somehow going thru that whole anti-karen war had boosted my self esteem a little. I think it's the fact that I now know I've got friends who will back me up in times like this. I've known it all along I guess, but seeing is believing. =) So thanks a lot u guys! Know that I'd do the same....knowing is believing too....haha...
this poem is gonna be a little high in the confidence and self esteem...but maybe sometimes a character boost is needed to remind you of who you are...c'mon...don't tell me you don't feel good with songs like survivor or i will survive or maybe even sexy naught b****y. haha...and for the guys...hey...notice how guys never sing songs which portray their ke-macho-han even with all that talk abt a man's ego? I think a new age revolution of the female species has evolved. haha...i take pride in being one of them then...i do have somewhat of a woman's ego.
i woke up today with a smirk on my face
like nothing could possibly let me down
all traces of doubt were magically erased
and a new sense of sureness i'd found
i feel my expression all lit up
giving my face a brand new glow
for today onwards i won't give up
for everything i do i'll go with the flow
i feel myself evnveloped in charm
like i could pull anything through
competitors behold, be very alarmed
coz i'm on a roll to get past you
i feel myself coated with charisma
like i can take on the world today
i'll breeze right through, near or far
consider it done, whatever you say
i feel stares all over me
as i turn heads wherever i walk
girls are turning green with envy
guys are hardly able to talk
i feel beauty slowly unravelling
as i refuse to acknowledge the meaning of fail
for ever obstacle i end up conquering
after all, i'm still a super hot female! (taken from Gwen Steffani's Whatcha waiting for)
like it? hehe...like i said...it's ok to flaunt it once in a while... =)
The song from West Side Story has a similar message...only difference is Maria's in love...=)
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
[ life ]
Rebecca turns 18 today...you know there's so much hoo-ha over turning 18...it's like what everyone says...you're legal to do a lot of stuff. though in my case, I haven't even gone clubbing! haha...waitla...I'll go one day with the right ppl...=)
Anyway, I gave her this already but, oh well, why not make it a public announcement!
Happy Birthday Rebecca!
hehe like my art?? =) It's called Microsoft PhotoEditor
anyway, as u can see, I made myself a new friend. And it seems as though we didn't get of on the right foot. Honestly, that little chatterbox is waaaay too limited for me what I intend to say.
1st I thought of saying, Who u callin' a b****, b****? but then I ain't gonna stoop to your level coz FYI, I don't curse. You don't even know the meaning of a b****, if ure using that word on me....
Then, I thought of saying, Shuttup! what are you, 8? then again, I consider myself pretty childish in some ways too. So I'm not gonna belittle little 8 year olds just for your sake. For one thing, they're cute.
I also had this in mind:
but that shirt's bought for the fun of it. Besides, that line is old...
I actually even thought of copying and pasting the whole of Britney's My Prerogative here...Then i figured u'd either not appreciate the song dedication or not know the meaning of the song title...oh wait...ure english is freakin' good i forgot...
I guess being, poetically me, this would be thebest thing to do thing i want to do...
i guess life is pretty unpredictable
you just don't know when you'd offend someone
and when things become uncomfortable
you'd just wish it hadn't begun
i don't know when and what i did to you
and i admit that you've hurt and offended me
for whatever i did i had no intentions to do
but somehow with my existence u do not agree
for whatever's worth, i'd like to say sorry
that the fact that my birth could be a nuisance
but my parents made me who i am to be
and i'm no doubt proud of my existence
so maybe it's wrong to be who i am
maybe it's a crime to live my life
maybe if i sat for the perfect living exam
i would hardly come out alive
because in your eyes i have failed
in your eyes i shouldn't have been born
in your eyes, i'd try to no avail
and i'd be living a life that's forlorn
but even if that is the saddest truth
even if i am such a lame*** failure
i've got a billion friends in my youth
who would think quite oppositely i'm sure
malaysia is a free country
and there's no rule saying i'd have to be like you
so let me be whoever i choose to be
because in your case, i'm doing that too...
after reading this, u probably think i'm even lamer. But newsflash, i don't care. Listen, I don't want you to like me anymore than i like you ok. I just hope that you would accept ppl. Like it or not, the real world ain't gonna consist of your worshippers only. So, it's been fun playing guessing with ya, but I've got to study for my exams right now. And since my friend has revealed who you are, say hi to me the next time i see u ok? Don't be shy. I'm very friendly. Honest. =)
oh and btw, student council really did a good job for BOTB. My compliments to you all...
