Who would've guessed....=)

I've always thought of myself
In terms of looks n beauty
As somewhere along the average
Someone very ordinary

I decided that i wasn't included
In the category of chic and hot
I long gave up trying to compete
Trying to be who i'm not

But i would never deny
That my feelings are indifferent
Like any other girl on earth
I do want that special person

I came across a few potentials
But only one has stolen my heart
And when he said no I thought i'd never
Be able to get over that part

A simple girl i claim to be
But I can't help but to be choosey
I want so much from a guy
It seems impossible he'll come eventually

I recently thought I'd found someone
But something about him just wasn't right
Just as i thought I'll have to wait some more
You came in and showed me the light

I'm not exactly Liz hurley
Neither am I a walking book
But someone like you walked in and now
I gave my life a whole new look

There's no saying that you like me
Saying I like you would be an exaggeration
But for now, i could safely say
You fulfill my every condition

Who would've guessed that this would happen to me...=)

I told him how i felt yesterday
How I know it wouldn't work out
"I won't give up" he said
That's what i'm worried about
I know I should not have gotten myself
Involved in this in the first place
But what's right is being true to myself
Even if this is what i have to face
I thought he'd just let go like that
I assumed he wasn't in too deep
But the more we talk, the more i feel bad
I'd think about it before i sleep
But whatever it is i would stand firm
To what i truly believe in
That it is fate that would confirm
My actual feelings within

Ok...that's abt K. I told him he wasn't the one in the gentlest way i could. he seemed ok. though he stressed that he wun give up...haha we'll see. maybe he can really win my heart? haha fate...=)

So easily, i blurt out everything
My deepest secrets i have told you
Guess it's so easy just talking
Wonder how you talk the way you do

I really think that i can depend
On you, to lighten my burden
I feel as though u understand
Everything i say in an instant

I seem to lose myself in conversation
And before i realised it, it's done
I've spilled every little confession
And the topic barely begun

I'm glad to be spending time
Talking to you at this hour of day
But confiding in you seems like a crime
It might make me fall for you one day....

This is abt the other...i like him...yes...but not in that way....yet....i think....

~ G u i l t ~

Was looking through my archive
And it suddenly struck me
I'm quite disgusted by
How fickle minded i appear to be

I think I've over done it
My biggest fault of all
I should never have gotten involved
I should not have taken this fall

Now, I have to undo this
Impossible as it may seem
I have to call it quits
And snap out of this dream

I'll probably hurt his feelings
I'll probably be misunderstood
But i truly want things to stay
And our friendship to remain good

I'm now laden with guilt
But honesty still is the best policy
So today i'm gonna let him now
That he's not the one for me

Sigh...i hope he understands...

A poem to K...

When you first messaged me
I thought "this is unbelievable"
I thought "why suddenly?"
It was just unimaginable

I have to admit i was flattered
I was downright floating
Though I didn't like being pampered
The whole thing just felt comforting

So I made plans to meet up
So we could know each other better
Have to say, i was a lil shaken up
At the thought of getting closer

And so the day came yesterday
I sincerely think you're really nice
Guess that all that you have said
Weren't exactly white lies

But I have to be very truthfull
I didn't feel any chemistry
The time spent was wonderful
But maybe you're not the one for me

I know you're nice since we met
And we have interests alike
But there's more to it than that
There's gotta be more in a guy i like

Words seem hard to come by now
Let alone sentences that rhyme
But i'm trying hard to find out how
To tell you that it won't work this time

You have faith that it would
I appreciate you thinking that
Trust me, you did all you could
Hope you don't have any regrets

I just would like you to know
It has nothing gotta do with you
Don't try to change or try to show
Coz to yourself you must be true

I believe very strongly in fate
I believe there's a one for everyone
When it comes you'll know, jus wait
But for now, i guess you're not the one

I met him yesterday...he was everything he claimed himself to be. But like i said, it's not him, it's me. I didn't feel anything. I dun think i ever will. He's not the one, i can tell. The one for me has to be someone i can just be myself with. And honestly, i was anything BUT myself when i was around him. Plus, the one for me would be someone i think off when i'm in my worst days. Not him. Now, i think i need to let him know coz he somehow has this crazy idea it's gonna work and he says "my instincts are hardly wrong". Sorry bro...it's wrong this time. =)

Along came him

Replying icq messages online
While talking on the phone
Never even crossed my mind
Of leaving either alone

I like recieving his poems
I enjoy reading his messages
He does care a lot I know
And i have not got that in ages

But ringing on the other hand
Is the phone call from another
This one shows a caring friend
Also a patient listenner

Both of them are said to have
Some level of interest in me
One of them have sincerely confessed
And the other is just rumoured to be

Actions however speak louder
In which both are showing them
Mr. Listenner is a frequent caller
While Mr. Sweet would have his poems

In this mind boggling puzzle
I choose to be a passive bystander
I shall leave it for fate to handle
Time will deal with the matter

Then, I would call myself a player
Someone who falls too easily
But now i find that it's fate that matters
And love is the fault of nobody

So i wouldn't say that i love him
I wouldn't say i love the other
Because truthfully my feelings are dim
No strong chemistry for one another

Perasan? Playgirl? Bitch? haha...i know i know...i cursed...well, jus trying to read your thoughts about me. ok...think what u like. I dunno what to think either. But I'm seriously gonna leave it to fate from now on. For once i'm gonna let things be planned out for me and i shall just follow. I'm not leading either one on. I'm simply acting neutral so i can't be called a cheat either. so, if u ask me...i'm doing the right thing...=)
Oh...and Kenneth says "hie"....haha

~ When tears threaten to fall ~

Draw in a deep breath
Will yourself to stay calm
Reassure that you will not break
Bury your face in your palms

Paste a bright smile on your face
Swallow back those drops of water
Before you enter to face everyone
You have to pull yourself together

Hide away your sadness
Seek comfort only from a few
The ones who you trust
The ones who care for you

Little things the people do
In fact i did them all
To try and make a happy picture
When tears threaten to fall

i cried today...coz i flunked my physics, coz i lost my scrunchie, coz i didn't get the UWC scholarship. May seem too little to you to bring out tears, but that scholarship meant more than just what it is. It meant that I, too, was capable of getting a scholarship. That I'm not that far away from my brother.