could've been held hostage by them or my car could've been stolen and i could've been hurt in the process. so right now my house is like this high security zone with all doors fully locked at any time of the day. my maid is pretty scared since she's alone at home in the mornings most of the time. sigh...not a safe place to live in anymore. i wanna move to Perth!

i really have no idea what to blog about. I think i should just retire for the night...

* tears are forming *

have u ever felt so stressed up that u feel like crying? as in literally, not figuratively. Like u can feel the tears welling up, your nose getting stuffier and your throat twisting tighter? and you have no apparent reason apart from just "i can't take it anymore!"?

i was this close to breaking down just now. all over a stupid accounting question based on break-even selling price. i had my brother explaining it to me over and over again via msn messenger, and for everytime i could not get him (which was pretty much everytime), i felt more and more compelled to just give in to defeat. i was so stressed up and the due date just kept taunting me. And as i struggled to remain my composure, and my focus on my brother's explanation, i couldn't help but worry about the outcome of this. what if i did not manage? failed to cope? or just failed? one thing lead to another. i started thinking of my econs assignment and my Law exam which by a twist of fate all happen to be due on the same day. It's crazy! next thing i knew i was sobbing profusely, fogging up my spectacle lenses.

well, i feel lousy at the moment, but at least i finally got what my brother was trying to get through to me. that counts for something. and i've stopped crying...

just the other day i was talking about ex's and whether or not an ex counts as someone slightly more special than the rest. this is me. i happen to feel a little different when i'm around my ex or an ex-crush (the serious ones la). i treat them a little differently also. it doesn't mean i still have feelings for them. it's just that all the memories of having someone care for me so much and actually being in a relationship at a certain point in time just stays carved into my memory bank. i'll never forget those times. so when i come face to face with that person, i can't help but revoke all these memories again. even if it wasn't much, considering my erratic feelings then. i just have a soft spot for these guys. so, i wondered, if i have such concern for these guys that have trodden the same path as i once upon a time, do they feel the same way about me? when i meet these people, when i'm around, or when i message them or call them. do they go like "it's karen" or just "oh it's just karen"? do i count as someone special to them, or just another female aquaintence. i got so worked up over that issue that i just had to figure out. I asked some guy friends of mine and my conclusion is, they do. guys actually do have a soft spot for their ex-girlfriends or ex-crushes. as long as the relationship was a significant one. my guess is it's like Rachel and Ross from Friends. Though they break up, they never really stopped caring for each other (which eventually they admits to be love but that's in the end la). Ross just felt like he had an obligation to have Rachel's permission to start dating again, and Rachel had this heavy feeling about telling Ross she had to leave. They're just a bit more special to each other. :)

anyway, even after finding out from my guy friends, i'm still not fully satisfied. something in me makes me want to find out from him himself. This him refers to 3 particular people actually.

of course, this sorta topic of conversation wouldn't just stop there after i get what i want. the guys i consulted started asking me if i would get back with him again, should he develop feelings for me again. now, how would i know? that all would have to depend i guess, on whether or not i'm available at that time. but, should i stay single that long (heaven forbid), and this person i'm so fond of starts caring for me like he used to back then, i guess there will be a 50/50 chance of me saying yes. but like i said...how would i know?

[ one step further ]

it was amazing how they moved
their feet, to every beat of the song
it was as if they were connected
and felt that they belonged

it was amazing how they glowed
with the zest on their faces
they just seemed to enjoy every bit
and the blues left no traces

it was hypnotizing how they kept to their rhythm
with concentration and focus in mind
it was as if what they did, they did for themselves
and that keeps them going in line

it was enlightenning how their eyes shimmer
with pure satisfaction from within
it was as though the work out worked wonders
like they've cleansed themselves clean

right now it just amazes me how much more
my feelings have grown towards my dream
now, more than ever, i can see myself as one of them
nothing can stop my will, now it seems...

Read this:
I'm gonna work in a fitness centre and then i'll be a proud owner of a fitness centre which caters for young and old!

* thank u! *

Hail the rebirth of my PC! hahah...

note: this is actually just a nbtd diversion from my law homework :)

I'd like to express my heartfelt gratitude to some particular parties who have helped me regain the use of my PC.

~ Julie Kuan, for searching for the Windows XP CD and lending it to me on such short notice.

~ Cheah Soon Seng, for taking the trouble to research my problem on the www and sending me that oh-so-useful website.

~ Ng Kok Ben, for offering your services even if it meant squeezing into your tight schedule only to have me cancelling it in the end.

~ Ashwin, for offering to get me that CD as well as some useful tips.

~ Han Yang, for replying my messages and also giving suggestions in the midst of the whole getting-back-to-college thing.

yup..so thank you all! :)

[ grieving over my loss ]

haha...nah it's nothign gotta do with previous post. i simple lost my pc due to my own carelessness and smartness. now i gotta deal with the remorse of knowing that i caused the death of my own pc, and not being able to revive it, and of course not being able to use it...boohoo!!! hehe...

currently in Metro library, making use of my computer notebook facility for the very first time. this is so cool. coz i get to have my own notebook. only thing is i can't bring it out la...but hey, it beats having to wait for one.. :) how did i end up here?

well, i was sitting in class just now, patiently waiting for Ms Choong to come in. In comes another girl, and she was like "I thought i was late" and he exchanged smiles. Then another comes in and said "isn't it already pass 9.30 am?" and we exchanged smiles again. but no one had a clue why nobody was in class. seriously, i think we were all quite dumb. haha so we 3 girls sat patiently in econs class, and for some reason, each at different corners of the class. then comes in a young gentleman, and he went "eh why you all still sitting in the class?" and with a flick of a finger he pointed at the notice on the door. Class has been cancelled due to emergency medicaleave by Ms Choong KY. smartass. the stupid thing was all 3 girls walked thru the other door. so Jason being our hero for today, started walking out the class, his laughter echoed in the air. drenched in embarassment, the 3 of us took off, separate ways, and i ended up here. :)

i really hope my poor pc gets fixed tonight. the worry is affecting my brainsss....

k...i should get to work...The area of law discussed in this question is......