Anyway, I gave her this already but, oh well, why not make it a public announcement!
Happy Birthday Rebecca!
hehe like my art?? =) It's called Microsoft PhotoEditor
anyway, as u can see, I made myself a new friend. And it seems as though we didn't get of on the right foot. Honestly, that little chatterbox is waaaay too limited for me what I intend to say.
1st I thought of saying, Who u callin' a b****, b****? but then I ain't gonna stoop to your level coz FYI, I don't curse. You don't even know the meaning of a b****, if ure using that word on me....
Then, I thought of saying, Shuttup! what are you, 8? then again, I consider myself pretty childish in some ways too. So I'm not gonna belittle little 8 year olds just for your sake. For one thing, they're cute.
I also had this in mind:
but that shirt's bought for the fun of it. Besides, that line is old...
I actually even thought of copying and pasting the whole of Britney's My Prerogative here...Then i figured u'd either not appreciate the song dedication or not know the meaning of the song title...oh wait...ure english is freakin' good i forgot...
I guess being, poetically me, this would be the
i guess life is pretty unpredictable
you just don't know when you'd offend someone
and when things become uncomfortable
you'd just wish it hadn't begun
i don't know when and what i did to you
and i admit that you've hurt and offended me
for whatever i did i had no intentions to do
but somehow with my existence u do not agree
for whatever's worth, i'd like to say sorry
that the fact that my birth could be a nuisance
but my parents made me who i am to be
and i'm no doubt proud of my existence
so maybe it's wrong to be who i am
maybe it's a crime to live my life
maybe if i sat for the perfect living exam
i would hardly come out alive
because in your eyes i have failed
in your eyes i shouldn't have been born
in your eyes, i'd try to no avail
and i'd be living a life that's forlorn
but even if that is the saddest truth
even if i am such a lame*** failure
i've got a billion friends in my youth
who would think quite oppositely i'm sure
malaysia is a free country
and there's no rule saying i'd have to be like you
so let me be whoever i choose to be
because in your case, i'm doing that too...
after reading this, u probably think i'm even lamer. But newsflash, i don't care. Listen, I don't want you to like me anymore than i like you ok. I just hope that you would accept ppl. Like it or not, the real world ain't gonna consist of your worshippers only. So, it's been fun playing guessing with ya, but I've got to study for my exams right now. And since my friend has revealed who you are, say hi to me the next time i see u ok? Don't be shy. I'm very friendly. Honest. =)
oh and btw, student council really did a good job for BOTB. My compliments to you all...
Sunday, October 24, 2004
[ G 5 c l a s s o f ' 0 4 ]
January 5th, I stepped into what was supposedly the education of my dream...of most secondary school leaver's dream for that matter...a college education. I was psyched. Air cond rooms. No school uniform. A student ID with my face on it. Computer labs (All broadband equipped). A cafeteria with a pool table in it (never played there though). English conducted lectures. It was cool. At least it seemed that way.
March 8th marked our first common test. Things were still lookin bright. Did pretty well for all subjects. English being my fav, Chemistry being the other extreme, and Bio being a shocker. It was actually...easy. =) Formed my Leo Club, first GM on 4th March at DR2. Overwhelming response kept me smiling for a week!
March 29th, Chem draft was due. Never in my entire life have I written so much on Chemistry. It was madness. Realised ever since that all the cool coll life was about to change.
April 12th, I found out I've got butter fingers as I broke 3 things during Chem practical. Not on the same day but in 3 consecutive lessons I think. One of the glassware cost me 15 bucks! Common Test 2 started on April 19th. Completed with a less sunny mood this time. Math was hard, Physics was tough, Chemistry was impossible. ESL still fav subject, Chem still the worst.
April 30th we handed in ESL draft! I have to say I was pretty surprised at how long I could go without proper sleep! Somehow handing this in seemed like a huge relief...although I was well aware that the real deal had not been faced. Held elections for the Leo Club BOD. Was so sure I'd have a fruitful year with loads of fun!
May 24th was our mid year exams. Honestly I was kinda slacked. Had some problems staying focused at that time. Personal thing. But didn't really matter. Doubt I would've done any better with 100% focus anyway. Oh well, welcomed the 2 week break with open arms.
June 30th was basically a killer for every SAM student, arts or science. ESL research project was due. Everyone was sitting on a time bomb! Slaving over the computers in the library, working our butts off till way past midnight. Believe me when I say everyone was rushing. I guess procrastinators are a major of our society. =)
July 13th marked Common test 3. Kinda like the test I worked a little harder for to redeem myself for what I did for mid year. However, the results remianed a constant variable. Leo Installation was drawing near and I was stressed to the bone by Lion. Just couldn't get used to his ways. Turned out great in the end, if you don't look at our accounts *grins*. Lions were pleased. I was freaking out over VIVA as well. Somehow the thought of being in a room with my teacher and the casette recorder, and responding impromptu style brought out the clastrauphobia in me. But it went ok with buckets of thanks to Pn Zaidah.
August 13th was the only date posing a threat throughout the month. Bio Human Awareness essay was due. But thanks to ESL, every other project was made a lot easier. Once again, I gladly welcomed the break during the last week of August.
As September 16th drew closer, my stress level increased exponentially...nah...actually it was more of a fluctuation as I would not worry on something long enough. Nature of me I guess. Still, the thought of using these results to apply for unis was a bit worrying. I really tried to put in more effort and do better. Once again, my results weren't much of a surprise. Although, by this point, ESL was no longer my favourite. That spot got taken over by Bio. (yea BIO!). Chemistry was still dwelling in impossible. Prepared for oral as well.
October 8th was my IU nite. You gotta scroll down to read about that. During this month, no doubt the atmosphere was a little feverish. Our files were threatenning to explode with past year papers and drill exercises. But with the rising uptightness of exam fever, there was also a rising warm sense of sadness. Our last days together were numbered. It was at this moment that I truly found my classmates fun and interesting. I guess I never allowed them to impress me much. I totally regret now. All those times I harped on the subject of changes taking place in my life, changes that I did not welcome, I seemed to have overlooked the one change that I should have...the new friends that had found their way into my life.
October 22nd was spent taking photos, writing autographs, talking and just bonding with my classmates. I felt a pang of sadness whenever I was reminded of a moment that marked my G5 life. It's great that I'm finishing SAM. But I'll definitely miss this crowd. Gawd they're hilarious!!! haha...*sniff*...I'll truly miss them...
These are us. My crazy, wacky group in class. (L-R: me, bec, mandy, su yi, vanessa)
Girls n guys. Juliets and Romeos. Saints and monkeys...*grins*
My lunch mates which consists of Shirlyn's classmates.
G5 Class of 2004
March 8th marked our first common test. Things were still lookin bright. Did pretty well for all subjects. English being my fav, Chemistry being the other extreme, and Bio being a shocker. It was actually...easy. =) Formed my Leo Club, first GM on 4th March at DR2. Overwhelming response kept me smiling for a week!
March 29th, Chem draft was due. Never in my entire life have I written so much on Chemistry. It was madness. Realised ever since that all the cool coll life was about to change.
April 12th, I found out I've got butter fingers as I broke 3 things during Chem practical. Not on the same day but in 3 consecutive lessons I think. One of the glassware cost me 15 bucks! Common Test 2 started on April 19th. Completed with a less sunny mood this time. Math was hard, Physics was tough, Chemistry was impossible. ESL still fav subject, Chem still the worst.
April 30th we handed in ESL draft! I have to say I was pretty surprised at how long I could go without proper sleep! Somehow handing this in seemed like a huge relief...although I was well aware that the real deal had not been faced. Held elections for the Leo Club BOD. Was so sure I'd have a fruitful year with loads of fun!
May 24th was our mid year exams. Honestly I was kinda slacked. Had some problems staying focused at that time. Personal thing. But didn't really matter. Doubt I would've done any better with 100% focus anyway. Oh well, welcomed the 2 week break with open arms.
June 30th was basically a killer for every SAM student, arts or science. ESL research project was due. Everyone was sitting on a time bomb! Slaving over the computers in the library, working our butts off till way past midnight. Believe me when I say everyone was rushing. I guess procrastinators are a major of our society. =)
July 13th marked Common test 3. Kinda like the test I worked a little harder for to redeem myself for what I did for mid year. However, the results remianed a constant variable. Leo Installation was drawing near and I was stressed to the bone by Lion. Just couldn't get used to his ways. Turned out great in the end, if you don't look at our accounts *grins*. Lions were pleased. I was freaking out over VIVA as well. Somehow the thought of being in a room with my teacher and the casette recorder, and responding impromptu style brought out the clastrauphobia in me. But it went ok with buckets of thanks to Pn Zaidah.
August 13th was the only date posing a threat throughout the month. Bio Human Awareness essay was due. But thanks to ESL, every other project was made a lot easier. Once again, I gladly welcomed the break during the last week of August.
As September 16th drew closer, my stress level increased exponentially...nah...actually it was more of a fluctuation as I would not worry on something long enough. Nature of me I guess. Still, the thought of using these results to apply for unis was a bit worrying. I really tried to put in more effort and do better. Once again, my results weren't much of a surprise. Although, by this point, ESL was no longer my favourite. That spot got taken over by Bio. (yea BIO!). Chemistry was still dwelling in impossible. Prepared for oral as well.
October 8th was my IU nite. You gotta scroll down to read about that. During this month, no doubt the atmosphere was a little feverish. Our files were threatenning to explode with past year papers and drill exercises. But with the rising uptightness of exam fever, there was also a rising warm sense of sadness. Our last days together were numbered. It was at this moment that I truly found my classmates fun and interesting. I guess I never allowed them to impress me much. I totally regret now. All those times I harped on the subject of changes taking place in my life, changes that I did not welcome, I seemed to have overlooked the one change that I should have...the new friends that had found their way into my life.
October 22nd was spent taking photos, writing autographs, talking and just bonding with my classmates. I felt a pang of sadness whenever I was reminded of a moment that marked my G5 life. It's great that I'm finishing SAM. But I'll definitely miss this crowd. Gawd they're hilarious!!! haha...*sniff*...I'll truly miss them...
These are us. My crazy, wacky group in class. (L-R: me, bec, mandy, su yi, vanessa)
Girls n guys. Juliets and Romeos. Saints and monkeys...*grins*
My lunch mates which consists of Shirlyn's classmates.
Friday, October 22, 2004
* another year, another end of it *
Right this very moment, it is officially the last day of SAM. Next week will be study leave, and then it's straight on to the battle field! And after that, I most probably might not see half of my class ever again! sigh...I'd like to quote Hisham this time: Mengapa bertemu jika untuk berpisah. Used to think this was like emo big time!. But I don't anymore. It's true. Too many times we're forced into accepting changes in our lives. And when we finally do, too many times are we forced to move on again. It's sad. But that's life i guess. Oh wells...
I'd be a liar if I said I'm not happy at all that we're ending. As a matter of fact, I've been counting down to this day for months, right from January 5th 2004 to be exact! Honestly, I'm psyched that SAM's ending. I can finally pursue what i love. I can finally be rid of the grips of chemistry, tugging on the nerves of my brain. I can finally be done with annoying deadlines for silly research projects which I've learnt nothing from, oral presentations which make no sense (except for ESL), and 4 stories' flight of stairs every morning! I can finally escape Mr Chin's taunts, Ms Tan's mood swings, Mr Yap's kolotness, Mr Sam's horrendous English, Pn Zaidah's...oh I love Pn Zaidah....=)
But when I think of it, I enjoyed the fact that Mr Chin gives in to my plea for an early break. He buys it all the time when I say I've got gastric haha...I was amused by Mr Yap's resemblance to Phua Chu Kang...I was spruced up by Ms Tan's numerous drills on Bio....and I most definitely had a ball of a time during Mr Sam's negligible moments...hehe....and of course, I always looked forward to ESL with Pn Zaidah. =)
As for my classmates, can't live with them....can't live without them either. Tomorrow we're gonna hang out for possibly the last time this year. Oh wait, we're having some class trip planned by yours truly, but still! It's different. We don't have our after college restlessness, sweaters, and bags with us. It's these after-college escapades that I'll definitely miss from tomorrow onwards.
It's getting real late...tomorrow after the whole outing...maybe a lot of my feelings will be unlocked and i'll treat you all to one of my best rhymes ever....=)
I'd be a liar if I said I'm not happy at all that we're ending. As a matter of fact, I've been counting down to this day for months, right from January 5th 2004 to be exact! Honestly, I'm psyched that SAM's ending. I can finally pursue what i love. I can finally be rid of the grips of chemistry, tugging on the nerves of my brain. I can finally be done with annoying deadlines for silly research projects which I've learnt nothing from, oral presentations which make no sense (except for ESL), and 4 stories' flight of stairs every morning! I can finally escape Mr Chin's taunts, Ms Tan's mood swings, Mr Yap's kolotness, Mr Sam's horrendous English, Pn Zaidah's...oh I love Pn Zaidah....=)
But when I think of it, I enjoyed the fact that Mr Chin gives in to my plea for an early break. He buys it all the time when I say I've got gastric haha...I was amused by Mr Yap's resemblance to Phua Chu Kang...I was spruced up by Ms Tan's numerous drills on Bio....and I most definitely had a ball of a time during Mr Sam's negligible moments...hehe....and of course, I always looked forward to ESL with Pn Zaidah. =)
As for my classmates, can't live with them....can't live without them either. Tomorrow we're gonna hang out for possibly the last time this year. Oh wait, we're having some class trip planned by yours truly, but still! It's different. We don't have our after college restlessness, sweaters, and bags with us. It's these after-college escapades that I'll definitely miss from tomorrow onwards.
It's getting real late...tomorrow after the whole outing...maybe a lot of my feelings will be unlocked and i'll treat you all to one of my best rhymes ever....=)
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
[ someone turns naughty 19 ]
i often wonder if amidst my childhood
i did something He was happy about
something wise, something good
something kind that i shone out
because to deserve you as a friend
to have your care and loyal friendship
your patience towards my laments
whenever i slipped, i had your grip
your concern for my well being
whenever i'm lost you offer me advice
your kindness showed from the beginning
i think i'll never be able to repay the price
so i guess i'll end this with an apology
for letting this slip my absent mind
hope it went well, hope you're happy
hope u know you're oneof a kind!
happy burfday Fang!!
check out my art skills! hahaha...well, sorry again for forgteting...if ure reading this i presume u got my sms. I kinda had problems accessing my email if not i'd sent u a personal email. And i thought of calling u...but then...let's just say i didn't think it was wise....;) so hope it was a blast...i bet it was...overseas birthday bashes are the best! hahah....Happy Naughty 19!
i did something He was happy about
something wise, something good
something kind that i shone out
because to deserve you as a friend
to have your care and loyal friendship
your patience towards my laments
whenever i slipped, i had your grip
your concern for my well being
whenever i'm lost you offer me advice
your kindness showed from the beginning
i think i'll never be able to repay the price
so i guess i'll end this with an apology
for letting this slip my absent mind
hope it went well, hope you're happy
hope u know you're one
happy burfday Fang!!
check out my art skills! hahaha...well, sorry again for forgteting...if ure reading this i presume u got my sms. I kinda had problems accessing my email if not i'd sent u a personal email. And i thought of calling u...but then...let's just say i didn't think it was wise....;) so hope it was a blast...i bet it was...overseas birthday bashes are the best! hahah....Happy Naughty 19!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
~ Higher Level of Acceptance ~
I think I may have been selfish
I think I may have been unkind
I guess I sorta got carried away
With the thought that I'd be left behind
I know I shouldn't have judged
I know I shouldn't have concluded
The only thing I had in mind that day
Was if our friendship she considered
I think I may have been too rash
At pushing faults on somebody
I think I may have forgotten
Just how dear this person was to me
I think that in my self centered ways
Other feelings, I may have cast aside
Feelings that are not of my very own
But feelings of others, hidden inside
Part of me wishes that she understands
And see exactly from my point of view
But the other part knows that I am wrong
And that her malices are but a few
I have been wrong to want time to stop
I have been blind to wish the clock didn't tick
I have been ignorant to refuse to move on
Ignorance had gotten me tricked
Now I guess not only have I just accepted
The fact that she has found someone that loves her
But I have come to understand my friend
And could only wait for my time to draw nearer
Yup...I think my jelousy soaked days are over. It was, shall we say, a passing phase? hehe...I guess I knew something like this was gonna happen. It was either to her first or to me. Guess God chose to test me first. And being the rebel that I am, I get occasional sparks of retaliation. All's well that ends well.
Oh, my PCs fine btw. Font size a bit small though. Everything seems so....squeezed. Straining on my eyes la. Within 2 months you see my eye degree increasing...exponentially. heheh...
Oh yea, I also applied for Physiotherapy in 5 different unis today. All Australian unis. Queensland, Newcastle, UniSA, La trobe and Curtin. All 4 year courses, completely abroad. Chances of me getting an offer? I don't even wanna try thinking. My forecast doesn't seem to portray such a good academic impression. So we shall, I quote my mum, leave it to the hands of God, unqoute. *God please be kind...I'll study I promise*
Went to tame my wild hair today. Trimmed it a bit. Make it look a little neater, rather than the mulberry bush I've been wearing to college for the past couple of weeks. Oh, i've decided. I'm keeping long hair again. So I trimmed it in a way where i can let it grow long smoothly. =)
Kla...tired....2 nights already <7 hours of sleep with no afternoon naps. Energy....draining....out...need....to....recharge........
I think I may have been unkind
I guess I sorta got carried away
With the thought that I'd be left behind
I know I shouldn't have judged
I know I shouldn't have concluded
The only thing I had in mind that day
Was if our friendship she considered
I think I may have been too rash
At pushing faults on somebody
I think I may have forgotten
Just how dear this person was to me
I think that in my self centered ways
Other feelings, I may have cast aside
Feelings that are not of my very own
But feelings of others, hidden inside
Part of me wishes that she understands
And see exactly from my point of view
But the other part knows that I am wrong
And that her malices are but a few
I have been wrong to want time to stop
I have been blind to wish the clock didn't tick
I have been ignorant to refuse to move on
Ignorance had gotten me tricked
Now I guess not only have I just accepted
The fact that she has found someone that loves her
But I have come to understand my friend
And could only wait for my time to draw nearer
Yup...I think my jelousy soaked days are over. It was, shall we say, a passing phase? hehe...I guess I knew something like this was gonna happen. It was either to her first or to me. Guess God chose to test me first. And being the rebel that I am, I get occasional sparks of retaliation. All's well that ends well.
Oh, my PCs fine btw. Font size a bit small though. Everything seems so....squeezed. Straining on my eyes la. Within 2 months you see my eye degree increasing...exponentially. heheh...
Oh yea, I also applied for Physiotherapy in 5 different unis today. All Australian unis. Queensland, Newcastle, UniSA, La trobe and Curtin. All 4 year courses, completely abroad. Chances of me getting an offer? I don't even wanna try thinking. My forecast doesn't seem to portray such a good academic impression. So we shall, I quote my mum, leave it to the hands of God, unqoute. *God please be kind...I'll study I promise*
Went to tame my wild hair today. Trimmed it a bit. Make it look a little neater, rather than the mulberry bush I've been wearing to college for the past couple of weeks. Oh, i've decided. I'm keeping long hair again. So I trimmed it in a way where i can let it grow long smoothly. =)
Kla...tired....2 nights already <7 hours of sleep with no afternoon naps. Energy....draining....out...need....to....recharge........
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